For The Uber Menz: My Thoughts On The Male Form (4292 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.96 on 156 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Pentameter (View user info) at 2005-10-20 12:34:20 EDT
Unfamiliar. Foreign. Different.
My hands are pioneers, and my mind is equally ready to explore. There's something about wanting to know what makes a man hot, what thrills him, what makes him go over the edge.
Yes, a woman's body is soft, curvaceous and luscious, but a man's is equally filled with temptation. Men's bodies are hard, thick and dripping with a sexuality that is vastly different than my own. Muscles, whether toned or not, tense with every touch. I can feel rippling under my fingertips, and it makes me burn somewhere deep inside, in places that I didn't even know existed until I knew the touch of a man.
Most men are disgusted by the scent of their body, but any woman can tell you that smell is probably the first thing that starts the wheels of desire turning. Al Pacino was all about the scent of a woman, but he can have it. Nothing in this world compares to the scent of a man. In my opinion, the sweatier the better. Pheromones are hotter than anything.
Now, on to the part that sets a man apart from a woman. I have some sort of fascination with the fact that I can be rough and gentle, that I can tease and please and fill such a delicate area with so much pleasure. My hands wander. I grope and squeeze and pull. Even my mouth is wanton, desiring so much to just let him sit back and enjoy.
Like traversing through an unknown land, there is so much to learn. I listen to the pace of breath, feel the urgency of his hands across my body and taste the hunger on his lips. Clues and cues and whispers as to what he wants next make me feel nearly drunk with passion.
Of course I could do this with a woman, but a woman is familiar whereas a man is not. The most fantastic thing about a man is that he is different from me.
We are opposite.
Where I am soft, he is hard.
What is more beautiful than a man's body, completely spent, lying next to you in bed? I argue that the answer is nothing.
It doesn't matter if you're fat, thin, average or built. You are unique in your own fashion. You are a landscape that must be explored. Even after time, you are still different and thrilling.
From a heterosexual woman's point of view, there is absolutely nothing that compares to all of the glory that is a man. I think that any woman would agree with that simple fact.
Thanks to CookieLass for the following sketch.
Ladies, start your drooling.
User Reviews
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 20:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-14 08:56:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2005-11-17 09:48:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ooooo hot!
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2005-11-03 02:36:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree entirely
There is nothing more sexy than grabbing the arms of a guy and feeling the muscles work beneath the flesh as you make love, or reaching up to feel his stubble.
And there's nothing cuter than a man all worn out and snuggled up on your chest.
At that point, its doesn't matter if they mumble, snore or drool. It's cool.
Submitted by rayrayshanaynay (user info) at 2005-10-26 14:45:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-25 08:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
do me
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-10-24 19:52:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In the immortal words of Marvin Gaye, "Let's get it on."
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-10-24 19:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It doesn't matter if you're fat, thin, average or built. You are unique in your own fashion.
You wouldnt be saying that if it was a jew laying next to you, you fucking anti-semite!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-10-24 19:22:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It doesn't matter if you're fat, thin, average or built."
I think most women would argue this point. Glad to see that you aren't a body snob.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-10-24 18:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coindon (user info) at 2005-10-24 18:33:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
We are all slaves to biology; chemical impulses and centuries of selection
- - -
We are all slaves to the flesh while we should be its masters.
(You know that little cord under your tongue? Mine's always, like,
swollen and sore as fuck.)
Submitted by coindon (user info) at 2005-10-24 18:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We are all slaves to biology; chemical impulses and centuries of selection. It's amusing that what was once exhilirating is now passe' or even repulsive. Women used to put a fabric apple under thier arm and keep it there (no bathing!) for 3 days- then give it to thier intended husband. Men found the scent exhilirating. Now it would be met with disgust. I do agree though; reverse the genders and descriptive terms (hard for soft, muscles for curves) and you ahve the male perspective. nothing is more appealing to the heterosexual male than the scent of a woman. Soft, sensuous curves; serpentine motion; the trembling of her body; the scent of her arousal- we're suckers too.
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2005-10-24 17:07:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesomely erotic
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-10-24 16:26:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we're expected to look gruff, but trimmed. traditional masculinity curbed by a dose of restraint.
i read an article not too long ago about how the idealized male body is ususally focused on one specific physical area, which has changed throughout time. for example, in the 1700s the big thing was calves(thus the fascination with breeches...). nowadays it's primarily the chest. i wonder what's next. i bet it'll be the back, shoulders, or forearms.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-24 13:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Am I the only person who finds the term "rooting" hilarious?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*rooting.
