Allahtown (4) (971 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Allahtown
Rating: 1.71 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2005-10-12 18:43:52 EDT
Allahtown (1) http://www.ubersite.com/m/75396
Allahtown (2) http://www.ubersite.com/m/75779
Allahtown (3) http://www.ubersite.com/m/76230
ALLAHTOWN
(4)
Samir was working the dishwasher in the mess hall, hosing down trays of dirty dishes and running the trays through the big belt-driven machine. He was among twenty other detainees cleaning up after lunch.
He had been released from the infirmary three days ago, and since then he had seen a lot of intense conversations during work, especially outside the fences where work on the women's camp was progressing quickly.
Detainees got very little news from outside. There was no TV, no radio, and no magazines or newspapers. Letters were heavily censored.
Samir had once seen another detainee's letter from home. It was nothing but thick black bars between 'Dearest Ahmad' and 'Love always, Najah.'
News coverage of anything from a forest fire or a heavy blizzard to a major hurricane or earthquake was blacked-out, since imagery like that would motivate the fundamentalists, who would say it was evidence of Allah's wrath and hatred for the Great Satan.
There were monitors in the common areas that sometimes carried arts and crafts shows or sports events judged by the administration to have little incendiary power on those in lock-up, since a heated World Series play-off would rouse little more than some intense betting among some detainees, and the fundamentalists would just ignore the game altogether.
Yesterday, in the mess hall during dinner, Samir and the others had been treated to a broadcast of some kind of figure skating event. Samir usually had mixed feelings about that shit, continually astounded by the length and clarity of the crotch shots whenever one of the girls raised a leg and smirking as the commentators waxed poetic about technique when they were likely waxing something else, and put off by the guys, all of whom looked like a bunch of pansies.
This had been different.
A lot of the guys had stared in wonder as some little Asian cutie zipped across the ice and leaped and spun with incredible grace, all of them transported by the sheer freedom of her movements.
Thanks to Hanif and a few other bitter old birds, the broadcast had been cut short. A trio of elderly fundamentalists started bringing down the thunder, pointing at the screen whenever the girl flashed her cute powder blue panties and conjuring images of hellfire and brimstone.
Samir assumed that was what they had been screaming about, anyway. He had only caught a few words.
The monitors had gone gray and the old men had shut up. Samir had heard a haw-haw-haw from the far side of the hall and was sure it was Joe laughing it up.
The noise level had increased as detainees went back to bullshitting, and then the room went completely silent when the monitors flickered with bursts of snow and suddenly displayed a talking head and the CNN logo.
Somebody must have flipped the wrong switch, and things were quickly shut down, but what little news did get through made an impact.
There were a few seconds of intercut video images, insurrectionist types in a desert somewhere running an obstacle course, a shot of old gray Osama, a group of State Department suits huddling over paperwork, and a display of stacked, colored bars - green, blue, yellow, orange, red and black, with the black bar at the top highlighted.
It was the voiceover that had grabbed everyone, and the only other voices Samir heard were a few guys in the mess hall giving a rapid-fire translation of what was being said.
"...Homeland Security Advisory has moved the current threat level from Severe to Imminent after a multi-agency task force analyzing recent intercepts of al Qaeda telephone, wireless and email communications concluded that the increased chatter indicates another strike against the United States is in the works, and special attention will be focused on hotbeds of activity including mosques and internment camps across the nation, since there are indications that insurgent violence will—"
The screens had gone dark, the little red power indicators winking out.
Shoving another tray into the dishwasher, Samir remembered the way the Americans in the room had looked around, some uneasy, some pissed off. And he remembered seeing Hanif, sitting ramrod straight and looking as if he were about to bust with pride.
Breathing foul-smelling steam from the machine, he looked far to his right. Da'ud, the young guy who spent a lot of time with old Hanif, was putting stacks of cutlery in big trays.
This had been another long, dull day. Nine hours straight, nothing but cleaning dishes, with short piss-breaks and a half-hour to fire down some bland potato soup for lunch. Samir hoped he was sent outside tomorrow. Digging and setting up fencing was back-breaking work, but at least you got some fresh air, and the time went by faster.
