I'd get Bent for Clive (Berty, I'm Lookin' at YOU) (2635 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 1.34 on 66 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CookieLass (View user info) at 2005-10-14 12:57:37 EDT
How can you deny this delicious man? MMMMmmmmmm.
(Sorry ladies... he's apparently allergic to taking shirtless pics. I couldn't find ANY)
User Reviews
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-15 18:17:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You don't have to think so for me to think so, bob. I think she's classic and beautiful.
Kaos, I see what you mean about liking girls that you could find next door. All I have to say to that is that if you want a waoman with a freakish underbite and a nose that would be too small for most 5-year-old's faces, then so be it. There are ALOT of beautiful women in hollywood. I just don't think that she's one of them.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-10-15 13:29:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gwyneth Paltrow is not hot.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-10-15 12:56:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmmm.... Kate Beckinsale....
Wait, what? Sorry....
Okay, fair enough. I don't know, I guess I like my girls to look a little bit more... normal. Chicks like Charlize Theron and Hally Berry just seem like fake pin-up models to me. Small quirks and differences appeal to me. Kirsten Dunst's little nose, Rachel Leigh Cook's crooked smile, Elisha Cuthbert's weird eyebrows. Girls that you would see next door. Your list of women is filled with obviously attractive females, but most of them just seem so... processed to me.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-15 12:35:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A million, kaos. I'll list off a few, but the list is very long.
Kate Beckinsale, Gwyneth Paltrow, Halle Berry (why is it always so hard to think of names when you're on the spot?) Rebecca Romijn, Julienne Moore, Charlize Theron, Ashley Judd, even though she can never manage to keep her clothes on...the woman who played Eowyn in lord of the rings, The latin girl from Desperate Housewives... the list goes on, I just can't think of names. I'll try to remember them while I'm out changing my oil and washing the car
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-10-15 12:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Clive would make a perfect James Bond. Pirce Bronson was awesome, but he was almost too pretty. Christ. look at Timothy Dalton. He looked like a phycopath, especially with those eyes.
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Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 16:34:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Keira Knightly has a deformed face. Period.She's only hot to you because people tell you that you should find her hot. BREAK THE HOLD, WILDCAT! BREAK THE HOLD!
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I swear I'm not trying to be a dick here, but what Celebrity women DO you find to be beautiful? Cause if someone as gorgeous as Kiera Knightly is less than, in your eyes, I'm just curious...
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-15 03:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's the thing with Clive Owen. Rugged good looks, yes. Good actor, yes. British, also yes. But he's got the look of a goon. He's just not smooth enough to play James Bond, in my mind. He's a bruiser. Mind you, a shitload better than Daniel Craig.
I am so fucking drunk right now. I had to fix every second word I typed.
OBLIGATORY DRUNK-ASS CAESAR +2!!
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-10-14 23:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
he kicked ass in Sin City, but sucked fatnuts in King Arthur.
go figure.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-10-14 23:20:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
We wanna see Tracey Walter!
Or Harry Dean Stanton.
Yeah, that's it!
Harry Dean Stanton.
In a little black cocktail dress.
Harry Dean Stanton and Tracey Walter in matching cocktail dresses,
snorting Hawaiian cocaine through rolled-up Chilean 50,000 peso notes
doing the Norwegian fish-slapping dance.
On fire.
Yeah.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-10-14 21:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Booooring. Show us some boobies.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-14 21:34:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-14 21:29:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty's real name is Alexander.
-----------------
et tu Emily?
Well actually it's not Alexander, I've tricked you all.
My real name is Eric Rice.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-14 21:29:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty's real name is Alexander.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-14 21:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyway, I'm English so I'm an authority on class.
(cue inevitable 'your full of bolshevik gag')
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-14 21:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to be Blake Trundle.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-14 21:12:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit, stop trying to guess my fucking name! I haven't stolen your daughter or anything, Jeesus!
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 21:06:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU KNOW BERTRAM! (That's your new name. Like it? Well, too bad because I don't have another one!)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-14 21:00:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not a chance, Caul. I've never denied your prettiness, but it would take more than you'll ever have to get me to bend over for you.
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A dark allyway, a sock full of pennies.... he's a strong lad cookie, you'd stand no chance.
Look at clive in that tux, he looks like he should be serving martini, not drinking it. He just lacks any real class.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 20:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck yeah, Colin Firth. I adore him! BadassJulie, I have some unpublished candids of Colin... I could put quite the content with that post if I wanted... I'll consider it very very strongly...
What else, ladies? Give me all the hot guys that you ever wanted to see a million pictures of, and I'll make a collage of sexy images for you every Friday! What a way to start the weekend, eh?
Submitted by a_palindrome (user info) at 2005-10-14 19:07:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Request: Colin Firth
oh yea
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2005-10-14 18:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got some requests! Pick me! Me! Ok. My requests are Johnny Depp and Colin Ferrel. I know someone already said Johnny but I second the notion and the other guy has a cute accent.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-14 17:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 16:56:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
there will be ZERO women in those posts, X. Cope with it.
You men muck up the front page with naked whores all day, every day. I think it's time that a female mucked up the front page with some sexy menz for a goddamned change.