Hmm. Berty wants to write rooting but instead writes rotting. Freudian slip showing Berty's inner thoughts to sex and females in general, does it reflect on his personal circumstance?
DOES BERTY HAVE NECROPHILLIC TENDANCIES!?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know. My generation is so confused about sexuality, nobody really knows how to define it because whilst there's all this glitz slapped on billboards the actual women they are rotting look different and the women they see who resemble the billboards are usually horrid people.
End result is that no-one really knows whats going on, good for general sexual awakening and stuff but there are a lot of casualties. Men do have it worse than women overall but it's the girls that don't live up to the billboards enough that you've really got to feel sorry for.
Bottom line though is that there are a lot of people out there who just never have any fun. Maybe because they are heavy, or maybe because they are just shy. Girls who do never go out and spend all their time inside surrounded by stuffed gonks. Boy's who turn into life long hobby enthusiasts to fill the void and ride around on buses with small plastic carrier bags.
Very upsetting so it is.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:28:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Heavy set with square 'lego man' heads and hair with bland branded clothing from GAP.
---------------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
That does sound kind of hot!
Although, it is better than the expectation set on women, which ultimately includes more silicone and collagen than true womanly flesh.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tall dark and handsome is considered a little passé, hence my general loneliness.
That and my general grubbiness anyway.
Berty 'I is not a homeless' MacBerterson
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:18:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:08:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-24 06:25:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is tall dark and handsome still 'in'?
--------
Sadly it is so pale, squat, mingers will have to wait another year.
-------------
This is an interesting question.
How does society expect all of you men to look these days?
----------------
Heavy set with square 'lego man' heads and hair with bland branded clothing from GAP.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:18:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:08:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-24 06:25:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is tall dark and handsome still 'in'?
--------
Sadly it is so pale, squat, mingers will have to wait another year.
-------------
This is an interesting question.
How does society expect all of you men to look these days?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-24 06:25:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is tall dark and handsome still 'in'?
--------
Sadly it is so pale, squat, mingers will have to wait another year.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:00:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO PHEREMONES WOO!!!
Submitted by Wrightcopy (user info) at 2005-10-24 09:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-10-22 22:45:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoy listening to an experienced woman although I was surprised you left out: scars.
There's a significant difference between the types of women when it comes to scars on a man's body.
One type loves to explore/trace/rub/question the various dings, dents and scrapes on my frame...
The others seem to try and ignore them to the point that their body language betrays the
unpleasantness or uncomfort they feel.
Usually it's one or the other.
I discovered a long time ago that the first type (of woman) I described are more sensuous, playful
and, for lack of a better word, real.
------------------------------------
I don't know why, but I like scars on guys. My boyfriend has this little one on his lower lip that I absolutely adore, and I actually do trace it with my finger sometimes. I don't know why at all, I just know that's how I think.
Great post, by the way, and great sketch. The post hit the nail right on the head. The guys I say I'm attracted to might be typically good looking guys, but I've never gone out with anyone that's looked like them. Every man has the potential be attractive to me. And Cookielass has a hot ass boyfriend and good drawing skills. :)
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-24 06:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is tall dark and handsome still 'in'?
Submitted by alas_me (user info) at 2005-10-24 06:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ATTN: GHEY MENZ
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-10-24 02:06:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-10-22 22:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoy listening to an experienced woman although I was surprised you left out: scars.
There's a significant difference between the types of women when it comes to scars on a man's body.
One type loves to explore/trace/rub/question the various dings, dents and scrapes on my frame...
The others seem to try and ignore them to the point that their body language betrays the
unpleasantness or uncomfort they feel.
Usually it's one or the other.
I discovered a long time ago that the first type (of woman) I described are more sensuous, playful
and, for lack of a better word, real.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2005-10-22 21:11:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-10-22 16:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
perfect
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-10-21 15:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll be over at 5, with a map and some ice cream for later.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-21 10:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-21 09:42:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:52:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmm, I agree. but something I'd like to add--hair. I am not a hairy person, but I find it completely erotic to have a man with some fucking hair on his chest....i love laying next to my fiance and just rubbing his chest and hair. It's so different, and opposite that i just find it sooo fucking hot. I'm not talking gorilla style--for all you ladies that are hair phobes.
----------------
I agree with you. Since I was trying to churn this out pretty quickly, I forgot to add in my love of body hair.
I don't know why, but it is teh hot.
------------
Woo hoo! Berty levels up from underfed chimpanzee, to gruff, lithe, ninja, sex idol!
