Everything I've Ever Known - A Partial Farewell to Ubersite (1514 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.75 on 61 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sassmasterr (View user info) at 2005-10-14 13:46:04 EDT
Everything I've Ever Known
is about to change.
Apart from 4 semesters in Pensacola Christian College (more rules than the military), I have lived in the same house with my strict Baptist parents.
After 22 years of this hell, I couldn't take any more. Actually, I was going to move out right after college, but jailtime/court fines held be back financially. I've been scrimping and saving all my money to pay off my debts. Well, I usually give in and blow it all in Best Buy...but you get the point.
I'm finally moving out.
For most of you, this seems like a normal thing. Just another small step in life.
For me, it's literally a world of change.
Up to last night, I had a curfew. I couldn't drink alcohol. I couldn't smoke. Drugs were obviously out of the question. I couldn't even be alone with a girl. I also had to go to church 3 times a week.
I'll take a moment to let that sink in.
There.
Up to last night, I had to have a lie and an excuse planned at all times. I was living two lives. There was the real me and there was a semi-good kid that I had to be around my parents.
Keep in mind, I AM NOT COMPLAINING. I am just telling you how it was, so you understand where I'm coming from.
That is all over now.
I can finally act the way I want to act. Twenty-two years of repression...
As of now, I am moving out (with that hot blonde that I post pictures of), I'm getting a new, respectable job, and I can finally aknowledge this other girl as more than just a coworker (she's not the same religion as me).
Last night, a friend and I moved every single one of my earthly posessions out of my parent's house (my parents are on a teacher's convention in Indiana). They will be coming home to an empty (clean) room and a note.
I hate to do it like that, but because of their religious beliefs, it's the only way. There is no easy way of doing it, so I may as well make it as easy as possible on myself.
My new job will be second shift, and I will probably be sleeping morning to afternoon. Thus, Ubersite will not be a large part of my life anymore.
I love this place.
It has gotten me through many a boring work day.
It has also put me in many an embarrassing moment at work.
("Why are you looking at a guy stretching his asshole open?")
Come to think of it, I compiled a short, short list of things that I associate with Ubersite. Things that are exclusive to Ubersite or that Ubersite has given a new meaning to.
SOUP'S ON BITCHES!
skate it off
what the hell man if they are comin at you , means they want somthin ,more better you look after them and care for them ,than they get on the street uh?
fusion fusion fusion
har har peener
but whom done it and why?
-2DIE!
-2nami
sauce
SPT
camwhore
linkwhore
NSFW
UberMadness
bandwagon (and assorted bandwagon acronyms)
HA HA! RABBIT!
alter
Feel free to add more to the list. Actually, I was going to do a post based solely on Uber-related things, but time is short.
You'll probably see an occassional post/review under my name, but I'm sure they will be few and far between.
Thanks for the laughs.
Dave
User Reviews
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-12-05 22:01:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-22 23:01:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this why religion is wrong
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-06 05:43:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss you Sassy!
:(
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-10-18 20:13:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow. i haven't been on the internet since i posted this crap.
can you imagine no internet for 4 days??!?!?
summary:
apartment = sweet
being on my own = sweet
parents = crushed
new job = keeps me busy = awesome
i'll be around
dave
Submitted by Dr.Freddy (user info) at 2005-10-17 02:30:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rock on Rocker. Rock on.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-10-16 13:06:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-10-16 00:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-10-14 16:32:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
somehow, we must be related. My parents are like that too...
---------------------
Son?
GO BROWNS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-10-15 10:43:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we wish you the best
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-15 10:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sass,
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
How could you just leave??
Please don't do it!
Where will all the funny comments on my posts go?
Well, stay in touch, I'll email or IM you sometime soon. Good luck with the move...and the blonde!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-10-15 04:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Luck with all that- be sure to come back sometimes and tell us how you are going!
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2005-10-15 03:56:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
RABBIT!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-15 03:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congratulations Sassy McSasserson!! I'mve enjoyed the posts I've read of yorus. It' is good to move out from your parent's shadows and be your own pwerson.
I am so drunk. I have decided to to to not correct my spellin gerrors as a kind of record of my inebriation. One day I will look back at these rveiws and lavugh. That diay will be tomorrow.
OBLIGATORY DRUNK CAESAR + 2!!
Jesus, what made me type "to" three times in a row there? I don't evne remember fucking doing that.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-14 22:30:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Best of luck.
