Angriness. (Probably SPT) (566 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ainkara (View user info) at 2005-10-27 08:21:35 EDT
I used to let my anger out. In controlled little bursts that would never hurt anyone, except maybe myself. I'd punch a wall, or cry into my pillow and hit the bed. Sometimes I would write, although as I grew older, for some reason that worked less and less for me. Then I found drawing.
Well, not drawing I guess. Drawing is pretty, and delicate, and beautiful. What I created with my pencil was dark and ugly and showed my anger to anyone who would ever see it. Just dark shapes and harsh lines trying to block out the white of the page. I would slash at the page and my anger would turn into tears, and I would cry and keep going, hitting the page and ripping through it. The page would tear and I would cry even more, hating myself for being this way, for not being able to let things go. Then the pencil would break, and I would collapse over the page, my hand smudged in grey, my tears running down my nose and dampening the page.
It made me feel better for a while. The slashing, the grey taking over, the ripping feeling. I know what you're all thinking, 'Oh great, another angsty murder story, this line has been done to death.' Well fuck you. This isn't a murder story. It's just a regular story of a girl who showed too much.
I got scared of it. Call me a weak person, I don't care. I got scared of knowing that there was a side to me like that. A side that kept hitting and breaking, even though the tears were flowing. So I ripped that pages out. Those of them that hadn't already been torn out by my hand that is. And I burnt them. Something in that fire helped me. I saw my anger burned away, and in a sense I could start again. I didn't have to be a slave to it any longer, I could stop being scared of myself. I could burn the anger away, by that simple act of burning a page I had drawn on.
So I still let my anger out I guess. In those same little controlled bursts. But now, I leave no evidence behind. And somehow, that makes it all better.
User Reviews
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-10-28 04:50:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lyn, I love you. You rule. I know I say that a lot, but it's true.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-10-27 12:15:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bec, I know you, dude. You would have felt bad for being so cruel to the paper. Then felt bad for feeling bad, and gone and donated all your money to hungry orphan babies because you, more than anyone else I've ever known, are totally, utterly, 100%, can't-help-yourself NICE.
Being angry should in no way scare you - I'm angry all the time. Like, all the fucking time. Except when I'm sleeping and then, I'm told, I kick things and curse anyway.
And look at how lovely I am. I let the killing rage manifest itself in my endless purchases of ceramic ducklings, whih I store in a box in my closet and take out from time to time in order to hiss at them "You're ugly. You're an ugly duckling. And you're never going to be anything else. No beautiful swan for you because you are not alive, you're cold, you're not real, you're ugly forever and ever in a static frozen state of unattractiveness. I could crush you at a whim, AT A WHIM I TELL YOU. Ugly ugly ugly."
WHY SHOULD UGLY DUCKLINGS HAVE A CHANCE AT HAPPINESS WHEN I DON'T??? TELL ME THAT YOU HEARTLESS BASTARDS, WHY???
In short, anger is perfectly normal.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you calling Michael a brute? What did I tell you about name calling ya big poo poo head? He's gorgeous and entirely un-brutey. I'm still slightly pissed at him, but he's still gorgeous.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:01:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:04:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:59:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
My guy is fine thank you very much.
And I'm Australian. Dammit. How do you not know this? I'm sure most everyone else does
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Why did you lie to me and claim to be South African? I'm a doctor, not a rapist. You don't have to be afraid of me.
Fine, I hope your happy with a man that makes you sad and angry because you're not getting any of this sweet, sweet, candy now.
*slaps perfect buttocks with incredibally long and dextrous hands*
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Get those damn mits off my ass, you raging homo!
Saying that, though, Berty has a point about the "nice bit of fluff", even if his phrasing is a little course. You can do better than such an incredulous brute.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Phallic, no, I tend to skip the telling them I hate them part and skip straight to the crying with no apparent reason. That's why I don't drink.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:46:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you the girl that gets drunk and tells all her family and friends how much she hates them then bursts into tears and feels terrible about it the next day? You know the one.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:15:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
theres no sign of intelligent thought here
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:59:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
My guy is fine thank you very much.
And I'm Australian. Dammit. How do you not know this? I'm sure most everyone else does
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Why did you lie to me and claim to be South African? I'm a doctor, not a rapist. You don't have to be afraid of me.
Fine, I hope your happy with a man that makes you sad and angry because you're not getting any of this sweet, sweet, candy now.
*slaps perfect buttocks with incredibally long and dextrous hands*
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:59:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My guy is fine thank you very much.
And I'm Australian. Dammit. How do you not know this? I'm sure most everyone else does
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:54:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:39:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty, were you implying that I'm South African? Cause I'm not.
And I can be angry. Really I can. Grr. And stuff...
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Yes you are, South African that is, you told me so. Didn't you?
Anyway. You aren't capable of anger, I've never seen you angry ever. If you're angry it's because your boyfriend (quite obviously an odious con man) is making you feel bad about yourself.
Get rid of him and find a real man with gorgeous hair and elegant fingers.
Submitted by BingBongBing (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
don't procreate....
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You need to go get an ice-cream. With extra sprinkles.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty, were you implying that I'm South African? Cause I'm not.
And I can be angry. Really I can. Grr. And stuff...
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:37:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fire makes everything better.
Have you ever seen a house burn down? That shit is cool as hell! All the neighbors just stand there hypnotized by the burning of the house because it rules!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:35:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"The slashing, the grey taking over, the ripping feeling."
I feel better when I stab people.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:27:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
X, my boyfriend pissed me off. DJ, you mean like... cutting... self... blood... pain... Ow. Why would I do that?
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Cut your boyfriend. He's not good enough for you anyway.
Dr. Berty prescribes British Beef.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everyone's been there. They just go different ways from there. No right or wrong. Just what works and doesn't.
I use to cut the living shit out of myself, although it was well hidden on my upper body, etc.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:27:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't believe you. You're a lovable little bit of fluff, utturly incapable of unpleasentness.
Although it could be the anger at apartheid that all South Africans feel. Dr. Berty proscribes inter-racial luvin'.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
X, my boyfriend pissed me off. DJ, you mean like... cutting... self... blood... pain... Ow. Why would I do that?
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everyone copes in different ways.
Just don't get into cutting.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:22:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why do you have so much anger?