The Michealangelo Code (I WROTE A FUCKING BESTSELLER!) (43275 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: BatW
Rating: 1.96 on 157 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Phallic Cymbals (View user info) at 2005-10-12 01:13:55 EDT
Dr. Franklin Harvard awoke to the sound of his "Ass like that" ringtone. His eyes pinched against the green glare of the LCD screen and the display that said "Private Number".
"Hello?" he grumbled.
The voice that came down the line sounded vaguely European. Considering he was in Europe, this was unsurprising.
"Dr. Harvard, this is Chief Inspector Jaques Deschanel from some special but fairly incompetent French Police unit. I am stubborn and short tempered, and don't like to rely on outside help. I'll be brisk and abrupt with you, but when we solve this case I'll look you deep in the eyes, shake your hands and say 'thank you' so the reader will know to like me in the sequel."
"Wow" thought Harvard, brushing his grey-flecked hair from his statuesque features, "That's all the character development I need!".
He was lucky, it was all the character development anyone was going to get.
"It appears" continued Deschanel, "That we have a situation down at the Big European Cultural Icon, we need you down here. Immediately."
"I'd like to put some pants on first" asserted Harvard, brusquely.
Deschanel paused. "You know, Mr Harvard, that I am not a man that likes to make compromises. You know, being European and stuff. But this time I suppose I have no choice. I have a man waiting downstairs to take you there."
Harvard climbed out of bed and shook his head at the hotel alarm clock glaring "3.22am".
He faced the full length mirror and marvelled at how someone with 18 PhDs in Cryptology, Art, History, Decryptology, Decoding and Esoteric Knowledge could still be middle aged and look like Brad Pitt. One of those strange things, especially because this is a book so his being good looking doesn't actually have any effect on the plot at all.
By the time he reached the black Peugeot 406 waiting at the entrance to his hotel he was awake and alert. What did the French police want with him at this time of the morning? What could possibly have happened at the Big European Cultural Icon? Why was his crotch so cold? He knew the answer to at least one of these questions would come soon enough.
"Monsieur" said the French Extra who would drive him to the Icon, "Ze fly ov your pants. She iz, ah, o-pen."
Returning his phallus to the inside of his trousers, Harvard climbed into the car.
The drive through central Paris was uneventful, taking him past the Arc De Triomphe, Eiffel Tower and Champs Elysees, Chamonix ski resort and the Nice coastline. This was fairly redundant, as the Big European Cultural Icon was in fact next door to his hotel, but it'd make a great montage when the movie came out.
The Peugeot screamed up to the Icon and Harvard was shocked to see police tape, flashing lights and a veritable swarm of Extras congregating outside the main entrance. He leapt out and almost into the arms of a stocky officer with a rough moustache and a fixed scowl.
"You must be 'arvard" said the moustachioed man. "Ze chief is inside"
Harvard was led past the security barriers and into the cool interior of the icon. After traversing a maze of corridors and elevators, he emerged in a long dim corridor. Far ahead, he could see the flash of crime scene photographers.
As he walked, a cold chill stole down his back, and to take his mind off this ominous feeling he decided to look at the paintings that festooned the walls of the building. The walls of the gallery were like a who's who of art. As he walked he noticed two Van Goghs, a Goya, two Picassos, two Stradivarius', a Beethoven and an Einstein.
"Wow" he breathed,
"Please keep up" growled the officer.
As he got closer, the scene resolved itself and the breath caught in Harvard's throat. A tiny figure lay crumpled in the centre of the corridor, and on the walls to either side of him streaks of dark liquid, either blood of Worcestershire sauce (Harvard was guessing blood), made splattered patterns.
He arrived at the body and a strong hand gripped his. He looked around to see a thickset, dark man with a weak smile.
"I am Deschanel. As we all know, you are an eminent cryptologist, a good looking man and the only crime solving Harvard graduate staying at the hotel next door. As you will see, your skills will be vital to us."
