Man up Caulaincourt you fucking pussy (1651 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.72 on 68 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Paul Hibbert (View user info) at 2005-10-27 08:29:41 EDT
I've been a doctor for over 20 years blah blah blah, I know lots of big medical terms rah rah rah, take 3 doses of *Insert a complete set of diced dick here*. With all these hundreds of doctors frequenting Ubersite who would have thought the medical profession would be so lucrative? And who would have thought a medical forum would contain so much profanity?
What is a fucking immune system anyway? Where is it kept? In the shin-bone? The groin perhaps? Personally I reckon illness is just a ridiculous excuse to be a lazy faggot. There's no solid proof this so called "immune system" actually exists.
Got a little tickle in the throat? Stick a big fucking knife in it, that'll teach it. Bit of a poorly tummy? Have your friend throw bricks at you till you man-up.
Flu is the single gayest possible made up virus ever... Period. Well ok maybe not as gay as periods which are of course just another excuse for folk to be lazy, arrogant and a general mental drain on the people around them. Ladies, it's just a little blood, get over it already... but anyway back to flu...
- People who have flu claim to be weak, I have no argument; these nancies need to do some weights, feel a little queasy? Sweat it out sissy...
- You got a blocked up nose? well boo-fucking hoodley-doo. What does a blocked up nose stop you doing? Nothing at all; get to work you lazy bastard.
- Apparently it makes you drowsy. So fucking what? So will alcohol and drug abuse but I'm still at work, what's your excuse?
It's not just these guys though. It's about time we stopped putting up with these sob story cancer victims. If they had any balls at all then their weak ass cells would just kick the cancer in the balls. It's natural selection- you got killed by cancer? It's most likely because you're Canadian; you're no use to the species anyway.
Aids- Gay.
Alzheimer's- Weak
Cancer- Pussies
Asthma- You can't even be bothered to breathe properly? Give me a break
Blind- Lazy eyes
Sciatica- How fortunate for you:- back trouble that can't be accurately diagnosed; your doctor can't prove you don't have it and it conveniently leaves you incapable of doing any solid graft. Did they x-ray you to check you've even got a spine? Worthless.
I've never been ill and I've only got my Indian spiritual guide 'rock-aflockin-ickahol' to thank... He taught me to be the man I am today and to quit eating altogether, that needing food to survive thing is bullshit, trust me- eating's for queers.
So Caulaincourt, here's my diagnosis- Man the fuck up you stupid pussy. It's no wonder no one wants to go to Canada, it's full of Cancerous losers.
For those about to minus2, good! I totally believe 100% in everything I just wrote.
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-17 12:34:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ace.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-03-06 17:11:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss Mr Wolf.
:-(
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-23 00:51:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sciatica?
a particularly perilous procedure of placing dead people parts precede a perfectly performed
prerogative pertaining to a plethora of pain and posture......period
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2005-11-18 02:09:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
uuuuhhhh
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-10-28 21:13:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed.
Submitted by LamRoKi (user info) at 2005-10-28 21:01:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-28 13:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
More hits please!
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-10-28 08:45:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-28 08:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-28 08:06:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-28 07:07:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-27 18:59:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, this post says "Caulaincourt, I want to fuck you" like no other post I've seen!!! """
wow this reviews say NUURNURRR SPAZZY NUUUUR NURR like no other review I have ever seen!!!
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Fuck yeah, ha ha ha ha...
Oh and captain thorns... The line that you took offence to at the end of the post is the very line that was intended to make it obvious to even people who are immune to irony that I really don't believe people with cancer should just shut up and get over it.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-28 08:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-28 07:07:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-27 18:59:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, this post says "Caulaincourt, I want to fuck you" like no other post I've seen!!! """
wow this reviews say NUURNURRR SPAZZY NUUUUR NURR like no other review I have ever seen!!!
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Fuck yeah, ha ha ha ha...
Oh and captain thorns... The line that you took offence to at the end is the very line that was intended to m
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-28 07:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-27 18:59:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, this post says "Caulaincourt, I want to fuck you" like no other post I've seen!!! """
wow this reviews say NUURNURRR SPAZZY NUUUUR NURR like no other review I have ever seen!!!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-28 07:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-27 12:49:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:41:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:38:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
You really are ignorant.
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You halfwitted fucking noob! Do you think I really believe you can cure cancer by being tough?
Why is Irony so lost around here.
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n00b? whatcha talkin' about willis? i've been around here for almost a year.
Pardon me for not inferring your Irony but having actually HAD cancer and chemo, it's a touchy subject for me. The last line "100% belief yada yada" didn't help either. Please refrain from calling people with cancer "pussies," at least those of us that are 6'4" and 225lbs.
Love,
CaptainThorns """
i hope your cancer comes back and has a go of your lymph nodes you fucking n00btard.
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2005-10-28 06:58:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That's it, I'm going to go crush beer cans on my forehead until my period stops.
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-10-27 21:16:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I yelled at my AIDS until they went away.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-27 18:59:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, this post says "Caulaincourt, I want to fuck you" like no other post I've seen!!!