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-21 09:42:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:52:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmm, I agree. but something I'd like to add--hair. I am not a hairy person, but I find it completely erotic to have a man with some fucking hair on his chest....i love laying next to my fiance and just rubbing his chest and hair. It's so different, and opposite that i just find it sooo fucking hot. I'm not talking gorilla style--for all you ladies that are hair phobes.
----------------
I agree with you. Since I was trying to churn this out pretty quickly, I forgot to add in my love of body hair.
I don't know why, but it is teh hot.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-21 08:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel the need to be explored...by a woman of course
Sorry Badass
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-21 08:50:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-21 08:47:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-21 07:54:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a dream last night that I swapped bodies with a girl, but forgot to masturbate before I had to give it back... I was horrified.
------------
You idiot! Now we'll never know which one God preferred.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
he he he
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-21 08:47:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-21 07:54:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a dream last night that I swapped bodies with a girl, but forgot to masturbate before I had to give it back... I was horrified.
------------
You idiot! Now we'll never know which one God preferred.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 08:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Teh sexy
Nice post, Pentameter. I wish I had read this one before GLALL's, but they both stand up strong on their own.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-21 07:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a dream last night that I swapped bodies with a girl, but forgot to masturbate before I had to give it back... I was horrified.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-21 07:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Of course if you swap the gender references around the post is the same for men. Men feel the same about women. I do anyway, but then I do have a cunnilingus fetish so what do I know?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-21 06:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ozzy, check this out: http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/women/9906/25/sexuality.scent/
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I call shenanigans. Either that or all women are fucking nuts.
Who in their right mind would find the scent of a sweaty bloke attractive?
*shudders*
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-21 03:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:50:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:44:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Donkey is cheating on you........There I said it.
Want to go out some time?
------------------
HAHA! Now that's a laugh. What man in their right mind would cheat on someone like me?
--------------------------
<giggles> <laughs> <chokes> <hiccups>......
Hahahahahahahaha......
-----------------------------
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-10-21 02:57:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
splat
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-10-20 23:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God, if you want to explore me, you could have asked instead of making this faggishly vague post.
Fag.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-10-20 23:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
all too true.
even after 3 years of being with the same gal, there are those times were i just gotta fuck her like a coked-up european model.
female....mmmmmmmmmmmm....
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-10-20 22:59:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-10-20 18:30:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:52:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
you have thuch a great ath, Donk
_______________________________
Jesssssus Chrisssst Methy. I done told you to pleassse refrain from commenting on my bulboussss, lucioussss assss. K thnx bi ;)
----------------------------
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-10-20 22:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yum. This makes me want to bite a shoulder right now.
OUCH.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2005-10-20 21:49:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will replace what I was going to say with a simple "No Comment."
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-10-20 21:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hot.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-10-20 20:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There are some awesome women on UBER and Penty is one of them. Nice writing as always.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-20 20:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Does anyone know how to get semen out from between computer keys?
Hypothetically, of course.
Submitted by aerodynamically.curvaceous (user info) at 2005-10-20 20:02:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
... drool....
i need a man. immediately. it's been too long.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-10-20 18:30:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:52:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
you have thuch a great ath, Donk
_______________________________
Jesssssus Chrisssst Methy. I done told you to pleassse refrain from commenting on my bulboussss, lucioussss assss. K thnx bi ;)
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-10-20 18:05:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:49:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
thanks bitch, you just turned me gay
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:54:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
CHEST HAIR ROCKS I TELL YOU!!!!! (I nair my fiance's back hair, but it doesn't bother me to do it)
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:52:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmm, I agree. but something I'd like to add--hair. I am not a hairy person, but I find it completely erotic to have a man with some fucking hair on his chest....i love laying next to my fiance and just rubbing his chest and hair. It's so different, and opposite that i just find it sooo fucking hot. I'm not talking gorilla style--for all you ladies that are hair phobes.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:52:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you have thuch a great ath, Donk
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:51:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, I think I need a cold shower now. Don't get me wrong, I'll still beat off, but I'm kind of hot from all the physical labor I was doing today. In my Army uniform. Being a manly man. Covered in oil from hydraulics.
Damn, I turn myself on. Does that mean I'm teh ghey?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:49:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thanks bitch, you just turned me gay
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yum.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:41:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Admit it...you love Shlongy's form.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always thought of my naked body as an undecorated Christmas tree.
...with a huge penis.
Submitted by w1ndsurfer (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:38:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for my favorite uberauthor. Smokin hot post, as always.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:20:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:58:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know if I want to jerk off or workout.
I better be safe and work out first.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:20:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:58:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know if I want to jerk off or workout.
I better be safe and work out first.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:19:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:14:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this why girls will have sex with random men?
I didn't buy that whole, "instinct to mate with as many men for strongest possible children" theory either.
-----------------------
I don't know why girls have sex with random men. Personally, I've never done that and I never would.
The whole purpose of this was to let guys know that we think they're hot, even though I know many of you think that your bodies aren't beautiful.
Girls might not, but women think they are. End of story.
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this why girls will have sex with random men?
I didn't buy that whole, "instinct to mate with as many men for strongest possible children" theory either.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was pretty hot.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:06:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I keep reading this :)
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know if I want to jerk off or workout.
I better be safe and work out first.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:33:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would've gotten completely flamed for posting this.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:54:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you ever fucked a woman that looked like your mom when she was young. The girl I had sex with in my most recent post looked a lot like my mom at 18 yo at some during intercourse. It was kind of troubling and arousing at the same time.
--------
So, that kid who came through the door, was a younger version of YOU!
Hmm, just like 12 Monkeys.
Oh, and good post btw Luci.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:07:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Um.... yeah. can I have your babies?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:04:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thought process gone. Must call ex-girlfriend. See if she wants to have "dinner." If not, must find hooker. NOW!
Submitted by LiquidPaper (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wood.
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Grope and squeeze and pull!" Repeat.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:47:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:44:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
oops. I guess I don't know too much. Where I said, "Creep" I really meant "Donk."
Stupid Uber Romances.
--------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Whatever it takes to get you off man.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:44:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oops. I guess I don't know too much. Where I said, "Creep" I really meant "Donk."
Stupid Uber Romances.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:42:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy jesus exploding christ this has a lot of hits already!
What I'm waiting for is for The Donk to come on and be like wtf Pentameter, why don't you do that with me? =)
Very well-written.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:39:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy God. You're awesome in bed, and I've never even slept with you.
---------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Dear God, this cracked me up.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:37:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jason doesn't understand my constant desire to beat him home so I can jump him the minute he walks in the door. He's a welder, so he comes home smelling like dirt and grass and sweaty guy, and it's a huge turnon for me.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:54:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you ever fucked a woman that looked like your mom when she was young. The girl I had sex with in my most recent post looked a lot like my mom at 18 yo at some during intercourse. It was kind of troubling and arousing at the same time.
I'm a degenerate.
---
This just made my day.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"The girl I had sex with in my most recent post looked a lot like my mom at 18 yo at some during intercourse."
You say you were kidding. But you are Canadian, so I'm not sure I believe you...
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ever fisted a cow?
You don't know the thrill of pleasing something unknown until you're elbow deep in a bovine's rectum.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:16:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the things i would let pent do to me.
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel exactly the same way about men...
Everyone is different but thats what makes the exploration so fun!!
The smell of a man is like no other...
It gets me every time!
And when they come home after a hard day all sweaty and dirty.....OMG!!
Ok I better stop I think I am sliding out of my chair!!
Thanks for the seedy thoughts :)
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:09:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahem...I *was* kidding!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you ever fucked a woman that looked like your mom when she was young. The girl I had sex with in my most recent post looked a lot like my mom at 18 yo at some during intercourse. It was kind of troubling and arousing at the same time.
I'm a degenerate.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:30:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Unfamiliar. Foreign. Different."
"We are opposite."
You have hit the nail right on the hammer here. Contrast, duality, dynamic opposition. That's magic.
One question though:
"Most men are disgusted by the scent of their body"
Seriously? Their own bodies? That's an alien concept to me.
Unless you meant *other* men's bodies. I wholeheartedly agree with that,
other men smell revolting. With very very few exceptions.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, cold shower time for you young lady.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:51:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/77409
You have given me the chance to parlay my true feelings. Thank you.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, nice sketch CookieLass... That's really good. I should do more sketching.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Women can be animals! I've seen men who were so attractive to me, that I was stricken dumb. The only thing that runs through my mind when I see a man such as that is....well, never mind.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:49:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:44:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:41:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Somehow I read this imaginating you with Electro. It troubled me.
------
I know I shouldn't laugh. Electro has just as much capacity for sexuality as a real man.
---
That was golden.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:49:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmmm, so talented.
And you write well too.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<ejaculates>
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I totally did not realize cookie's drawing was of a man. I saw a horse. Wow.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:39:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy God. You're awesome in bed, and I've never even slept with you.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Unfamiliar. Foreign. Different."
