GrUeberfest 2005: A Quick Twist of the Knife (672 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.64 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by loki (View user info) at 2005-10-26 13:58:23 EDT
I swooped down on the first worthless thug, quickly dispatched him with a single jab to the renal artery, and turned to track down the other one. I heard a gasp from the hedges to my left and sighed in irritation. He was not even going to make this interesting. As I moved towards his hiding place I could hear him breathing faster and faster. He was nearing panic and it elevated my sense of irritation into cold fury.
I took slow, measured steps trying to calm my mind. I wanted to finish this unsavory business and get back to my night before the mood was lost. These two were not worth my time. Normally they would have escaped my notice entirely, but they had forced my hand.
As I neared the hedge, my prey broke loose and took off running. With a sigh, I turned to follow and watched as he reached full speed just in time to run full force into the fence surrounding the petting zoo. I was hoping that he had broken his neck sparing me the distasteful task of finishing him off, but I had no such luck. As I neared his position, he jumped up to face me and actually had just enough fortitude left to pull a switchblade and affect what I suppose he considered some sort of fighting stance.
I stopped a few paces in front of him to stare him down. I barely contained my temper as he dropped the knife, pissed himself, and started pleading for mercy. I said nothing. Killing him seemed more merciful to me than letting him live. Suddenly he reached into his pocket, pulled out the Rolex he had just stolen, and hurled it at me.
"Here, here HERE this is what you want. I gave it back now please please just leave me alone PLEASE"
I never took my eyes off of him as I crushed the watch with the heel of my boot.
The sound degenerated into a high pitched whimpering noise that I just couldn't take any longer so I closed in and stabbed him. He sunk to the ground. I didn't need to look to see the tell tale dark color oozing from the wound. I knew I had gotten him in the liver and that his death was imminent. I also saw the realization of it cross his face, he seemed strangely resigned.
"Why" he pleaded, "why? When we took the wallet and watch, that man was already dead."
I said nothing as I watched him sag, the last light leaving his eyes.
"Because", I said over the dead heap, "you miserable cunts ruined my art making it look like the motive was robbery."
I strode back to the body of the executive and briefly skimmed the newspaper article again in the pale moonlight. By now I had it memorized, "FACTORY OWNER CITES LABOR COST IN RELOCATION DECISION". I dropped the newspaper on his chest and retrieved his carefully extracted heart from where I had left it near the water fountain. It would make a nice addition to my collection.
I heard sirens in the distance and retreated into the cover of darkness. The next full moon was in exactly 28 days. I already had my next target, "OIL COMPANY PROFITS RISE DESPITE ALLEGATIONS OF PRICE GOUGING"
User Reviews
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-30 22:50:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad. It feels a bit rushed. I like the choice of victims, though.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-10-28 01:01:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
Short, sweet, and to the point with a very good story.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-10-26 22:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-26 21:43:41 (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah, just a little short on depth. Liked it, though
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-10-26 21:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-10-26 14:55:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Shoulda made this longer.
(don't mind me I'm just jealous)
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-26 21:43:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah, just a little short on depth. Liked it, though
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-26 18:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was a good quickie, but I could have used a little more to flesh out the killer.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-26 18:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmm, the killer is very odd to me. First he's bored, then angry, then bored, then really angry to me. He (or she) didn't seem like a very complete character, and his/her motive was very throw-away.
Oh, but I liked the medical tidbits (renal area, darker colour of blood from liver).
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-26 18:06:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was quick and to the point, but way too straightforward for my tastes. I liked the little extra bit about the killer being an executive-serial-murderer, but otherwise it was all a little one-dimensional.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-26 17:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loki post
Loki post
I get to read a Loki post
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-10-26 17:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loki, sometimes you really scare me, ya know?
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-10-26 17:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, you'll be happy to know I don't work very hard. Actually, I'm
bringing the plant down from the inside.
-- Homer Simpson
The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-10-26 16:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1.5
The twist is excellent and unexpected. I like that you didn't explain it into the ground, but I was still left wanting something more.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-26 15:46:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've got to give this a 1.5, too.
But, man, it's a rock solid 1.5.
I liked the immediacy of the whole situation.
I love how you didn't really draw out the very last bit, and hold everyone's hand through the twist.
It was tight, quick and to the point.
I do think it could have done with a little bit more, though. I know quantity doesn't lead to quality, but even backing up the action by about ten minutes - or to whenever the original target was killed - would have helped to draw more from the story and get us deeper in the mind of the main character.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-10-26 15:43:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For some weird reason, this made me think of StabKill's weird fixation with bart.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-10-26 15:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I might have been able to make this longer or better even, but probably not as I am out of juice.
and damnit I'm an accountant not a moon rocket shuttle conductor
what?
Submitted by rayrayshanaynay (user info) at 2005-10-26 15:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-10-26 14:55:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shoulda made this longer.
(don't mind me I'm just jealous)
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-10-26 14:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice, I like.....
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-10-26 14:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-26 14:30:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-10-26 14:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Swoop!
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-26 14:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1.5 for me...it just needed more to it.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-10-26 14:29:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-26 14:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loki, did you happen to notice that this was post 666 for you. MARK OF THE BEAST. Heathen! Your soul shall be consumed in flame.
Okay, but it is still a little freaky.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2005-10-26 14:18:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loki,
This is good. I like the twists and turns and the unique "victims" almost making the killer noble in some ways. I hope my departure did not lead you to rush this and turn in a story you were not pleased with, although I appreciate the opportunity to read it before I leave.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2005-10-26 14:11:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it Loki. It's funny how no one else has reviewed this yet. I think
It's because you have status on this sight and all the lemmings on this site are waiting to see how the "leaders" vote. Funny. usually something would get reviewed right away.