Black Scabbity Tran - Chronicles of a Leper, Pt 4. (422 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by inbreakingnewsT.A.N. (View user info) at 2005-10-23 10:32:51 EDT
Pt 1 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/75385
Pt 2 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/75425
PT 3 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/75505
Black Scabbity Tran vs Engelbert Humperdinck
--------------------------------------------
Black Scabbity Tran sat in the back of the club and sipped his pina colada. He was careful not to touch the glass, almost a reflex action, its' chilled sides menaced his fingers and taunted him, the frostnip was as always only an unguarded moment away, the itching and pain quickly giving way to blanched skin and the terrible numbness of uncertainty..
For ordinary folk it was an unpleasant but easily remedied discomfort, for Scabbity, the consequences were much more dire, his disease a constant reminder of the ubiquitous perils..
"Hello, everyone, and thanks for joining me tonight."
Black Scabbity looked up and smiled as the familiar figure upon the stage relaxed in the spotlight's glow , acrid cigarette smoke wisped and danced in its' glare, and warm applause greeted his old friend like swallows welcoming the new spring.
"Thank you, you're too kind... it's great to be back in Massachusetts, God bless Lexington, truly one of my favorite places, like a home away from home..."
The club's small audience lapped it up, thrilling over the accolades and his charm, rising as one and applauding even louder, calling his name and swooning, already captivated, and Black Scabbity smiled and marveled at his friend's presence..
"I'd like to welcome an old friend of mine, if I may, up on stage for something of a 'duet'.."
"Sing 'Release Me'!" someone shouted.
"In time, friend, in time... Ladies and gentleman, would you please welcome to the stage, a man very close to my heart, Black.. Scabbity.. Trannnnnnn!!!!"
A second spotlight swung and rested on Black Scabbity, and grinning his near toothless smile, embarrassed by the crowd's smattering and broken applause, he quickly made his way up on stage and embraced his friend.
"Good to see you again, Scabbity, really good.."
"And you, E.H., you've lost a few pounds?"
"Hahahaha... and you a few fingers... good God, man, where's your toes??"
Black Scabbity patted his pocket and smiled. "Don't worry, 'Bert, safe as the Crown Jewels.."
"Oh. My. God.."
"No, no, THEY'RE still in the kitty, E.H., I was referring to the English sovereign's jewellery and other regalia, such as scepters, orbs, and rings and the like.."
"O-o-oh... I see.. thank Christ for that then.."
Engelbert Humperdinck turned to the audience and cleared his throat. "I'd like to start tonight a little bit differently to the norm, mix it up a little as it were.. you don't get to where I am without constantly changing, you know, staying abreast of the new.. flexibility is paramount in this industry, so pleaseeeeeee, welcome to the mikes, MC BST and the Funky Bunch Brady!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's me! The Funky Bunch Brady!! Ladies and Gentlemennnnnnnnnnnnnnn, a RAP BATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTLE!!!!"
EH: Say yo-oooooooooo..
BST: yo.
EH: SAYYYY yo-ooooooo..
BST: yo.
EH: Well I'm a motherfucker, from Leicester, see,
And I don't take shit from this in-dus-try..
BST: You got real black hair, and your pants are tight,
And you don't look black and you don't look white.
EH: I get ladies pan-ties, thrown at me,
But I don't give a fuck 'cause I'm the real Brady.
BST: I get sores and itches from my lep-ro-sy,
And the kids call 'em bitches, slippy slim Bray-dy.
EH: Well I get real drunk, and I fuck your mom,
And you can't do shit while she eats my cum..
BST: I like long walks, and be-ing nice,
But the cops always chase me and I got bad lice.
EH: I like snorting lines and sol-ar-iums
But I don't give a fuck if it burns my bum..
BST: Your name is Dorsey and you're from Madras,
And I can't think of anything that's rhymes wit dat..
EH: That's 'cause you suck and I smoked your grass
I'm from Madras because I felch ghey ass... ............ <blinks>
The audience erupted and called for Black Scabbity. They wanted more. Engelbert Humperdinck was still going over the last two lines in his head, and was becoming increasingly annoyed at the din of the crowd screaming Black Scabbity's name, he was finding it very hard to concentrate..
Black Scabbity Tran was overwhelmed. Tears welled in his eyes and he blushed at the plaudits and the audience's enthusiastic generosity . He blew his nose and gently placed it back on Engelbert's Marshall amplifier, it was going to be a wonderful night...
User Reviews
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-09-10 22:36:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-11-18 19:42:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess I'm in the minority here, but this had me laughing.. Good thing it's Friday and no one is in the office right now...
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-11-10 09:11:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
THIS ENTIRE SERIES IS FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!
*sigh*
:(
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-10-27 05:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by inbreakingnewsT.A.N. (user info) at 2005-10-23 10:33:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
repost, sorry, but a picture tells a thousand words, right?