I'm Going to Lose It!! (RANT) (780 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.65 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by calbearspolo (View user info) at 2005-10-20 15:58:30 EDT
To my potential borrower:
What is wrong with people in this city? Does nobody understand the concept of basic finances? If you make $40,000 a year, have a car payment and credit cards, what on god's green earth makes you think that you can possibly afford a $600,000 home? I'll break it down like this: If you are barely able to make rent every month, why does a BIGGER monthly housing payment per month even sound attractive? And I am sorry, but the excuse of "but I really like the place" doesn't hold water. I really like Porsche cars, but I don't insist on buying them whenever the mood strikes me. Where in the warped reality of your drug-addled mind does this make any sense? Get a $3 calculator, and run the simple numbers: $600,000 broken into 360 payments (30 years) even with NO INTEREST and NO TAXES is still $1,666 a month! HOLY SHIT! THAT WAS SO HARD!
And YES,... YES, you too have to pay property taxes. I know the civic burden of paying for schools, roads, sewage, police, fire protection, and the like is huge, but you don't get to weasel out of it because "it's more than you want to pay." It's the way it works; always has, and always will--bitching to me about it still doesn't relieve you from it. Government costs money, and you liberal, hippie, hemp wearing, patchouli smelling, alternative job working ass cookies who preach about the "rich" who aren't "paying your fair share" can suck on the fact that the system views ANYONE who can afford to buy a place as "rich." By lowering the common denominator of your fellow man so much, you kinda fucked yourselves there, DIDN'T YOU?!
Insurance is also a natural burden that you will have to bear. And don't ask me why, because when you want to finance 100% of the property, your effective vested financial interest in it is ZERO PERCENT, and the bank wants to know that its investment is covered should,... say... I don't know, a HURRICANE or an EARTHQUAKE show up at your front porch. Here's a novel concept just because you live there, and you "bought" the place: it doesn't mean you own the whole damn thing--the bank does. Whoa, far out.
No, you cannot "negotiate a lower rate" with me. I am already giving you my best rate because I want your business and there are 30,000 other mortgages brokers out there who do too.
No, title insurance is not optional, and it's a third party cost--so I can't waive it even if i wanted to.
No, closing costs are the price of doing business and I can't waive them either. Just because a bank is willing to lend you money, doesn't mean that there is no cost to doing so. Most of them are third part costs anyway.
No, I will not go back and talk to my manager, underwriter, pit boss, shaman, rabbi, or butcher to see if I can "re-work the deal more in your favor."
No, 100% financing does not mean you have 0 dollars in assets, it means you, because of market conditions, are leveraging more to gain the most in overall equity. 0 dollars means no home. 0 dollars means "second job."
Now, go back to your squalor of a rent-controlled apartment that you share with 6 cats, 43 potted plants, and the fetid smell of burnt Chinese food and stop calling me twice a day to fix your incompetence at this wandering, vapid existence you try to pass off as a "life."
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-21 08:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heyyyyyyy, sit on it!
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-10-21 07:47:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good rant, but you have misplaced the blame here. get a new job.
Submitted by Bushy (user info) at 2005-10-21 03:31:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, you work in abank. Am i supposed to be dazzled?
I'm osrry if you didn't want to remind me of tom green, but you did. And the fact that i am going to be atecher means that home ownership is something i have almost completely written off already.
Good rant though, me likey.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-10-20 21:37:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"and you liberal, hippie, hemp wearing, patchouli smelling,
alternative job working ass cookies "
______________________________________________________
Left-wing, Commie, Pinko, Tofu-eatin' Grass-skirt wearin',
Whale-savin, Seal-kissin', Honky Pinko Bastards!!
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-10-20 21:28:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I work with credit so I know how you feel, except our clientele can usually buy the subject $600M house with what they have in their checking account.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-20 19:36:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
For no reason other than I don't care.
Submitted by starshine (user info) at 2005-10-20 19:26:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+10000 for ass cookies.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-10-20 18:42:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well said. people are idiots. What they don't realize about that loan is that even at a modest interest rate, a lower payment means they are paying off the most of the interest and very little of the principal, that is why say $3000 a month for 30 yrs ($1,080,000) is way more than the $600,000 they expected. People are stupid and always will be. Good luck with them
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:12:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sweet
When Sam and I bought our house, we had a roommate at the time. He didn't understand the correlation between us paying all of our bills on time versus him constantly getting those thin letters from the bank and our respective credit ratings.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:56:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eh, quit yer bitchin'.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:52:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so can I borrow a quick 600 grand?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:28:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go for it.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha!
I can sympathize with you all too well. I work the other side of that equation as a Realtor.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/70800
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
rant-tacular... That's a term I may have to co-op.
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good rant.
But if they didn't understand "100% Financing," I doubt they'd understand "are leveraging more to gain the most in overall equity."
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:21:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I take it they were either black, Mexican, or a fat white person.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rant-tacular
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is probably the best rant I've ever read.
Submitted by Lucylou (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:14:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to work in a bank. It would make me so mad when people would start going on about fees to me. I'd give them a look which I hope conveyed my message: "I'm a fucking casual teller trying to put myself through uni. What the fuck am I meant to do?". I even had one guy tell me I should be writing to the government to get them to change the laws surrounding showing ID when cashing cheques. While I was pleased he thought a 21-year-old law student/casual teller/waitress would hold so much sway in Parliament, I had to politely refuse.
I had my little tricks though to get me by - like #3 here (http://www.ubersite.com/m/76555). Hooray for my first linkwhore!
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:13:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
high quality, anger infused rant. good work. +2
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:06:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool.
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:03:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've been working 7 days a week for a while... it's close to killing me.
You got a job for me Johnny?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:00:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sounds like someone needs a new job - where have you been, son?