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-10-27 14:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-10-27 11:39:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:57:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Me neither matey, hang the bastards I say, unnecessary frigging drain of societys money if you ask me.
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What!? Fuck right off, gimboid.
I'm a staunch Royalist. It's bloody Cromwells fault that we've got the "Windsors" if he hadn't been such a wart faced puritan cunt we'd probably still have the Stuarts.
Diev Et Mon Droit. My Right - By God.
And don't you forget it.
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Shenanigans. You wrote and posted my review before I had thought of it.
WITCH! He's a witch ladies and gentleman. I say tie him to a chair and throw him in a river, if he floats he's a witch if he drowns we can clear his name.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-27 12:49:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:41:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:38:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
You really are ignorant.
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You halfwitted fucking noob! Do you think I really believe you can cure cancer by being tough?
Why is Irony so lost around here.
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n00b? whatcha talkin' about willis? i've been around here for almost a year.
Pardon me for not inferring your Irony but having actually HAD cancer and chemo, it's a touchy subject for me. The last line "100% belief yada yada" didn't help either. Please refrain from calling people with cancer "pussies," at least those of us that are 6'4" and 225lbs.
Love,
CaptainThorns
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-27 12:28:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's great to see I'm not the only degenerate.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 12:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-27 11:03:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
We're on the same page...they still drain money on us too!
In the meantime, could you answer that Herr Doktor Hibbert?
When I'm sick I shit loose stools...
Is it because I swallowed mucus all day that my shit lacks consistence? Or does the high temparture dilate my anal sphincter? Should I stop putting thermometers shaped like giant dildos up my ass?
This situation is debiliating.
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It's because you're not man enough to jam your fist up your ass pull out your innards and have a good look what's wrong for yourself, now stop beiong a pussy and bring on the pain!
Anybody else want a diagnosis?
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 11:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This country was founded by hearty and strong people", Bush explained, "we didn't have fancy COX-2 inhibitors in 1776 and we certainly don't need any now."
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Quite right Loki!
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-10-27 11:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:57:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Me neither matey, hang the bastards I say, unnecessary frigging drain of societys money if you ask me.
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What!? Fuck right off, gimboid.
I'm a staunch Royalist. It's bloody Cromwells fault that we've got the "Windsors" if he hadn't been such a wart faced puritan cunt we'd probably still have the Stuarts.
Diev Et Mon Droit. My Right - By God.
And don't you forget it.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-10-27 11:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here is a post I wrote about the Bush healthcare plan. I think it outlines the perfect plan for you: http://www.ubersite.com/m/54858
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-27 11:03:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We're on the same page...they still drain money on us too!
In the meantime, could you answer that Herr Doktor Hibbert?
When I'm sick I shit loose stools...
Is it because I swallowed mucus all day that my shit lacks consistence? Or does the high temparture dilate my anal sphincter? Should I stop putting thermometers shaped like giant dildos up my ass?
This situation is debiliating.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Finally, someone with the sense to see things my way.
You should consider medical school, boy.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:51:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
That's how some people refer to England. But then again, calling queen-loving Ontarians people is a bit of a stretch.
Speaking of which, why haven't you guillotine your royalty yet? I don't understand the obsession with the royals, I just can't.
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Me neither matey, hang the bastards I say, unnecessary frigging drain of societys money if you ask me.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It's about time we stopped putting up with these sob story cancer victims. If they had any balls at all then their weak ass cells would just kick the cancer in the balls."
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That's what I did. It took two years of chemo and radiation therapy (they're just fancy names for weak-ass-cell steroids), but that pussy lymphoma didn't have a chance after I bulked up. Maybe I shouldn't joke about that... Shit, I'm calling my doctor.
An excellently written post. It's nice to see your writing stay so entertaining. Bravo.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:51:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's how some people refer to England. But then again, calling queen-loving Ontarians people is a bit of a stretch.
Speaking of which, why haven't you guillotine your royalty yet? I don't understand the obsession with the royals, I just can't.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The opinion of an actual doctor: http://www.ubersite.com/m/77638#1662994
He seems to share our opinion.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:44:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
It got silly because of the arrogant people who live in the Fatherland like to rip on the colonials, like Canadians. OMG, DID I JUST SAY ENGLAND IS MY FATHERLAND?! SEPARATISTS WILL BEHEAD ME!
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Something strikes me as very 'nazi Germany' about referring to us as the fatherland! Heil Hibbert!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It got silly because of the arrogant people who live in the Fatherland like to rip on the colonials, like Canadians. OMG, DID I JUST SAY ENGLAND IS MY FATHERLAND?! SEPARATISTS WILL BEHEAD ME!
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:40:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:30:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
People just love giving advice.
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They're the people I really wrote it for... Not sure why I went on a big tangent afterwards about people being ill being pussies. I was really just irritated after the 40th review on your post of people trying to give advice and wrote the first paragraph then it just got a little silly.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funnay! Honestly, I cannot stand the feeling of being sick, much less repeatedly. The shitty malaise that comes with fever gives me an urge to shoot myself. I hope you don't mind that I prefer being a pussy and whine about my cold?
You make an excellent point in your 1st paragraph. My father once told me: "When you're sick, everybody's a doctor" And he was right. I posted in hope to maybe get some decent advice but I wondered how many self-acclaimed doctors would "educate" me. There were many.
People just love giving advice.
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:05:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
no-one touches your sisters chrissy boy on account of their AIDS.
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I rue the day they ever met you apollo"I invented AIDS"88
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:08:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:51:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
My dad got AIDS so he just chopped down a tree and it was so macho the AIDS cleared up.
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True story. It took me ages to chop that mofo down though.
Submitted by bigbabylons (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:07:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AIDS AIDS, nobody told me they had AIDS
Fuckers
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:07:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:00:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
you're one strange boy chr15
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I've never touched any of my sisters...
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ha! priceless
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no-one touches your sisters chrissy boy on account of their AIDS.
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:00:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're one strange boy chr15
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I've never touched any of my sisters...
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:52:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:51:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
My dad got AIDS so he just chopped down a tree and it was so macho the AIDS cleared up.
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Damned fucking straight
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:51:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My dad got AIDS so he just chopped down a tree and it was so macho the AIDS cleared up.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:51:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
True
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Only the strong survive.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's not just these guys though. It's about time we stopped putting up with these sob story cancer victims. If they had any balls at all then their weak ass cells would just kick the cancer in the balls. It's natural selection- you got killed by cancer? It's most likely because you're Canadian; you're no use to the species anyway
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:35:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:41:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:38:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
You really are ignorant.
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You halfwitted fucking noob! Do you think I really believe you can cure cancer by being tough?
Why is Ironing so lost around here.
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No way, ironing's not lost on me. Personally I thought the ironing of this post was just delicious.
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you're one strange boy chr15
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:39:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/63042
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:35:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:41:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:38:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
You really are ignorant.
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You halfwitted fucking noob! Do you think I really believe you can cure cancer by being tough?
Why is Ironing so lost around here.
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No way, ironing's not lost on me. Personally I thought the ironing of this post was just delicious.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:47:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't forget short people.
I hate short people. They can't even be bothered to grow nice and tall like regular folk.
More than that though: I hate short, ugly people. They're too lazy to grow tall and cultivate a nice face.
Worst of all though: short, ugly people called Paul. Good for nothing, bone idle, hideous reprobates the lot of them.
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At least I can keep my alters under control.
Good lord this has scored low, and here was me thinking it was shakespeare.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:30:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5? one point FIVE?!?!?! Honestly. This is ridiculous... I laughed hella hard.
Dervel's comment, on the other hand....
Submitted by BingBongBing (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well written
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:01:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-10-27 09:00:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH MY GOD, MY DAD DIED OF SCIATICA. AND MY MUM DIED OF CANCER OF THE IMMUNE SYSTEM. THIS IS NOT A JOKING MATTER. I HOPE YOU DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH. BECAUSE IT'S OKAY FOR ME TO WISH THAT ON YOU, BUT NOT OKAY TO FOR YOU TO JOKE ABOUT IT.
Submitted by CapitalA (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
there are some humourless turds on here today what?
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:57:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit, I have one busy day fixing broken immune systems and obviously missed some dramatics. Have a plus 2 for bashing the crybaby.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:47:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not one for Shenanigans. I thought the post was funny for its writing skill, not because it was slating some guy none of us had ever met.
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I agree the writing was funny but the last line did it no justice. And timeliness is not your strong point. Would have been hilarious had you posted it on the same day or the day after.
I gave you a 0 because it was worth reading.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:47:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't forget short people.
I hate short people. They can't even be bothered to grow nice and tall like regular folk.
More than that though: I hate short, ugly people. They're too lazy to grow tall and cultivate a nice face.
Worst of all though: short, ugly people called Paul. Good for nothing, bone idle, hideous reprobates the lot of them.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
REDRUM!! REDRUM!!!
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:45:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wasn't bad. But i'm mostly giving the plus 2 because of all the people who will read it and not get it.
Submitted by CapitalA (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:44:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what on earth are you talking about? I am the fake apollo.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, this is funny.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:38:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
You really are ignorant.
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You halfwitted fucking noob! Do you think I really believe you can cure cancer by being tough?
Why is Irony so lost around here.
Submitted by CapitalA (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:40:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
apollo - Get the hell out of my fake apollo account.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:39:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:34:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
had so much potential then you pussed out by saying it was joke
my diagnosis = lameness, you should be shot like an old horse.
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I'm not one for Shenanigans. I thought the post was funny for its writing skill, not because it was slating some guy none of us had ever met.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You really are ignorant.
Submitted by CapitalA (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:38:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pure awesome
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
had so much potential then you pussed out by saying it was joke
my diagnosis = lameness, you should be shot like an old horse.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ripping on Caul = auto +2
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-10-27 08:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I jest, I jest...