GrUberfest 2005 - "Smile For Me" (637 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Contests
Rating: 1.4 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kaos-king (antius777) (View user info) at 2005-10-25 11:11:52 EDT
"Smile for me," said the camera man.
*click*
"One more, now," he said.
Heather kept the corners of her mouth turned up, her face stuck through the wooden cut out. Beside her Andrew did the same. For an extra five dollars they could of had their faces painted up to match, but she didn't like the feeling of too much make-up of any kind on her. Anyhow, Heather just wanted a stupid little keepsake of their day. The picture was already overpriced.
*click*
Andrew used to come here to Carnegie Lake Amusement Park when he was a kid. It had been closed for the last decade, but recently new management had bought the complex. They had decided to make a Saturday day trip of it, driving the eighty miles from Cleveland back to his home town to see it. It had been open all summer, but Andrew had worked most weekends at the GM factory, so it was very late in the season.
"Okay folks, that's it," said the camera man.
Heather pulled her head out of the hole and turned to her husband. He had a huge grin on his face. She had to laugh. She hadn't seen him this happy in a long time. Work at the factory was hard, and he had been pulling close to sixty hours a week all season. He had to. They pulled in just enough money together to pay for their new house. It was little, but it was theirs. He needed this vacation, as small and short as it was.
"Excuse me, miss," said the camera man, "Is your name Samantha?"
"No," she replied, "My name's Heather. Why do you ask?"
The camera man smiled. "I guess you just look like a Samantha."
Heather was about to respond to this strange statement, when her husband spoke up.
"How long will this picture take to develop?" he asked.
"About one hour. Stop on back and you can pay me then."
Andrew and Heather both thanked the man and made their way down the wide cement path. On the sides of them, men and women shouted out pleas to try their games. Ring toss, balloon darts, skee-ball. The fair way was filled with families and young couples all throwing away their money on various attempts to win cheaply made stuffed animals.
The smell of hot dogs floated across the breeze, mixed with the almost sickening sweetness of cotton candy. Heather's stomach growled, and she lead her husband over to the food vendors After obtaining their hotdogs and an elephant ear to share, the found an empty picnic bench that was relatively clean.
"I'm really glad we could make it today," said Heather.
"Yeah, me too, honey."
Just as Andrew was about to take another bite of his hotdog, a grimace passed over his face.
"What's the matter?" asked Heather.
"Um... I don't know. I just suddenly got a headache."
"Do you want to head back to the gift shop? They might have some Excendrin or something there."
"No, no," said Andrew. "I'll be fine. Let's finish and move closer to down by the beach."
The couple consumed the rest of their meal and tossed the trash in one of the garbage cans. Hand in hand, the continued down the fair way, observing the atmosphere of the park. They only had a few more hours left until the park closed and they had to make the long drive back.
Heather stole glance at her husband and saw that his brow was creased. It was obvious the headache was bothering him, but he was the type to keep on going, regardless of his uncomfortablity. She had wanted this day off for him as much as he did. He probably didn't want anything to spoil it, she thought.
A large gray building sat at the end of the row of game stations. Made of cinder block, it rose two stories, high above the tent next to it. A large red sign proclaimed it "The House of Mirrors."
Andrew squeezed her hand and lead her over towards the building. They stood in line and waited as the man working the gate let each party in as another left the building by the exit behind him. Heather looked up at her husband again to see him chewing on the inside of his cheek.
"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked.
Andrew nodded but said nothing else.
Heather inwardly sighed. He could be so stubborn at times.
Finally they made their way to the front of the line. A gang of teenagers burst out of the exit doors laughing. Heather remembered when she was that age a decade ago and smiled when one of the boys picked up his girlfriend and spun her around. She was about to comment on it to Andrew when he pulled her inside the attraction.
"Jesus, Andrew! What's your problem?" she exclaimed pulling out of his grasp and rubbing her arm where he had grabbed her.
Andrew said nothing. He didn't even look at her. He just made his way further into the house. Heather pursed her lips and stormed after him.
She started to get angry as she called out his name. What the hell was his problem? She had wanted this day to be great, too. Here he was now, trying to force her to have a good time, all the while he was being an ass just because he had a headache.
All around her, her reflection came back at her. Images of herself stretched and distorted. The minimal lighting kept her guessing as she wandered the house, her hands out in front of her to stop her from running face first into a mirror. Laughter rang out in the house from another group lost somewhere inside. Someone kept calling out the name "Rob" as if to mimic her calls of "Andrew."