Deschanel gestured at the crumpled figure n the ground.
"This was Monsieur Gerard, the curator. He was murdered in the early hours of this morning, but before he died he appears to have left some clues."
Deschanel's hand moved upwards and Harvard almost choked. What he had previously thought to be random spatterings of blood were in fact an extremely detailed pattern of shapes and arrows, along with a number of phrases in different languages. Instantaneously, Harvard noticed the sign of the Masons, the Illuminati, the Twelve Apostles, the Knights Templar and the Crips.
"Do you understand what this means?" asked Deschanel.
"Not yet" growled Harvard, "But I bet I'm gonna need a black-light."
*To Be Continued*
User Reviews
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-06-11 17:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
kicker of all ass
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-05-01 04:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-05-01 04:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-05-01 04:37:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-02-18 21:51:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-06 14:27:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this is the best thing this site has produced
--------
Yeah. So way to take it off the Best Ever list. Cock.
---
Cock.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-02-18 21:51:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-06 14:27:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this is the best thing this site has produced
--------
Yeah. So way to take it off the Best Ever list. Cock.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-12-17 11:10:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-05 21:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-26 19:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-05-11 10:21:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this is my all time favourite post.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-12-05 22:27:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this is the best thing this site has produced
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-12-05 22:06:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This better be good...
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-12-05 21:25:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-26 19:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-05-11 10:21:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this is my all time favourite post.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-05 21:15:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Right ON!
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-12-05 20:51:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If only I'd posted a pic of an Indian in a hat at the end, huh.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-12-05 20:41:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Best thing of yours I've read.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-12-05 20:10:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"He faced the full length mirror and marvelled at how someone with 18 PhDs in Cryptology, Art, History, Decryptology, Decoding and Esoteric Knowledge could still be middle aged and look like Brad Pitt. One of those strange things, especially because this is a book so his being good looking doesn't actually have any effect on the plot at all."
HaHaHaHaHaHa!!!
This post is some kind of awesome!
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2007-09-17 01:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by deelo (user info) at 2007-09-16 23:39:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-09-16 23:01:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarity.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-09-14 07:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
141 a prime number..
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-14 07:33:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ummmmmm
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-09-14 07:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-09-14 07:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok 1.99 it has to become..
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-09-14 07:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Again! Needs to be 1.99!
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-06-26 19:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-05-11 10:21:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this is my all time favourite post.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-06-26 17:53:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHa
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-05-11 17:10:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dr. Harvard, this is Chief Inspector Jaques Deschanel from some special but fairly incompetent French Police unit.
-------
I think this cinched the +2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-05-11 16:50:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-05-11 16:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so classic
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-05-11 10:21:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this is my all time favourite post.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-02-25 23:22:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-02-25 23:08:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-02-25 21:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this a while ago and the first thing I thought was "This bastards stolen my idea!"
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2006-11-29 03:10:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Ich_habe_Kartoffeln (user info) at 2006-11-23 16:21:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NO COOL MINT
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-11-19 22:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-19 22:45:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-19 22:45:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-07-18 22:47:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was so fucking rad.
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-07-18 22:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is, without a doubt, the best piece I have read on ubersite...
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-01 12:31:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nominated for best ever
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88572
Submitted by fun_with_needles (user info) at 2006-05-12 04:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JSultan (user info) at 2006-03-13 06:26:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Still as great as ever. Still waiting for the next parts....
Submitted by belowground (user info) at 2006-02-02 01:13:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Instantaneously, Harvard noticed the sign of the Masons, the Illuminati, the Twelve Apostles, the Knights Templar and the Crips."
Good stuff.
Submitted by dbutler1986 (user info) at 2006-02-02 00:34:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Really funny. I liked the *story* of da Vinci code but man did the writing suck the ass of my ass. And that's a smelly dirty ass.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-25 12:15:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this is my favorite comedy Uber post ever.
