Dear Hooker... (1424 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 1.38 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Cyst Master (View user info) at 2005-10-20 19:33:59 EDT
I found a new woman the other day. She's really nice, plus she doesn't have feces stained on her lower back and neck like you! She's a real sweet heart and doesn't smell like butter and micro waved bologna. In fact, we made love on the first date, and I didn't even have to tie her to that tree with shoe laces and jumper cables. We sometimes sit around and watch Murder She Wrote until I punch her in the back of the head and throw cans of beer at her asshole.
Listen to all these awesome things she lets me do:
1) We go to the board walk and when a bunch of kids come running down the aisle, I bend her over, shove pelicans in her snatch and tell the kids that's where the milk comes from for the babies. Then I kill them. (Thank you Shitfuck)
2) When we make love, I punch her in the gills like a shark, poop all over her tits, and inject grape soda mixed with cocaine into her nipples.
3) I repeatedly ride my dirt bike into her bent over ass. Then I call the cops and we tag team her bruised and bloody backside.
4) I stare at her 13 year old sister and vomit spaghetti and aluminum foil.
5) She squirts lighter fluid into my pee hole, then when I cream pie her, I light it and set her face on fire. After she puts on her calamine lotion, she funnels coke into my pee hole.
6) We throw frozen poop at the koalas in the sewer
7) She shoots footballs out of her snatch when we watch College Game Day and Kirk pees on my dog during commercial breaks.
8) I really like this girl. She even let me fuck her in the ass with a brontosaurus femur when we went to the museum. Remember when you didn't let me do that to you and I had to cut off your arms and legs with a broken Orange Crush bottle, then slice open your stomach, shove your extremities into your torso, fill your body with concrete, and nonchalantly dump you over board a whale watch vessel off the coast of Nantucket? It took a long time and I bet it was painful, but it was worth it.
I hope I don't have to kill this one like I did you. I don't want to make another run to the store for some Orange Crush. That shit's expensive.
Her name is Ubersite.
User Reviews
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-05-11 08:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-05-10 23:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2005-11-16 20:52:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
you're finally putting your talents to good use
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Submitted by georgemichael (user info) at 2006-05-10 23:46:10 (#)
Ranking: -2
don't +2 your own posts dickhead
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Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2005-11-16 20:51:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-11-10 21:52:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fuck that was funny man.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-21 10:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not really my thing, if this is all you do it'll get really old really quick too. But as a one off it was very imaginative and raised a smile so have a plus2 on me.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-21 10:26:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Really fucking shitty.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-10-21 10:16:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-10-21 10:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uummmm... what's going on here?
Submitted by nya_nyo (user info) at 2005-10-21 10:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this made my gulliver feel warm and smiley
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-10-21 08:04:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The writing part was meh, but fuck the pictures were funny. I've still got tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2005-10-21 07:41:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very imaginative and well thought out. Please keep writing - it'll keep you away from the schoolyards. That's best for everyone, I think we'll all agree.
Submitted by erinly (user info) at 2005-10-21 01:08:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-20 20:39:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Now, I thought THIS was funny!
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Of course you did.
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2005-10-21 00:39:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by foster (user info) at 2005-10-20 22:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by starshine (user info) at 2005-10-20 22:13:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why the FUCK isn't this getting more attention?
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-10-20 22:07:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wondered why this got a positive rating, but I kept reading. When you said her name, it all made sense.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-10-20 21:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you just found your UBER niche.
But i have to say your preocupation with feces, peeing and stuffing vaginas with assorted objects is quite disturbing.
Keep it up, you will go far on UBER.
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2005-10-20 21:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Koalas' in teh sewer, I think I have a new god! VERY FUCKING NICE!
Submitted by starshine (user info) at 2005-10-20 21:36:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG WTF
I LOVE YOU FUCK FUCK FUCK
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2005-10-20 21:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PURE CLASS
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-10-20 21:16:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
+2 +2 +2 PLUSMOTHERFUCKINGTWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-10-20 20:39:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now, I thought THIS was funny!
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-20 20:38:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W. THis should be on best ever.
Submitted by Cam (user info) at 2005-10-20 20:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-20 20:22:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kirky Herbstreit is dreamy!
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2005-10-20 20:12:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Please give me mouth to mouth but from your penis.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-10-20 19:49:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're like the new degreeless/vermin/shitfuck.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-20 19:38:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I scrolled the pictures first and then read it...gave me 2 totally seperate stories.
The pictures are sheer genius my friend.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-20 19:36:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment