SnOw WhItE and the Three Nerds (1635 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 0.8 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by User 9170 (View user info) at 2005-10-22 15:39:57 EDT
Once upon a time, a young girl lived with her beautiful stepmother. The stepmother was unparalleled in looks and could not bear the thought of anyone being hotter than her. She possessed a magical device that could answer her when she went before it and typed, "Sexiest female in the land"
The magical device would display her homepage at the top without fail, above those of Jenna Jameson, Jessica Alba and Iijima Ai. Needless to say, this made the haughty queen very happy. Her ego sated, she dressed up in leather, grabbed the whip and went to find her "pets".
One day, the queen was doing yet another routine check. Being extra arrogant, she clicked on the "I'm feeling lucky" button. To her horror, a blog popped up with pictures of a girl as beautiful as she was, but younger.
"SnOw WhItE, 19, I love the cock", went the self-description. The name rolled like thunder in the queen's mind as she realised that it was her stepdaughter. Furious, the queen ordered one of her guards, BlingBling, to take SnOw WhItE out of the castle and kill her.
BlingBling took SnOw WhItE down to the basement. However, as he took out his gun, he could not bear to put a bullet into such beautiful tits.
"Git out o' here an' run into da secret basement network, Ya' dig?" he whispered to SnOw WhItE, "Ah'll tell da boss dat ah capped ya bitch ass."
"Thank you so much!" cried SnOw WhItE.
"Now suck my cock, ho!" answered BlingBling.
After swallowing BlingBling's load, SnOw WhItE took off into the secret basement network that connected all the basements in the land. Following days of stumbling in the darkness, she entered yet another basement. The smell of rotten pizza, oil, cheese and dried shit assaulted her nose immediately. Three gigantic creatures emerged from the darkness.
"A... female. A/S/L?" gasped Bronco.
"Y HELO THAR, BUTTSEKZ? LOLOLOL!1!" screamed 1337 SN1P3r.
Yoda87 made whoosh whoosh sounds with his broomstick and asked, "Nekked pix, u got?"
"19/F, I am white as snow, rosy as the blood, and my hair is as black as ebony. :)" replied SnOw WhItE.
Three days later, in the brightly-lit tower of the castle, the queen confidently typed once again, "Sexiest female in the land." She nearly had an aneurysm when SnOw WhItE's blog popped up.
Her eyes bulged as she read the entry, "What the hell? I'm stuck with three nerds and I can't even get laid! The fucking losers are contented to jack off to Jaina Proudmoore! ARGH!"
The queen dressed up as a door-to-door salesman and went to the nerds' house. With little effort, she was able to sell SnOw WhItE a vibrator. On her way back to the castle, for no reason other than removing her from the story, she was raped to death by a brood of dogs.
The horny SnOw WhItE went to work straight away, not knowing that the sex toy carried a deadly enchantment. The resulting orgasm was so powerful that her muscles froze up. When the nerds discovered her the next morning, she still had her O face on.
"Save her, we must!" sobbed Yoda87, "Monthly baths, we would not get if not."
Bronco scratched his armpit sagely, "Based on the video I watched a few weeks ago, we could try cumming on her face or something."
"Do... sexual... things...?" stuttered 1337 SN1P3r, "You mean... without IRC?!"
The nerds were soon in a circle around SnOw WhItE's body. Four hours later, with the aid of a heavy dose of Prozac and each other's hands, they achieved Nirvana in a single blissful non-virtual orgasm. Yoda87 was rudely brought back to earth when Bronco shot him squarely in the eye.
Just as two angry nerds were about to settle their differences in a bloody round of UT2004, SnOw WhItE stirred, opened her eyes slowly and promptly attempted to tear her face off.
Five months after the incident, SnOw WhItE could not shake the desire for thick gooey man juice on her pretty face. One day, she simply disappeared.
Her latest blog entry read, "I'm off to Japan."
User Reviews
Submitted by XFile (user info) at 2005-12-22 03:24:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As promised!
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-10-24 16:07:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad. I got the bukkake reference. nasty. I can't believe that the nerds wouldn't fuck snow white? I'd be on that like ugly on an ape.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-23 09:56:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This ain't bad.
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2005-10-23 09:49:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Don't mean to be a spoilsport, but Saxon posted a hilarious Snow White story a short time back.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-10-23 08:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Makes perfect and unquestionable sense.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2005-10-23 05:17:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think it's appropiate to paste here too....
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-10-22 01:34:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
LOL PWNED!
SHITCANNED WOOOOOOO!
*BLEEP*
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-10-23 01:43:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Had much more potential. Nonetheless it made me chuckle.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-23 00:58:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is Japan where she meets Bukkakarella?
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2005-10-22 16:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
giggle
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2005-10-22 16:30:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
right..