Besides mine.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-01-05 09:31:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh shit, this was FUCKING HILARIOUS!
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-01-05 09:11:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:27:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:12:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking great.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-19 00:47:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're pretty!
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-11-16 04:54:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read Angels & Demons and thought, "Wow, that wasn't bad."
I read The Da Vinci Code and thought, "Wow, that's kinda familiar."
I started reading Deception point and realized, "Wow, I've read this twice before."
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-11-14 00:52:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahahahahahah
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-11-14 00:49:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wunderbar
Submitted by Ananda (user info) at 2005-11-12 22:15:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What? No jokes about chicks doing nothing but ask questions so the reader understands more about the history of that dead guy?
Submitted by FREAKIN_SWEET (user info) at 2005-11-12 17:12:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NEIN COMMENT.
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-11-12 16:52:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh it is on best ever
: (
it deserves a perfect rating though
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-11-12 16:52:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hooch4 (user info) at 2005-10-12 02:10:19 (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 For being an enjoyable and intriguing post to read.
-1 For the Eminem reference.
=========================
THIS IS THE FUCKSTICK KEEPING THIS FROM BEST EVER?
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-11-08 12:07:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooohh I like.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-11-08 11:58:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
like this one too.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-11-05 12:25:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I totally loved this!
you're hillarious!
you made me spit tinned custard onto my monitor!
please, do Deception Point next. it's crying out for it.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-11-03 08:01:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this is actually the best thing I've ever read on Uber.
Awesome.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-11-02 18:04:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the first thing I've read on this site in a year that really entertained me, and that includes the drivel I've inflicted on people when I wander back here.
Submitted by Martyn_Steiner (user info) at 2005-10-28 09:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hardy har.
Submitted by the_grendel (user info) at 2005-10-28 08:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by a_palindrome (user info) at 2005-10-26 20:03:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Incredible. Awesome. Magnificent. Wondrous. Stunning. Marvelous.
Next time, though, spell "Michelangelo" right.
Submitted by Crashthatch (user info) at 2005-10-26 18:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by missedthepoint (user info) at 2005-10-22 15:45:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If there were a +3 you'd get it here.
Submitted by gAGGLE (user info) at 2005-10-22 15:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-10-19 07:03:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-10-19 06:22:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I hadn't seent this yet.
One of the 5 best posts I've ever read on Uber.
Submitted by jack0173 (user info) at 2005-10-19 05:29:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-19 02:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
this is the fucking best ever
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-10-18 19:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-10-18 19:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
w00t
Submitted by HighFructoseCornSyrup (user info) at 2005-10-18 18:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-10-18 05:28:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-10-17 13:03:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAR HAR
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-10-16 02:06:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on the well deserved b@w
Submitted by neonopensign (user info) at 2005-10-15 15:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The whole thing... brilliant.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-10-15 01:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck yeah.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-10-15 01:07:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Big European Cultural Icon is fucking overrated. As a matter of fact, it's not really that big, and it needs a coat of paint.... and someone needs to clean up all the dog poop.
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2005-10-14 23:44:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I normally give all fiction on Uber a -2 on principle, but this was funny
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-10-14 23:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa, perfection.
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-10-14 21:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed like a little schoolgirl
-1 for the eminem reference.
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-10-14 19:41:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, man! Great satire. I'll be laughing at this in my sleep tonight.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-10-14 19:15:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't even read the Di Vinci code and this is hilarious!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-10-14 19:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pure, undiluted rockage. From concentrate.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-10-14 17:08:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:26:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate compromising as well.... ESPECIALLY if he looks like Brad Pitt and isn't wearing any.
Submitted by Shaystar (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-10-14 12:12:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He faced the full length mirror and marvelled at how someone with 18 PhDs in Cryptology, Art, History, Decryptology, Decoding and Esoteric Knowledge could still be middle aged and look like Brad Pitt
--
I laughed so fricken hard at that line.
