Grueberfest. The Hidden Room. (1192 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: uberbook
Rating: 1.75 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bigmike (View user info) at 2005-10-27 02:06:10 EDT
"GET OUT OF MY LIFE!" Jessica screamed as she slammed the door, locked it, and sat down in the middle of the room.
She sat there quietly, eyes closed, breath gently moving in and out of her body past lips moistened by a flick of her tongue. Her mouth was fairly dry, but she didn't think that she had it in her to get up and get a drink right now. She wanted to relax, to rest, to meditate about the things that were going on in her life right now. As she sat there, her legs intertwined themselves in a yoga-like manner, right foot over left ankle, left foot over right ankle. Her hands were setting on the back of her upraised knees, palms up. Her hair in a tight brown bun, pulled so tightly that, if you looked at her just right, you would swear that she was of asian descent, her eyes pulled ever so slightly outward following her hairline. She was beautiful, of course. That is why she was here.
She could hear the banging on the door, but she wouldn't give in. Singing her favorite tune to herself, she sat there, rocking ever so slightly, wondering if the entity on the other side of the door would ever go away.
"A-B-C-D-E-F-G,
Jesus died for you and me."
After awhile, she opened her eyes. She felt a small tingling and as she looked down at her hands, she saw the beginnings of two small, circular marks begin to take shape on each one of her wrists. She cocked her head and looked at them with a puzzled expression. "He's at it again," she thought as she watched the marks become slightly bigger. She could see little whisps of smoke emanating upward from these marks and as she took a slight breath, she could smell the color of the odor. Dark brown. Very dark brown with a shade of red mixed in. She was sure that she never really liked the smell of brown. She closed her eyes and began to sing to herself again.
"A-B-C-D-E-F-G,
Jesus died for you and me.
H-I-J-K-L-M-N,
Jesus died for sinful men, AMEN!"
The pounding on the door continued, but she paid it no heed. She opened her eyes once more as a new tingling was starting to commence on her stomach. She looked down to check on the circles that were on her wrists, but they were no longer there. She smiled and let out a deep sigh of relief as she turned her attention to her stomach and the new sensation there. She lifted her hands from her knees and casually reached to the bottom of her shirt. She grabbed the hem of her shirt and slowly lifted to see what was causing the tingling underneath. There were five round circles just like the ones she had on her wrists. They were arranged in a circular pattern that reminded her of the solar system. As she looked at them she recited in her head, "Mercury, Venus, Mars, Earth, Jupiter. Five planets all in a row." She suddenly wondered where the sun was. She smiled as she thought of the planets. Astronomy was a favorite of hers. She could smell the color of these planets and it was the same as before. Dark brown with a little red mixed in. The smoke was there also.
As she continued to watch, small lines began to appear inside the circle of her planets. She watched as they formed, careful not to move lest they become less than perfectly straight. The pounding on the door continued, but she refused to acknowledge it. As she watched the lines continue to take shape on her stomach, she took a deep breath to smell the new colors formed by these lines. Red. No mistake about it. Deep, crimson red. She took the time to think that red was her favorite smell of all. It had a sickly sweet property to it that was deeply satisfying like an aftertaste of sorts. As she thought of this satisfaction, she began to sing once more.
"A-B-C-D-E-F-G,
Jesus died for you and me.
H-I-J-K-L-M-N,
Jesus died for sinful men, AMEN!
O-P-Q-R-S-T-U,
I believe God's word is true."
She let her shirt fall back down and cover the activity on her stomach and she once again closed her eyes, returning her hands to the palms-up position on her knees. She was concentrating on breathing steadily now, and the more she concentrated on her breathing, the more the tingling sensations in her hands and on her stomach subsided. After a few minutes of this, she opened her eyes, sure that the marks on her stomach had gone the way of the marks on her wrists. She didn't have to look to know that they were gone.