"We are opposite."
You have hit the nail right on the hammer here. Contrast, duality, dynamic opposition. That's magic.
One question though:
"Most men are disgusted by the scent of their body"
Seriously? Their own bodies? That's an alien concept to me.
Unless you meant *other* men's bodies. I wholeheartedly agree with that,
other men smell revolting. With very very few exceptions.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Since we've determinded that my writing is MEH at best...I'm thinking of whoring myself out on here
Just have to build up enough courage
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:29:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:23:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
At the risk of sounding even more hideously arrogant than I generally am, that picture was obviously modelled on me.
---------
Yup. You caught me. I drew that picture based 100% on you and not at all on my boyfriend who wasted a whole afternoon standing in the middle of the bedroom posed like a retard because I couldn't get things quite right.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:28:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The male form rocks the house like a boulder,
Hangdowns and bop bags make all the chicks smoulder,
Testicles made from left o'er elbow skin
Give ladies a great big ol' shit-eatin' grin.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:11:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
...
That is not true of all women, Caul, and you know it.
==========
Whether it is or not, I'm in no position to criticize because for a while I hanged out with some rich 40 years old woman (she was hot!) who bought me lunch every day...and cool clothes too! There's also this 30 yo Parisian girl who keeps inviting me to fine restaurants and all I have to do is do her and leave. I flirt with every women at work (IT workers are fugly!) to ensure contract renewals. It saved me once!
I'm not a whore...maybe a bit shallow. I'm just building up assets for the woman I'll love :-)
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:23:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At the risk of sounding even more hideously arrogant than I generally am, that picture was obviously modelled on me.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:20:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BERTY STOP CALLING ME EVIL RAAAAAHH
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:41:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Somehow I read this imaginating you with Electro. It troubled me.
------------------------------------------------------------------
I guess I know too much. I imagined that she was writing this with Creep in mind.
Still troubling.
Nothing against Creep. I guess I'm just THAT repressed, where I don't even like to think about women thinking this way about another guy.
Ick.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:14:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Less talky, more fetchy.
I mean, interesting perspective. Although I'm not quite as hard muscle-wise as I was a couple years ago, I'm still harder than non-bodybuilder womenfolk. The softness in the chicks is nice.
Apologies for the incoherence.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:11:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:10:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Azk (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:09:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
So women dont just want us as accessories?!!?
====
Accessories with big wallets.
----------
That is not true of all women, Caul, and you know it.
-----------
It's not true of any woman. True of all girls though.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:13:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:04:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahahaha...You rock, Berty.
---------------
I do. Me and a lot of other people. You'd never know that from real life though.
The internet is ushering a Golden Age for losers everywhere.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:11:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:10:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Azk (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:09:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
So women dont just want us as accessories?!!?
====
Accessories with big wallets.
----------
That is not true of all women, Caul, and you know it.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Azk (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:09:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
So women dont just want us as accessories?!!?
====
Accessories with big wallets.
Submitted by Azk (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:09:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
forgot the +2 :P
Submitted by Azk (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:09:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So women dont just want us as accessories?!!?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:07:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:03:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:58:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Pent,
You are so fucking hot it's sick.
----------------
She's not really, she refuses to date losers which makes her eeeeeeeeevil like Jeaneee.
The last laugh is on her because the concept of a strong and confident man is inherantly flawed.
-------------
I just meant that I would like to give her a "Mexican Snorkle" or a "Roman Battle Mask" is all.
What do you mean she refuses to date losers?
<gets noose ready>
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahahaha...You rock, Berty.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:04:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a joke by the way. Wasn't as funny as I planned.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:03:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:58:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Pent,
You are so fucking hot it's sick.
----------------
She's not really, she refuses to date losers which makes her eeeeeeeeevil like Jeaneee.
The last laugh is on her because the concept of a strong and confident man is inherantly flawed.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:02:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:55:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:51:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA! Now that's a laugh. What man in their right mind would cheat on someone like me? """
Me.
---------
She said "man" Caul, not Frenchie. I DARE YOU TO COME UP WITH A BETTER COMEBACK! Just don't -2 her by accident, because then I'll feel bad.
=========
This is not a comeback. I agree that Frenchies are above men.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:00:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:57:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:57:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a really nice body...wannna see
<raises hand>
Is that whorish?
------------
Nah, he'll only make you pay emotionally.
I, on the other hand, come guilt free.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:59:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, it's much less likely for a man to cheat on a woman than it is for a woman to cheat on a man.
