Can I please you? (3986 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: fiction
Rating: 1.11 on 174 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2005-10-21 22:08:26 EDT
The anger wells inside me slowly, like the night seeps into the day. It begins with one small thought on the horizon, and ends with an outpouring of emotions settling through out the plains.
Enough of these similes and analogies. As much as they warm my heart to write, I know they take away from the true point of the story. As much as I'd like to wallow in my selfishness and plague you all with my marvelous ability to warm your hearts and tug at your emotions with flowery words, I will abstain.
This is a simple story, to be told in simple words. From this point on, I will abandon my flair for imagery and embrace the raw facts.
Facts that are as raw as the knuckles of a naughty schoolboy.
Did you know that blood gets sticky as it dried? Did you know that a heart doesn't just stop beating, but slowly gasps for one last drop of blood? Did you know that the expression on ones face stays livid into death?
As we rolled around, between the sheets, I knew he wasn't going to wake up. I fucked him out of anger. Hungrily filling my mouth with him, I thought about how I hated him. As I ran my tongue along the shaft of his penis I reveled in knowing that I was his first, his best, and his last.
I ran my hands along his torso- not enjoying the contours of his slender body, but planning his demise. He ran his fingers along my back, resting his palm against my neck before reaching up to pull my hair.
I arched my back as he gripped my hair and pulled me away from him. As his aggressive kisses covered my body, I smiled. As he thrust into me, I moaned. He did nothing more than fuck me, and nothing less than give himself up to me.
After he was spent, he collapsed upon me. We stuck together in that sexual, sweaty way, and I laughed. As he inwardly congratulated himself on making me happy, I outwardly projected my intensity upon him. I gently ran my nails along his chest, his stomach and down to his thighs.
After I was spent, I collapsed upon him. I had tired myself with all of my aggression, and my hands were sore from gripping the knife. His heart beat once more, twice more, slower... more gentle, more kind. It stopped once, began again, stopped twice...
And that he was at peace.
The only thing that separated us was his blood.
It was sticky.
I rolled off of him and wondered if it was all a big mistake. Then I glimpsed at his still contented face, and realized that I had a destiny to fulfill.
I'm here to provide you with that last bit of happiness.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-10 16:41:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wish i had time to read all the reviews.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-11-02 21:32:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The last line made this post.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2005-10-25 15:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-10-24 04:28:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.spicygear.com/product/detail.cfm/pnid/27/nid/124/pid/2565
_______________________________________________
*blank stare*
Holy shit.
Submitted by crx (user info) at 2005-10-24 20:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-10-24 18:31:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-24 14:31:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shouldn't you be camping somewhere?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-24 12:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to send this to Jason and then all your Scottishness will belong to me!
BWUHAHAHAHA
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:31:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can't spell slaughter without laughter!
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2005-10-24 09:20:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
stupid
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-10-24 04:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.spicygear.com/product/detail.cfm/pnid/27/nid/124/pid/2565
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-24 04:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Creepy.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2005-10-23 22:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-10-23 20:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i didn't really like it.
sorry.
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-23 20:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-10-23 07:58:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
deary me
my latest theory of life is that i should impregnate as many women as physically possible.
after reading this i may need to delete you from the list.
---
bahahahaha
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2005-10-23 18:29:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Awesome story, stupid convo with bowser or whoever that was
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-10-23 07:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
deary me
my latest theory of life is that i should impregnate as many women as physically possible.
after reading this i may need to delete you from the list.
Submitted by Jack_Burton (user info) at 2005-10-23 05:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's the most arrogant introduction I've ever read.
and I should know, I faced down the enitre chinese underworld with just a knife.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-23 05:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love a good internet fight. It's akin to a family renuion in Kentucky...
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-23 02:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-22 20:31:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Jeez, someone's trying to get in her pants.
********************
* sigh *
Whatever, dude.
Submitted by erinly (user info) at 2005-10-23 02:21:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Corinne could care less about a little -2.
---
Really? Alright.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-22 23:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this really didnt deserve heat but it did deserve a higher rating
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-22 20:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jeez, someone's trying to get in her pants.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-22 20:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Jesus. It's not the -2, it's the comment that went with it. I'll expand on that so everyone understands:
I would not have made a peep had Q just left his -2 and moved on. Don't like the story? That's fine. I'm not chasing down Adamdidit2u, for example. I just don't like that he felt the need to insult her. Plain and simple.
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-22 20:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This wasn't a great post, and he rated her accordingly. What's more to justify?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-22 19:59:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm 'harping' on Q because he was rude and insulting for no reason. I don't care what he rates her and I'm pretty sure Corinne could care less about a little -2.
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-22 19:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't harp on Q just because he isn't sucking her proverbial cock like the rest of you assholes.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2005-10-22 19:47:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
for some reason, i popped wood!
Submitted by gAGGLE (user info) at 2005-10-22 19:42:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for style, -2 for content
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-10-22 19:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
whats with all these vampires raping and killing and fucking at random?
it must be october.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-22 17:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-10-22 14:59:08 (#)
Ranking: -2
2. I didn't like the post to begin with, was going to give it a +0, then I saw the 3-way AIM conversation the reviews became which dropped the rating to -1. Then the disdain inspired by the way uber men seem to behave like dogs begging for treats when they read a post by an uber woman that are sexual in content drove it to a -2.
Call it a combination of factors. Maybe I'm just taking out my growing disgust for this community on her.
***********************
I'd say so. I think you misinterpreted the whole thing. We were just fooling around -- we're 'friends,' as well as you can apply the term to a bunch of people who 'met' on the internet -- and we were just having fun.
So there's your excuse for the rating, which is fine. I don't see how you're justified in attacking her and insulting her just because you thought her post was average and her reviewers were idiots.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-10-22 16:47:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hot.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-10-22 16:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The concept is intriguing, but... what the fuck? A little context would be neat. =/
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-10-22 16:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF is this crap?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-22 15:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This has an awful lot of hits for an "ok" post.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-10-22 14:59:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-22 14:16:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Q, first of all, you're wrong. Secondly, any reason for being an asshole so colossal I could drive a semi through it?
--
1. I guess we have different taste in women, then. I tend to be more discriminate than having the 'two legs and a pulse' criteria.
2. I didn't like the post to begin with, was going to give it a +0, then I saw the 3-way AIM conversation the reviews became which dropped the rating to -1. Then the disdain inspired by the way uber men seem to behave like dogs begging for treats when they read a post by an uber woman that are sexual in content drove it to a -2.
Call it a combination of factors. Maybe I'm just taking out my growing disgust for this community on her.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2005-10-22 14:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yay!!!! sex and blood, my favorite!!!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-22 14:16:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Q, first of all, you're wrong. Secondly, any reason for being an asshole so colossal I could drive a semi through it?
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-10-22 13:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I call shenanigans. You're too ugly for anyone to want to have sex with you.
Submitted by missedthepoint (user info) at 2005-10-22 12:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you can come play at my house anytime
seriously...this is great
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-10-22 12:33:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hi.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-10-22 11:35:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking slutty as hell.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-22 08:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I will abandon my flair for imagery """"
<snorts>
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-22 07:31:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:05:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
I would like to talk about psychology and/or manipulation right now. cornnugget78 on AIM!
----------------------------
Someone's drunk
Someone's drunk
Submitted by Azk (user info) at 2005-10-22 06:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aight.
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-10-22 06:03:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Can I please you?"
Well, if you insist...
*zzzzzzip*
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-10-22 05:32:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a very twisted story Ms. Nugget.
I'm now afraid of you. Yikes.
And we live in the same state.
Double Yikes.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-10-22 01:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You knew this was coming...
STOP BEING CHATTY BITCHES!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-22 01:47:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
everytime i see this title, i say to myself,
"i don't know; can you?"
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:58:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Degreeless_capibara joined the ubersite forums after some interesting google searches. Bright-eyed and eager, he posted a bunch of shitty posts to a not-so-warm greeting. He is too lazy to finish this now, so fuck
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and Cor? You're #6 right now.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I spotted Luce!
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:28:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOO MOST HEATED
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ahhh...with all the spooky stories I saw this coming from a mile away.
Well written though.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SHIT
http://www.crosshatched.whitebrookfarm.com/kthx/kthx.html
FOR ALL YOU LAZY BASTARDS THAT DON'T KNOW HOW TO COPY AND PASTE
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:25:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOT
Here's everything you ever need to know about me www.crosshatched.whitebrookfarm.com/kthx/kthx.html
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:22:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wot?
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:21:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SHUT UP! Canadian bastard!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:21:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Listen, guys. I don't know who you are, so... it's time for UberBiography right here.
Right now.
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
eh?
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOO! And bowser lays one down.
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
y helo thar buttsecks
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No it's not... It's about Key Lime pie.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:15:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The story is about two dudes,Shlorty and his mother.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ATTN GHEY MENZ
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF I'M NOT READING ALL THAT
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA RABBIT
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what the hell man if they are comin at you means they want somethin , more better you look after them and care for them , than they get out on the street uh?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:06:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm all tuckered out from all this excitement. Plus I think this camping thing is turning me gay. I'm going to bed to dream about naked ladies and penises.
Wait...just naked ladies.
Nighty-night.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:05:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would like to talk about psychology and/or manipulation right now. cornnugget78 on AIM!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:04:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SUCKY SUCKY FIVE DOLLA!!
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:04:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE CAKE LONG TIME.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:03:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME CEAS
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:02:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uhhh...vanilla licorice? I'll have a lick, I guess. But no promises that I'll call you in the morning.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:02:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
IF i AM A PRICK DO YOU NOT BLEED
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:01:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I AM WHITE YOU INSENSITIVE FUCK
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:00:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lisa still is on Uber, sometimes. She posted a funny little cartoon a couple days aog.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-22 00:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TIGER!
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:59:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to go check if there are any new posts on the main page to give undeserved +2s.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:59:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish Lisa was still on Uber.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SHORYUKEN!!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:58:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:57:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
WHERE ARE THE WHORES????
I have a c-note and a licorice-flavored cock!
*******************
Black or cherry flavoured?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:58:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You got me there... I'm pretty corny.
(p.s. I can't wait for the disenters)
(p.p.s. I can't wait until Bart ads spellcheck)
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YOGA FLAME!
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:57:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think hubcaps on telephone poles is a sybol of the telephone pole's success in life. You know, like an angel getting it's wings or some crap like that.
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HADOUKEN!!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:57:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHERE ARE THE WHORES????
I have a c-note and a licorice-flavored cock!
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:54:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
I AM VERY FRUITY!
______________________________
hah, I'd say you're corny
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait. Speaking of hubcaps... why are there oft-times hubcaps nailed to telephone poles?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:55:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
RIGHT YOU ARE KEN!
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And I see what you mean... 20 bucks is pretty expensive. I'd rather find hubcaps on the side of the freeway. Is that wrong?
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
they did spin***
Before Jesus shanked them.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope you aren't implying I went cheap on my hubcaps. 20 a pop, and they do spin.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I AM VERY FRUITY!
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:53:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the commentary tonight is juvenile,
however, well writ (even if it's been
done)...
"I'd like to die with a full belly,
winesking in my hand, and whore on
my cock."
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why would he steal hubcaps? You'd think he'd go for cool things like spinners.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus stole the hubcaps off my car
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Jesus... Can I join your conversation? har har
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:51:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH SNAP!!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:50:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, I make double entendres when I drink
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:50:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Corn is a fruit?
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Start licking my dog. She's got a bunch of loose hairs and I haven't brushed her for a while.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:49:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA!!
Thanks for the invitation Hadley, but I'll stick to not eating any fruit if it's all the same to you.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:48:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:39:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
I always liked scurvy. It's such a funny word. Plus you get a furry tongue!
----
You want a furry tongue? Start licking my ass.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
* arches eyebrow curiously *
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:47:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caesar, there's a lot we have never done before.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:46:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Agreed, this is pretty fun. I've never camped like this before.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:44:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, it feels surprisingly good to be camping on ubersite on a friday night!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always liked scurvy. It's such a funny word. Plus you get a furry tongue!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:39:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Leave it to Caesar to go to www.dictionary.com for that one!
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:39:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
gonorrhea's so much funnier.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Justin, nope. I was telling you you're gonna die of syphilis.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:36:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Correct. I was referring to Corinne's comment below, I thought you were as well.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:35:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cir·rho·sis ( P ) Pronunciation Key (s-rss)
n.
A chronic disease of the liver characterized by the replacement of normal tissue with fibrous tissue and the loss of functional liver cells. It can result from alcohol abuse, nutritional deprivation, or infection especially by the hepatitis virus.
Chronic interstitial inflammation of any tissue or organ.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:33:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cirrhosis, Canadian.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You have WHAT?
Shit, I'm going to die of Syphilis.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:33:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to a big waiting room in the sky. It will be just like the military.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:33:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 syphilis
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:32:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope I die of either lung cancer or scorosis (sp?) of the liver. Otherwise I'll just sit in hell and gloat.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The "-2die" is so dated... I want someone to tell me HOW I'm going to die. THAT would be special.
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:29:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate you -2die
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:28:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:27:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:24:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Enough of one to not have ANY idea what it was that you thought I was referencing.
*****************
Good answer.
This is how heat is born. Lookit us go!
***
5.2 hours before the "-2's I hate you!"s start!
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's barking got to do with any of it?
Oh, haha, my last name's Barkley, now it's funny.
ORIGINAL THERE, COR.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:27:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:24:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Enough of one to not have ANY idea what it was that you thought I was referencing.
*****************
Good answer.
This is how heat is born. Lookit us go!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:27:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caesar... are you trying to imply that michael is innocent??
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, I'm sorry, what I MEANT to say was "make sweet tender love to." Not "bone."
Hey wait, what do mean I dont' get any play? I get more action than Michael Jackson at a day care.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:24:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Enough of one to not have ANY idea what it was that you thought I was referencing.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:24:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caesar, this is why you don't get any play: "bone"
Justin, it's true- I love when you bark... But uber didn't need to know that.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:23:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you...did you just pull a SNOOP DOGG reference there?
What kind of rock star are you, anyway?
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:23:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now Captain Canadian Commando likes me. Corinne, if you don't object, I've yet more pud-pulling to do, thanks to Caesar's last comment.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:22:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She already told me that she only loves my doggy-style.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YEAH VICTIM! I got to bone Corinne! I -- hey wait, how does that story end again? Whatever, I'm sure it's not important.
I liked you, Justin.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Justin, Manic LOVES you. She told me about her deep-seated desires.
Degreeless, heh, one point for your wit.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:20:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't be jealous, just because I can use my mouth to do it myself. Hey, you'd do it too, if you could. Too bad those yoga classes never worked out...
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:19:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:17:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
Degreeless just admitted to liking lemonparties
---
What do you mean 'just'?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm the author! Caesar is the victim and YOU, sir, are the jack-off!
there, I said it.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Old news, didn't you know that everyone in Michigan hated me? You weren't alone in that one.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:18:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But, in the post, there were only 2 people: the author and the victim. Who's the third one, you in the corner beating off and recording it like a horny journalist?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:17:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Degreeless just admitted to liking lemonparties
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:17:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:14:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, Caes?
