Running in Neutral - GrUeberfest 2005 (828 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.63 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by loki (View user info) at 2005-10-20 16:20:36 EDT
Team kappa
"Stop seriously Jeff just stop. I swear if the next words out of your mouth are that the scraping sound on the roof of the car are from the feet of the boyfriend hanging from the tree I'm going to skewer you with this marshmallow stick."
"You know what Hailey you could use a healthy dose of wilingful suspension of disbelief"
"Oh nice, good use of Drama 16 vocab I am impressed, but it won't make your lame attempts at story telling any more interesting. We've all heard that one, hell anyone of the age of 12 has heard that one. It couldn't be any more quintessential urbane legend, premarital sex leads to horror and death yea yea yea I'm real scared."
"All right I suppose you could do better?"
"Ok, you want to hear a horror story, how about this one. Once upon a time there was a basketball team that was really good, so good in fact that they won the national championship. Then all the really good players went pro early and the next year GASP the team sucked so badly that they couldn't even fly to any of their games because not even Bernoulli's Principle and the jet engines could overpower the sucking coming from inside the plane."
"lovely"
"Don't encourage her Madi, Why did you even come if you were just going to scoff at everything we said?"
"I like ghost stories, I thought it would be interesting to see what you all came up with. In a lot of ways, ghost stories are modern day fairy tales."
"It's true", Daniel interjected "I heard a lecture about this once. There are certain patterns to a lot of them, themes if you will. Take this whole boyfriend hanging from the tree over the car. It is about premarital sex of course it is. In fact, most really long lived urban legends have a certain moral ring to them. If you pick up a strange girl in a bar and have wild sex with her, you could end up in a bathtub full of ice missing your kidneys. They all fit a pattern."
"That is exactly what I'm talking about", agreed Hailey. "Fear of the unknown is a common theme. These things play on our base fears and rely on the fact that, alone at night, when there is a strange sound outside in the dark, most of us lose a tiny little piece of what we think of as civilized behavior."
"primal fear"
"Yes yes primal fear and that is why I, as you pointed out, lack the necessary willingful suspension of disbelief. No matter how hard I try, I just can't buy the notion of ghosts coming back to haunt the living."
"Ok, that I believe, but you have to admit that there is great evil in this world whether it has a supernatural basis or not."
"Of course there is great evil in this world, and in a lot of ways, we use ghost stories to make sense of them, explaining them away really. Take Vlad the Impaler. Admitting that such evils could be committed by an ordinary human being forces us to face the capacity for evil that exists within all of us, hence the Dracula legend. To shield ourselves from this admission we create a mythical, supernatural creature who feasts off the blood of the living."
"I hardly think that Vlad the Impaler was an ordinary human being" Madi said as she leaned over to stoke the campfire and move just slightly closer to Jeff and Daniel.
"I don't know Madi", Jeff replied, "Our boy Vlad may have been more ordinary than any of us want to admit. Have you ever heard of the Milgram experiments?"
"The Milgram experiments, now what is that?
"Well, sometime back in the 60's this psychologist, Milgram did a series of experiments to determine how it was that otherwise ordinary people could commit the atrocities of the holocaust and then explain it away as "following orders". As I recall, he told the test subjects that they were participating in an experiment to determine the effects of negative stimuli on learning. He instructed them to administer what they believed were electric shocks to an actor in response to incorrect answers to a series of questions. What he found was that a rather surprising percentage of people were willing to continue shocking someone, despite hearing screams of agony, if he were assured that the researcher was willing to assume full responsibility for the outcome."
"I would never do that", insisted Madi.
"Oh really", countered Jeff "well according to the experiments, roughly two thirds of the test subjects kept shocking the actors even when the voltage reached lethal levels. There are six of us here right now so statistically speaking, four of us would kill someone if we were assured that we would not be held responsible."
"Well I would be one of the people who stopped."
"Sure Madi" Hailey said tauntingly "I'm sure you would and you also would never have been a member of the Nazi party and for sure if you had been alive in the 1800's you would have bravely fought slavery.
"You don't know what I would have done."
"True, there is just no way of knowing how any of us would react in any given situation really. So Daniel, tell me about these magic lights we're supposed to be wowed by."
"Not much to tell really, they're called the Brown Mountain Lights."
"Right of course they are because we're on Brown Mountain, clever."
"Look do you want to hear this or not?"
"ok ok go on"
"Well the story is, no one has been able to explain them. It's just that from time to time there are mysterious lights on the mountain. I've heard a lot of theories over the years but none of them pan out. Some people think they're car lights, but there are reports of these going back to the 1700's. I've heard that the Native tribes have some sort of historical account of them going back further than that, but I don't know how they could prove it really. They think the lights are spirits from a great battle between the Cherokee and Catawba tribes."
"Bit too Death Marshes ala Lord of the Rings there don't you think?"
"Technically, this predates Lord of the Rings. The claim is that the lights are the maidens searching for their lost men."
"What do you think it is Hailey?"
"Well for starters I don't think it's any spirit of a dead maiden. Aren't there reports of swamp gases sparking from time to time?"
"It could happen if there were any swamps within several hundred miles."
"How about methane gas?"
"Where would methane gas come from though?"
"From all the bullshit that is in the air about these damn lights. I think the whole thing was probably made up to scare slaves into not hiding out in the bear caves up here."
"Scoff if you want, but I have seen these lights myself."
"Fine, great there are mysterious lights up here. I'm not saying there aren't. All I'm saying is that there is a reasonable explanation for it that has nothing to do anything supernatural. Just because I, personally do not know what it is does not mean that there isn't one."
Tiring of the conversation, the group feel silent each lost with their own thoughts mesmerized by the flickering campfire. Hailey peered suspiciously out into the dark hoping to catch a glimpse of the mysterious lights that had called them all out into the woods on a crisp, clear, cold fall day. At one point she thought she saw something, but was reasonably sure it was just a trick of the dark. She almost said something, but everyone seemed so content staring into the fire.
Then she saw it again, this time she was sure it was definitely a floating ball of light heading up the mountain across the ravine where they were camped. She jumped up, "listen did you see that?"
She cringed waiting for the inevitable smart remark, but none came. She looked down at her friends, but they all seemed to have fallen into some kind of a trance. It didn't make any sense, but she was determined to get to the bottom of the mystery of the lights.
She walked outside the warm circle from the campfire and slowly picked her way through the woods toward the ball of light. As she got closer, she thought she could make out a figure, more of a shadow than anything standing near where she had last seen the lights. She froze in place but something somehow was compelling her forward. She tried to yell to her friends and shake them out of their reverie, but found that she couldn't form the words. She felt light headed like she was watching herself walk forward and completely unable to stop herself, compelled ever forward.
Daniel stood up and stretched. He had no idea how long they had all been sitting there, but the fire was dying down and the cold was creeping in. His movement stirred the group, everyone stood and stretched feeling oddly stiff.
"Well gang" he said, "it looks like there isn't going to be any light show tonight. I'm going to bed."
As they all headed into their tents for the night, Daniel couldn't shake the sensation that something was amiss. He couldn't quite put a finger on it, but he definitely had the uneasy feeling that something was not quite right. He didn't say anything because he knew it would sound crazy. He crawled into his sleeping bag telling himself that he was probably just tired and letting the earlier conversation play with his head.
Wait, he thought, that was it, something about the conversation earlier but what. He unzipped his tent and looked out where they had al been sitting earlier. Now he was sure that something was wrong, something had changed from earlier.
Looking out of his tent flap, he saw it. They had given up too soon, the lights were there going up and down the ravine. He tried to call out to the others but something stopped him. He felt like his brain had turned off as he crawled out of the tent and headed out to follow the lights.
User Reviews
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-10-24 12:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked the whole concept, but there were some things I couldn't get past. Mostly that the ending just sort of sat there and stared at me. Like a....thing that sits and stares. I wanted more damnit. Either way, very much worth reading just not my favorite entry.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loki,
I don't know. I think you and I are a pretty even match. I enjoy your stories. I do not rank often only because I am more into the reading than the ranking, but I have always been impressed with your work.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 19:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh, I'm sorry, but I didn't like this at all. The dialogue ran on and felt really unnatural to me. The punctation was all over the place, and sure it sounds like nitpicking, but bad punctuation makes me 'hear' the words differently in my head, and throws the whole story out of whack. Also I didn't always know who was talking at any given moment. And I just didn't find it scary -- none of the characters developed any kind of connection to the reader, so I didn't really care what happened to them. And I never really got scared or creeped out.
Not trying to be mean. This just didn't read well for me.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-10-21 14:23:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-10-21 10:43:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
SPOOOOOOKY!
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-21 09:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually Loki,
Dagon is one of the chief god's of the philestines(sp?) he is half-man, half-fish.
I'm not sure why I put that name in there.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-21 08:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It is rare that so much dialogue still creates such a captivating read. Thanks!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-21 08:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sequel please?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-21 07:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice Loki,
Good job on the post. I bow at your kicking my ass in horror writing!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-10-21 03:17:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I really enjoyed the dialogue at the beginning but second half seemed added on. It didn't flow real well for me.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-10-20 23:57:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How can anyone not appreciate this little vignette?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-20 22:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good. It's like mine is gonna be, minimal gore (well, none here) with a solid foundation (I hope).
I could be a picky-poo about the fact that you need to reload your comma shooter, but hey, time limit.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-20 20:59:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, a bit disjointed, but after i made it past a few parahraphs it started to roll together and flow nicely.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-10-20 20:40:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:43:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
It comes off as a little disjointed - it reads like it's top heavy
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2005-10-20 19:25:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't touch the lights the lights, precious. *gollum! gollum!*
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-20 18:55:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-10-20 18:25:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
we can laugh at bad British teeth though right? """
YOU BITCH YOU KNOW I KNOW SOMEONE WITH BAD TEETH.
You should write more fiction but do it under an alter.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-20 18:49:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
fucking capitol letters 'en all dat sheeit up in 'ere
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-20 18:48:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry babe, although interesting enough to keep me until the end it just fizzled a bit for me. I wanted so much more for the ending, it felt like such a wonderful build.
To quote Jack...I wish there was a 1.95 button, you'll have to suffer with the 1.5.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-10-20 17:12:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Da aliens got em!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey I was forced FORCED to write this for Jack's little contest
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:50:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THANK GOODNESS-
I wasn't going to allow myself to go home until I read a daily Loki post
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:43:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It comes off as a little disjointed - it reads like it's top heavy, if that makes any sense.
However, the quality of the writing, and the characters you created, overpower the problems I had with the story itself.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Description was good, characterization was excellent... dialogue was a little campy, but I think that's actually a requirement for good horror.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:34:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well, did they go down and light little lights of their own?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:32:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm afraid this is ADD writing in its purest form. I think I've started this and had to dart off somewhere about 20 times today. I don't think there is the proper appreciation for my personal pursuits here at work, bastards.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:28:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good read.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-10-20 16:27:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me! No matter
how dumb my suggestions are.
-- Homer Simpson
Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy