-Saku- (617 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: -Saku-
Rating: 1.91 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN ® (View user info) at 2005-10-24 15:37:05 EDT
(*Disclaimer* a work of fiction *Disclaimer*)
(*Disclaimer* a work of fiction *Disclaimer*)
(*Disclaimer* a work of fiction *Disclaimer*)
Home, they say it's where the heart is, then clearly I have no home. All I have is a place I eat and sleep, some would call that a home but to me it's just a building. There is no love in my household, my parents all wrapped up in other lives to notice anything that ever goes on. Sure they give me a couple of bucks every now and then to keep me out of their way, but other than that were not a family. No, the only time we ever are is when Father needs to impress a client, or when a holiday rolls around. If it weren't for these times you wouldn't even think we were ever related. I'm sixteen years old and at a stage in my life where I don't know what to think about anything any more. I'm told to cast aside cherished things of my youth, and adopt a principle that makes absolutely no sense what so ever. "Work hard! Make lots of money! Love God and your country!" I hear these repeatedly and never know what to think. I mean obviously there must be another way of life some where out there? But such questions are met with discipline and hatred by your fellow peers. Which is why i'm forever an outcast doing my own thing, one day that philosophy will probably be considered cool, but for now it's something that isn't respected.
My Mother and Father have an estranged relationship. They still live together, but you can tell they're not as in love as they once were. My Father is having an affair with some woman from his work and my Mother drinks heavily. I sometimes find her passed out on the dinner table while I make myself breakfast. I'll usually just sit there eating my cheerios staring at her. It's one of the few moments I actually spend quality time with my Mother. Some times she'll awaken and ask me to bring her a beer, I comply usually but some times she just goes back to sleep. I remember one time she was reaching out to me with her hand. She spoke no words but it felt like she really wanted something. I just kept staring and eventually her hand dropped and she passed out again. Which sort of made me suspicious that she might also be doing drugs. And of course my suspicions were confirmed when I saw the needle marks on her arm. My poor mother, fallen into the wrong crowd probably. But I at least get some quality time with her, my father I hardly ever see.
He's usually always "Out of town" on "Business" or at work. I see him probably about once a week at best usually when he's on his way out the door. I'll usually try to catch him and ask him questions but he's usually always in a hurry. He usually always thinks it's about money and gives me a 20 or a 50 and just leaves. You would think this sort of lifestyle would be "The Life" considering I pretty much have all kinds of freedoms and can do whatever I want. This is quite the opposite. When the average teenager sneaks out and does all those crazy things, it's usually an act of rebellion. But if I do it, it's just an act period. I will get no consequence for staying out late, I will get no consequence for any illegal activities I might commit. No, things will just simply be. So I stay home and ingest my opiates. I'm not talking about drugs either, i'm talking about computer games, the internet, chat sites, porn, and just about any other thing they created to target at my generation. I like to go on chat sites and pretend i'm someone i'm not. It gives me a thrill that's unlike anything else.
I'll usually go on and pretend i'm some rapper and talk in slurs and like i'm on drugs. It's funny how many people that just want to relate to that kind of guy. And i'll always say things that are far off from what I believe, just because it feels good. My other personas aren't quite as interesting. I'll pretend i'm one of my favorite animated characters and roleplay with those out there that are like me. This is fun as well, but it just doesn't do the trick usually. It just feels boring at times so I switch to the rapper or to one of those heavy metal guys who hates everything. The heavy metal persona is my second favorite (next to the rapper). I pretty much just go into any chat room and whatever the basis of the chat I say it sucks. Some times nothing will happen because everyone is either away or just don't care. But other times I will rile up quite a war that entices my hunger for more. This usually works best in Christian related chat rooms, it gives you the kind of attention you're searching for. That rise out of people it's just so funny at times.
And when the internet is out I usually just play some random game and blast some of my favorite music. I like to play a variety of things really. But mostly I like sick lyrics, the kind that would make someone puke and wonder just what the fuck is wrong with the artist. And i'm not talking about Marilyn Manson, no he's a pussy compared to some of the bands I listen to. Here try these on for size:
Dir En Grey
-saku-
WHERE'S THE FORTUNATE FUTURE?
WHERE DOES OUR FORTUNATE FUTURE COME?
DICK MEN
FUCK OFF FUCK OFF
AND WIPE
[GET BACK MY MERRILY MEMORY]
UNDER THE SUN
To be revealed as if you were to be ridiculed, the disclosure
of the flow of the red river
You walk the mountain road made of corpses smiling
Again you reach out and ants gather around the lily
UNDER THE SUN
People can't redeem have ash, tears, and taciturnity in
both their hands...
Whats Cruel is that the Sun and the Moon comes together
Even tomorrow looks away
On the Red Day you question taciturnity and...
They feel more real to me than anything else. I feel them like I would a warm summer breeze, a cold winter day, or the humidity of the beach. They taste like a steak cooked to perfection with everything else that comes with it. Oh how I enjoy losing myself in such a splendid beauty.
I'd like to tell you I have a girlfriend that I love, and that her and I have been together for a while now. And we met when I was younger and she's the reason i'm sane. Well that would be a lie, I do like girls but unfortunately none like me. They like the guys that listen to pansy music and regurgitate the same sound as the pansys. It disgusts me and makes me want to puke at times. There was one who was the exception however. We would talk at lunch from time to time but she moved about a year ago. On her last day here she told me she always liked me and that she wished we'd of had more time together. I told her how I reciprocated those feelings but was uncertain of how I could express them to her. She just smiled at me and then we kissed. We kissed for what seemed like eternity (which was about five minutes to be exact). It was my first kiss and something I wont forget. And then we parted ways and she said she'd always feel for me and one day we will meet again, and pick up where we left off.
Long story short, that'll never happen. We used to e-mail each other back and forth and eventually she met someone. That someone and her fell in love and I became obsolete. She told me she still loved me just "Not in that way". It felt like a cheap lie either way and I just accepted it. Even though her and I never officially went out, I felt as if someone stabbed me in the heart. I got over it eventually though and simply just went out and bought a few new games. One was a dating game that I was seriously into for a while. I named the girl I was "Dating" after the one I kissed and for a while it made me happy. But eventually it lost it's appeal and I went and sold it off to some other loser looking for an escape.
So this is my life, it's something I live on a daily basis.
I'll have people tell me "You're lucky, there are starving kids in Africa that would love to be in your shoes!"
I always say back "I'm sorry I wasn't born in Africa then, forgive me."
Those people are all the same, they think you're just some punk kid with no respect for anything. When all you're doing is trying to survive in any way you can. I feel though as if i'm just passing time for no reason what so ever. Like I could be doing so much more but i'm just waiting for something. Perhaps the right moment? But more than likely it's already passed me by.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-10-26 15:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<drone> I wear black because black is the color of my soul.... <drone>
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-10-25 06:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed this a lot.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-25 06:14:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh. This was sweet.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-10-25 05:57:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excelent.
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-10-24 23:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was an awesome text and the pic actually looks kinda cool
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-10-24 21:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry to break the +2 streak here. I did enjoy it, though.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-10-24 20:41:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fiction or truth be damned, this was good writing!
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-10-24 18:51:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
KKKKKKKKKKKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-10-24 16:56:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Disclaimer: Work of Fiction"
I really should have put a fiction disclaimer on this http://www.ubersite.com/m/68802
Shamless linkwhore. My apologies, but it fits, as people thought I had actually did it.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-10-24 16:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-10-24 15:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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