You're an infestation of multiple-headed sperm, and also a gigantoid poopyhead.
****************
* GASP *
You sir, are downright rude.
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is how I'm imagining everyone in this post right now: http://www.lemonparty.org
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, Caes?
You're an infestation of multiple-headed sperm, and also a gigantoid poopyhead.
as for you, Corinne?
Well, I'd love to, but I'll never have that much money in my life, and I'll be spending January in West Virginia skiing. Thanks for the attempted tease, though, I appreciate the dual O-rings that you're showing off right now. (That'd be your mouth and your ass, for the slow.)
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caesar, wow. I can't believe you just said that.
I think I'm as insane as she is, but just in a very different way.
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:14:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait, that was you? I never got your name.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Degreeless, I wrote this post about you. Isn't that enough?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:12:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll help you out, Justin. Ummm, your guitar playing sucks, and you suck, and you like it when there is penis in your bum, and Better Than Ezra sucks. Slow clap for you.
Corinne, you make Urbane seem like a well-adjusted, witty young lady.
OH THAT'S RIGHT I WENT THERE!!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:11:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Justin, I'm gonna go to Ireland soon... Maybe January. Wanna come? Save $4,000. 400 for the trip, the rest for ME!
No?
I hate you.
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:11:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why aren't you accepting me in your suckfest? I feel so left out.
:(
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:11:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Listen here bitches, if I can get my shoes off of my feet, I'll be able to count to 17. Watch yourselves.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caesar, insult me. Go ahead, I can take it. I'll count to 10.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:09:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What do I have to do to get involved in this pissing contest?
Yes, I'm kidding.
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Will you be mad if no one gives a shit about you? If so, better start counting to 10.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:08:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't insulted anybody.
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:03:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
So you insult him back, and you're satisfied with your own smug knowledge?
Right on.
---
I'm not smug.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:06:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Jus!
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:06:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hooray Cor!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:04:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ohhhh And Caesar chimes in with his own hard-hitting insult!!
heh
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:03:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:57:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, I've gotten more hits while I was banned in the last four months with most of my highest-hitting posts capped than you've gotten in your entire uber career.
************************
* yawn *
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:03:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So you insult him back, and you're satisfied with your own smug knowledge?
Right on.
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:01:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't stand the knowledge that somewhere else in the world, someone has the smug satisfaction of insulting me over the internet.
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I did die for a while, but squatty brought me back. Speaking of which, I haven't seen him for a couple weeks.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 23:00:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So why bother fighting against it?
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:59:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, I wasn't the one who brought up internet popularity.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:57:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and uber hits are the benchmark of a happy life.
Or, I thought you died?
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:57:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:40:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:38:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
Will you be mad at me if I don't give this a +2? If so, you're a retard.
*********************
Will you be mad if no one gives a shit about you? If so, better start counting to 10.
Wow, I'm fiesty today.
---
Wow, I've gotten more hits while I was banned in the last four months with most of my highest-hitting posts capped than you've gotten in your entire uber career.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:38:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
Will you be mad at me if I don't give this a +2? If so, you're a retard.
*********************
Will you be mad if no one gives a shit about you? If so, better start counting to 10.
Wow, I'm fiesty today.
Submitted by bowser (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Will you be mad at me if I don't give this a +2? If so, you're a retard.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:34:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:28:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
I love you too, Caesar. In the Canadian sort of way.
*********************
You mean playing 'find my puck' in an igloo while covered in maple syrup? I'm down with that.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeek! Beautifully done.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is somehow the weirdest thing I've ever wrote... but maybe the most gratifying. I love myself.
I love you too, Caesar. In the Canadian sort of way.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:26:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Teh hawtness. You and I should try that out, but with less knife.
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:11:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll give you a +2 if you never post anything like this ever again.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-10-21 22:10:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
TRUE STORY!