Why I am not a practising... (567 hits)
Category: Politics -> IraqRating: 0.25 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by User 9170 (View user info) at 2005-10-18 13:10:53 EDT
Taoist
Too many myths - Taoism comprises of too much folklore. Some of the stories are pretty cool, like the stuff about that monkey guy. Monkeys swinging metal poles kick ass, but not really believable, ya?
Zombies - I wanted to be a zombie slaying priest who throws rice around and kills the undead with my mighty wooden sword. Alas, some Taoist friend told me that they don't really do that, and my dreams were crushed. Then I found Warcraft. To hell with wooden swords, I got my level 3 Holy Light.
Muslim (Ditto for Jew)
Too... many... rules - Honestly, I can't even stand 30 hours without food, let alone 30 days. And how am I supposed to pray at sunrise when I'm sleeping? All I can say is, any Muslim who manages to keep strictly to the rules deserves all the virgins in heaven he can get.
Four wives - My bad, this actually sounds kind of sweet. Where do I apply?
Circumcision - Ouch!
Yeah, I'm too lazy to follow rules and a pussy to boot; how about you eat me out?
Buddhist
Reincarnation - Same shit, different lives. Once is enough, thanks.
Loving kindness - Given that I can instantly think of at least 20 groups of people I would love to beat the holy shit out of, this requirement is a little hard. And I just made the understatement of the year.
Christian
Turn the other cheek - The only time I turn the other cheek is to rear back and give the motherfucker a right hook.
Too many vested interests - On a more serious note, I wouldn't completely trust a book that has passed through so many different human hands. It's like a game that has gone through dozens of major and minor patches; it may not even resemble the original release anymore. I'm willing to bet anything that some church way down the line slipped an extra sin or two into Bible version 42842.31B just to get rid of something they didn't like.
Sins - I did a quick reflection and realised that 80% of the things I do and 97% of the thoughts I have can be considered sins. Ironically, a "holy" life with all the shit you can't do seems to fit nicely into my impression of hell.
Talk about a bad image - If you thought terrorism smears the image of Islam, wait till you read about inbred scum from Bumfuck, Alabama who use funerals as platforms for spewing their anti-gay bullshit. Then you have people saying that disasters are due to God's judgement on some group of infidels or another.
Don't be idiots, God is up there watching football and eating Cheetos. He promised to stop eating excessive beans after He farted Hurricane Katrina. He also wishes to express His deepest regret in advance should He get so sick of all the fanatism that He smites all of you.
Atheist
Some of these people can be as zealous as any religious nutjob. There probably is someone out there and science will never be able to explain everything. I would like to offer you guys a huge mug of shut the fuck up.
User Reviews
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-10-18 14:11:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-10-18 14:00:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
you're not circumcized?
ew.
enjoy the smegma.
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some people bathe.
1 point for being a muslim: no interest on credit.
I'm an ordained minister of the ULC.
they did it online. free. I framed my certificate.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-10-18 14:00:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you're not circumcized?
ew.
enjoy the smegma.
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-10-18 13:21:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You didn't have me until you mentioned athiests...
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-10-18 13:16:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Muslims and jews the same?
Ramadan is 30 days of fasting, Yom Kipur is only one.
Only one has bigamy.
In fact the only similarity is the pork thing, and most jews I know don't follow that.