The pounding on the door had become so loud that she could barely concentrate on her song. She didn't have to even think about what would happen next, because it happened everytime she came into her room. The familiar tingling sensation between her legs. She used to look down there and watch as her private parts became emblazoned with redness, that redness eventually fading to black. She could always remember the satisfaction of the red color smell, fading to the smell of black. The smell of decay, dark and ominous looming over her like a dark cloud that is about to turn into a tornado. She read somewhere that clouds like that were referred to as "The hand of God." She never understood that and never associated that color smell with God. Not her God anyway. Her God had led her to this room. Her God was good and benevolent. Her God had taught her to persevere and to cope. As she turned her attention away from what was happening between her legs, she thought of her song and concentrated extra hard on the remaining few words. The pounding on the door was deafening.
"A-B-C-D-E-F-G,
Jesus died for you and me
H-I-J-K-L-M-N,
Jesus died for sinful men, AMEN!
O-P-Q-R-S-T-U,
I believe God's word is true.
V-W,
God has promised you
X-Y-Z,
A home eternally."
With that she lay down peacefully on the naked floor of the room that was her sanctuary. She spread herself out on the floor, feeling the coolness of the tile and the comfort of the song. She could smell no more colors and, as the door was broken down, she managed to fall asleep, content that her room was safe. Content that it would always be there, waiting for her if she ever needed solace from an ever-intensifying, badly askew world.
She could hide here.
**********************************************************************************************
"It's ok, honey, you go to sleep. Daddy's right here with you," Jessica's father said as he ran his course fingers through her hair, casually snuffing his cigarette out on the pure white flesh of her inner thigh. Fifteen years he had been abusing his daughter. Never once did he wonder where her mind went while he was working on her.
He really didn't care.
User Reviews
Submitted by Tiltedhalo (user info) at 2005-11-01 07:53:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another "hmmmmmmmm" read.... but got me nonetheless!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-10-31 23:22:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-30 23:01:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
BigMike, you sicko, how ya doin?
Just fine thank you.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-10-31 00:39:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
scary and really people i've known are like her.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-30 23:01:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BigMike, you sicko, how ya doin?
Submitted by Aiya (user info) at 2005-10-28 23:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this last night, but was so tired I couldn't really comprehend anything beyond the hidden room being within herself. Now that I read it again and understand it a little better, I think you did an awesome job. This wasn't exactly my favorite kind of story to read, but just because something isn't my style doesn't mean it deserves less than a +2. You did a great job with this title.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-10-27 21:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
....and Orgasmatron, you were right. This is totally psychologically creepy. As it was meant to be. The real horror happens in the mind anyway, no?
This was the first thing I thought of for this title and I loved the idea.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-10-27 21:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-27 18:13:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay I figured out what my problem was.
Something about the way the post begins leads me to subconsciously believe that she is not a girl, but a woman who should be too old to still be under her father's roof, if not his shadow.
Fuck me, that was oddly poetic of me.
Anyway, so when it was revealed she was a young girl, I think I was thrown off a little.
She is a young woman. She still thinks like a young girl, possibly because her maturation has been stunted by the fact that her father has been abusing her for so long. When she "hides" in her room, she IS a little girl. She hides in the safety of a little girls innocence. She's been doing it for years.
I put her at about seventeen.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-27 19:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is 'psychologically creepy' rather than 'horror creepy,' but fuck it - you capture the situation, and capture it well.
The ending, epilogue, what have you, is brief and flat, but, man, does it ever capture the mind of the father.
I've always thought that Christian/religious songs, rhymes, maxims, etc. are at their most disturbing when overlayed with extreme violence or horror. Like classicial music played during a murder. Well done on that front.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-10-27 18:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:38:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Your children are going to find this site someday, and they will be freaked the fuck out.
===========================
Which means you're doing quite well.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-27 18:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay I figured out what my problem was.
Something about the way the post begins leads me to subconsciously believe that she is not a girl, but a woman who should be too old to still be under her father's roof, if not his shadow.
Fuck me, that was oddly poetic of me.
