GrUeberfest 2005: Sweet Talker (1089 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.96 on 52 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Caes (View user info) at 2005-10-21 00:42:19 EDT
Team Theta. http://www.ubersite.com/m/77315
Rick hunched over his coffee. It was thin and bitter, like any coffee you'd find in a run-down diner at 2 am. It was fine -- it suited his mood. Diane had thrown him out. Again. Something about stumbling home half in the bag at all hours of the morning, and what kind of example was he setting for his kids...though SHE was the one that screeched loud enough to wake them up. They tottered out of their rooms, sniffling and trembling and looking around with unsure eyes. Goddamn little rats.
Ahh, the kids were all right enough. Not their fault their mom kept using them against him. Not their fault they're little shit factories, snot blowers...Chrissakes, it's like they're little black holes and all they suck in is money. He worked hard to keep the roof above their heads, square meals on the plate, and when he wants to blow off some steam at the end of the week, he's gotta catch shit for that, too? What a mess.
What a goddamn mess.
The coffee was bringing him around, washing some of the haze out from behind his eyes. Rick blinked and looked around Maggie's Diner. He saw his reflection stare back at him. He was sitting in front of a spotty mirror that was mounted on the wall behind the counter. He'd never been here before, but he'd driven past it plenty of times. It looked just like the rest of this town; beat up and beat down. The vinyl on the stools was ripped, one of the windows was cracked, and the "O" in the "Open" sign kept going out. But at least the counter was clean, and the food smelled pretty good.
A couple was eating in a booth. Both ladies. They both had shy eyes, but it was easy enough to tell that they were more interested in each other than in their eggs and ham. One of them had real short hair, cut like a man's. The other one was done up like she was at a punk rock show, heavy eyeliner, spikes through her leather jacket. Rick supposed they were dykes. That was okay. Not many people in this town thought so, but dykes were MORE than okay in Rick's book.
The woman behind the counter - Rick thought it might be Maggie, but then happened to read her nametag while stealing a glance at her boobs - looked tired, and a little worn out. But not so worn out that he wouldn't like a go at her. Sherry, her nametag said. She was talking to a guy with a mesh trucker's hat. That must be his rig outside. He looked like a regular. The way they talked to each other reminded Rick of how he and the missus talk after they had a fight. A little ashamed, a little angry. He wondered idly if they had been fucking or fighting.
"Here ya go, darlin'." Sherry slid Rick's plate to him. He nodded his thanks.
The bell rang from the door behind him. Rick looked over his shoulder to see who just came in. It wasn't anyone he recognized, thank God. It was a taller man, thin features. He was wearing black jeans with the knees well-worn in, pantlegs tucked over silver-tipped cowboy boots. He wore a scuffed up leather jacket over a white-dress shirt. His straw Stetson was angled down so the brim covered his eyes. Rick saw a slick-looking goatee on his chin and patchy hair sprouting from his cheeks. In the end, nothing special.
However, instead of sitting at the counter, the stranger pulled up a chair and sat down at the end of the dyke table. He started up a friendly conversation in no time flat. Obviously he knows them, Rick figured, and returned to his meal.
He was half done his burger and fries, and the warmth of the coffee had melted most of the bleariness away. The room only took a half second to catch up to him when he moved his head too fast. Rick figured he'd go for a walk and then head home. The heat should be plenty died down by the time he got back. He was just pushing his plate away when a shriek split through the tentative calm in his head.
Rick turned to look, and saw one of the lesbians holding her wrist, face contorted in agony. The hand that wrist attached to had a fork sticking out of it - Rick could see the prongs coming out of her palm. The stranger had taken a step back, looking shocked. The woman's girlfriend, the punk one, stood sobbing on her seat with mascara chasing the tears down her cheeks. She held a steak knife in her other hand.
"You said you loved me," she wailed, free hand clutching her breast. "I know you love me, YOU TOLD ME SO!!" Without waiting for a response, she dove off the seat and tackled her lover to the ground. Still sobbing, she stabbed down at the butch, cutting gashes into her forearms as she tried to protect her face.
Rick and the trucker each grabbed an arm and hauled her away. She was crying and wailing like a mother who just lost her kids. She didn't fight, but just sagged in their arms, holding herself around her belly, shaking with sobs.
"Jesus," Rick said. "What the fuck."
The trucker and the stranger moved to help the wounded girl, but to their surprise, she shoved them away like they were the ones that stabbed her. "Fuck off! All of you, fuck off and leave me alone!" She ran out of the diner and didn't look back.
