Drunken Bitches (1390 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.69 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MrDurden24 (View user info) at 2005-10-26 17:58:37 EDT
It all started one evening in manhattan. Me and a friend were meeting these two girls who we work with. Now one of these girls is smoking hot and of course that means her best friend is very much not attractive to put it nicely. Hot girls like to surround themselves with ugly girls to make themselves feel even hotter, go figure.
Anyway, my buddy knows I'm interested in the hot one who we shall call Mary. And going into this He knows he's pretty much there to occupy the not so hot one who we shall call Betty. The evening starts fine, making small talk and shit. Well the drinks are flowing and a couple hours in and we are all trashed..I go to the pisser and when I return, my asshole friend is making out with Mary! they're just sitting there making out like a couple of highschool kids in a lounge/bar..Needless to say I'm pissed but I'm not a cockblocker so I sit down and keep drinking..
Now at this point I'm setting next to Betty who is fucking out of her mind drunk..She turns to me and points at the others who are still furiously making out.."you see that?" she slurs.
"yep" I answer trying to scope out any other chicks at the bar worth talking to.
"lets give them a run for their money." she winks at me.
dammit..now I'm drunk but not that drunk..
"um, I can't. It woudn't be right..your drunk I'm drunk."
She's getting upset now. "C'mon lets give them a run for their money" who even says that anymore?
She keeps trying to put her arms around me and I keep scooting down the booth til I have nowhere to go. finally I say, " I'm sorry but I don't get involved with people I work with. it always ends up badly." which is total shit considering I was there to get with Mary in the first place.
Betty Thinks about that for a sec and then says very loudly "do you find me attractive?"
Now this girl is drunk and very insecure and I am not an asshole so I say" of course I find you attractive I just don't get involved with people I work with."
"if you find me attractive then why won't you kiss me?" she almost screams. Now we are already making a scene since Mary and my friend are still playing tonsil hockey in the middle of the bar and now Bettys screaming at me, "do you find me attractive? yes(she slams her hand down on the bar to emphasize her point) or no?(another hand slam, this time knocking over some drinks in the process..
"calm down Betty" I say.. She abruptly puts her head down on the table and starts crying..I don't mean normal crying I mean loud loud chest heaving sobs.
So picture the situation my assshole buddy and the hot girl making out not even aware of anything around them, this drunken girl with her head on the table sobbing very loudly, and my dumbass sitting there like an asshole.. after a few minutes of this Betty stumbles up(knocking over every drink on the table and sending some crashing on the floor) and she runs to the ladies room..
I order a couple more rum and cokes and try not to watch my asshole buddy makeout with Mary..after awhile Mary realizes Betty isn't there and breaks away from my friend to join her in the ladies room.
when we are alone I ask my buddy, "enjoying yourself?"
He looks at me sheepishly and says "sorry man it just sort of happened." and we forget about it..alcohol helps..After about twenty minutes my pal says he's gotta go(it's about 4am at this point) and he leaves.. I'm sitting there drinking when the waitress tells me they are closing and the ladies need to pay the bill. I had almost forgotton all about Mary and Betty..they've been in the bathroom for like 40 minutes..I stumble to the ladies room and knock on the door...no answer.
So I peek my head inside..
Betty is passed out on the floor literally hugging the toilet while Mary is leaning against the wall, eyes closed chanting "wake up Betty..wake up Betty"
dammit now I gotta deal with these two totally drunk chicks..I splash some water on my face and pick up Betty which is no simple task..I drape her over a shoulder and grab Mary by the waste and we head up the stairs to the bar.. I'm saying to them" right foot, left foot, etc"
when we finally get to the top of the stairs the whole bar(everyone whose left) bursts out in applause..I smile drunkenly and after forging their signatures on their bar tabs we leave.
They are so drunk they can't even get home themselves..so we all hop in a cab and finally get them home...Betty runs to the bathroom to vomit while Mary just starts kissing me..Geez I'm thinking when this chick drinks she'll make out with a wall but I didn't stop her..very very long story short Me and her made out then being the nice guy that I am i went to get her a glass of water and when I returned she was passed out completely...My fucking luck..So I leave the apartment and get on the subway just in time for the morning rush..drunken bitches
User Reviews
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:01:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alright story, presented poorly.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-10-27 04:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Poor delivery? Yep.
Poor spelling, grammar, no paragraphs? Yep.
The only saving grace this had was that it was a tale of drunken debauchery, which is a genre I love.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-10-26 21:55:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-10-26 17:59:40 (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope you get raped in the ass by an angry paragraph.
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aaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-10-26 21:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Consider your reader, use paragraphs.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-26 21:10:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck is this random gibberish?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-10-26 20:34:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what the hell man, if they're comin at you...
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-26 20:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was prety funny. I hate when ugly chicks get all intense
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2005-10-26 18:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for
1. getting sloppy seconds from Mary
2. not getting laid
3. using waste instead of waist
Submitted by yeahthatme (user info) at 2005-10-26 18:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by trent_nz (user info) at 2005-10-26 18:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
loL!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-10-26 18:25:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i didn't read this because you didn't even bother to use caps...
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-26 18:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't read this the way you wrote it. So you got an 'F' in English huh?
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-10-26 18:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
im a member of the 101st airbourne paragraph infantry division.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-10-26 18:09:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"You're", not "Your"
Auto -2
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-10-26 18:02:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-10-26 17:59:40 (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope you get raped in the ass by an angry paragraph.
=====================
hahahaha
-2 because there was no point to this, blogboy.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-10-26 17:59:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope you get raped in the ass by an angry paragraph.