Things That Make Me Want To Massage My Eyeballs With Sandpaper (1684 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.56 on 48 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Anansie (triggerhappyannie.at.yahoo.com) (View user info) at 2005-10-28 14:59:38 EDT
Those guys that spend god knows how long sculpting their hair so it will artfully sweep across one eye, and spend the rest of the day tossing their head around to get said hair out of said eye. Congratulations, you little emo bitch, you have a girl's haircut.
NC State requires me to turn in a plan of work then never offers the courses I plan for. Fuck you NC State. Whoever came up with that idea should eat shit and then regurgitate into his kid's mouth. Or maybe his mom's.
Memorizing all the skull morphology of a camarosaurus and an allosaurus when I know goddamn well there are only going to be ten or so questions on the test. Seriously, I wish you bitches could see these diagrams. But since you can't, why don't you eat me instead?
That effeminate fat guy and his stupid little female groupies who stood outside my apartment building last night about midnight singing if "I Could Turn Back Time" at the top of their lungs. Ten minutes later they were warbling that damn 90's song sung by some pansies about being the "next to be with you." And by warbling, I mean sucking shit. God, like I didn't hear that mediocre trash enough when it first came out. Why don't you use all that lung power to suck the mean end of a hand cannon, you middling queef drinkers?
Anything involving the combination of the words "Good" and "Charlotte."
Driving in the city. Fuck that, give me an abandoned country road any day of the week. All this stop and go shit makes my brain do that funny homicidal thing.
Your mom.
Oh you like my hair do you? Do you really? Ok, well I'll just file that under the "opinions of whores" folder and stick it in my "people who don't fucking matter" cabinet, you self-involved crab spreader.
People who insist on persisting with whatever point they are trying to make, in spite of the fact that they are obviously wrong, and in spite of the fact that nobody gives a fuck either way. I mean seriously asshole, the exercise was meant to symbolize cladistics, not follow it completely. Just follow the diagram and shut your suckhole so we can get out of here by 1 o' clock.
Being about six years older than everybody I go to school with. Oh you went to a live show? Really, a LIVE one? You mean the band PLAYED instruments and everything? Wow, just, wow. I'm impressed. You are so with it. I mean, you've really earned enough cool cred to last for the rest of the year, haven't you.
This piece of shit post. I mean could I suck any harder? Probably, but I might rupture something. Of mine. Or yours.
This is the first image google came up with when I entered "fuckwits" into the search engine:
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-27 23:51:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahaha.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-06-01 12:43:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Definetely pertinent
Submitted by psychodude98 (user info) at 2006-03-19 09:59:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh so hard...
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-03-19 09:56:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's like a Lisa with its vitriol under control
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-03-19 09:54:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Memorizing all the skull morphology of a camarosaurus and an allosaurus when I know goddamn well there are only going to be ten or so questions on the test. Seriously, I wish you bitches could see these diagrams. But since you can't, why don't you eat me instead?
Oh you like my hair do you? Do you really? Ok, well I'll just file that under the 'opinions of whores' folder and stick it in my "people who don't fucking matter" cabinet, you self-involved crab spreader."
damn. forget the trying-to-figure-out-your-nationality thing, now i'm the one petitioning for marriage
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-19 09:31:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, but this is quality hate!
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-02 16:20:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There's nothing to do in NC except fuck, drink and do drugs. And go to Wal Mart.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-10-31 06:43:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-10-31 00:32:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would so appreciate it if you would email it to me if you ever finish the story. lady.plural.at.gmail.com
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-10-30 22:48:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
didnt expect to run into ol' hacksaw today.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-30 22:31:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-30 22:09:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
About GrUeberfest: I've read a couple so far, and they kicked ass, too. I've been missing out here. I can't read them all in one night, but at least I have something to come back to when the front page is clogged with shittery.
***********************
"Shittery." I'm liking you more and more. You seem like a damn fine writer. I shall have to keep an eye on you.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-10-29 16:12:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-29 16:11:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-29 15:43:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, Dan, I wasn't too clear....
I was joking as well, I was saying that I will be licking the bum's ass and telling him about it later.
As for what you said, Anansie, I agree- I rarely, if ever, go out drinking. Stupid people, triple costs for the alcohol, and rarely hanging out with many friends. I'd rather be hanging out at someone's house, or my own. Cheaper, safer, more fun- everything but the slutty, braindead women and the guys competing for them. I can do without all of that.
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Exactly. And bars always have that smell. You know that smell. The smell of a bunch of drunken, desperate, sweaty bodies all moving as one incoherent being. Ugh. But I actually don't mind the bars on nights where it's not normally busy. I'd still prefer going to someone's house, though.
LadyPlural, I'd like to finish BIB but when I read it now I just can't stand it. It needs major revisions as far as the writing is concerned. I have the whole story mapped out in my head, I know the plot points I want to happen, but when I sit down to write the thing, I go blank. I'm not even the same person I was when I started writing it. I'll finish it eventually, but I don't know if I'll post it here. I doubt too many people care about it anymore. If I don't post it, I'll email it to you.
Speaking of horror stories did anyone watch Masters of Horror last night? Cliched, but not half bad if you like the scary stuff.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-29 15:43:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, Dan, I wasn't too clear....
I was joking as well, I was saying that I will be licking the bum's ass and telling him about it later.
As for what you said, Anansie, I agree- I rarely, if ever, go out drinking. Stupid people, triple costs for the alcohol, and rarely hanging out with many friends. I'd rather be hanging out at someone's house, or my own. Cheaper, safer, more fun- everything but the slutty, braindead women and the guys competing for them. I can do without all of that.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-28 22:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You...I like your style.
Submitted by LamRoKi (user info) at 2005-10-28 19:26:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-10-28 18:39:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I love you.
You know what makes me want to massage *my* eyeballs with sandpaper? When talented writers start an utterly kickass series, and then abandon it right as it was getting even better. And then they disappear for a long time and then saunter back to the website and pretend that they never left, and they STILL DON'T FINISH 'THE BEAST IN THE BASEMENT'.
Just as a for-instance, you understand.
Submitted by papaya_princess (user info) at 2005-10-28 17:42:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Oh you like my hair do you? Do you really? Ok, well I'll just file that under the "opinions of whores" folder and stick it in my "people who don't fucking matter" cabinet, you self-involved crab spreader."
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I live in Raleigh. The Dive Bar is a cool place to hang out lately. I'm there a lot sipping on jager bombs.
Submitted by interchange (user info) at 2005-10-28 17:34:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This post is almost as bad as Chuck "the Chest" Amato's fashion sense.
Submitted by rayrayshanaynay (user info) at 2005-10-28 17:05:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, well my mom's not too fond of you either.
This was terrific---> "Why don't you use all that lung power to suck the mean end of a hand cannon, you middling queef drinkers?"
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2005-10-28 17:00:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish people would yell stuff like this from high-rise apartment windows while chunking big random objects out at passersby. And there wouldn't be a law against it so people would have to sort of dance along the sidewalks glancing up every few seconds.
You don't like big city traffic but I wish I lived in a big city, one so big you could see two women choking each other on the side of the road and it wouldn't be a big deal.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-28 16:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gotta go though, my email's listed above, so if there's anything else pertinent, you can write me.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-28 16:55:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-28 16:52:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Anansie,
Jan 6,7,8 in Greenville.
Let me know because you are on my way down.
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Well it looks like school starts on the 9th, so as long as I'm back home before then, and barring financial issues, I see no reason (except my boyfriend who may have objections of a security/safety nature) for me not to go. So TENTATIVELY, I say sure.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-28 16:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anansie,
Jan 6,7,8 in Greenville.
Let me know because you are on my way down.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-28 16:47:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
According to some, the nightlife here is cool. I disagree, but I don't like clubs, and the bars always seem to be full of archetypal that no matter how deep you dig you find they fit some sort of annoying stereotype. The redneck, the punk rocker, the fratboy/sorority girl, the radical activist who is raging against the machine, any machine, so long as it's a machine, etc, etc. I probably sound like I feel superior, but I don't. Not really. Stay away from the clubs is my advice. Go to bars, because some of them are alright. Check out Hillsbourough St and the downtown area. Rum Runners is ok, I guess. They have live piano music. The Flying Saucer. The East Village has a huge freaking margarita. The brewery has a lot of live shows. It really depends on the type of person you are. I'm kind of a misanthropist so going out on the town isn't my thing. I liked it when I was younger, but it's lost its luster.
As far as this post goes, I know it's incoherent but I really am so frustrated with this school that I could give two shits, honestly.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-28 16:35:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not sure whether or not I want to drive. I'll let you know. Whether or not I go depends heavily on when it's held, whether it interferes with school, how much money I have, and other random factors that will prevent planning anything until closer to the actual date of the thing.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-28 16:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Vicious,
No really, don't say that, you may get the shite kicked out of you.
It was a joke for god's sake, don't do it.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Consider it done.
The "Bum-Lickety" part, anyway. Maybe next week, I'll actually visit your bartended and mention it to him.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:43:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:36:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty angry. You sound like my therapist, after me.
I'm moving to Raleigh in a week or two- I don't suppose you may be able to make some suggestions on things to do so I'm not stuck with my fist in my ass when I'm not working?
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Vicious,
Check out a bar down there called the "Hybernian", the bartender there is a limey bastard and he's funny as shit. Tell him the Nascar driver says, "Bum Lickety". He'll know what you're talking about, if he gives you a blank look, leave and never go back.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:37:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
HOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!
On a sidenote: A coworker from Greensboro, NC is up here for the week and mentioned something about 'liver mush.' We googled the ingredients.
.
.
.
Not. Cool.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty angry. You sound like my therapist, after me.
I'm moving to Raleigh in a week or two- I don't suppose you may be able to make some suggestions on things to do so I'm not stuck with my fist in my ass when I'm not working?
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because of the title and I got to read this, "middling queef drinkers". Farking laughed my arse off, kudos.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Incoherent rants mean you're either (a) so pissed off that you struggle to form complete sentences without headbutting the nearest infant/elderly person, OR (b) you're a terrible ranter.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:19:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you want me to pick you up in Raleigh on the way down to Greenville?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Shit, I think I love you!
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Best one: Your mom.
Submitted by DieKreutzen (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:15:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hacksaw Jim Duggan auto +2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The very idea of "cool cred" makes me want to fuck somebody gently with a chainsaw. Oh Christian Slater, where are you when I need you.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:08:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
USA USA USA
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:07:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I earn cool cred by riding a unicyle.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:07:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:04:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not planning to post a lot Godchicken, just bored. You don't have to cut me slack. I know this post is pretty crappy.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm, not I'n
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:03:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
but it's been awhile since you were around, so we'll cut you some slack.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So much anger...
I'm willing to eat you, though.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:03:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Honestly, I probably don't. There are about 30,000 students here. I'n not exaggerating.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:02:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey do you know my friend Leslie? She goes to NC State. She's getting a PHD in tree-hugging I think.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-28 15:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I suck at life, I know it well.