NRA out of the closet and overdoing it say friends. (799 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.82 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by nick pappas <njpappas1.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-10-14 16:53:49 EDT
Some Trailer Park, AL—Calling his flamboyant air and effeminate mannerisms "a bit forced," friends of recently out-of-the-closet homosexual NRA, 46, say he's overdoing it.
"When NRA first told us he was gay, everybody was totally cool with it," longtime friend Rich Eddy said. "We figured he'd basically be the same old NRA, except he'd be dating guys. Boy, were we wrong."
Though NRA's friends expected him to become comfortable and open with his sexuality, they did not expect him to go to such great lengths to proclaim his preference for men at every conceivable turn.
"We just figured he'd start saying stuff to us at bars like, 'Check out that cute guy's butt,'" Eddy said. "But he takes pains to telegraph his gayness 24 hours a day. Last night, a bunch of us were talking about what's going on with Bush and Iraq, when, out of nowhere, he says, 'You know what Saddam needs? A good ass-fucking. That'd relax him.' It's like, 'Okay, NRA, we get it already—you're gay.'"
Continued Eddy: "It's like he's scared that if he doesn't wear hot pants and say 'You go, girl!' a lot, somebody might think he's straight."
Lydia Richter, another longtime friend of NRA's, has also noticed the change.
"We can't have a conversation without him mentioning some aspect of gay culture," Richter said. "No matter what it is—art, comedy, movies, restaurants, philosophy—he goes off on how it affects him as a gay man. NRA, we've accepted that you like the dick, so just shut up and be gay already."
Even Andrew Storch, a gay coworker of NRA who recently went on several dates with him, said NRA is "laying on the gay a little heavy."
"After NRA came out, he said he'd been attracted to me for a long time," Storch said. "We went out a few times, but he constantly acted like he had something to prove. Everywhere he went, he was mincing around like RuPaul at Wigstock. And, Lord, you should have seen the shoes he was wearing on our second date. I realize he's excited about being out of the closet, but you don't have to make up for those lost years of gayness all at once."
Added Storch: "I hope I wasn't like that when I came out."
Of all the aspects of NRA's life, friends say his wardrobe has undergone the most drastic change. Instead of wearing khakis and understated dress shirts, Glynn now opts for brightly patterned sleeveless T-shirts and tight short-shorts.
"Two weeks after he came out, he showed up at a party in little pink biker shorts and an open button-down shirt with nothing on underneath," Eddy said. "This is a guy who once said wearing blue jeans made him feel 'weird.' Now, he says he's saving up to buy a whole leather get-up with harnesses and metal studs. I don't know where he got the idea that real gay people actually wear that stuff in their daily lives."
NRA has adopted a number of other stereotypically gay affectations, including finger-snapping, a "swishy" walk, and calling everyone "sweetie" or "girlfriend."
"I guess he's picking it up from some of the gay guys he meets when he goes out, but it's just not him," Storch said. "A few times, I've actually caught him doing the limp-wrist thing. All that's missing is the lisp."
Even NRA's drinking habits have taken on a gay tone.
"NRA used to be a single-malt scotch drinker," Eddy said. "Now it's Cosmos or Mai Tais. I didn't realize that liking men altered your taste buds."
According to Dirk Yunger, author of You're Here, You're Queer, Get Used To It: The New Millennium Guide To Coming Out Of The Closet, it is common for "late bloomers" like NRA to over-embrace homosexuality.
"NRA has been hiding his true sexuality for so long, he can't help but want to shout it out to the world," Yunger said. "His friends should give him time to figure out how his newfound sexual openness will fit into his larger persona. Eventually, he will level out and become more like the NRA they used to know. In the meantime, his friends will have to endure a lot of annoying conversations about 14-inch dildos and what he'd like to do to Rupert Everett. Christ, I don't envy them."
NRA you are soooooo GAY!!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-10-15 09:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No link? A big fat FUCK OFF for you.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2005-10-15 01:47:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-14 18:52:48 (#)
Ranking: -2
you suck
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-14 18:52:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you suck
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-10-14 18:48:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would -2 this for plagiarism, but I'm all for badmouthing that stupid prick NRA. +2 for you.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-14 17:47:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You never should have knocked the other one off the front page, that one had potential.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-14 17:41:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can't believe the AP picked up this story.
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-10-14 17:15:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wow, i almost +2ed this. luckily i read the reviews, and learned that you are a pathetic rip-off artist.
congratulations on your mad cut-and-paste skills, though. i bet you ACED kindergarten.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-14 17:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Cite the source, O Onion thief,
Or minus twos will bring you grief.
Submitted by NRA (user info) at 2005-10-14 17:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
You are pathetic.
So what, did you run off so you and icarus can suck one another's dicks?
Submitted by NRA (user info) at 2005-10-14 17:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What's the matter faggot? Nothing to say?
Figured everyone would just line up to suck your dick because you called out the latest Uberasshole.
I thought all day you were pathetic, now you've proven it.
Go away...never come back...you are banned from Earth.
And God hates you.
Submitted by NRA (user info) at 2005-10-14 17:01:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I want you to understand this you little twat monkey.
Although you have run your little fairy ass over my posts and -2 all off them (which should be enough to get you banned) this rating of mine is in now way retaliatory.
You simply plagiarized this story from here http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27704
So although I'm flattered by the hate post, this is one of those rules that you must follow.
Now fuck off you're not in my league, whelp.
Submitted by Mystical_Mudyak (user info) at 2005-10-14 17:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27704
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-14 16:56:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Thou shalt always attribute your ripped off posts. It's one of the commandments.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-14 16:55:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Obviously plagiarized.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-10-14 16:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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