Crawling Flesh (GrUberfest 2005) (634 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.4 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by retrospect (View user info) at 2005-10-20 13:14:52 EDT
BING. The door to the subway car opens and a throng of people flood out. Once out they head in different directions to start their day.
Thousands of people pour out of the station every morning. Drew is one of them, listening to his ipod as he blends in with the rest of the commuters. Cool blue eyes hidden by his sunglasses.
He could feel the movement beneath his skin. It didn't worry him. He knew no one could see. The movement would be hidden by the collar of his polo shirt. His head pounded. The worms were restless.
A part of him wishes he didn't have to do this. The part of him that was still human. He hated to spread the horror that his life had become. The human part of his brain wished he had never gone to Brazil last winter
The offspring of the worms that controlled his body needed a new host. The last person he infected was some kid he met at a gay bar. All it took was a kiss and the kid's fate was sealed.
He stood in the early morning sun. A pretty young blond walked by and smiled. The worms sensed her and begin to frenzy beneath his skin. "She's the one you want?" he thought.
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Kristin showered after her morning run. Four miles and she barely broke a sweat. She washed her blond hair as she sang along to "free bird" by Lynard Skynard. She loved that song.
Her mind raced as she walked down the busy city street. Her sisters' wedding was this weekend. She still didn't even have a date. What was she going to do? She was twenty six and her whole family thought she had a boyfriend. She needed to find someone.
She smiled as she walked past the guy in front of the subway station. He was way to cute to talk to her she thought. She continued down the street.
"Excuse me?" she whipped around surprised to see the guy from in front of the subway smiling at her. He removed his sunglasses to reveal his blue eyes. The worms forced him to charm her. He wanted to tell her to run. He couldn't. He needed her.
They walked toward her college. The worms festered beneath his skin in a feeding frenzy. The babies could taste their new home.
Kristin was usually stand-offish towards men. Drew seemed different. She couldn't resist those eyes. They were gun metal blue and seemed to stare into her soul. The two made plans for dinner that night. Kristin surprised Drew when she leaned in and kissed his lips.
That started the transfer. His spit alone would start to make changes in her body, preparing it for the worms. Kristin felt light headed for a moment. "Is he the one?" she hoped.
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After dinner the pair headed back to her house. She had the strangest feeling all day. Could this be love? Usually Kristin made men wait at least three dates before she slept with them. Not Drew. Not only did she want him but she felt she needed him.
She went to the CD player and put on some music. She smiled at Drew and silently thanked God for him. He was everything she would ever need. She started to undress. The suspense was killing her.
Drew smiled at her. Another one bites the dust he thought. It was time. The worms couldn't wait any longer. He removed his shirt to reveal his skin moving as the worms crawled beneath in their anticipation of fresh meat.
Kristin sat shocked for a moment staring at his body. What was happening? She tried to run but he grabbed her. "It's going to be alright, Kristin" he tried to soothe her. She tried to struggle but she was frozen. "This is how it must be." Did he just say that? His lips hadn't moved. The voice was coming from his chest, not his mouth.
His knife came out and he slit her skin just above her naval. She cried. He then turned the knife on himself and cut his wrist. No blood came out. She could see tiny black worms crawling in and out of the slit on his arm. He puts his arm near the cut on her belly. The worms enter her body.
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The sun shines on another beautiful spring morning. A man and woman chat while waiting for the bus. He asks her for a date. She accepts. He smiles. Her skin crawls.
User Reviews
Submitted by beatjunky (user info) at 2006-03-13 10:48:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2005-10-24 03:11:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool concept. Definitely would have been better if you had fleshed it out.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-22 20:12:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good concept, but no creep-factor.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-10-21 12:59:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought this was good, but it needed more development.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:56:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:43:44 (#)
Ranking: 1
i agree with humble. a little longer, a little more fleshed out.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:43:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i agree with humble. a little longer, a little more fleshed out.
Submitted by BiGTiMe.NeRD (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:20:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sucks. Badly. I didn't even have to read it to know that. I'm kinda intuitive with my reviews just like you are ;)
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-20 15:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Right on the cusp. A little longer story maybe? Great concept though.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:46:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm also confused as to why he had to cut the girl open if he only had to kiss the boy.
THAT'S NOT FAIR!
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the story was about the transfer from Drew to Kristin. After the initial kiss she was drawn to him. Her fate sealed even though the transfer hadn't taken place yet. Like when someone gets hit by a bus, they're fate is sealed the moment they decide to walk down the street that day. Even though the bus is what kills them.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:43:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought this was a pretty good concept. Parts of it seemed cliched, though. A solid +1
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:37:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:34:08 (#)
Ranking: 1
No fright or suspense.
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I'm also confused as to why he had to cut the girl open if he only had to kiss the boy.
THAT'S NOT FAIR!
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No fright or suspense.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-20 14:17:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Loved the idea. Loved it.
But, yeah, the delivery was just a little off.
This could have definitely been a bit longer. That may have helped, too. Maybe a flashback to Brazil?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:51:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good concept, poor delivery.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Agreed with Farty.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-10-20 13:21:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
meh. It's not a terrible idea, but it could have been executed way way way way better.