This was getting ridiculous. How far ahead had Andrew made it? She was getting more irritated by the moment. Once she found him, they were getting out of here and heading back to Cleveland. He better of had a good excuse for leaving her at the beginning of this god damn...
"Samantha."
Heather stopped. Samantha? Hadn't she just heard that name? She turned to see Andrew coming up behind her.
"Where the fuck have you..."
She didn't get to finish her question as her husband rammed her head into the mirror directly behind her.
The mirror shattered around her as she slumped to the floor. Heather groaned as she tried to pull herself up. Just as she was reaching to the back of her head to feel for blood, Andrew grabbed her and slammed her up against another wall. She weakly said his name and opened her eyes to see him brandishing a shard of the broken mirror, rivulets of red running down his hand.
"Andrew?" she whimpered.
"Smile for me," he said.
"Wha... what?"
"Smile for me, Samantha."
He began to fitfully drag the point of the broken mirror across her mouth, slicing into her lips, her gums, her cheeks. It ripped across her tongue as she let out a wet scream. Andrew began hacking at her face, her throat, all the while screaming...
"Smile for me!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
As the police pulled Andrew from the House of Mirrors, drooling and spouting gibberish, the camera man looked at his alter in the small dark room. He could not hear the commotion further down the fair way but he knew what was transpiring.
He swept the ashen remains of the half the picture that had Andrew in it into his trash can, and picked up the other half to examine it. Large red magic marker strokes had been applied to the mouth of the girl in the photo, giving her an exaggerated grin. She said her name was "Heather" but he knew she was lying. They all lied to him, he thought, as he added her photo above the alter along with the rest of the pictures of women with the red smiles. The were all named "Samantha."
User Reviews
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-26 21:57:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gay
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-26 21:29:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-10-27 15:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-26 23:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was pretty good, just not stellar. I liked the possession/voodoo thing you had going on -- didn't really see that coming. However, I agree with everyone who said the mirror scene could have been drawn out a bit to create some suspense. Or maybe further evidence of weirdness in Andrew, making the reader guess.
Makeshift 1.5, away!!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-26 23:14:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one crushing
defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
-- Homer Simpson
Homer and Apu
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-26 18:26:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Although it isn't your fault (and that title didn't help) this kind of thing has been seen amillion times. Hell, I've done it too. Good work with what you had, though.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-26 00:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, i liked it. If people are being this tough, i'm screwed.
When i came up with this title, i thought for sure you would do a maniacal dentist from hell.
I'm glad you didn't. I liked this approach.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-10-25 20:10:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by crx (user info) at 2005-10-25 17:34:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Great, but not your best work.
The build up was nice, but the scene inside the house was way to blurred and could be made to be much more suspenseful.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-25 14:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
There's just something about the overall flow of this that didn't sit well with me. It feels like there is a lot that could have been said, or drawn out, or expanded upon. It's as if we get to know the characters, but we don't really learn enough about them to care one way or another about their fates.
I like the swift, furious ending. The violence is graphic, but in an understated way that forces the reader to envision Andrew's cutting on their own. I think the quick end would have been better if there had been a slower build towards Andrew's turn.
Creative take on the title, though. From the time I saw it offered, I was thinking "please don't link it to 'Leaving on a Jet Plane'..." Carneys/amusement park folk are always creepy.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-10-25 13:23:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was better than the last one, whats happend to pulsehead? is it bust?
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-25 12:40:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Kaos, that is a tough title, but you did well. I think you could have expanded some, drawn out the suspense, you are really good at that in your other work.
Submitted by 83rdElement (user info) at 2005-10-25 11:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story, but I think it could've been drawn out more.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-10-25 11:45:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Made me smile" is a little ironic here, but anyhoo I liked the story. I think the scene in the house of mirrors could have been more drawn out to create more suspense. I didn't get a chance to really get nervous.
I want the willies and I want them NOW!
Submitted by Aitsu (user info) at 2005-10-25 11:42:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminded me of a song I like, plus 2.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-10-25 11:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-10-25 11:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-25 11:32:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The minus 1 of cowardice.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-25 11:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
A little bit meh really. Lacked punch or feeling. Sorry dude.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-10-25 11:31:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wicked,
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-10-25 11:13:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I spent all night trying to come up with this. The title was so vague, at first I thought it would be simple. In the end it was quite difficult to hammer something out.