Although I'm starting to re-think my standpoint on fidelity, all the best women have been tricked into relationships with blokes who cannot possibly be as ace as me.
What with me being the perfect man and everything.
Seriously though, maybe it's like turning right: It seems like a bad idea because you have to cross traffic and perhaps piss of someone who doesn't deserve to be pissed off, but at the end of the day they are still in a car and you've both got a right to get to your destination.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pent,
You are so fucking hot it's sick.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:57:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a really nice body...wannna see
<raises hand>
Is that whorish?
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:57:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a really nice body...wannna see?
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:57:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:56:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
girls suck
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Smirks
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:56:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
girls suck
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:56:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll trade you my body for your body for 24 hours.
Always wanted to try that without that whole 'permanent' thing.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:56:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:36:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG U WHORE!
Just kidding. This is fucking hot.
---------------------------------
*ejaculates*
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:55:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:51:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA! Now that's a laugh. What man in their right mind would cheat on someone like me? """
Me.
---------
She said "man" Caul, not Frenchie. I DARE YOU TO COME UP WITH A BETTER COMEBACK! Just don't -2 her by accident, because then I'll feel bad.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:55:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...And then he farts.
Gooch sweat can't possibly turn you on.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:51:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA! Now that's a laugh. What man in their right mind would cheat on someone like me? """
Me.
----------------
Hahahahaaha...dick.
And thanks fudge...I'll take that as a compliment.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:52:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff. This is the kind of writing that made me read all your other posts when I first started checking out this site.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA! Now that's a laugh. What man in their right mind would cheat on someone like me? """
Me.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was being ironical.
You're awesome.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:50:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did anybody else notice that Caul just basically admitted to having sexy-sex thoughts about Electro? I don't even know what to call that. Ghey is an understatement."""
She said "It doesn't matter if you're thin, fat, built, a robot" or something. I just wondered if she would act all hot & sexy like this post if Electro was lying next to her.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:50:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:44:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Donkey is cheating on you........There I said it.
Want to go out some time?
------------------
HAHA! Now that's a laugh. What man in their right mind would cheat on someone like me?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:48:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:40:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty...I toyed with being overt, but I am subtle when it comes to certain things.
I like the power of suggestion, and I think it's hotter to imply something than to actually state it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I agree. At least as far as language is concerned. Physical subtlelty doesn't work with me, at least as far as producing 'results' are concerned. Doesn't mean I won't enjoy light caressing and tender motions though.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
right on.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So, you're saying that instead of trying to actually "talk" to women, I need to shove their face into my armpit? I guess I've been doing it right all along.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I cant see the appeal, but its good to know that women can.
sometimes I assume that women only deal with men cozs they happen to have something that fits
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:46:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Preach it.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:40:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty...I toyed with being overt, but I am subtle when it comes to certain things.
I like the power of suggestion, and I think it's hotter to imply something than to actually state it.
-----
100% agreement to that. The imagination is always hotter than the reality.
Did anybody else notice that Caul just basically admitted to having sexy-sex thoughts about Electro? I don't even know what to call that. Ghey is an understatement.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:44:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am not disgusted by the scent of my body, but other dudes stink.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:44:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Donkey is cheating on you........There I said it.
Want to go out some time?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:44:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:41:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Somehow I read this imaginating you with Electro. It troubled me.
------
I know I shouldn't laugh. Electro has just as much capacity for sexuality as a real man.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Where I am soft, he is hard. "
----
Well if I wasn't before, I am now....
ZIIIIIIINNNG
Sorry.
This was only semi-confidence building.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:41:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Somehow I read this imaginating you with Electro. It troubled me.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:41:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just remember my prediction. I think I may have aimed a little low, tho....
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:40:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty...I toyed with being overt, but I am subtle when it comes to certain things.
I like the power of suggestion, and I think it's hotter to imply something than to actually state it.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:40:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we have another whore on our hands.
Welcome!
WOWZA girlfriend. Good read.
Awesome picture Cookie.
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, ok, now I'm in love.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:39:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scent is ace. The French had it right all along, we should all give up bathing.
That whole 'learning one another's body' thing is great.
This post captures sex wonderfully. Although it felt as if you where a little coy with your description. Not once did you use the word cock or make overt reference to penis. I can relate, I'm rather prude when it comes down to actually talking about genitalia too.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:37:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In reference to: http://www.ubersite.com/m/77383#1651194
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:36:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*applauds*
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:36:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG U WHORE!
Just kidding. This is fucking hot.