Four Part Story II (441 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by coindon (View user info) at 2005-10-26 23:36:17 EDT
II. Hail Horrors
::::Now it comes flooding to mind. As I look out the window I can't help but think of yesterday. Those awful, awful people and the choices I made. The suffering I will cause and the death that will follow.:::
All I remember is walking to my car and then, black. I was kidnapped, beaten, and held in a cell of some form. It was dark, and I was afraid. When they came to me, I was stripped naked and shivering. The light burst into the room through that door like god himself descending into my chamber and their silhouettes came through like black demons and they dragged me, limp and petrified with fear, into the light.
They threw me on a table and strapped me down. I still couldn't make out details in the room- my eyes hadn't adjusted to the glaring light above me. It was better that way though. I didn't see the first hit coming. I barely saw the rest of them either. They screamed at me while they pummeled me but I couldn't understand what they were saying. Maybe it was another language, or maybe I couldn't hear them clearly through my own screaming and crying.
I didn't know why, but after a while they just left me there. I was shivering, covered in my own blood, strapped to a table naked, and blinded by my own swelling eyes. My whole body hurt and I think something might have been broken. I don't know, I couldn't tell, all I could tell was that the light was still there, and I could hear the low whistle of air conditioning. It was so cold.
I lay there in the cold for what seemed like hours. Then I saw a shadow move over me. I flinched and tried to shirk away, by my restraints held me there. I must have whimpered, because that's the first time I heard her voice.
"Shhh." Her face was so close to mine I could feel her breath on my ear.
"Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god..." I muttered through swollen lips.
I know I flinched the first time she touched me. Her hands were warm though, and it sent goose bumps down my spine. I heard water pour, and then felt the warm washcloth moving over my skin.
"It's ok." She said. God, she sounded beautiful.
I started to cry.
"Why are you... who, where am I? Why are you doing this to me?" I said through chokes and gasps and sobs.
"No, no. Don't cry now." She put her hand on my face. "I'll get you cleaned up, and you'll feel better."
Her face was within an inch of mine so I could feel her breath on my skin again. I could smell her hair, like some kind of opiate. Then she kissed my cheek and bathed me in silence.
I must have fallen asleep while she bathed me, because the next thing I knew they were back and beating me again. I'm pretty sure they electrocuted me, but to be honest, I hardly knew it by then. They left me for another hour alone, then more beating. At one point they untied me and pushed me onto the floor. I hit the ground like a sack of potatoes and my head went first. Oh, the unconsciousness was pure bliss.
When I woke again, my head was pounding. Everything hurt, and not a single part of my body wanted to respond. I eventually managed to pull myself into a huddled position and tried to wipe some of the blood from my eyes.
White floor. Metal Table. Pale green tile wall, and painfully bright light. I tried to stand but it was useless- my legs were too bruised or broken to hold me up. I must have been in a hospital of some kind. Abandoned, maybe? Yeah, clearly.
"Shit, I've been kidnapped by some band of psychotic doctors." I chuckled to myself.
Why do I always play off ridiculously serious shit by making stupid jokes? Who knows? I sure as hell don't.
Somewhere to my left came the sound of movement. Someone walking slowly and humming. I scrambled to get as far away from the voice as I could in my state. "No no no no..." I spat as I shuffled my way along the wall. "I don't know who you are or what you want, but please, no more."
A male voice: calm, very deep, and very Scottish. "Sort of."
Shit. Beaten, sore, swollen, crawling on the floor, tortured, swabbed clean, beaten again, freezing ass cold, and subjected to the humor of psychotic Scottish doctors- this is going to suck.
User Reviews
Submitted by coindon (user info) at 2005-10-27 00:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This is the problem with my writing. And this is why I am posting here. Somewhere between concept and paper it turns into crap. Not to sound like a dick, but- the hyper- critical reviews are helping me to get this shit together and hone the thoughts into something vaguely resembling good writing. As fantastically irritating as some of the fuckers on here can be (ShitFuck) it's beneficial. Something akin to utilitarian masochism. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-10-27 00:23:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It is a little hard to follow. Im not sure why. Perhaps it needs more in way of explanation?
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-26 23:50:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i did not like this story because it did not affect my emotions in any way whatsoever.
it is simply too far fetched and done too poorly to involve people's emotions. Also, you use disjoined sentences way too much.
that must have been full of red and green squiggles in word.
Submitted by coindon (user info) at 2005-10-26 23:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, so *now* I catch the typographical errors. Shit.