Samir was finishing the last tray in the line when he saw Da'ud tucking a couple of long chef's knives into his socks. The kid had made makeshift scabbards from folded lengths of the white butcher's paper that lined the big platters of meat delivered to the camp every day.
How could you not laugh at that?
Every detainee leaving the kitchen was subject to a pat down. With at least half of the prisoners in Camp Lupe getting by on reduced rations for infractions real and imagined, the top mover on the black market wasn't drugs or smokes are weapons or porn. It was food. Pat downs caught guys with cans of fruit clamped between their thighs behind their balls and plastic-wrapped cuts of meat in their armpits. One guy became a camp legend when a two-foot salami was extracted from his anus. He later said, "I didn't even know if it was halal. I took a shot."
Pat downs also caught cutlery of all kinds. Knives, forks, skewers, sharp or pointed pieces of broken plates or saucers. Even a sharpened spoon made a nice slashing weapon.
That kid is toast, Samir thought.
Their shift ended. The governors watching them took positions at the door. The detainees formed two lines to leave the mess hall. Samir made sure he was behind Da'ud in the pat down line. Things were held up when a couple of detainees were pulled from the line at random, ordered to unzip and drop their jumpsuits around their ankles and do a slow raised-arm turn before bending over.
Samir saw a governor frisk the kid. Da'ud looked bored. The frisk was thorough... and the kid was walking away, heading outside.
What the hell?
When he stepped forward the governor who had been working his line moved aside and was replaced by O'Hare, the redheaded governor who seemed to have a special dislike of Samir.
"Arms in the air, fuckball."
Samir raised his arms. Better to let the governor berate him for a few minutes and then grow bored and leave than to antagonize the shitheel.
The pat down was light. Too fast. Samir looked down as O'Hare bent and patted down his legs.
The beefy redhead gave his right arm a little shake, and then he was standing straight, a big, vapid Irish grin on his face as he held up a small steak knife.
"Well-well boys," O'Hare said to the other governors. "Look what we have here."
Samir realized why O'Hare had shaken his arm. To free the knife hidden in his sleeve.
"Isolation time for you, fuckball," the redhead said.
"No," Samir said, shaking his head and letting his arms fall to his sides. "This isn't right. This is bullshit, a set-up."
O'Hare reached to his side and produced a humming joystick.
"Are you resisting me?"
"No," Samir said, lowering his voice and looking at the floor. "But that knife was not on me. You can't do this. You can't keep doing this."
A whisper. "Did I tell you that you could lower your arms?"
Samir raised his arms again, and that's when O'Hare went into action, pantomiming a flinch.
"Look out," the governor shouted, ramming his joystick into Samir's stomach.
Samir's body went rigid. He hit the floor and began to thrash, blinded by flashes of light as the joystick triggered crazed responses in his optical nerves.
"You see that?" O'Hare spoke loudly. "The asshole reached for me. These fuckers never learn."
Samir didn't really feel two detainees grab his arms and drag him into an isolation cell on the other side of the camp. It was hard enough just to breathe when the body was wracked with spasms.
*
Hours later, as Samir twitched on a cold cement floor and drifted between sleep and a deeper loss of consciousness, O'Hare stood in the empty corridor outside the cell, peering in through the small plastic window.
There was a polished metal plate to one side of every isolation cell door. The detainees name and social were written on the plates with dry-erase markers.
O'Hare wiped out Samir's name with two thick fingers and wrote FUQBAL in big block letters.
"Amusing."
O'Hare gasped and turned around. It was True, the assessor.
True looked beyond O'Hare, into the cell. After a moment, he spoke softly.
"How did Samir do today?"
O'Hare grinned. "Better than we thought he would, sir. The kid is a natural. He's gonna be perfect."
"Very good," True said, turning away.
As he walked down the corridor he spoke over one shoulder.
"Remember, O'Hare. Hurt him, But do not kill him. If he expires, I will kill you myself."
User Reviews
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-01-07 00:03:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-13 09:27:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
The 2am flashes of inspiration, the compulsion to scribble notes on storylines, the sudden running commentaries and dialogue that pop into your head.
^^^^^^
whew! i'm not alone...now if i can only........<trails off>
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-19 14:21:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
To offset the French ass.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-11-16 20:02:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
SIEG HEIL
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-11-08 14:54:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is great. I am really enjoying this story
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-11-07 18:39:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-11-06 16:00:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-13 23:54:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-13 23:37:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Author Biography
Jack McCallum now lives and writes in Northern California. He is suspicious of pretty much everything beyond his front door.
That about says it all, folks.
--
Well, I wrote it. Why would I lie?
(Besides, the book is chock full of conspiracy theories.)
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-13 23:37:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Author Biography
Jack McCallum now lives and writes in Northern California. He is suspicious of pretty much everything beyond his front door.
That about says it all, folks.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-13 23:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-13 08:04:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-13 07:10:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
OI!! What am I, chopped liver?? I tell ya, I get no respect... * adjusts bow tie *
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
ah, stop whining. it's not like you need more readers.
besides, you got the power of greyskull. HE-CAES!
********************
Dude, that made me laugh out loud. Heh. I'm going to put that on a T-shirt. That'll show everyone!
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2005-10-13 13:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The plot thickens!
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2005-10-13 12:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe you should turn this into a TV series...
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-10-13 11:49:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-10-13 11:23:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your immense talent angers me....
Submitted by houseman (user info) at 2005-10-13 11:00:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't think it was thin at all. Awesome Jack.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-10-13 10:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-10-13 10:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Just... wow.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-10-13 10:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-13 09:30:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-13 07:12:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Every installment you have of this series seems to thicken the plot. Seriously, every single time one of these ends, some curious (but unexplained) connection is revealed
--
...which is why I always thought writing a TV series would be a blast...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-13 09:29:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-13 07:10:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:34:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:23:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
I respect you, JMG and Kaos for taking long stories and building them up.
_________________________________________________________________
Don't forget kre8rix. His elemental series is one of uber's best.
***********************
OI!! What am I, chopped liver?? I tell ya, I get no respect... * adjusts bow tie *
--
*Hangs head in shame for not mentioning this first.*
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-13 09:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-13 01:04:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Writing was in my past, just starting to get back into it again. I regret know that I did not pursue, but life is taking me down a different road. I will let you know when I have some ready.
--
You cannot resist The Urge, humble.
The 2am flashes of inspiration, the compulsion to scribble notes on storylines, the sudden running commentaries and dialogue that pop into your head.
It's all still there. Write it down.
Or get treatment for what could be schizophrenia. It's your call.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-13 09:23:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-10-12 23:45:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack... Made in the USA
What does it rate on the gore meter?
--
Crystle, it's 465 pages.
If I gave you a 'Crystle-Lite' edition it would run about 180 pages.
Stay away.
It's mostly the histories of two characters intertwined with this covert gov't agency, but there are instances of extreme gore, brutal sex, and even a little cannabalism.
Which may explain why I gave up trying to sell it after a year of mailing out packages to agents and publishers.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-10-13 08:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-13 08:04:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-13 07:10:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:34:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:23:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
I respect you, JMG and Kaos for taking long stories and building them up.
_________________________________________________________________
Don't forget kre8rix. His elemental series is one of uber's best.
***********************
OI!! What am I, chopped liver?? I tell ya, I get no respect... * adjusts bow tie *
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
ah, stop whining. it's not like you need more readers.
besides, you got the power of greyskull.
HE-CAES!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-10-13 07:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks like I don't know what is going to happen.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-13 07:12:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Every installment you have of this series seems to thicken the plot. Seriously, every single time one of these ends, some curious (but unexplained) connection is revealed. Nice job. The words flow very nicely on the page...and you make it SO easy to hate that O'Hare fuckjob.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-13 07:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:34:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:23:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
I respect you, JMG and Kaos for taking long stories and building them up.
_________________________________________________________________
Don't forget kre8rix. His elemental series is one of uber's best.
***********************
OI!! What am I, chopped liver?? I tell ya, I get no respect... * adjusts bow tie *
Submitted by horse87 (user info) at 2005-10-13 01:08:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-10-12 23:45:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack... Made in the USA
What does it rate on the gore meter?
------------
I got the first copy, and I can safely say it's about a 10.5 out of 10 on the gore meter.
What else can you expect from a story with a cannibal Jesus?
