I'm bored at work, and Batman is climbing around on my desk (881 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.95 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Manic Velocity (View user info) at 2005-10-06 14:58:50 EDT
I've always had a very active imagination. I also bore rather easily. The two of these have never gone hand-in-hand. I grew up reading "Calvin & Hobbes" books and was convinced that Calvin was created because Bill Waterson was spying on me.
As I've grown older my imagination has somewhat sedated itself, but occasionaly makes itself known and I find myself giggling aloud.
There I was, sitting at my desk eating a tender crisp bacon cheddar ranch sandwich from Burger King. I hadn't eaten in over 12 hours, so I was practically inhaling this thing. Then suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a quick flash of black cloth. I stopped chewing and took a moment to take in what this could possibly be. I look over at my computer and what do I see? A tiny figure scaling the side of my monitor. Black spandex, a black hood, a black cape, and a yellow belt.
"Batman?", I ask.
He doesn't respond. I notice the rope that he's climbing on and follow it to the top of my monitor. Sure enough, there's a bat-shaped peice of metal stuck in the top.
As you can well imagine, my curiosity was piqued. There was nothing I could do but watch. He pulled himself to the top of the monitor, ran to the other side, and leapt off. Down he fell, with his magestic cape billowing in the wind. He seemed to not weigh anything at all, and he landed on my Swingline stapler. (Yes, it's red.)
From there, he hopped off the stapler, performing a perfect front-flip, and continued to run. He dove over my tape container, sommersaulted, and began climbing up mug full of pens. Ironically, it's a Superman mug. I wasn't sure, but I think I may have heard Batman utter the word "Pussy" as he climbed over the porcelain face of my beloved Kal-El.
Making his way to the tip of an Avery brand high lighter, he reached into his utility belt and pulled out what looked to be a gun. Taking aim at my cubicle wall, he pulled the trigger. A tiny black string shot out of the barrel, afixed to a tiny grapling hook that latched onto the top of the wall. Batman drew the gun back, attached it to his belt, and with a quick push of a button, he was lifted into the air.
I watched him sail through the air. Part of me wanted to grab him in mid-flight and take him home in a jar. A miniature, living Batman with fully functional utility belt could fetch a pretty penny on Ebay. But my conscience took over, and convinced me that he had business to take care of. Perhaps Joker had broken into the supply closet and was planning on stealing the entire office supply of Post-It notes. If he were to succeed in his evil plot, the company would surely go bankrupt before the day was over. I couldn't let that happen.
Batman made it to the top of the wall. He paused for a moment and peered over the edge at the floor below. He slowly turned to look over his shoulder and gave me an assured smirk. He dropped off the edge, and that was the last I saw of him.
I looked back at my monitor. I reached over and pulled the tiny Batarang out of the top of it. An astounded grin grew across my face.
"Where does he get those wonderful toys?"
User Reviews
Submitted by PigOnLifeSupport (user info) at 2005-11-07 23:04:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-10-13 12:31:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-10-07 13:37:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by XFile (user info) at 2005-10-07 08:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wee! Entertaining post! So I return the favor with something mildly entertaining:
http://ualuealuealeuale.ytmnd.com/
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-10-07 06:49:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
oh and Calvin & Hobbes rock!
Submitted by Magickmuse (user info) at 2005-10-06 23:33:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What my buddy Skenny said...
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-10-06 19:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad Batman quit fuckin' with my head and is messing with yours now.
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-10-06 18:39:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-10-06 18:29:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lay off whatever it is you're taking
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-10-06 18:28:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
CLASSIC...
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2005-10-06 18:26:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Batman The Bosh is a mother fucker.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-06 18:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post!
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Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-10-06 15:05:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
As I read this I pictured the same thing in my office.
He jumped from my Colts tape measure over to my oversized calculator. He took a bit of a spill
when he hit the catfish beer coozie (I put my pens in it).
--
At first glance I read 'pens' as 'penis' and nearly fell out of my chair.
Submitted by Snypavat (user info) at 2005-10-06 17:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking great
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-06 16:37:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this would have been better if you'd put an image of the bat-signal at the bottom. But still a solid +2
Submitted by Papajoe (user info) at 2005-10-06 16:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What kind of drugs are you on? Can I please have some?
Submitted by johnhutch (user info) at 2005-10-06 16:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The good ones always get ignored....
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2005-10-06 16:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The only superhero that comes around my desk anymore is WonderDog....
*sigh*
Lucky Bastard.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-10-06 15:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That would make my day. Then I'd check myself into the nearest psych ward.
Submitted by Kindred (user info) at 2005-10-06 15:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I felt just like I was actually reading a movie script. Lots and lots of product placement and endorsments. Awesome.
Burger King, Swingline, Avery, Ebay, Post-It....
The future of Uber is crass commercialism.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-06 15:12:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG, how can Batman call superman a pussy???
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-10-06 15:05:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As I read this I pictured the same thing in my office.
He jumped from my Colts tape measure over to my oversized calculator. He took a bit of a spill
when he hit the catfish beer coozie (I put my pens in it).
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-10-06 15:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Indian in the Cupboard.