<oldmanvoice>And don't fuck it up by overdoing the broads and booze and bud. If you have to go crawling back to your parents it will suck, big time.</oldmanvoice>
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-10-14 22:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
say it isnt so!?
see you in a few weeks, dude.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-10-14 21:44:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck, dude.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 20:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*sniffle sob cry weep sniffle* yeah! what Berty said!
Can't believe you're leaving me.... fine absorbed twin YOU are.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-14 20:15:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck, have fun, but don't kill yourself...
________________________________
We would certainly all be lost without Crystal's sage counsel.
Seriously though, don't leave Ubersite for a while and then come back to tell us how great everything is for you. That's just mean. Lie, tell us that you're lonely, destitute and that your home is infested with vermin.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2005-10-14 20:06:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck, all the best to you with your new life.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-10-14 18:43:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't sign any leases alone. Broads will fuck you over.
Good luck.
Rock on.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-10-14 17:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh and another thing
GO HEELS WOOOT
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-10-14 17:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
don't forget
OH NOES!!11
So what is the problem with moving out? Is it moving in with a girl aka LIVING IN SIN or it is just that you are moving out, because living on your own at 22 is not exactly unheard of.
they will come around
eventually
I am positive of this, trust me. I don't want to go into it because there are things that I have chosen to forget, but I remember someone once upon a time telling me that and I didn't believe her at the time - turns out she was right.
I do remember the first time I told my dad "THIS IS MY HOUSE AND YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW MY RULES". I thought I was quite clever and then I ended up in a savage headlock.
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-10-14 17:03:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent. Moving out is the first step in becoming your own person.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-10-14 17:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do what you gotta do. I know that lifestyle, I used to have to live it. Then when I was 17 I moved out, and boy have things ever changed....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-14 16:52:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good for you.
Maybe by getting out into the "real world" and out from under the "oppression of 'The Man'", you can slowly lose some of your dork-qualities that have been permeating your every being the last 22 years.
Or at least the last year on UberSite.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-14 16:44:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
To sum up...you want to take a lot of drugs
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-14 16:44:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Take it from someone who went totally nuts when they got out on their own away from their strict baptist parents... Um... Don't go totally nuts.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-10-14 16:32:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
somehow, we must be related. My parents are like that too...
Good luck, have fun, but don't kill yourself, and when you get back to some level of sanity, fill us in.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:49:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Later, Sass. I'm getting the fuck out of Ohio. We could be brothers. Get a DNA test. If your father's real name is George Clooney, then you're my second cousin.
Submitted by Droz (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:41:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Luck Sassy. Remember, your parents and their religion have no true power over you. Stay strong and you can win this. Congrats on getting out, brother...
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well I really don't know what to say... other than +2, See ya round Sass
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:15:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dave? DAVE?! That's *my* name too!!!! :-p
I'll miss ya around here, Sassy. Stay in touch on AIM ==> dsvmusic
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well, good luck man, I hope the sex change works out for ya
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-10-14 15:02:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:25:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
I was raised Catholic and had to go to Saturday night mass, sunday morning mass, and then Wednesday evening mass. Don't forget CCD after mass on Sunday's though, that's where they brain wash the kids about Catholicism and teach us that Jews and Baptists are the Devil's testicles. That didn't last too long once I started playing travel soccer.
I understand your pain with your parents. Think of Plato's Allegory of the Cave in concerns to your living situation with your parents. You'll work your ass off to pay rent and never go back. Hell, I bought a house at 21 just so I'd never be forced to go back.
Good luck.
--------------------
Where and when did you grow up? I have never heard of anyone except widowers going to mass that much.
I also never heard anything bad about Jews or Baptists.
Don't get me wrong I think the catholic church is fucked, but I have never heard anything like this.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wonderful
To get you caught up, Denim is back in. See you at the gay bars!
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:30:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:27:22 (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't fool yourself. Once you're in, you can never be allowed to run free.
You're one of us, now.
--------------
ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:29:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck, man. Ubersite will be here to welcome you back when you return; so you'd better get some funny stories and a few pictures to post, dammit!
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:27:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Don't fool yourself. Once you're in, you can never be allowed to run free.
You're one of us, now.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:26:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, if you ever need to get your balls licked I keep a few Asian slaves in my dungeon.
They're whore yours.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:25:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was raised Catholic and had to go to Saturday night mass, sunday morning mass, and then Wednesday evening mass. Don't forget CCD after mass on Sunday's though, that's where they brain wash the kids about Catholicism and teach us that Jews and Baptists are the Devil's testicles. That didn't last too long once I started playing travel soccer.