Submitted by Bushy (user info) at 2005-10-14 03:04:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yes
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-10-13 22:30:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"What he had previously thought to be random spatterings of blood were in fact an extremely detailed pattern of shapes and arrows, along with a number of phrases in different languages. Instantaneously, Harvard noticed the sign of the Masons, the Illuminati, the Twelve Apostles, the Knights Templar and the Crips."
Fucking GOLD
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-10-13 22:08:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-10-13 19:59:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Y UNO MAS.
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-10-13 19:59:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have another.
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-10-13 19:57:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First thing to ever actually deserve the "kicker of all ass" rating.
There are only two posts on this site I've EVER laughed aloud at.
This is one.
I fucking hate Dan Brown. I fucking love you.
Congrats on B@W
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-10-13 15:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
brilliant.
Submitted by kerrijoy66 (user info) at 2005-10-13 15:16:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dr. Franklin Harvard awoke to the sound of his "Ass like that" ringtone.
That made it a +2 for me.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-10-13 14:56:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCKING AWESOME.
the devils and angels book was pure trash.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-13 13:05:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ze clichés are good!
Submitted by pizdets (user info) at 2005-10-13 12:43:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by penisvonmunchousen (user info) at 2005-10-13 12:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dr. Franklin Harvard awoke to the sound of his "Ass like that" ringtone.
This is the only thing that is helping me through my hangover right now....
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-10-13 12:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by turbo3000 (user info) at 2005-10-13 10:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Hello?" he grumbled.
Genius!!!
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-13 10:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-10-13 06:42:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
If anything belongs on B@W, it's this
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-10-13 09:55:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pure awesome
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2005-10-13 08:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The drive through central Paris was uneventful, taking him past the Arc De Triomphe, Eiffel Tower and Champs Elysees, Chamonix ski resort and the Nice coastline. This was fairly redundant, as the Big European Cultural Icon was in fact next door to his hotel, but it'd make a great montage when the movie came out.
Gold!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-10-13 06:52:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HEY WAIT A MINUTE, SO DID YOU
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-10-13 06:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Except that fucking homo-nerd dipshit Bart spelled Michaelangelo wrong on there
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-10-13 06:42:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If anything belongs on B@W, it's this.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-13 05:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HOLY FUCK I THINK I'M GONNA CRY!
<B@W acceptance speech edited for shitness>
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-10-13 04:59:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fuck. Congrats on B@W.
Submitted by tyebud (user info) at 2005-10-13 03:03:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Love the character development.
Submitted by DooZa (user info) at 2005-10-13 02:56:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The crips? .. Like the gang? .. Word
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-13 02:55:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-10-13 02:06:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rock.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-10-12 22:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SO hard
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-10-12 22:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this rocks
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2005-10-12 20:29:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAHAHA!
You're good.
Rock on brotha.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-12 20:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-12 08:22:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
I look forward to Harvard having to figure out what important sign or clue the statue of David's penos is pointing towards
____________________
Haw haw... but now i can't use that and it woulda been awesome.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:16:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Wow" thought Harvard, brushing his grey-flecked hair from his statuesque features, "That's all the character development I need!".
He was lucky, it was all the character development anyone was going to get.
_____________________________
Priceless
Submitted by Astropath (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:10:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. I don't usually pass by the European Icon; on account of the strong Crip presence and all.
Submitted by Lucylou (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:09:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is all kinds of goodliness.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-10-12 18:58:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA HA FAMOUS RENAISSANCE MASTER BOOK!!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-10-12 18:46:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-10-12 18:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was fucking priceless.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-12 15:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Even funnier because I'm in the middle of Dan's oldest book right now (Deception Point) and the plot formula is the fucking same as every other one he's written.
Submitted by Ivy (user info) at 2005-10-12 14:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fucking brilliant. Dan Brown needs to come up with a new formula or stop writing books.
