Fantasy Football Violence...THE FINAL. (thank god!)......may contain bad words. (671 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff gun come fe boom it up! (View user info) at 2005-10-24 09:55:34 EDT
Fantasy Football Violence.....THE FINAL!
There can be only one.
Portsmouth 1-2 Charlton
Pompey boss Alain Perrin:
"We started very well and had many chances to score in the first half. I think we forgot to play, we stopped playing, there was no movement.
"We lost confidence and Charlton made the most of it.
"When results are not good you are under pressure but we have to prove we can win games. We have to win away at Sunderland and against Wigan at home."
West Ham 2-1 Middlesbrough
West Ham boss Alan Pardew:
"The controversy is irrelevant to me. I am looking at my team and thinking it was our best performance of the season.
"Of course it wasn't a goal but sometimes you earn a break like that and we deserved it.
"Boro will be upset but it shouldn't be allowed to take the gloss off our performance."
=======================================
There it is, Two different teams, Two different games, and Two different results.
The lacklustre Portsmouth throwing away an early goal and home ground advantage Whilst the Mighty West Ham use skill and camera angles to pull in another well deserved win as they head to the top of the table (sort of)
But as the five regular viewers of these posts will know it aint the goals that count it's the cards, red and yellow ones to be precise.
And so without further ado its time to put this fucking pariah of a post to bed.
THE FINAL.
PORTSMOUTH -V- WEST HAM
C1NDY -V- BARNYMEINHOFF
Red Cards
C1ndy 0 - 0 Barnymeinhoff
Yellow Cards
C1ndy 2 - 1 Barnymeinhoff
Points
C1ndy 4 - 2 Barnymeinhoff
The Result, C1ndy and her south Eastern Mongrels win the match and the whole contest to boot, As promised I will now away to +2 her collected works but in the mean time here is a breakdown of what happened when I went down to Portsmouth this weekend to show this Portsmouth rubbish just exactly how we fucking roll in the East London!
Sat 08:20.
Got the south central train from Victoria and settled down for the two odd hours to Portsmouth. In the carriage we have Degsy, Denny, Punchy Steve and the rest of the Dagenham ICF.
Sat 11:45
Pull Into Portsmouth Central suitably tanked on Buffet car booze and slightly over stamped coke.
The station is unusually quiet for a match day and there is no old bill in sight, Weird.
Sat 12:15
Managed to get a hold of C1ndy on her mobile and we agreed on a meet up in the car park behind The Thomas of Becket pub. I warned her that we had a large firm ready but she just laughed and said the more the merrier.
Streets seem strangely quiet.
Sat 13:56
We paused around thee corner from the pub to have a few quick bumps just to give us a nice edge for the violence. I was just wiping my nose when some old cunt walks out of the bar, takes one look at us and starts laughing.
Normally I would have popped the cunt but time was a pressing and it doesn't do to keep the home team waiting.
AND YOU WILL KNOW C1NDY BY THE TRAILOF DEAD.
Sun 09:57
And I am so fucking scared right now....it was a trap, we got into the car park of the pub to see C1ndy standing on the roof of an XR3I with about thirty odd Portsmouth lounging around. It was a big crowd but we had taken out worse and so moved towards them with nasty intent, then more started to come out of the woodwork. It was like a casual tsunami.
Punches were coming in from every angle both my eyes were closed over and I could feel my ear hanging wetly against my neck where C1ndy had caught me with an iron bar. She was waving it about like a wand casting unpleasant wishes for any West Ham Unfortunate enough to get in her way. It was as if she had the entire city in her firm, I even saw a copper going to work on Punchy Steve with a Stanley knife and he was squealing like a stuck pig.
I managed to clear some of the locals from out of my path by swinging some lawn furniture around I ran and jumped over a fence and into a back ally, It sounded as if there was a heard of cunts hot on my tail but I've been in this game long enough to know that having a little fact finding look back whilst on the hop isn't worth the beating that will usually follow besides which it looked as if C1ndy wasn't going to stop at a beating and I have the rest of my young life ahead of me.
After running around strange back roads for what seemed like an eternity I lost my pursuers by jumping into the canal and hiding in a house boat before breaking into someone's garden and hiding in their shed.
Fortunately for the readers of Uber I had my power book on me and all of Portsmouth is WiFi enabled so I have been able to for fill my piss weak post obligations for another week. Things seem to have quietened down outside so I'm going to see if I can make it back to the station and home.
Name - Barnymeinhoff
Time of death - Sun 10:15
Cause of death - Iron bar through the boatrace
Winner - C1ndy
Scum are going down, scum are going down, Super Pompey stayin up and scum are stayin down.
User Reviews
Submitted by MisterBadger (user info) at 2006-01-06 06:59:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fat Davros +2.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-10-29 11:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
Pompey appear to have scored all kinds of goals this afternoon. there'll be trouble tonight.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-10-24 12:17:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*hits play on the jukebox*
"HERE WE ARE....born to be kings! we're the princes of the universe!"
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-24 12:09:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:43:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
This is soccer, not football. Silly Limey.
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He's right of course, what with a football being something you chuck with your hands. I mean it's implicit in the name. Also America wins the world series every single year.
Although no-one else plays in the world series. Good idea when you think about it. Would have saved a lot of bother with the Aussies. Got rid of all that anticipation and multi-cultural exchange.
And everything.
p.s. In other news I gave some money to the "save Americans" charity. Did you know that literaly 10% of Americans are actually starving to death and don't have access to clean water? That's got to be like, 30 million people or something. Makes you think.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:43:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is soccer, not football. Silly Limey.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-10-24 10:51:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apparently Portsmouth have one of the most violent sets of fans. According to Donal McIntyre's "Toughest Towns", that is.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-24 10:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bit light on the cancer but +2
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-10-24 10:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just to clear up I died when she put an iron bar through my face (boatrace)
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-10-24 10:21:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a feeling C1ndy was going to take this.
What I'd like to know though Barny me old china is why I had my head "stoved in with a ball pin hammer" and you get to sit around hiding in a damn boat like a pussy!
<MBstateside comes back from the grave to whisper a message into the ear of one of his old crew members the savage Red Shep>
Red Shep doesn't know quite why but half way through revenating the face of the latest person to make the life altering mistake of looking him in the eye he has an irresistable urge to make a visit to the nearest payphone.
<Red Shep picks up phone>
<Dials> (beyond the grave they have the best telephone directorys known to man)
"Who the fuck is this and how did you get this number!"
"Ahh C1ndy is it? I think I have some infomation you may be intrested in............"
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-24 10:07:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It doesn't dissapoint.
"I'm forever blowing bubbles...."
And all that.
Could have done with more rape though.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-10-24 10:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cant wait to see that. just looking at the poster makes me spit hot tea.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-24 10:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just watched that wossname hobbit in the West Ham Footy violence thingy on bootleg and it was ace!
Directed by a woman too, hence why the unusual mushy bit when the big angry ex-dad beat the Brad Pitt wannabe into goo.