Paula Bunyan (1607 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryLabels: handicapable_women
Rating: 1.85 on 63 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2005-10-19 14:50:03 EDT
I love a woman who's pliant and lithe,
But oh man, my woman, she's six foot five,
She never wears heels, to comfort my mind
It sucks that my chest's even with her behind.
If I ever get tired while walking 'round town
With a flash of her arms she scoops me off the ground
And carries me, to and fro, letting me rest,
I adore her: my heart's lovely giantess.
My flesh-colored She Hulk, Goliath with titties,
My girl sings baritone while I play my ditties,
She benches and curls more than I at the gym
But still keeps her waistline surprisingly slim.
And no, all you haters, there's no adam's apple
No hidden dill pickle that I smooch at night,
Her huge breasts, they dazzle me; my jaw, it falls,
Her nipples: the size of Top Flite golf balls.
She's the Jolly Green Giant to my humble Sprout,
In bed we have to make sure I don't fall out,
Since humping and bumping the uglies is tough
When your hips don't align. This lovin', it's rough.
But oh, how it's worth it! The tales I could tell,
Of the sexual bliss sprung from height-challenged hell,
Her legs, like a hairline, I spread like preserves
Game, set and match with my one-eyed ace serve,
I captain her vessel like Ahab on speed
Docking my dinghy and spreading my seed,
She blows like a whale when harpoon strikes her deep,
But I hate that we can't kiss, cause our heads don't meet.
We have the best time when we go out to eat
Though I don't like that I always get booster seats,
These years with her, dear to me, I'd never trade
Even IF I lose every b-ball game we play.
But oh, when we fight, my love, she is ruthless
(Like dentureless hookers who give blowjobs toothless)
She dangles my car keys up high in the air
And watches me leap, though I haven't a prayer.
And once, in a quarrel, my wallet she pitched
To the top of the cabinets, that stilt-legged bitch,
She then threw the step-ladder straight out the door
It was then that I went toe to toe with that whore:
My offense she countered with arms long and strong,
She bow-tied my body (it didn't take long),
She pulled out a suitcase and zipped me inside
But all was forgiven once I apol'gized.
Last night at a Dave Matthews concert, my love
Did something that proves she was sent from above:
A man on the lawn blocked my view with his bulk
She looked down and saw me pout, moan and sulk,
She lifted me up, on her shoulders she sat me
And on them I perched, happy, able to see.
You men with your women all small and petite
Need to learn to appreciate size fourteen feet,
My skyscraper angel is the girl I adore
Because when we dance my feet don't touch the floor.
User Reviews
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2006-09-01 14:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I love a woman who's pliant and lithe,
But oh man, my woman, she's six foot five,
She never wears heels, to comfort my mind
It sucks that my chest's even with her behind."
But the huuuugggggggggge bitch in the picture is wearing heels....is this some sort of sick paradox you've started???? IS it?/???
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-31 17:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
THERE SHE IS!
Good to see you back on MRR, you gigantic slut!
Submitted by delboy (user info) at 2006-08-31 17:07:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
PAULA BUNYAN
Holy crap!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:25:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-13 17:05:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh. holy. hell.
water + nose = almost drowned laughing
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-13 16:55:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha that's awsome.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-27 17:15:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FYI - my girlfriend's about 5'5, tops. And I likes it that way.
Please don't confuse my nonsense with a real life confession.
Imagine the rumors that would spread.
Though maybe I should see if Rebecca Lobo, or (Your Name Here) WNBA Star, is dating anyone these days...
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-10-25 19:43:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome, but I totally dig smaller chicks. Maybe its an ego thing.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-25 19:22:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
big chicks are fun!
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had to +2 this again. Too damn Funny sir.
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-10-20 10:13:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
caption contest winner!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-10-19 17:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-19 17:04:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I came across the picture a while ago and it's been sitting in a folder since then.
Sometimes the picture inspire a poem, sometimes the poem lead to a picture.
I'm all about the A/V experience.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-10-19 17:02:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very cool. What spawned this piece of gold? Did you see the pic first?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-19 17:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who wouldn't, really?
Though Lord knows sort of beasts most foul have been birthed from her winking starfish.
The lesson: bag it before you tag it.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-10-19 16:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and I would totally do her in the pooper.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-10-19 16:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oops, i was wrong: http://www.snopes.com/photos/tallwoman.asp
she is 6'5" and in heels and she has very short friends.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-10-19 16:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny shit...
its a fake pic, part of a howto thing some guy did, took a pic of the guy the the room alone and a pic of the woman with an easy to cut out backgroud (ie: green screen), pasted the two together in photoshop aaaaand TADA!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 16:26:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-10-19 16:09:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this while humming "swing your parnter round and round."
_____________
HAHA, that's awesome.
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-10-19 16:09:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this while humming "swing your parnter round and round."
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 16:00:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:59:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
*pulls dick out of ass*
sorry...didn't know you called dibs.
______________________________
i should have made that clear.
I'M THE PITCHER, DAMN IT!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*pulls dick out of ass*
sorry...didn't know you called dibs.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:58:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sheesh. I can have a "man date" stalker too.
