Get on with it (840 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.86 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TheSunGod (View user info) at 2005-10-19 12:05:50 EDT
I woke up a week or two ago and realized that my face had turned from unshaven to bearded. Fully bearded. I didn't know I could do that yet. I like it. I have kept the beard, and received compliments on its manly, hirsute fullness.
The unexpected facial hair led me to inspect the rest of myself and see what else has been going on that I hadn't noticed-- the body often does some strange things when its owner isn't looking. I found that the bare patch of skin on my throat separating facial hair and chest hair had grown in, and invited a few of its cousins onto my shoulders and back. That's pretty gross, but it's part of me, and I have no choice but to accept it. Or I could wax it off, but I'm neither a woman nor teh ghey.
My body has shaped itself up. Long hours of physical labor under Florida sun have turned slender limbs into powerful tools of leverage. I'm not a big man by any stretch of the imagination, but the smooth arms and legs of my boyhood have grown taut cables of muscle under the skin. I like to press my fingers into the muscle and flex and extend my limbs, feeling hard ripples slide under my touch. I like to hoist five-gallon buckets of water and carry them across the marina, my joints only feeling a momentary burn when I set them back down. I have hardened.
Wounds have healed without my knowing, and scars have faded without my consent. I'll miss some of them. "Battle scars" from myriad youthful exploits are now gone, and soon the memories of them will be gone as well. Remember the time I set up the boobie trap for my brother on the side of that mountain, intending to trip him and send him sprawling into the creek? But he was too smart so I had to demonstrate for him how to run down the path; I jumped over the snare, and my ankle buckled under me when I landed. I tumbled, rolled, and landed face-down in the dirt with an old stump impaled between my ribs. But that scar is gone. And I can't remember exactly which mountain in what state it was. And in a few years I may not even remember that it ever happened.
The changes are not only physical, you know. Aside from my leathering skin and spreading fur, *I* have changed. I know what I'm capable of, and what I'm not. I will still pull crazy stunts and take part in ridiculous antics, but only if I'm at least 90% sure that it won't end in an arrest, hospitalization, or death. I actually have and maintain a budget. The posters and homemade "art" on my walls have been taken down, and most of my furniture matches. I can and do drink in public, and make responsible decisions about my transportation afterward. I no longer have to steal my parents' vodka and hold chugging contests.
And all of this makes me feel a kind of proud melancholy. Sure, I made it through. I kicked ass, I took names, I goofed off, and I got to see some things along the way that no one else will ever get to see. I can be proud of my childhood, as well as my transition to adulthood. But I never get to do it again. It's done.
Once the egg is hatched, all that is left is a broken shell which is to be discarded if we are ever to move forward.
But I want to go back, God damn it. I want to go back and hike the Goat Rocks with Chrissy and Burly Kim again. I want my father to wake me up at midnight to see the shuttle launch. But this time I'll go with him to the park and watch the real thing out over the water, instead of the television broadcast. I want to go back and fish more, and wait longer to move out of the house. I want to work harder on training my dog so that we can win even more trophies. But now he's too old and stiff for travelling to shows, and they say that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
I want to go back and tell her that I never have to leave, that I love her now and always will.
I want the beard to grow back in and to have my old stick-skinny arms, and dance like a maniac, and not be too grown up to let my mother kiss me goodnight and say bedtime prayers with me.
But I am a man now, a Young Man with one hand reaching for the future and the other grasping the present firmly by the balls. I use hard words and hard muscle and make love to soft, beautiful women.
But I will still give the next decade of my life to anyone who can give me a week of my childhood back.
User Reviews
Submitted by missedthepoint (user info) at 2005-10-31 06:50:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was risky subject matter,
and I think you've done really well with it.
I enjoyed reading this.
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i don't see how this post was in any way "chipper"...
but since you don't like chipper, here you go.
you're a cunt.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-20 08:06:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well whoopee fucking shit.
*slow clap*
I'm happy for you, your beard and your ideal life.
Fucking chipper people make me sick.
Submitted by Dea (user info) at 2005-10-20 07:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-10-19 23:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO STROS!
Submitted by trent_nz (user info) at 2005-10-19 21:44:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-10-19 21:12:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful.
I think most of us would like to go back, even for just a day. But what I love about the post is the satisfaction you seem to enjoy with the little changes you notice. We are all too aware of the negative aspects of growing up. So often, we dwell on what is lost, instead of enjoying the fact that maturity brings with it its own sense of joy, and that all those experiences we miss are what make us who we are today- whether or not we've 'lived to our potential'. I think about how my modest plans for this weekend are most likely going to become another great memory in the making; something I'll be melancholy about years from today.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-10-19 17:12:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent post.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-10-19 16:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, meant to give you a 2.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-10-19 16:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yup, I know what you mean.
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2005-10-19 13:50:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent writing
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-19 13:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-19 12:41:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good read. You have nice lips.
====
Stop flirting beeyoch. That's my job.
You have nice lips.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-10-19 13:41:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm getting lots of belly hair. What the fuck is up with this shit, it just keeps showing up?!!??!
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-19 13:26:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well son it just gets worse from here.
My goatee is half gray now and I have to shave the back of my neck to keep the ever growing hair from sticking out of my collar.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-10-19 13:08:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BingBongBing (user info) at 2005-10-19 12:58:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The only thing that would make me want to be a 1st grade teacher, to make those little bastards realize that this is the BEST time of your life...and it goes by way too fast.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-10-19 12:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hell I'm almost 40 and I still can't grow a decent beard.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-10-19 12:42:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have the amish beard going on because I can't get past the mexistache phase of facial hair above my lip. Good read.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-19 12:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good read. You have nice lips.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-19 12:14:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, aging. The process by which you start to enjoy hair on your face but despise it on your bop bag.
Congrats on growing a beard, and starting to understand your limits.
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-10-19 12:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck. interesting way for that picture to display, don't you think?
<shoots self in foot, then ejaculates>