Santa teaches some Jews the meaning of Christmas (965 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.37 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Santa Claus (View user info) at 2005-10-22 02:34:43 EDT
So winter draws near, and the kiddies are already looking up north, gearing up for the "magical time of Christmas." Every fucking year, the same old bullshit. Kids, wanting their fucking playstations and their dirt bikes and whatever new shit the toy companies can think up. You know how fucking tough it is to make new toys every year? Really fuckin' tough! At least a dozen Elves get their hands stuck in the DVD press every year, and I have to take them out back and shoot them in the face!
I've still got a month or so before I have to start showing up at malls and sit those little shits down on my lap and listen to them abuse their respective languages telling me what piece of junk they want. Last year one kid asked me if I was God. Her parents were so stupid that not only did they take her to church but they forgot to describe God to her. I guess they thought telling her that He made Genghis Khan's brutal tyranny look like a weak fart. This guy ran around shooting fireballs out of his eyes and shit! Still, if you're going to take the kid to church she should know who lives there - a fuckin' psycho!
Well, I got my revenge on one of those kids.
"Daddy, I'm scared of that man!" The shit who said that looked about six, but the fucker still didn't know when to shut his mouth. He probably still pissed his bed. And "that man?" "THAT MAN?" I'M SANTA FUCKING CLAUS, you cunt nugget! I decide whether or not you get your Barbie doll this year!
I walked up to his parents. "is this your little kid?!" Some Elves who had probably been sucking each others' cocks in the back room (AGAIN) heard me and began to hurry out, but they were too far away for what was about to happen. "Well, we're Jewish, and we don't really want her celebrating Christmas..." the asshole turned to his wife, who was nodding. "You see, we don't think that our kid should believe in some made-up guy like Santa when she's going to find out later that he's fake, and he's not for Jews any-"
I shut him up right there - with a rib shattering blow to the chest. The Jew bastard went five feet through the air before he crashed into some kid and landed on his arm. The kid's screams rang through the mall. People were scattering everywhere, but the guy couldn't move (probably because the dent my fist made in his chest was an inch deep). He was bleeding through his mouth, but he managed to splutter the question "Why?" Instead of an answer, I strode toward his wife. I found out later he got blood all over my suit. I'd kill him again, if I could.
We were eye to eye. Her child was behind her. "You know what I think?" she shook her head 'no.' "'I' think that 'I' don't like 'eyes!'" Then I reached out and oh so slowly tore her eyes out, one after the other (I was keeping her in place by strangling her with my other hand). When she screamed she sounded like a dude. I wouldn't be surprised if she was a tranny.
When I was done I dropped her like a limp rag doll and gave her a kick to rival that of her husband's punch. The only people in the place was me, the father (dead), the mother (probably dying), the kid the dead father had pinned to the ground, and him. Sure enough, he had pissed himself, the little wimp.
"Do you know who I am, little boy," I asked in my sweetest voice I could muster. "N-no." "Well, I'll let you know: I'M SANTA CLAUS EAEAEAEAEAGH!!!" I them flicked his mother's eyes in his face. After he screamed in horror for a few seconds I kicked him in the balls so hard his pelvis was cracked. I hopped my sleigh and left like 20 Elves behind. Try to get back to the North Pole on your own, faggots!
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-24 17:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should team up with Hanukkah Harry
Submitted by HighFructoseCornSyrup (user info) at 2005-10-23 16:31:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good title, didn't read the post.
Submitted by TweakinIan (user info) at 2005-10-23 16:30:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't care.
HAIL SATAN!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-23 05:40:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-10-22 20:50:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
Jews totally suck. They don't give me shit.
---------------
That's not true...
I gave your girl VD, which I'm sure has made it your way by now
Ingrate
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-10-23 00:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-10-23 00:34:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
spades
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-10-22 20:50:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jews totally suck. They don't give me shit.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-22 15:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Those poor Jews!
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-10-22 14:13:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Tadeln Sie uns nicht für Ihre Problemursache, die wir unser bestes versuchten
Submitted by Fr057m0urn3 (user info) at 2005-10-22 12:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Töten sie die Juden. Wir können nicht stillstehen bis sie alle tot sind.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-22 07:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oy vey!
Submitted by missedthepoint (user info) at 2005-10-22 06:23:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just pissed my pants....
funny funny fucken funny!
ps. If i dont get that new dirt bike this year,
i'm gonna track you down...
put a power drill through your skull
and then fuck all your reindeer.
got that? you fat elf fucking weirdo.
Johnny
age 6 1/2
Submitted by Azk (user info) at 2005-10-22 06:14:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes...you tore her eyes out with your bare hands.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-10-22 05:19:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-22 03:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Leave me be, I don't spell Jew words.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-22 03:54:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAR YARMUKA
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-10-22 02:56:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Santa fucking rocks man...
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-22 02:49:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i only read the title
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-10-22 02:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Enjoy the jerkoff material. I'll tell some better stories another time.