I'm not beyond entertaining my bi-curious side to satisfy both of you.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Get off pen_name, I am Orgasmatron's stalker. I already called it.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:49:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
anyone else think that Orgasmatron sounds like he could be a character from a monte python movie?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:46:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I sit in the basket when we ride her bike,
Ringing the bell with detectable glee,
When at her apartment, and using her loo
I must use a stepstool when I have to pee.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:44:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jesus, somebody has to look up water coolers on the net and find that one. then after getting it's dimentions this discussion will be closed.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:43:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how about the linolium tiles on the floor.
usually those are the same size everywhere.
HER FOOT WOULD COVER A WHOLE TILE AND DRAPE OVER ANOTHER ONE>
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit this was good!
B@W good!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The house seems to be built to his specifications.
So either she's huge, or he lives in Hobbiton.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:38:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Or, wait, wait....they could be in
a very small house.
She's 'Alice In A Very Small House'
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:37:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the archway shows that she would have to duck to get through...she must be a tall woman.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:29:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
MUST we bring up the man's size?
----
C'mon now. He could be just a very small man.
Anything is possible.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'll tell ya one thing. he ain't goign in the back way unless he has a cherry picker and a board strapped across his ass.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:30:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, another 2 for the filename
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MUST we bring up the man's size?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-10-19 14:54:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats a HUUUUUUUGE bitch.
-------------
Either that or a very small man.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:26:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i dont care what you say. it'll be tommy lee jones to me.
I <3 TLJ
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:25:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That happens all the time. Think about it: let her take a bath before anything happens and when she's ready for you she's all tired and not so into it. Why? Because she just took care of herself in the tub. The thought of it was enough for her to utilize the flowing water. Damn women.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:25:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha pen_name, I'm totally doing that next time I have sex. If I ever have sex again, that is.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:24:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't make me sic my giantess on you.
She may be the Blaster, but I'm the Master.
And *I* run Bartertown.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i wonder if women can prematurely ejaculate
"honey...get off."
"why i haven't even put it in you yet?"
"I know...i'm sorry. i already came."
"What?"
"yeah...don't you see it pooling at your knees?
"yeah, but...you're a wom..."
"maybe we'll do it again later, sweetie"
*smooch*
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"My flesh-colored She Hulk, Goliath with titties,"
For that line alone, +2.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:21:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:19:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth Reading (+0)
End of fucking story Mr. Pen Name.
____________________________________
haha, are you getting pissed because i called attention to your faulty memory? Look it happens to all of us...like premature ejaculation. it's not something we're proud of, but in time we can overcome it.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it was jason wall, who played the bailiff in the court scene.
he doesn't have any pics on the net because he is only jason freakin' wall. If he did have any i'd make a tribute to him and post it on uber
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:19:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Worth Reading (+0)
End of fucking story Mr. Pen Name.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww, I love you too, O-matron
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:16:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It isn't Tommy Lee Jones! You must have been drunk or something.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:15:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wild you're full a bologna.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:14:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pen_name...just close your eyes and listen. it sounds JUST LIKE tommy lee jones.
do it. do it.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:10:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-10-19 14:54:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats a HUUUUUUUGE bitch.
---------
Question....in 'Deuce Bigalow,' when that voice screams 'That's a huge bitch,' am I alone in thinking that it sounds VERY much like Tommy Lee Jones?
__________________________
yes
yes, you are.
TOMMY LEE JONES? jesus.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What? I gave him the plus two, then reread the piece and realized it wasn't as good as I originally thought. Trust me, I didn't forget to change the ranking.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:10:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-10-19 14:54:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats a HUUUUUUUGE bitch.
---------
Question....in 'Deuce Bigalow,' when that voice screams 'That's a huge bitch,' am I alone in thinking that it sounds VERY much like Tommy Lee Jones?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
man, wild...you had to break the streak to make such a simple joke.
*rips wild's uber badge off chest*
*removes his WTF tassels*
*punches a hole in his roflcopter hat*
*turns back to wild*
Submitted by clit_commander (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:10:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I captain her vessel like Ahab on speed
Docking my dinghy and spreading my seed,
U RAWK
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-19 14:56:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jam out with your clam out IS TO Rock out with your cock out
AS
Box social IS TO Sausage fest
--------------------------
Point: Orgasmatron.
Nicely done, friend. Nicely done.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:07:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HEY! What's with the Fat Head stuff? My head's pretty much the only part of me that ISN'T fat.
OK, OK, my head is fat too. *pouts*
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:04:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If only I had a smartass come back.........uh........Jeanneee.
Fat Head.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-19 15:01:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad you approve, Bobcat. I mean Wildman. I mean Wildcat.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-10-19 14:55:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-19 14:36:28 (#)
Ranking: -2
I'll never understand how I came to be known as the nicest person on this site. I'm actually a raging cunt. And a psycho, let's not forget psycho.
--------------
For some reason this fits.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-10-19 14:54:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats a HUUUUUUUGE bitch.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-19 14:53:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-19 14:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are the poetry master!