We're all gonna die! (808 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.87 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TheSpook (View user info) at 2005-10-18 22:58:45 EDT
In case you Ubertards didn't know, I just moved to south Florida. Got a nice place on the bay and the weather is just a little better than up north. Traffic is miserable, but I'll take rednecks and mexicans over the holy wars of east Cleveland.
Unfortunately, they've been getting plenty of hurricanes down here and a new one has arisen. In spite of my idea of giving these storms silly black names like Shquanda or Tyshon, they've named this one Wilma. Wilma was pretty much a bitch on the Flintstones, so I suppose this one fits. Although, a hurricane named Kwanza would be fucking hilarious.
Apparently, "it's heading right for us!" I like how they suddenly think it's gonna pull off a U-turn and sweep back out into the Atlantic. I'm sure these well educated Meteorologists have all the answers. I mean who else has a job where they spend half the day speculating about some uncontrolled event? That takes some serious bullshiting skills to actually get paid for pointing fingers and point at the images a small child can pull up on any half-assed computer across the US.
After reviewing the possibilities of wind speed, mean Gulf temperature, barometric pressure, and the number of beers left in my twelve pack, I've determined what this pig is going to do. My prediction is that it will hit about 5 miles north of Tampa Bay. Why? Because I'm going to be there with my big fucking hurricane magnet pulling it toward me. After that, I'm sending it to Texas to stop Vince Young because obviously no one else can.
Before it hits here in Florida, I think it's going to stop off in Mexico and Cuba to pick up a few future US residents and send then flying right into the Ybor city unemployment office. These predictions are just educated "guesses" just like those worthless Meteorologists. I've provided an Autocad sketch for your viewing pleasure.
User Reviews
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-11-18 20:42:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GO BLUE!!!!!!!!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2005-11-08 09:43:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thought the same thing about the hurricane name.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-10-19 22:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your rendition of wilma looks like spooooooooge
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-19 13:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks like that satanic hex I put on my ex who lives in south Florida is working.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-10-19 12:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Looks like I better stock up on beer.
And food, I guess.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-10-19 12:21:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope all the dumbasses who don't think global warming is a reality wake up soon.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-10-19 12:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-19 08:30:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
JESUS CHRIST THIS IS THE MOST POWERFUL STORM IN HISTORY
GET THE FUCK OUT
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-19 08:30:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
JESUS CHRIST THIS IS THE MOST POWERFUL STORM IN HISTORY
GET THE FUCK OUT
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-19 08:06:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Americans get a lot of shit this year
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2005-10-19 06:31:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I too am in the Tampa area. Gots water, gots energy bars, gots candles, gots a positive winning attitude, gots the video camera ready to capture my image standing outside the front door in the wind doing the famous yell from the intro to the Flintstones just before being blown off the porch.
Good luck.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-19 02:08:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking low pressure systems causing all that ruckus
Submitted by celine (user info) at 2005-10-19 01:58:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm sending it to Texas to stop Vince Young because obviously no one else can."
Please do, so I can stop wondering why USC is still #1.
Notice how the "number of first place votes" for Texas keeps rising? It's because USC keeps pulling off one miracle comeback after another. The Notre Dame game, anyone?
Texas just dominates, hands-down. That, my friends, is what you call Ruling Ass.
Submitted by internetslacker (user info) at 2005-10-19 01:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck man...Mother Nature is beyond humbling. Especially when a Cuban-laden wind-vortex sweeps into your state...
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-10-19 00:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows"
<Robert Zimmerman 1965>
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-10-19 00:18:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wilmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-10-18 23:40:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This might help you prepare:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/73048
Submitted by sl4tt3ry (user info) at 2005-10-18 23:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I live about an hour south of you, Good Luck
Somehow I think it will go east and screw the keys
I think they would like it somehow...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-18 23:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wilma's expected path looks like a giant sperm.
I'd just post a sign up on your house that says "I don't swallow."
That'll get it to look elsewhere to blow its load.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-10-18 23:23:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A friend of mine and I were talking the other day about naming storms with black names. :D
+2 just for that.
PS: I'm partial to 'La Queefa', myself.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-10-18 23:06:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nail all your shit down
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-10-18 23:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This file will only open with Autocad 2000 and up.