Submitted by syzygyzm (user info) at 2005-10-12 13:56:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome!
"...streaks of dark liquid, either blood or Worcestershire sauce (Harvard was guessing blood)..."
Maybe not. Obviously you've never read of the occult background of Messrs. Lea and Perrins.
Submitted by XFile (user info) at 2005-10-12 13:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To quote Dr. Zoidberg in the episode 'A Fishfull of Dollars':
<ahem>
<Puts on Dr. Zoidberg voice>
more... more! MORE!!! UWAAAAAAAAARGH!!!
Submitted by Slighty_Obnoxious (user info) at 2005-10-12 13:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastico.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-10-12 13:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's parody like this that makes one thank god for cliches.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-10-12 12:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dan Brown would cry like a little bitch if he read this...
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-10-12 11:22:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very Naked Gun-esque. Funny stuff.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-10-12 10:32:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PLUS 2's FOR ALL
I JUST GOT 2 FREE ND TICKETS
YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
MOTHERBITCHES
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-10-12 09:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
someone with 18 PhDs in Cryptology, Art, History, Decryptology, Decoding and Esoteric Knowledge
-------------------------
FUCKING awesome
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-12 08:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-10-12 07:00:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm typing sideways
_______
*AINKARA IS MAKING BABIES*
*AINKARA IS MAKING BABIES*
*AINKARA IS MAKING BABIES*
*AINKARA IS MAKING BABIES*
*AINKARA IS MAKING BABIES*
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-12 08:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I look forward to Harvard having to figure out what important sign or clue the statue of David's penos is pointing towards.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-12 08:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fack all!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-12 07:55:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-10-12 07:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YES!
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-10-12 07:30:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-10-12 07:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm typing sideways
Submitted by JSultan (user info) at 2005-10-12 06:36:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He is right, it does deserve another.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-10-12 06:13:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome. i usually like to try and offer some sorf of advice to the posts of fiction that i read, but really, there is absolutely nothing i can add to this. thuogh if you are in fact going to add more, it may be tough to maintain this over further portions, as the style of humour youre using can wear thin pretty quickly...
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-12 06:07:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Dr. Harvard, this is Chief Inspector Jaques Deschanel from some special but fairly incompetent French Police unit. I am stubborn and short tempered, and don't like to rely on outside help. I'll be brisk and abrupt with you, but when we solve this case I'll look you deep in the eyes, shake your hands and say 'thank you' so the reader will know to like me in the sequel."
PF2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-12 05:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hooch4 (user info) at 2005-10-12 02:10:19 (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 For being an enjoyable and intriguing post to read.
-1 For the Eminem reference.
___
WTF?!
Submitted by choc_bongo (user info) at 2005-10-12 04:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-12 04:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
now if I had a website like b@w I would definately be putting this on.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-10-12 03:57:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AWESOME
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-10-12 03:50:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
That was awesome.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-10-12 03:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is great.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-10-12 03:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I needed to give this another.
Submitted by JSultan (user info) at 2005-10-12 03:03:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2005-10-12 02:44:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Congratulations. You've won the award for writing the first piece of fiction on the site to ever entertain me. I was actually contemplating writing something like this, but I couldn't suffer through an entire Dan Brown book as research. I was also considering writing a post about how good life would be if I were an 80s wallstreet guy, with my digital casio watch and my piow piow piow hand pistol, perhaps you could help me realize my dream without me actually doing anything.
Submitted by project_nessa (user info) at 2005-10-12 02:11:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I cracked the shit up several times. Thank You.
Submitted by hooch4 (user info) at 2005-10-12 02:10:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 For being an enjoyable and intriguing post to read.
-1 For the Eminem reference.
Submitted by ChronicMasturbator (user info) at 2005-10-12 01:59:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lovely.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-10-12 01:31:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'd like to put some pants on first"
"You know, Mr Harvard, that I am not a man that likes to make compromises. You know, being European and stuff."