Dump me (1237 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.21 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jeveux... (View user info) at 2005-10-21 05:11:11 EDT
It's a personal anecdote: you have been warned
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She was becoming a little scary, especially seeing we'd only been seeing each other for less than a month. I didn't really mind that she seemed to thrive on kissing me in front of other people; her friends, my friends, my parents even, but the constant comparisons to her ex were starting to get me down. I refused to give money to a bum so she said,
"You're so out-for-yourself," (He had a damn bottle in his hand) "Just like Joe was. Do I just attract guys like that?"
Great, she's known me two weeks and already I'm being abused (o how it hurt me!) and compared with Mr Two-year-boyfriend. The final straw was when she said, "If you ever cheat on me I'll cut your balls off" and meant it.
I realise that she is a man-eating succubus, intent on destroying my soul: I have to end it. The catch is that she has done everything possible to ruin her ex's life.
One example of this was when she dobbed on him to the police for having (lots of) pot in his possession and then gave evidence at trial, and sent him to jail.
I want to avoid that sort of treatment if possible, so I'm trying to make her break up with me. During sex last night she was getting really excited. Unfortunately for her, I finished just a little tiny bit before her. I promptly rolled over and closed my eyes.
She was like "What the fuck?"
I was like, "Sorry, but you know I'm only out-for-myself."
I wonder how long it will take.
User Reviews
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-12-14 00:35:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oops , and to berty...
it worked out ok.
i broke up with her the serious way. manned up as it were.
she took it ok but really is a spiteful little bitch.
She puts on a friendly face when i see her but my friends tell me she does everything she can to cock block me and make me look stupid.
meh.
i'll be out of this city soon.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-12-14 00:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-12 10:47:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 For Berty's coments, might let him have a threesome with my girlfriend yet.
You should listen to him.
But first some questions: do you like her, is this anti ex thing the only thing?
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Jimmo:
I just don't understand the question.
As for this girl, she barely counts as an ex. She barely counted as a girlfriend.
Other posts of mine deal with the only REAL girlfriend i've ever had, but that was a long time ago and is another story, which you are more or less reading at the moment. (Loss)
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-12-12 11:41:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought this was going to be posted by krissi...
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-12 11:33:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-12 11:29:36 (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah hope that worked out for you. In a worse case scenario, get her drunk so she passes out. Then keep a steady stream of cloroform soaked rags on hand, drive her to mexico whil keeping her passed out, then dump her somewhere across the border and high tail it out of there.
Just a thought.
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Jesus dude, why not just strip her naked and leave her in a bad part of town late at night.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2005-12-12 11:29:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah hope that worked out for you. In a worse case scenario, get her drunk so she passes out. Then keep a steady stream of cloroform soaked rags on hand, drive her to mexico whil keeping her passed out, then dump her somewhere across the border and high tail it out of there.
Just a thought.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-12-12 11:18:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was ages ago. How did it all turn out?
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-12 10:47:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 For Berty's coments, might let him have a threesome with my girlfriend yet.
You should listen to him.
But first some questions: do you like her, is this anti ex thing the only thing?
A combination of sitting her down, manning up, telling her it is unacceptable bringing other relationships into yours and that you still like her, but you are giving her an ultimatum. She gets a hump, you act all hurt and misunderstood and stalk her, she fucks off or you sort the problem.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-11-02 22:44:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
haha...
thats not too bad holly.
thanks for rating :)
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-02 01:43:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this when you posted it.....and liked it, just typically don't rate when I have nothing impressive to say.
Had I, it would have been something like....
"Um... good choice". Which sucks. So, I would have added........
"What you should really do is steal her checkbook and make them out to www.Impsycho.com/howtoruinpeopleslives
add yourself (and all your friends) to the list of her apparent victims, and initiate a class action suit"
See, that's why I just read.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-01 06:57:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-21 20:07:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
why must you people break my spirit???
and Berty, you criticize me for not behaving like an adult...
the reason i can't is because i know she won't.
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Alas, it is often the way that when we behave to certain standards others maintain their foolish ways.
It is important that we do these things, that we maintain these standards, not for others but for ourselves.
Think of it like this; if you had maintained higher standards of behaviour and mutual respect this relationship would have naturally degraded as the massive differences in your charachters came to light. You would have enjoyed all the passion, the fierce sex and clamouring emotional scents whilst not being in this mess.
Always remember though that maintaing mutual respect and treating others in a balanced and careful way does not mean you become divorced to compassion, lust or any other exciting parts of humanity. It's like being a better driver behind an incredibally powerful motorbike, it's still fun but if you drive responsibly you get to go home with real legs.
Submitted by bitterlemon (user info) at 2005-11-01 06:36:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i understand the other one now
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-24 17:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:24:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Let her come round and answer the door in womens clothing - "There's something you should know..."
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-10-22 21:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shes gonna have yur baby.
Submitted by ab363 (user info) at 2005-10-22 21:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good plan! Seems like a bad move to get involved, though. Good luck!
