It's Behind The Eyes (GrUeberfest 2005) (668 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.84 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ahumblefool (View user info) at 2005-10-20 12:39:04 EDT
Death is magical she thought to herself. Each day she reaped the pleasures of killing, and each day she slept fulfilled. Some call her beautiful while others call her cruel, she is known by many names, not that any of this affects her in the least. She and her kind have adapted to every environment, able to kill with such ferociousness that at times it even stuns herself. The others around them know of their kind, and fear them, have for thousands of years. Her kind exists and lives with the others, a part of their world, but within a part that they try to ignore. And that is what makes it so wonderful, they blend so easily with the others, existing with the creatures that are considered intelligent, but she knows better. She knows that the others are here for only one purpose, food for her kind.
Dealing death is easy, because handing out death requires only one skill, patience. She has patience, it has been past on for centuries from mothers to daughters. Patience makes killing much more pleasant, as it is the anticipation of the kill that makes it so rich. Slowly she stretches her long legs, stroking them, caressing her entire body, slowly, luxuriating in the feel of her. Today is a special day, for she will kill him, the only one to escape. It has taken precious time to locate him, but she now knows his routine. The others are all creatures of routine, they follow a pattern, and once you have the pattern, the kill becomes easy. He had eluded her once before, but she would complete the kill today, and would make him suffer more than other victims.
(She was not a gilded lover. Many a male had tried to seduce her, and had succeeded. They used her and she allowed it, but they would never use another. The male's pleasure always made her smile, because the blood of a sustained male was always bolder, sweet. They would try and placate, but their life was the price for her body. Her pleasure came from the kill, and her pleasure was more important then theirs. She would drain their bodies of all fluids and leave them as no more than dried husks to blow away in the wind.)
No, he had done much worse than treating her as a whore, he had deformed her.
Slowly she moved in the shadows watching the others. The constant buzzing of voices and scuttling about hurt her sensitive ears, but this was his place, and she would have to have patience. Little by little she checked her trap, making sure everything was just right, every thing tight and tidy. Nothing left within the trap to give any clue that she was there. She moved at a snails pace, taking her time, allowing her instincts to tell her what needed to be done. The others rushed around all day, never taking time to examine and learn, never giving her kind a second glance until they became prey.
The time was quickly approaching; his day was almost to an end as the sun was preparing to set. A gentle breeze caressed the hairs on her arms and legs, causing her to tremble with anticipation. But, she must be calm, remain focused on the kill. She gradually moved to her spot, out in the open, among the others. Reaching the location, she froze; her body became stiff and unyielding. Her eyes never blinked, only reflected the world around her. In that moment she watches him approach. She loathes him, despises his every breath. Her hatred burns within her eyes, and emanates from her body. She begins to shake causing her to lightly sway. Patience, it was her mantra, to calm herself, to ease the tension.
He can not escape today; she had little time left in this world. He is coming towards her; oblivious that she is right before him, so attuned to him that she could smell the pheromones that poured forth from his body. There is no doubt that this is her prey and she wants him, on her, in her.
Now. She takes him and envelops him in her long arms and legs. Each twist he makes only causes her to tighten the grip. Oh how she loves the strong beat of his heart. But she must be cautious, this is how he escaped last time and tore off a part of her lovely leg. His struggles become more frantic, does he remember? Tightening more, his strong body writhes under her; she feels hot desire creep deep within. It is time, she sinks her teeth deep into his flesh and hot fluids flood her mouth. Nearly loses him when he panics, but he knows he is lost, she can feel his desire to live fading. He is giving himself to her, like the others always do.
Slowly his struggles become less, and she turns him over. She must look in his eyes, for the real food was there, in all her pray, it's behind the eyes. The moment when they know all is lost, such savory food to gorge upon. His twitches fade and she gently wraps him in a silken sheet. He will not return to his queen this evening, he will not share nectar with his fellow hive mates; he will not take another of her kind. He is not dead; he will live long enough for her to feed upon him in the coming hours. He will feel the insides of his body melt, become the delicious froth that she desires, and she will feed slowly, so he understands what death is.
For now, she must consume her web that has been damaged in the struggle. Her eight legs bring the web too her mouth, consuming the sticky concoction. She will rebuild once she has satisfied her hunger and hate, and slept for a short while. Her eight eyes track the others around her, and greed for their flesh wells within her. Tomorrow she will deal out more death, and it will be magical.
User Reviews
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-10-24 10:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh jeez i'm fuct
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-10-21 13:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-10-21 13:27:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
I re-wrote my entry and if I could do it all over again this would be the one I submit but....
Congrats and good luck fool.
here's the re-write: http://www.ubersite.com/m/77479
Submitted by sword (user info) at 2005-10-21 00:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not terribly sure spiders have hearts (read: Spiders don't have hearts) and the whole process of her catching and killing the other spider seemed very much unclear. Nevertheless kudos for actually writing something pretty good.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As many have said here and elsewhere I wish there was a 1.95 button or something like that. A lot of typos.
Good shit here though, so here's yer +2.
Oh, and I'm the typo king, btw.
Making them, not spotting them.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the comp is kicking into gear.
well done.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:03:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Kind of a 1.5 work though.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:03:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good. I had an inkling, when I read that a struggle had torn a part off, that it was a spider.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Excellently written and a great idea but only a 1 from me because the link to title was tenuous at best.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Incredibly well written and quite a twist at the end. I don't know how well you used the title, though.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:43:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
thecaes review was pretty much spot on. Well written aside from a few spelling/word misuse problems. Nice read, engaging, descriptive. Not so sure this fits the horror bill or uses the title as effectively as I'd hoped.
Overall great stuff, I liked it and as your competitor I will not break the +2. Looks like you've got me beat, congrats. B
My contribution: http://www.ubersite.com/m/77389
_________________________________________
Thought I caught most of the spelling issues, but went through again and saw I had used pray instead of prey. I am sorry I did not use the title as well as you had hoped. The inspiration hit me yesterday evening when my daughter and I were watching a spider outside her window. She asked me what the spider was thinking, and I could not give her a good answer.
I gave you a review under the main contest topic, as I did not want to rate my competitor, did not seem fair. Thank you for yours.
Badass: Thank you for the welcome.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great.
as a side note, I am very happy you have joined this site fool.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:24:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmm...incapacitating.
-- Homer Simpson
The Springfield Connection
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:07:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:43:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thecaes review was pretty much spot on. Well written aside from a few spelling/word misuse problems. Nice read, engaging, descriptive. Not so sure this fits the horror bill or uses the title as effectively as I'd hoped.
Overall great stuff, I liked it and as your competitor I will not break the +2. Looks like you've got me beat, congrats. B
My contribution: http://www.ubersite.com/m/77389
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:06:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+10 for this
-8 for leaving me hangin yesterday!!!
WILL YOU SPILL THE BEANS ALREADY!?!?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a badass!
This was an amazing piece, etc.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:45:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And remember not to act afraid. Animals can smell fear. And they
don't like it.
-- Homer Simpson
The Call of the Simpsons
****************
I liked it. Nice take on the idea of a seductive lady-hunter...but I don't know that the title was really used all that effectively. A couple of spelling gaffs here and there, but otherwise, pretty solid entry, fool.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-20 12:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not really reading these, as I'm not in the mood for actual GOOD writing today, but I've got to say... these titles are excellent. Kudos to the ones who thought of them.