Rick looked down at the punker. "What the hell was that all about?" She didn't answer.
"It's all right," the stranger said, cutting in smoothly. "She's my friend, I got 'er." He knelt down beside her and stroked her hair. "It's all right, Chrissy. It's okay, it'll all be fine in the mornin', you'll see."
Rick and the trucker exchanged puzzled glances. After a few minutes of soothing, the stranger helped the girl to her feet. He dusted her off and wiped the tears with his thumb. It came away black with makeup. "You head on home now, hear?" She nodded weakly. "She'll be waitin' for ya." Then he leaned in close and said something they couldn't hear. Open mouthed, Chrissy nodded again and walked out of the diner, straight as an arrow.
"Whoooo. Somethin' crazy, huh fellas?" The stranger said as he sat down on a barstool.
"Shouldn't we call the cops?" Sherry asked.
"Cops?" The stranger looked surprised. "Nahh. Chrissy and Jo will be fine, just fine. They got a real love-hate thing goin' on, see? Jo prob'ly wouldn't even press charges. No, it's best we don't get involved."
Fine by Rick. He had already been too involved in their lives tonight, far as he was concerned. He returned to his seat to settle his nerves. He fished around his pockets and set a ten on the counter as he finished his coffee.
To his surprise, the stranger sat down next to him.
"How's the grub?"
"It's all right."
"Good, good stuff. My name's Dax. Pleased to meetcha."
"Sure. Rick." He absently shook Dax's hand.
"Crazy business, with those two broads, hey? Ahh, it always is with them two. So what are you doin' here, in the wee hours? Ain't' you got somewhere to go?"
Sure he did, but Rick wasn't about to start chatting up some weirdo about it.
"Yeah, I do. I was about to go home, actually." What the hell? Why did Rick say that?
"Aww, don't go yet, partner." He slapped a long-fingered hand on Rick's shoulder, seemingly oblivious to his unfriendly mood. "Stay a while."
Rick looked in the stranger's eyes, shadowed by the brim of his hat. Dax was grinning at him like he was his best friend. The arm he threw around his shoulders gave Rick the impression of a snake, slithering across his back.
"No offense, uh...Dax. But I ought to be heading home."
."Oh, c'mon. Night's still young, and I'm guessing you're the type that likes to enjoy it, am I right?"
"...Yeah, but - "
"Then it's settled! Sherry! Another coffee for my friend Rickshaw here."
Rick started. "What did you call me?"
"Rickshaw. S'yer name, isn't it?"
"No, it's what my friends call me."
"Well, I know that!" Dax grinned generously. "That's what you and I are, aren't we? Friends? We call you that on account of that trip we took to the big city, where you stole that rickshaw. I tell ya, runnin' away from the cops, pullin' that thing down the street...those were good times, Rickshaw."
A cold feeling writhed around in Rick's guts, and it had nothing to do with the alcohol or bad coffee. "Man, I've never seen you in my life. You're not my friend."
"Sure I am." The stranger smiled warmly. "You're Dax, and I'm Rick. We're great friends."
Rick blinked. "No, you're Dax, and I'm Rick."
"Exactly, I'm Rick, and you're Dax. You know, Diane was really on my ass tonight about the kids, AGAIN. I tell you. You work hard to put food on the table so those shit and snot factories have a good shot at it, and the second you try to have some time for yourself, suddenly you're a bad father. I mean I really love those little rats. And then she has to turn it into a mess. A goddamn mess. Don't you think?"
"Yes - no. I mean - stop talking like you're me. How do you know that stuff?" Rick felt drunk again. Didn't he already say this today?
"I am you, buddy. I always have been. Remember when we first met Diane? She was aych-oh-tee HOT, and that's no lie. Tits up to here, it was beautiful."
"I've never met - I mean, you've never met Diane. You're Dax. I don't know, I don't know you." Rick stuttered.
"I know you're Dax, Rick. How could I not know myself? All I have to do is look in the mirror. Go on."
The stranger motioned to the mirror behind the counter. Rick followed his gesture, and his eyes immediately landed on Dax's reflection. He blinked, and looked for himself, but he wasn't - there he was. His reflection was across from Dax. He was Dax's reflection, and Dax's was his. No, that can't be right. He looked to where Dax was sitting and saw himself staring back at him. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, it was Dax again, but two serpents had grown out of his shoulders. In the mirror, there was no Dax, only Rick. He looked back at Dax...
"It's okay, Rickshaw," Dax said, patting Rick on the shoulder. His eyes had gone wide, transfixed by something in the mirror that only he could see. "You just relax here a spell, all right?" Rick nodded slowly. A little drool dribbled from his lips.
"What - what did you do to him?" Sherry asked.
"Me? Nothin'. We were just talkin'." Dax smiled.
"Bullshit." The trucker said, standing up. "You better get outta here mister. You're not welcome here anymore."
"You don't want me to leave, Jim." The stranger's smile curled around his thin jaw, candied and seductive. "You want to sit down and talk with me, don't you?"
Jim sat down. His face was passive, but his eyes danced in their sockets. Sherry stood motionless behind the counter, mimicking his expression.
"That's what I thought. Tell me friends, y'ever heard of the saying, 'In vino veritas?'"
They both shook their heads.
"Heh, I don't suppose you have. It means that there's truth in wine. Latin. Rickshaw here drank a lotta truth tonight, and I ain't got no use for it right now. So's I had ta work around it. You two though - " he regarded them with dark eyes. " - you two are fine the way you are. Sherry."
"Yes?" She answered.
"You and Jimbo here have been fuckin'." It was not a question. "He breezes into town on his big rig, parks it in ya, and then breezes out. You miss him when he's gone?"
"Yes."
"You want to make him jealous, don't'cha?" His words slithered into her ears, sweet like dripping honey.
"...yes."
"Then come on over. Rick'll be happy to help you with that. Just what he needs to keep his mind off his troubles."
Sherry walked to the other side of the counter. She tried to resist at first, but her legs didn't listen to her. She felt the familiar stirring in her chest. Her breath quickened, her pupils dilated. She started thinking about sex. Her crotch began to tingle and moisten. Without realizing it, she was cupping her own breast and rubbing her hand between her legs. A shudder traveled up her spine. She needed it in her. The stranger was right. She needed to be fucked right here, in front of Jim. She turned her back to Rick and hiked up her skirt so she could pull down her panties.
Rick stood up and began unzipping his pants. "Don't make me do this. Please."
"I ain't makin' you do anythin', Rickshaw." Dax smiled. "That's your very own hard-on you got there. This is what you want. Ain't this what you wanted when you stumbled home tonight? You need some sweet pussy. You deserve it, all the hard work you do." He smiled like a predator.
"This is what you miss when you ain't here, sugar." Sherry said as Rick slid inside her. She moaned. Rick pumped himself against her and began to cry.
Dax looked at Jim. His fists were clenched and he was biting his lip. "You don't like that, do ya Jimbo?"
"No. Of course I fuckin' don't." Blood trickled down his chin.
"It hurts. I bet it hurts more inside than anythin' that could hurt you from the outside. Or...or does it?" Dax scratched the patchy beard on his cheek. "I bet you can drown the pain out, Jim."
Dax took a knife from behind the counter. He slid it across to Jim.
"Trust me Jim." He said with sad, empathetic eyes. "You'll be glad for it. A couple of little pricks and you won't even be able to see them any - "
Before Dax finished his sentence, Jim grabbed the knife and plunged it into his eye. Screaming, he yanked it out and plunged it into the other one. Blood and jelly leaked down his cheeks. He fell to his hands and knees and writhed in pain.
"There now, isn't that better?" Dax patted him on the shoulder.
"Yes," Jim admitted with a wail. He felt around for his leg. He began kissing the stranger's boot. "Thank you," he sobbed. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, child. It was my pleasure. But wait - " he was quiet for a moment. The only sounds were moaning and grunting. "You hear that?"
Jim jammed the knife into his ear, over and over. Thankfully, after the fourth stab he managed to pierce something deep in his skull, and he fell over dead, an anguished smile frozen on his face.
"'Fraid your man is dead, honey," Dax reported in a heavy tone. "My condolences."
"Nooooooo!!" Sherry fell to Jim's side, leaving Rick pumping air for a moment. "Ohhh Gawwwwd..." The rest of her words were lost between shudders and blubbering.
Dax squatted down next to her. "You know what did this, Sherry." His tone was gentle, so gentle. It covered her like a warm blanket. "It was you that did it. It's because of your desires. He went crazy with jealousy. It's because of that." He pointed at her crotch, bruised and wet with sex. "You ain't never gonna be happy unless you can control it." Dax tugged the knife out of Jim's ear. "Here. This will help."
Sniffling, she took the knife in her hand. She nodded resolutely. She knew what she had to do. She was bad and she knew what made her bad, the stranger helped her see it. "I can cut it out?" She asked hopefully.
"Oh honey, I guarantee it. You can cut it right out and it'll never own you again, I promise. You trust me, don't you baby?"
Sherry smiled. "I'm going to make it all better," she sniffed. Sherry took the knife in both hands and drove it in between her legs. It hurt, good Lord it hurt, but she was cutting out the bad parts, she was cutting herself free. Again she stabbed herself, and again, and again, until the pain was too much and she passed out, laying in the blood that pooled from her ruined sex.
"You were beautiful," Dax said, and kissed her softly on the cheek.
Rick stood in terrified silence. The stranger tipped his cowboy hat up so he could look at him.
"Oh God. Sweet God. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!"
"I told you before Rickshaw, it ain't me. It's you that wants to do it. I'm just supplyin' the motivation."
"How are you doing this?" Tears welled up in his eyes again.
"It ain't so hard, actually. Truth is, you can talk a man into doin' just about anythin', long as you know the right thing to say." Dax looked at the clock. "Shit, that the time? I'd best be goin'. Sorry buddy, maybe we'll finish some other day. Say hi to your old lady for me."
Dax turned on his heel and walked to the door, straightening his hat. Just before he reached the exit, he turned back.
"Oh, by the way, why don't you take care of that?" Dax pointed at Rick's erection. "After all, you never got off proper. Maybe you should. Don't worry, I don't think Sherry'll mind." He winked at him, and turned the neon sign off.
"Please don't." Rick whispered. But he was alone, his only company the fading ring of the bell set above the door.
Rick found himself kneeling in front of Sherry and spreading her legs open. The cooling blood soaked into his jeans. The metallic smell was overwhelming. Despite himself, he sighed when his cock pushed into her ravaged pussy. It felt warm and squishy. Blood dripped out as he thrust in and out of her. In an eternity that ended too quickly, he climaxed inside of her. He gasped through the tears. His semen floated like syrup on the spreading pool of blood.
Rick moved away from the abomination he had committed. He slipped on the blood, desperately clawing at the floor to get himself away. His dick was slathered in her blood, staining the hairs on his balls. The weight of what he had done fell on him, too monstrous to comprehend.
"Oh God." Rick threw up in the corner. He puked until the only thing that came up were wet, choking noises. Snot and tears mixed with the vomit on his lips. It was too much, too much. Shrieking in terror, Rick threw himself out the door and ran into the empty night, screaming himself hoarse.
The night swallowed him, and he was lost.
User Reviews
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 21:55:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-05-12 09:55:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hooray 50 reviews! Nice round number...
Oh no, I just made it 51. Oh no. OH NO!!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-04-02 05:22:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
having 49 reviews means people think you're a piece of shit.
having 50 reviews means that they don't.
merry good friday passover equinox
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-25 21:26:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just have to say once more, this story is very good.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-10-25 20:18:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-22 14:19:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-22 09:39:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
You have wonderful flow.
***************************
Only at certain times of the month.
---------------
hahahaha
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-10-24 17:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've loved watching your progress the last year. I believe you're ready for the Majors. Email me if you ever want a foot in the door- networking is crucial. Networking is EVERYTHING in print. ("Who you know, not what you know" et cetra.) I've told others on this site the same, however few, but they aren't "hungry". Maybe you are.
(daniel.at.writerspacemail.com)
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-22 14:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-22 09:39:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
You have wonderful flow.
***************************
Only at certain times of the month.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-22 09:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have wonderful flow.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-10-22 08:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gave me the chills.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-10-22 08:00:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good caes. Highly enjoyable.
I'm going to say this one more time.
It's not jelly, it's vitreous fluid. There is no jelly in your eyes. It's not something you can eat or that will make you go faster like the Yummy Jelly in Jacks story or something you can spread on toast. It's fluid. F-L-U-I-D.
Fluid, goddammit.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-22 01:05:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for your comments on my post.
Coming from you, it means a lot.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That guy's got cock-sucking ears.
And I wouldn't have unprotected sex with Courtney Love if it made me irresistible to supermodels until the end of time.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:07:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it's an old joke a friend and i have. we are always bullshitting about golf, one day he asked me
"pen, would you blow dave peltz if it would give you a magical short game."
pelz is supposedly the guru of putting and chip shots, here's a picture.
http://www.golf-tips.info/forumdyna/bilder/pelz.jpg
I told him, "no, i wouldn't." (see picture)
and the he countered with, "would you jerk him off then...if it would help you get up and down."
it only escalated from there.
Would you let the usher teabag you to get a better seat at a baseball game?
would you take it in the ass from a peacock if it would teach you how to fly?
would you screw courtney love without a condom if it helped you pass your driver's test?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:53:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:43:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
There isn't any cocksucking on my end--though, i would, if i could imbibe his power.
*********************
Weirded...out...
That sounds like a good premise for a terrifying tale right there.
Thanks for the encouragement, pen.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There isn't any cocksucking on my end--though, i would, if i could imbibe his power.
CAES, you could get this published...no doubt in my mind. find a horror magazine/quarterly somewhere and mail it off.
or, if you want to make real money out of it, package it with 10 other kickass stories (comr on...you can do it), and put it in a book.
If you can write like this, you're wasting your time here.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-10-21 21:57:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
Too much cock sucking.
*******************
I wasn't aware you could ever get enough cock-sucking, shitfuck.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:14:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I came back and read this again.
'Oh you sick, twisted bastard how can you write things like that, you know that to write this stuff you have to think about it and that makes you capable of doing it and mygod you disgust me you disgusting thing blab-blah-blah...'
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-10-21 21:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Too much cock sucking.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 21:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice job, big head.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 19:00:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, be quiet, the lot of you. Keep on like this and my head will grow so big that it'll snap my pencil neck.
And thank you.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-21 17:20:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ho
Lee
Chit.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-10-21 15:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff.
care to give me one of your infamous reviews on my rewrite of A color deeper than red?: http://www.ubersite.com/m/77479
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-10-21 15:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WE'RE NOT WORTHY! WE'RE NOT WORTHY! WE'RE NOT WORTHY!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-21 14:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i think promptitude is a great word. leaves it really open. all you have to do is create a character with eccentric speech patterns and have him say promptitude 50 or 60 times.
that said, i sure as fuck wouldn't want it.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-10-21 14:09:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Reading this made my brain cringe, amongst other parts.
Amazing work.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-21 13:11:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty much, Prof. At this point I'm wishing to god that I'd given him a shit title like, oh, I dunno... Promptitude. Which, for the record, I'm not even certain is an actual word.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-10-21 13:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So basically the moral of the story is - Everybody else in Gruberfest should quit now right?
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-10-21 12:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-10-21 12:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't really have the words.
Good Post?
Wow
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-21 10:55:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You...you're good.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-10-21 09:57:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great stuff.
Even if it was inspired by Sandman.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-21 09:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great.
I think I'm gonna get boned. Mine hardly has any gore.
Promptitude.
Yagh!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-21 09:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was eating breakfast when I read yours and stardamage's. I hate you both. WOW.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-21 09:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, fuck.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-21 08:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dear GOD you're sick.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 07:57:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kaos, you're one of those awesome writers I forgot to mention in my little list there. Oh, and Filthy Assistant is another one.
Writing this made me slightly uncomfortable.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-10-21 03:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was worried that my entry was going to be too gory for a regular read. After checking out this and Stardamage's post, I'm no longer worried about that.
This was right up my alley. Excellent tale!
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2005-10-21 03:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 00:56:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
And there's a wee comic called Sandman, written by Neil Gaiman. He writes a scene where this ordinary (but crazy) man with a magic talisman forces a bunch of people in a diner to do his bidding...much more sick and twisted than what I have going on here.
So as you can see, my super power is plagarism!!
-------
aHA!!!! I KNEW it! All the way through I was thinking.."hmm, I've tasted this before"
That scene from Preludes and Nocturnes really disturbed me, but this is far removed enough to get away with it.
Marvellous work. Pretty gutted I missed out on this whole thing, I guess that's what happens when you're not intarwebbed up at home.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-21 02:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, if anyone wants to stand a chance against you, they're going to have to snort a pound of coke and drink a few bottles of mouthwash--king style.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-21 02:46:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yep, i think i just threw up a bit.
Jesus...
ANYBODY GOT A KNIFE, I NEED TO CUT OUT SOME MEMORIES.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-10-21 01:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 01:04:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-10-21 01:02:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
EVERYTHING written by ANYONE is always based on something previous.
You are not a plagerizer, you are an artist. One so good I want to
hunt you down and. . . .
*******************************
Hug me?
__________________________________________________
Hug you? No even if you grew tits, a full beard, and had all your
teeth pulled. I will,however, read and +2 everything you write.
Oh yeah, watch out fer that there Jackoff McCallum feller from
San Fucksisco. He's another scary/good writer. I hate you both. . .
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-21 01:25:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2005-10-21 01:09:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hush, you, I don't belong on that list.
I put all kinds of hidden stuff in my stories too, Caes. The Ambition stuff especially is chock-full of it; names of places, the language, names, everything. Anyone with a working knowledge of Swedish, Icelandic, Old English or Hungarian would probably get quite a kick out of it.
Now stop being so interesting, I've got a botany lab due tomorrow that I'm trying to write. I can't be coming back here all the time to check up on you guys, you know!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 01:09:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seven of nine! Jeri Ryan!
I'm going to bed. Peace out.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 01:05:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ha ha, six of the eight reviews on here are by me.
I'm my own heat, baby.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 01:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-10-21 01:02:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
EVERYTHING written by ANYONE is always based on something previous.
You are not a plagerizer, you are an artist. One so good I want to
hunt you down and. . . .
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Hug me?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 01:03:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-10-21 00:54:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Bullshit!! Nothing needs to be changed. Caes, I predict you will
win any competition you enter. Only one or two on Uber can begin
to compare. . . .
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Oh sure. Like Snark, Spam, Jack McCallum, Axotol, Razor, Domenad, Pentameter, JMG114, Circe, Jack1105, BigMike, Stardamage (apparently -- did you read her entry? Crikey!), and probably a dozen more people I can't think of right now.
Thanks for the ego boost though.
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Submitted by Snuffleupagus (user info) at 2005-10-21 00:48:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
(The night swallowed him/And he was lost) part needs to be changed.
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Agreed. See below.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-10-21 01:02:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
EVERYTHING written by ANYONE is always based on something previous.
You are not a plagerizer, you are an artist. One so good I want to
hunt you down and. . . .
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 00:56:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If I could have superpowers, I'd choose a few others over "writes good."
I do have a secret, actually: comic books. I got this idea from comic books. You know that horrible movie Constantine, starring Keanu-little-wooden-boy-Reeves? It's based on a comic called Hellblazer, where the main character, John Constantine, is a silver tongued magician. There's one issue where he kind of talks a wounded man into dying.
And there's a wee comic called Sandman, written by Neil Gaiman. He writes a scene where this ordinary (but crazy) man with a magic talisman forces a bunch of people in a diner to do his bidding...much more sick and twisted than what I have going on here.
So as you can see, my super power is plagarism!!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 00:52:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Okay, a few comments on this.
I liked how this turned out, I think...I'm pretty proud of it but I went back and forth on some specifics, so I hope this all works for the reader.
I also had a little 'news report' at the very end that reports the ultimate fate of Jim, Sherry, Jo, and Chrissy, but in the end I decided it was cheesy and I took it out. Though I really wanted it in there -- I just thought it sucked. I'm still not particularly happy with the ending.
Also, I reposted this because the picture I had with it was somehow ginormous and I didn't want people to have to scroll.
OH! And I sort of half-heartedly took the Dax character and made a connection to an actual demon. Kaos King might recognize it:
Azi Dahaka: ('fiendish snake') is conceived of as partly demonic and partly human. He was probably originally the 'snake' of the storm-cloud who was a counterpart of the Vedic Ahi or Vrita. In the Yasht, he is described as struggling for the Hvareno, or Kingly Glory, against Atar (Fire). In the Shah Namah, he appears as a man with two snakes springing from his shoulders. These snakes were have said to have grown from a kiss bestowed by Ahriman. At the renovation, Azi Dahaka will be put in chains on Mount Demavand; but in the end, he will break loose from the bonds and return to disturb creation.
So I took "Dahaka" and managed to get "Dax" out of it for the sweet talker's name. It's a wafer-thin connection, but I wanted to base it on SOMETHING. Plus, that's where all the snakey imagery comes from.
Holy crap I love talking about this shit. -2 for my blitherings.
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2005-10-21 00:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*blushes*
I'm still mad at you, dammit. This was amazing. I demand your secret. Come on, you must have a special kind of tincture you drink or something to get your superpowers.
Come to think of it, that would be a pretty neat way to get superpowers. I imagine a belt with test-tubes on it filled with mysterious, smoking green stuff that you stir into your coffee late at night.
ADMIT IT.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 00:45:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2005-10-21 00:41:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
GOD DAMN YOU CAES WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE TO POST THIS RIGHT AFTER MINE YOU ASSHOLE JERKFACE GOOD WRITER PERSON
We're in a fight now.
*turns cold shoulder*
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Oh, what-EVAR!! Reading your tale made me cringe with primal terror, and my tongue receeded so far back into my head that I think I might choke on it in my sleep.
Your entry was AWESOME. Best so far, says I.