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-10-22 15:40:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Before breakup commences Whiplash will need to see a picture of her.
Only then will Whiplash help you.
Whiplash has been speaking in the third person all day for some reason.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:14:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i replied on your other post dan.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:58:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And a linkwhore for your's: http://www.ubersite.com/m/72058
this is also relevant, and the rest of the story behind it.
Submitted by RandomJose (user info) at 2005-10-21 21:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The reason I must break your spirit is because I've been doing shit like this everyday for what seems like fucking forever, and it hasn't worked. I may have to stand up and just tell her to get lost forever.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-21 20:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why must you people break my spirit???
and Berty, you criticize me for not behaving like an adult...
the reason i can't is because i know she won't.
Submitted by RandomJose (user info) at 2005-10-21 19:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Trust me when I say...
it could take years.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-10-21 16:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
not getting her off? That is just mean. But I guess you are trying to get her to break up with you....Just leave some gay porn lying around or something.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-10-21 15:42:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Too short. This could've been really really good.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2005-10-21 14:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
People will point at you in the street and shout "Bed poo'er" at you, but you'll have escaped without having to behave like an adult.
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I believe that this technique would be useful in quite a number of situations, if you substituted 'bed' for 'conference room' or 'funeral' or 'cube' or 'library' or 'interrogation room' or 'plasma donation center' or 'wedding reception' or '4-year-old niece's birthday party' or 'Presidential Inauguration Gala'; pretty much anything but 'entrenchment' or the old-school 'foxhole'.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-21 12:13:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Get really clingy and ring her every ten minutes telling her you love her... Scares em off everytime.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-21 10:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Stop being such a passive aggressive chickenshit and just break up with the stupid cunt.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-21 10:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For fucks sake.
Alright, you want an easy way out? Do you? Huh?
Poo the bed. Give yourself diaharea and poo the fucking bed. She'll tell all her mates though and you will never have sex in that city again.
People will point at you in the street and shout "Bed poo'er" at you, but you'll have escaped without having to behave like an adult.
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2005-10-21 10:13:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fake your own death.
OR
Fake her death.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-10-21 09:25:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I ain't gonna work.
Trying to get her to dump you will most likely cause her to become even clingier and take more control, and make you want her to dump you even more. Vicious cycle.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-21 08:12:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the glory of this post is the hilarioussness of the responses it has illicited.
+2 for the response missflibble
Submitted by DamianD (user info) at 2005-10-21 07:44:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Similar thing happened to me. I told her that one of my ex's was pregnant and I had to go support her. She stalked me for 3 month then left me alone.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-10-21 06:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
sit on her chest and wank on her face, be sure to get manfat in they eye. she'll probably dump you instead of you having to do the dirty...
unless she's into bukkake.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I went out with a psycho. She's now living with a policeman and used to threaten me with legal rubbish.
Is that succubus over 16?
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not as much breaking your spirit as bring a dose of reality to the situation. I would think murder might be your best option at this point. Seems drastic but think of the alternatives
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ARE you trying to break my spirit Xcuses??
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
blah blah blah
You're fucked any way you look at it
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:43:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
careful... that kind of attitude will make her do worse to you then she did to her ex
oh dear... the crap I've had sluts try to do to me. Atleast I only date morons and fuck the smart ones.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:34:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I advise you cry whilst you do it so that she will bear you no ill will
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sounds alot better
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you have given me good advice before man, but there is nothing funny about what you just said.
it leads do, "But why?"
and "I thought everything was ok."
and "I KNEW you were just using me for sex."
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And treating her like shit will end this situation well?
Sorry dude, you've got no choice but to sit down and tell her how you honestly feel. I advise you cry whilst you do it so that she will bear you no ill will, or tell the police first so that when she cries rape you'll be covered.
Buy a lot of stuff on credit and make sure you appear on lots of CCTV cameras. Face the camera for 30 seconds and turn around slowly so it can fully identify you.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:25:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fabit!
That is an excellent idea.
Berty:
you have given me good advice before man, but there is nothing funny about what you just said.
it leads do, "But why?"
and "I thought everything was ok."
and "I KNEW you were just using me for sex."
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:24:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Me thinkith you have a psycho on your hands. You'll try to get rid of her, but she won't leave. In short, you're fucked
Good luck buddy
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Let her come round and answer the door in womens clothing - "There's something you should know..."
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tell her you have teh ghey aids and you're also very catholic and refuse to use contraception.
Might do the trick...
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:22:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Be nice and sweet and sensitive, then when she does the whole "what are your fatasies?" thing, say you've got a rape fantasy. Or fake erectile dysfunction. Or tell her you had a dream where you had sex with your mother.
Or just sit down and tell her that the bitterness she olds for her ex makes you feel insecure and that you want to end the relationship before you get hurt, kind of like a real man would do.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:15:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahah
thats a good idea
Submitted by r1nce (user info) at 2005-10-21 05:14:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Been there. The best thing you can do is fake a terminal illness and hope she runs for the hills.