You guys who don't like it can all eat my ass with a spoon. GIRL POWER!
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Gawn 'head, girl!
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 16:56:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
there will be ZERO women in those posts, X. Cope with it.
You men muck up the front page with naked whores all day, every day. I think it's time that a female mucked up the front page with some sexy menz for a goddamned change.
You guys who don't like it can all eat my ass with a spoon. GIRL POWER!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-14 16:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
EVERY FRIDAY, ROWAN POSTS A NEW HOTTIE MONTAGE!
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You better make them HOT WOMAN or it's -2 for you
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-14 16:39:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard he was GAY
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 16:34:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wildcat, I don't kiss people with gross teeth, male or female, ESPECIALLY not people with grotesque underbites.
Keira Knightly has a deformed face. Period.She's only hot to you because people tell you that you should find her hot. BREAK THE HOLD, WILDCAT! BREAK THE HOLD!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:29:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Keira Knightly is the british form of natalie portman.
both of which are very hot
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That is a bizZARE that you happened to mention that exact relationship, because I wrote a poem lamenting both women and their hotness earlier this year. It, of course, blows. As it's supposed to.
Cookie, sorry to cock up your post with something of mine, but this is too good to pass up. Besides, bob's to blame, since his thoughts started this whole coincidence thing.
Oh, and here's another +2 for your trouble.
Natalie Portman starred in Closer -
Stripper extraordinaire,
But they cut the scenes
Like an overanxious Mohel with a pair of rusty garden shears
Clipping off foreskins like overgrown leaves
(we apologize, Mrs. Martz, but your son has tetanus);
"SO hot in Closer," they said,
"SO pliant, supple, and ready to please with a cock-eyed smirk and legs to forever."
Do we see the scenes?
Do they get included on the DVD?
Negative, my good man.
That would be something Christ would do.
Left out now in the Portman-less cold
I turn to Kiera Knightley to fuel my fire,
But i receive no warmth;
Like Clinton on a day-bed, cuddling Hillary tight,
Like the alabaster lips of David, looking for a hummer from the headless statue of Nike
("I know, I'll neck-fuck her!")
Like a pensioner waxing erotic after taking in the last first edition of a Susan Sontag book,
Kiera K. is the paper I wipe my ass with when I'm in a foreign country and I don't want to brown up my hand:
Portman is Cottonelle,
Portman is all.
Sway on that pole, my Jedi princess,
Let me see that stiletto go above your head -
I want to be the sun that sets all over your neck, face and chest.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:34:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
he doesnt want anyone to see his triple nipple
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Keira Knightly is the british form of natalie portman.
both of which are very hot
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'Croupier' is the best fuckin movie...
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:16:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You wouldn't do this woman?????!?!?!?!?
http://super-site-1.com/pics/keira-knightley/keira-knightley-001.jpg
http://super-site-1.com/pics/keira-knightley/keira-knightley-010.jpg
Are you serious? Oh come fucking on! That's crazy talk! You know you would at least kiss back!
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:07:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Accents do not hotness make, young padawan. If that were the case, then I'd have a line of suitors 50 miles long, because my accent is insane.
I'm not goin anywhere Napoleon. It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:03:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree completely.......but she's so hot and has an accent. COME ON! GOSH! Grandma just called! She said she wants you to go home because you're ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steaks!
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes... yes he did.
Don't hate me, Wildcat... I just feel that rich and famous people have no excuse for having fucked up teeth. It's one thing if you're broke and can't afford to have them fixed, quite another if you're making millions off your appearance alone.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:51:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh it's on like donkey kong now!
...........apollo said you had fat head. So there!
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Caul, that's the most you've made me laugh in weeks and weeks. Thanks for that.
Wildcat, I'm afraid I can't do one on Keira Knightly for several reasons. 1) she's not hot. She has a severe underbite that makes her look like a bulldog, andher nose is too small for her face. She has ruined several movies for me because her face is so very very wrong. 2) this will be MALE hotties. There's plenty of odes to partially dressed women on this site. It's time for the small faction of females on Uber to start speaking out about physical perfection. You guys get that particular soapbox far too often.
I still promise no peen. And no boy-kissing, even though it makes me sad to leave that out.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:38:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mr.FBI child porn monitoring agent."""
I'm sorry for this crappy line mr.syntax monitoring Uber Agent.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:33:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MAKE A 12 YEARS OLD EDDIE FURLONG MONTAGE!!!11
just kidding, mr.FBI child porn monitoring agent.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:31:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do that Keira Knightly girl. She' so hot and she's got an accent. Or Johnny Depp. Whichever.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:18:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm making these a series, I've decided just now.
EVERY FRIDAY, ROWAN POSTS A NEW HOTTIE MONTAGE! If you have requests, do speak up and I'll take them under advisement. Just please... don't expect Orlando Bloom or Jake Gyllenhaaaaaal. One's a pansy, the other looks like a mutilated duck.