Anyway, so when it was revealed she was a young girl, I think I was thrown off a little.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-10-27 14:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your writing is like a force of nature, in that it imparts beauty and devastation indiscriminately. +++
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-10-27 14:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-10-27 14:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I have to go puke now............
No, really.....nice work. Great way to use the title that was given to you............
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-27 11:25:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your children are going to find this site someday, and they will be freaked the fuck out.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:02:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay. I was going to go +1 or +1.5 on this, but I'm going +2 not only because you got fucked by an idiot but also because I read it a second time, and while it is more disturbing than horrifying (and I'm kind of burned out on Uber abuse/rape/incest stuff) this was a really original take on the title, the room being the girl, within the girl. Unless I misread this.
You're spot on, Jack.
The girl has a place she goes to when the abuse starts. It is her place and it is hidden in the recesses of her mind. She goes there because it is there that she can deal with the pain, humiliation, and suffering that she gets at the hands of her tormenter. She retreats, and even though she can see the events unfolding in front of her, she has the ability to make them all seem insignificant while she is in her hidden place.
While there, she can make the hurt go away. The horrifying thing to me is that she has a routine for doing this. She is quite used to being there.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my throat started closing when she started describing the scent of black and by the end, ugh.
I love your writing because you don't lead the reader through by the hand with too much explaining, you lure them through with images.
if that makes sense.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:02:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay. I was going to go +1 or +1.5 on this, but I'm going +2 not only because you got fucked by an idiot but also because I read it a second time, and while it is more disturbing than horrifying (and I'm kind of burned out on Uber abuse/rape/incest stuff) this was a really original take on the title, the room being the girl, within the girl. Unless I misread this.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-27 07:23:07 (#)
Ranking: 1
The ending was good, but something about the last two lines felt a little lacking to me. Interesting how she combined meditation with Christian beliefs. Also, I still don't quite understand the rest of the post -- I mean, I think I do, but...bah. It's too early in the morning.
I love the way you always give crit and reasons for the way you feel about a post caes.
I'm not sure about this reply though. Did you not understand what it was she was doing? Or, was it what she was doing while she was doing it that you didn't quite get? Lol.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:40:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-27 03:49:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Her mouth was fairly dry"""
why the qualification?
Because that's what it was. I don't know why. It wasn't very dry, it wasn't just a little dry, it was fairly dry. Why must I answer questions such as these? :)
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:08:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Made me shiver and gave me goosebumps. In the sexual way.
Er-- I mean...
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scary as fuck by the way you twisted the end
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-27 07:24:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have a +2 for Lisa's need to blindly comment without rating because your title happened to have the same name as Captain Camwhore himself.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-27 07:23:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The ending was good, but something about the last two lines felt a little lacking to me. Interesting how she combined meditation with Christian beliefs. Also, I still don't quite understand the rest of the post -- I mean, I think I do, but...bah. It's too early in the morning.
It was strange and off-putting, in a good way. And then the ending was very icky.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2005-10-27 06:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Heavy. Really freaky, kinda screwed up, but descriptive, and inventive. Lost me a bit, then found me in the last paragraph.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-10-27 06:33:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wondered what the hell was going on. Very nice twist...
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-27 03:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Her mouth was fairly dry"""
why the qualification?
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-10-27 03:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hidden Room! http://www.ubersite.com/m/48866
RED SOX WIN TEH SUPERBOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-10-27 02:25:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And yes, I know it's "coarse," not "course."
It's after 2 friggin A.M. for gods sake.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-10-27 02:19:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-10-27 02:18:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me want to puke.
The highest of compliments for a Grueberfest post. :)
Submitted by Blinkish (user info) at 2005-10-27 02:18:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me want to puke.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-27 02:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the same thing happened to a character in my story.
...sort of.
excellent work.
Submitted by DooZa (user info) at 2005-10-27 02:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Powerful.
If you were raped as a child, you can tell us, its ok.. Youre in the safety circle.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-27 02:08:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
your work makes me feel icky inside.