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-13 01:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack, would it be rude to ask your age, just curious.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-13 01:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-12 21:51:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Humble - let me know where I can pick up one of your books.
And then drop $20 into the Jack McCallum retirement fund.
http://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore/bookdisplay.asp?bookid=13981
_____________________________________________________________
You know I have to order that! It has been a while since my book was published and in short run, it is no longer in print, called The Amulet. Have seen it on occasion at a used book store here or there locally.
I had a few short stories published in the late 80's early 90's. Biggest accomplishment was getting into Shadows with a short story.
Working to get these converted to PDF. Writing was in my past, just starting to get back into it again. I regret know that I did not pursue, but life is taking me down a different road. I will let you know when I have some ready.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-10-12 23:45:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack... Made in the USA
What does it rate on the gore meter?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-10-12 22:52:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2005-10-12 18:52:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
_______________________________________
Mr. Nobb: May you choke on your own stupidity, you
gutless, moronic piece of shit. Whassa matter, pud boy,
couldn't find a good comment to steal? You prick.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-10-12 22:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-12 21:51:34 (#)
Ranking: 0
Humble - let me know where I can pick up one of your books.
And then drop $20 into the Jack McCallum retirement fund.
http://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore/bookdisplay.asp?bookid=13981
____________________________________________________________
Thanks, Jack. Now I have to go spend a case of beer's worth of cash
just to buy your silly book! Keep 'em comin' !!!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-12 21:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Humble - let me know where I can pick up one of your books.
And then drop $20 into the Jack McCallum retirement fund.
http://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore/bookdisplay.asp?bookid=13981
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-10-12 21:37:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Humble: Sweet! I'll await with baited breath
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-10-12 21:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-12 20:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-10-12 20:06:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack.. excellent, as always, and gore free!!!
Humble.....is there any way for some of us interested in longer stories to get ahold of your stuff?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:23:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
I have thought about moving some of my work to Uber, but they my stories are long and I really hate breaking up established work.
______________________________________________________________________
Crystle,
Working on converting some stuff so I can PDF it and then I will place it on an FTP site for download. I wrote many of my short stories and two novels back when Word was just that, a word. I have to use a program that converts old IBM text to a new format.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-10-12 20:52:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Allright, you got me. I thought I had this all figured out, but nooooo...you gotta make it more interesting. Fucker.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-10-12 20:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack.. excellent, as always, and gore free!!!
Humble.....is there any way for some of us interested in longer stories to get ahold of your stuff?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:23:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
I have thought about moving some of my work to Uber, but they my stories are long and I really hate breaking up established work.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn, this is my favourite!
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:40:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Giving someone a poor rating because you don't like them is really stupid. You're just being an annoying little bitch when you do it. If someone writes something good, rate it justly. If they write something bad, fuck it. Personally? Do I like this guy here? Not really. He stands for a lot of the same ignorance that the Muslims he hates so do to him. I recognize a good writer when I see one though. Just promise me you won't start writing Ann Coulter style books. Go with fiction. You'll do better by leaps and bounds.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:23:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
I respect you, JMG and Kaos for taking long stories and building them up.
_________________________________________________________________
Don't forget kre8rix. His elemental series is one of uber's best.
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=13318
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Jack,
Still not bad, even for a day when you have a lot going on. Is a little thin, but still has enough meat to have you coming back for more. Your building up your characters a little more. The problem with Uber is that you have to break these into such small chunks that it is tough to really develop characters that hold together. Even printed short stories allow more time, I get the feeling on Uber that anything longer than 2 and 1/2 pages Arial 11 font is too much.
I respect you, JMG and Kaos for taking long stories and building them up. I have thought about moving some of my work to Uber, but they my stories are long and I really hate breaking up established work.
Shit, I am rambling now.
You have quite the projects, Cherry and Allahtown, keep them both coming.
Submitted by Axtumanu (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm anxious to see where this goes, good job so far!
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-10-12 19:03:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how often are you putting these out?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-12 18:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2005-10-12 18:52:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment -
--
A negative review hurts less when accompanied by a detailed critique, so I appreciate the time and effort you put into this.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2005-10-12 18:52:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-12 18:50:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Got a lot of shit going on right now, so this one is a little thin.