No peeners, guys, I promise. I'll even strive to put in a little content.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:12:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, that's kind of weird. Thinking of a chick double clicking her mouse to Mr. Bean. But, I guess it's not so weird since he's from the UK and so are you. I guess it would be like me doing it to ugly ass Renee Zellweger.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
God DAMNIT Wildcat!!! You swore you wouldn't tell!! That's it! I'm taking back your humped pot pie. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY! *sob*
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cookie we all know that the better James Bond and better looking guy is none other than Rowan Atkinson. Come now woman, don't be daft! I know I said I'd never tell but ever since your mom and I caught you double clicking the mouse to another edition of Mr. Bean I've been worried. You seem to develop unhealthy obsessions with strange men.
Submitted by Faithless_Whisper (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He makes me gush in my panties.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good God...he looks like a more chiseled version of a guy I work with.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you omatron.
Not a chance, Caul. I've never denied your prettiness, but it would take more than you'll ever have to get me to bend over for you.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:22:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:18:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Dolph Lundgren is a scary, scary man, but only because he holds a Masters degree in chemical engineering and he was awarded a Fulbright scholarship to MIT.
How can someone that smart and capable be so absolutely terrible at acting? You'd think even a glimmer of the man's intelligence would shine through in some of his performances, even if only across his face or the way he carries himself. But no. My GOD are his films terrible.
I should know, since I've been devoting a little corner of my movie collection to 'Dolph classics' for some time now. I'm a sucker for unintentionally bad films.
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Universal Soldier wasn't too bad. Acting like a dead man is easy I suppose.
If you want a bad movie, rent Desert Heat by Van Damme. The shitty monologue at the beginning is priceless.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:18:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll settle for a vote for the next Barney Fife.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:18:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dolph Lundgren is a scary, scary man, but only because he holds a Masters degree in chemical engineering and he was awarded a Fulbright scholarship to MIT.
How can someone that smart and capable be so absolutely terrible at acting? You'd think even a glimmer of the man's intelligence would shine through in some of his performances, even if only across his face or the way he carries himself. But no. My GOD are his films terrible.
I should know, since I've been devoting a little corner of my movie collection to 'Dolph classics' for some time now. I'm a sucker for unintentionally bad films.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:18:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I could how he was in the running for bond. Isn't he pretty tall? haven't all the bonds since sean connery been short, well short for actors?
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:07:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
No challenge to Shlongy.
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We all know that nobody is, Shlongster. I'd vote for you as Bond, James Bond. But only if it got you to give me a +2.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:17:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:14:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:11:05 (#)
Ranking: 1
Dolph Lundgren would kick his ass.
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Probably. Dolph's pretty too. I wouldn't mind putting parts of myself in places they don't belong on him
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I'm kidding about Dolph. He makes retarded movies. However, you would bend for me to. One, because I'm prettier than Clive, obviously. Two, because you dislike me and everybody knows girl secretly want to fuck guys they can't stand. It's the Alpha male attraction, you know?
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
He's been in a shed load of Britsih TV drama's and he does normally nail the role.
I'm not sure he'd be right for bond though. I'm not sure why it just doesn't seam to fit for me. Still I've been wrong about such things before that's what makes a good actor I suppose
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:15:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i know he was an assassin in a bourne movie
and boy did he do a shitty job...rugged looks, or no.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, I keed I keed.
I'm comfortable enough to admit that he's an attractive man. Maybe not all together handsome - although he definitely does clean up well - but certainly appealing in that brooding/rough sort of way (or, rather, handsome because of that). I think he'll age well, and his looks should last.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:14:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:11:05 (#)
Ranking: 1
Dolph Lundgren would kick his ass.
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Probably. Dolph's pretty too. I wouldn't mind putting parts of myself in places they don't belong on him.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:11:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*gasp* pen_name... you're a boy aren't you? Boys don't seem to understand rugged good looks.
See, Mr. Owen looks like he's been rode hard and put away wet and needs a girl to help him take a bath and have a shave. And I'd like to be the girl to give him that bath. With my tongue.
Omatron: He isn't teh ghey. I've seen him nekkid (the movie Bent) and I've got plenty of experience in covering tattoos for film purposes, so i can spot a patch a mile away... there wasn't one. I think he's just one of those guys who is unfortunately too classy to take beefcake pics. That makes me a sad panda.
Submitted by pantsarestupid (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So fucking hot. His attitude gets to me as well...the accent sure doesn't hurt either. I wish I could give you a +50 for making my day.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:11:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Dolph Lundgren would kick his ass.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:09:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes...yes.....yes....he is so fine.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:07:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No challenge to Shlongy.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
An embarrassing tattoo, maybe?
They can cover those with makeup for shirtless scenes.
My money's on a picture of St. Thomas Aquinas giving Liberace a handjob, only they're dressed up like they're in Casablanca.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:05:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm a guy, but in all honesty, he seems rather unattractive...especially in the black and white
"yes's, master hobits, i'm going to hit the balls's"
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HIS HOTNESS FLUSTERED ME! I forgot to link.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/77036 and http://www.ubersite.com/m/77036#1641488
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:00:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I might be inclined to agree, except that I've seen him in numerous movies sans shirt. Not a bitch-tit in sight. He's rrrrrrrrripped.
Submitted by glasscock (user info) at 2005-10-14 12:58:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
maybe he has bitchtits