I understand your pain with your parents. Think of Plato's Allegory of the Cave in concerns to your living situation with your parents. You'll work your ass off to pay rent and never go back. Hell, I bought a house at 21 just so I'd never be forced to go back.
Good luck.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well fuck. i am an inconsiderate ass.
Sassmasterr = Dave
Email - daveythedevilclown.at.gmail.com - long story but i dressed up as a demonic clown for some Vacation Bible School for kids.
AIM - davedevilclown
MSN - sassmaster.at.hotmail.com - but i'm never on that
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Farewell for now, ye mastermind of sass
Keep dropping in, or else we'll kick your ass.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:12:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:07:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
3 TIMES A WEEK????
---
Church:
Sunday School - 10:00AM
Sunday Morning Worship - 11:00AM
Sunday Night - 6:00PM
Wednesday Night - 7:30PM
4 services, but the two on Sunday morning are back to back.
yeah, i've spent more time in church than most people in...America.
in college, it was worse. every weekday we had a MANDATORY chapel service. that's 5 credit hours that other college kids had to take classes. we had to be there every time. no sleeping, studying, or talking during the service either. how would they find out? there were row monitors every 5 people. all they had to do was write your name down on a slip and turn it in. also, in their "justice system," you are guilty UNTIL proven innocent. you start out with the charge/punishment and if you don't do anything or you aren't proven 100% innocent (there's no such thing as "reasonable doubt") you are still guilty.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:09:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And if you don't mind, I'd like an aim name, messenger name, or e-mail addy.
I get to Cleveland every so often and I STILL want the chance to buy you a drink.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:59:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Gonna be ugly when ma and pa get home, huh?
---
it will be fucking hell. that's why i'm doing it overnight. i'm calling them in an hour or so to tell them...i'm not gonna see them in person for a few months, at least.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:59:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Please either tell us of you time there and what the girls were like, or link to posts where you did.
---
I will. i could spend so much time on those kinds of posts. your jaw will hit the floor. fucking crazy rules there.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:59:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Make sure you try pot.
---
just started. i get really mellowed out.
----------------------------------------
Submitted by LiquidPaper (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:01:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your posts. Dont go.
---
damn! didn't know anyone gave a shit.
I'm sure that after a few weeks of getting settled with the new job/woman/apartment...well, new life in general, that i will be posting a few.
maybe these next posts will actually have some thought/time put into them. that will be interesting to see.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
3 TIMES A WEEK????
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We'll be here for you if you need us.
Submitted by CoffeeAndSmokes (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:03:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LiquidPaper (user info) at 2005-10-14 14:01:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like your posts. Dont go.
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:59:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's tough.
Make sure you try pot. Pot starts everyone's life out on a good note.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:59:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why didn't you do all four years there, you could have gotten a minor in "church music piano", or "music ministries", or even "missions" so you could learn to convert all of Jesus little brown children.
Please either tell us of you time there and what the girls were like, or link to posts where you did.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:59:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gonna be ugly when ma and pa get home, huh?
Good luck with that.
Rad doesn't seem to have a problem being on Uber and working the night shift. Just make sure to get on good terms with the Limey and Kiwi-ey contingents.
Submitted by dawnmarie (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just get here and now you're leaving?
Do I smell or something?
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:57:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:23:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
some guy in my physical therapy meeting has tickets to the game.
i asked him if i could tag along but he said something about his wife coming.
what a fag.
-----
I'd come anyway.
It's going to be rowdy up here.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The mechanical engineering program is dedicated to teaching the fundamental laws of God's creation, manifest through science and mathematics, as the building blocks of a solid engineering education.
--------------------
Holy crap?!?!
this school is a gold mine of humor!!!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:53:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:50:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
you went to PCC? hahahaha...ahaha... i looked at going there for about 5 minutes, until i read the part about the separate sidewalks for boys and girls.
--------------------
What the fuck?!?!
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:52:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't go!
I was just starting to like you...
Anyway, congratulations. I was raised in a strict Mormon household, sounds like your upbringing was pretty much identical to mine - so I know how it feels. Enjoy your freedom!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on getting out of your parents house.
Just wondering what your trouble with the law was, and do youthink your parents should have been more strict because of said trouble?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:50:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to miss you!!!
Don't be a stranger.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NOOOO SASSY! DON'T LEAVE MEEEEEEEE!
Can a person survive after their absorbed twin has been forcibly ripped out of their heads? *sad panda*
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-10-14 13:50:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you went to PCC? hahahaha...ahaha... i looked at going there for about 5 minutes, until i read the part about the separate sidewalks for boys and girls.
good luck, homes.