Two things (514 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by coindon (View user info) at 2005-10-25 19:04:27 EDT
Part the First:
Last night (well, early this morning) I was driving home through the winding back roads of Pembroke, Kentucky when I came upon a particularly dense formation of fog. This is not an occurrence which is in any way out of the ordinary. These are farm roads and frequently subject to all manner of natural obfuscations and obstructions (rain, fog, pitch black darkness, tractors, cows, wayward chainsaw wielding people, etc...) What made this patch of fog noteworthy was an interesting and mesmerizing effect. There were two distinct layers of fog hovering over the road: a denser lower cloud and a not so dense higher cloud. These created a stratification that was *just* about centered in the windshield of the car I was driving. (Imagine being inside any of the cheesy horror movie effects when the vampire shifts into a fog and slithers into the room- now imagine a flat storm cloud rolling into the room just above that at about 60 MPH...) It looked a little like being inside a wave on the shore.
For about 3/4 of a second I was physically unable to tear my eyes from this rolling dark shadow that had formed across the hood of the car and was letting me see directly through the fog but only through a tunnel of white vapor. The hypnotic effect was compounded by the headlights reflecting off the front bumper into the sky, creating this gorgeous prismatic light show.
When I managed to look away I realized I had nearly run off the road. I slowed down to about 5 MPH and had to fight the urge to turn around to go through it again. Sometimes Nature presents us with sights so grandiose that all we can do is stare in awe at the beauty that is directly in front of us.
Part the Second:
I have met human cockroaches. Don't look all offended like that. Really- all they were missing two more appendages and antennae. Franz Kafka must have met them too...
I was looking at a house I was considering purchasing recently (notice the use of the past tense there.) When I walked in a I was astounded at the environment that these two people lived in.
Let me take you on a tour:
The front door had a ½ inch wide crack that ran from the top center to nearly the bottom third of the slab. This was secondary to the fact that the door seemed incapable of fully closing.
Normally this is a simple repair, just replace the door. Not so here as the door was, at some point, kicked in. It seems the aggressor was a tad over- zealous and managed to take some of the frame with the locking mechanism- thusly the sag in the bolt stop beam and the impotent fashion with which the door thumped against its frame.
There was little running water. In fact, there was actually no running water inside. The shower and toilet were operated via a garden hose coming in from the bathroom window. In retrospect I never did bother to find out where this hose lead.
No insulation, no heat, no cooling, the roof was caving in, and the floor was sloped to almost 15 degrees. I had considered the idea of looking under the house; maybe it was joist racking. Well, the smell emanating from the crawlspace made me change my mind. Beyond this point I was viewing the remainder of the house mostly to humor the realtor.
The yard. The yard looked like a garbage truck had been binge eating- ate another garbage truck- went to taco bell- drank heavily- and then proceeded to puke all over the back porch and yard-- but not before having a monolithic bowel movement in the garage and then dying in the crawl space (which might have explained the smell.)
As a finale': I was standing in the kitchen surveying the landscape of grime and general dirtiness when the realtor mentioned something about the access panel to the attic.
"Oh, this should be good." I thought to myself.
I turned around and realized that the realtor was not in the room. Had I imagined this conversation? No. He was standing in the living room- on the other side of the wall with the hole in it through which we had been conversing. I can say with a high amount of confidence that these two were not paying very much rent.
Now, I know I've been a tad spoiled by some of my previous dwellings. I also know I can be very cluttered at times. but this was... indescribable (aside from my description.) I actually felt dirty walking out of there. I have always said I could live anywhere. I stand corrected.
User Reviews
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-10-26 11:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and I though having curtain rails stuck in the walls with bathroom sealent was bad...!
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2005-10-26 05:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Erg, I can't understand how people can live like that. Yuck. I bet the real estate agent had a fixed "I'm never going to sell this hole" smile clamped on his face.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-10-25 19:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Obfuscations? Thusly? And people call me supercilious!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-25 19:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey, country negroes need a place to live too