Happy Uberversary: Belated (942 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.26 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Siren© (View user info) at 2005-10-19 20:59:57 EDT
I totally forgot that it's my Uberversary this month. It was actually the 5th or something, but close enough. It's not like I spend endless mind-numbing hours typing and reading uberpost after uberpost like you milk duds.
I've been registered for 2 years, 2 weeks, 7 hours, and 22 minutes. Damn, those look like some lotto numbers that could get you stranded on a freaky island.
Anyway, since I have nothing to really celebrate, I thought I'd take this infinate amount of cyberspace alotted to me to tell you what brings me pleasure in this beast of a world.
Sexy Sneezing:
When I sneeze intensely- NOW DON'T YOU LAUGH!- and I'm sitting down and concentrating really hard, I sometimes get a little mini orgasm in my butthole. I know, I know, that's weird yet erotic... but it's true. It's not anything that makes me squeal or moan or anything. It's more like a miniature firework- like burst of pleasure. Right in the brown eye. Then it's gone.
Actual sex:
This is a given. If you don't like sex, you're retarded. Unless you were raped, that's a valid excuse. If you're a woman who doesn't enjoy sex, you're retarded and just don't know how to do it right.
Cool weather inducing womb simulation:
Aka- fall. I like to wrap up in sweaters and blankets. From what I'm told it's because I have a subconscious longing to be back in my mother's womb. That's also why I like hugs from loved ones. It's not really all that subconscious. I want to be back in there and I think about it 20 times a day. Shit, no worries, floating in a sack of placenta... pretty fucking sweet if you ask me. Don't say sweet. It's gay. I wish I could make a blanket of raw pizza dough. That would feel good.
William Shatner and Ben Folds:
Together or apart, I love them.
I was never an obese kid:
This isn't a real one. I just wanted to use that as an excuse to tell you about the fattest kid in the world. I saw her at a Denny's restaurant a few nights ago. She was about 10 and had to weigh at least 250lbs/ 115 kg... She was the fattest fatty fatso I've ever seen per height.
That's it. I'm bored and Lost is about to come on.
BYE!
User Reviews
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-21 07:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you're a woman who doesn't enjoy sex, you're retarded and just don't know how to do it right.
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I think you should show all the woman that don't know what they're doing how to 'git er done'
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-20 18:52:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
William Shatner and Ben Folds:
Together or apart, I love them.
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don't forget Joe Jackson!!!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
stfu n00b!
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:49:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've heard that a sneeze is equivalent to 1/10th of an orgasm somehow.
Reminds me of a joke:
This guy is on a plane, sitting beside an elderly woman. All of a sudden he sneezes, unzips his pants, pulls his dick out, wipes it off with a hankey, and then puts it back and does up his pants.
The old lady saw this and was surprised to say the least, and didn't say anything mostly due to her state of shock.
Sure enough about 5 minutes later, the man sneezes again, and does the same thing. Out comes his wang, he wipes it off then puts it away.
This time, the lady has to say something to this incredibly rude man.
"Excuse me, but what exactly do you think you're doing, exposing yourself in public like that?"
"I'm sorry Ma'am, but I have a condition that makes me have an orgasm every time I sneeze."
"Oh my goodness, I am sorry for judging you, that's terrible. Is there anything you can take for that?"
"Yes, pepper."
RIMSHOT!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:36:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hurray for red hair!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-20 08:26:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
When are we gonna "do it"?
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-20 07:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing spells sexy like butthole orgasms....WHAT???
I've always enjoyed your posts- keep em coming
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-10-20 03:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i hear shitbirds have trouble finding wing men when there's a strong cross wind
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-20 03:26:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, did you hear?
im a shitbird now
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-10-20 03:19:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-10-20 01:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Lost is starting to suckie-poo
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-10-19 23:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO STROS!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 23:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
All the leaves are brown (All the leaves are brown)
And the sky is grey (And the sky is grey)
I've been for a walk (I've been for a walk)
On a winter's day (On a winter's day)
I'd be safe and warm (I'd be safe and warm)
If I was in L.A. (If I was in L.A.)
California dreaming (California dreaming)
On such a winter's day...
Stopped into a church
I passed along the way
Well, I got down on my knees (Got down on my knees)
And I pretend'd to pray (I pretend'd to pray)
You know the preacher likes the cold (Preacher likes the cold)
He knows I'm gonna stay (Knows I'm gonna stay)
California dreaming (California dreaming)
On such a winter's day...
All the leaves are brown (All the leaves are brown)
And the sky is grey (And the sky is grey)
I've been for a walk (I've been for a walk)
On a winter's day (On a winter's day)
If I didn't tell her (If I didn't tell her)
I could leave today (I could leave today)
California dreaming (California dreaming)
On such a winter's day...
California dreaming
On such a winter's day...
California dreaming
On such a winter's day...
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-10-19 23:33:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Siren, chill, I love you so much, have a +2 if it really means that much to you.
As for your Uberbirthday, I'm serious; whoop-de-fucking doo. C'mon lady, time is irrelevant; good thing you've made some decent posts, or I'd really rip your shit here.
You can do more impressive things to get attention & hits. This not only sucked, it was pathetic, self-congratulatory tripe, esp. when compared to your entire body of work.
If you don't want to be judged so harshly, quit writing so well.
(consider this a "birthday spanking")
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-19 22:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I cannot break the tradition. I fucking hate uberaniversaries.
We'll get married anyway, don't worry.
linkwhore: http://www.ubersite.com/m/77303
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-10-19 22:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Mmmmmmmm
Lo-Fat Korean
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-19 22:39:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's because I like Jeanneee and talk to her off Uber.
Now stop being a whiny bitch about a 0.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-10-19 22:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-19 22:22:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
Uberversary posts suck. I guess you didn't get the memo.
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Apparently just mine. You +2ed Jeanneee's yesterday.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-19 22:22:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uberversary posts suck. I guess you didn't get the memo.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-10-19 22:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because you've stuck around for two years. Crazy.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-10-19 22:11:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, I'm confused. Most Uberversaries are celebrated on here. Am I no longer liked? I thought it was customary to give congratulations. For example, Jeanneee's yesterday.
And kai, once upon a time, you and I got along. What's with you telling me to get a life?
Did I do something to piss off Ubersite?
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-10-19 22:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uberversary? Please woman, get a life.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-10-19 22:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Happy Uberversary to Jeannaeaneenee, too!
Submitted by Grownasskid (user info) at 2005-10-19 21:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the picture + the idea of a dough blanket = +2
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-10-19 21:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy belated uberversary!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-19 21:50:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-19 21:29:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats. I had my one year yesterday. To celebrate, I've decided to stop being all fake and sweet and start being the shrew from hell that I really am. Cheers!
----
I love shrews from hell.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-10-19 21:44:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But it was shitty.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-10-19 21:44:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hookhand, you can call my post shitty when you've written more than two of your own.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-19 21:29:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats. I had my one year yesterday. To celebrate, I've decided to stop being all fake and sweet and start being the shrew from hell that I really am. Cheers!
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2005-10-19 21:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
-2 for the shitty post. +1 for the pic of the "chunk" (fat chink)
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-19 21:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
all you do is talk about sex.
pervert