SEX Makes the World Go 'Round! (747 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: -1.3 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rand0m Herö (View user info) at 2005-10-25 09:33:05 EDT
Taking a "vicious emu-like" dump this morning, I had an epiphany...
Everything in the world revolves around sex. EVERYTHING.
I used to think that we, MEN, do things in our lives for other reasons than sex and/or women in general. Boy, I was FUCKING WRONG. So, sitting on the shitter, I thought about almost everything that I've ever done in my life (and even the things that I haven't done). It all boiled down to something to do with sex. Anyway, I asked myself, "How can everything be boiled down to one simple human act?" It's a harsh chain of events and circumstances, my friends. Until the sex that is, then it's pretty sweet from there on out --
GETTING UP IN THE MORNING:
Why do we get up in the morning?
To go to work, or get laid. (Women need your money too. For every new purse you buy them, that's one blowjob in the bank.)
Why do we go to work?
To make money. (In case you didn't notice, 20 year old college co-eds don't snort coke off of a POOR guy's dick. If you don't count that one time...)
Why do we need money?
To pay for food, bills, and all other living necessities. (Chicks gotta' live too... and it's only legal in 2 states to fuck dead chicks.)
Why do we need these things?
To live in modern society. (Women don't dig guys that ride those huge-wheel bicycles from the 1920's. They're superficial like that.)
Why do you need to live with society?
So chicks will still FUCK YOU. That's why --
See? What about things beyond the scope of everyday bullshit? What about...
THE SIGNING OF THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE:
Why did Thomas Jefferson sign the Declaration of Independence?
To officially declare Independence from Britain.
Why did he want Independence from Britain?
So he could BANG ALL THE MAIDENS (or Slaves) HE WANTED WITHOUT THE RED COATS GETTING IN THE WAY.
('Cause women dig independent guys)
SEE?!?
So, about 15 minutes later, I come out of the bathroom with a slightly askew view of the world.
Is this possible? Has the world gone mad? Or did I inhale so much fucking ass gas that I started to hallucinate, fell in the toilet, and developed an over-elaborated worldwide plot derived from the simple act of sexual intercourse?
Meh... I gotta go home and get laid.
User Reviews
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-10-25 15:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, congratulations for realizing what the rest of us learned many years ago.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-10-25 14:56:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SEX!!!!!!!! But no porn....
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-25 11:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Someone writes like foamy.
Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-10-25 11:22:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-10-25 11:01:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
oh dear oh dear oh dear. Mr Random Hero appears to have been PWNED.
Sad i missed it really.
____________________________________
Missed what?
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-25 11:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't think sex is a topic you know enough about to write about
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-10-25 11:01:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
oh dear oh dear oh dear. Mr Random Hero appears to have been PWNED.
Sad i missed it really.
Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-10-25 10:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No, it took me weeks and weeks of careful planning and thought...
Can you detect my sarcasm on the internet?
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-10-25 10:35:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Wow!
Did you think of this all by yourself?
Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-10-25 09:55:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have ESP too.
You have teh gay AIDS.
...and colon Cancer.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-25 09:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I read NONE of the lines but have ESP.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-10-25 09:48:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I read it all. Starting to wish I hadn't.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-10-25 09:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I thought that was gravitational pull?
Oh yeah..... FUCK OFF.
Submitted by randomhero83 (user info) at 2005-10-25 09:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah, you saw the title had sex in it, but you thought it was about your 10 year old cousin, Pepe' from Guatemala. You sick bastard... HE WAS ONLY 10!
+1 myself 'cause I'm so goddamn quick-witted.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-10-25 09:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I read the first line.
That was all it took.
-2