Liquor + Imagination = Video Game Reminiscing (1126 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: -0.2 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rand0m Herö (View user info) at 2005-10-24 09:49:03 EDT
*DISCLAIMER*
This post was inspired by a Sunday night rant with friends I had while doing Whiskey shots and Yager Bombs at 3 in the morning. It contains no actual content; however, there are several references to rape, ninja moves, boss decapitation, and Mortal Kombat-ness. Reading this post may cause cervical cancer, the ghey AIDS, upset bowels, and epileptic seizures involving images of Goatse and/or Urbane's chubby vulva. Please be advised. Bitches.
*DISCLAIMER*
So NO SHIT, there I was... sitting at my desk at work, thinking of just how badly my job sucked.
I look up to see my boss staring down at me with a stupid shit-eating grin on his face. He looks like a fucking hungry hyena who just escaped from a Discovery Channel special. His coffee next to him, his guido hair slicked back, and his pristine white, my-car-costs-more-than-your-house shirt from the "Who-the-fuck-cares Design Studio" on Rodeo Drive. He's got his hands on his hips and he's ready to deal me some "office justice".
He says, "Hey. I guess coming in to work on time isn't that important anymore around here. Well, what do you think would happen if someone like me didn't come into work on time?" Right about now, I've got enough liquor in me from the night before that I could probably take a punch or four and stay standing. Maybe. So here goes... I stand up and look at him at about dead in the eyes as I can get without passing out and cracking my skull open on the corner of my desk.
I say, "I dunno. Maybe if you didn't come in on time, I wouldn't have had those extra few minutes to sneak into your house, up into your daughter's room, and brutally rape her while she slept. Now if you excuse, I have to finish checking my e-mails."
His eyes go white, his lips start to fall, and his brow comes down. He tilts his head like a puppy and asks, "What did you say you son of a bitch?"
Before everything I said just hits him, I jump up on top of my desk, scream at the top of my lungs like a goddamn banshee, and front kick his lower jaw. I kick him so hard that it tears his jaw from his fat head, and he bites off the end of his own tongue in the process. The spraying of blood and screams that he lets out gives me a quick chill. I don't have time to enjoy it though. I reach down, grab the rest of his head, tear it from his non-existant spine and scream, "FATALITY!!!1!!1!one!!"
Then I wake up... still at my desk, still bored as hell...
God, I wish Mortal Kombat was real.
User Reviews
Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-10-25 08:20:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah, it's hard to spell when you have a goddamn headache... and you don't care about spelling in the first place.
...and then the headache starts talking to you.
Then the headache tells you to kill the President.
Yay me.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-10-25 08:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You misspelled Jager?! Boy, if this wasn't the internet I'd smack you 'till your mother hurt for that kind of sacrilege!
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-10-24 23:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"Yager" bombs?
-1.
Submitted by trent_nz (user info) at 2005-10-24 23:20:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
loL
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-10-24 22:22:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"FATALITY!!!1!!1!one!!"
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+2 for that
-2 for mention of Urbane
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-24 20:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto -2 for goddamn video games.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-10-24 16:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Urbane +2 wooo
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-24 13:35:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty good.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-10-24 13:19:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2005-10-24 10:45:47 (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto urbane -2
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Sorry. Not even Mortal Kombat can overcome this fatal sin.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-24 13:15:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
eh.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-10-24 10:01:16 (#)
Ranking: 1
This post is the product of too much time and alcohol.
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Welcome to my world. Enjoyed reading this. I know what you mean....
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:36:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
flawless victory
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2005-10-24 10:45:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto urbane -2
Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-10-24 10:01:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This post is the product of too much time and alcohol.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2005-10-24 09:53:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Reading this post may cause cervical cancer, the ghey AIDS, upset bowels, and epileptic seizures involving images of Goatse and/or Urbane's chubby vulva.
Submitted by alas_me (user info) at 2005-10-24 09:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes
Submitted by MrHappyPants (user info) at 2005-10-24 09:51:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking geek, shut up.