I almost DIED! (979 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.79 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Gunslinger <a_well_rounded_cube(at)hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-10-30 14:13:30 EST
So I was fuckin' this girl in the ass, right? Then I see her parents come home, and I pull out so fast that shit flies everywhere, like, all over my dick, and the stairs, and everything! So then I run up the stairs and I jump out the window to my car. Shit, still all over me and my dick and everything, and I drive away. So I go home, and my Dad sees me! He says, "Oh my God, you're gay", after looking at my penis. So he starts throwing away all my stuff, and I get so mad that I throw a dumbell through the T.V. My dad gets pissed, and we get in a fist fight, where I break my thumb on his face.
So the next day I'm arm wrestling my friend, and I break my arm! So I leave class, and the ambulances were busy so I had to drive myself to the hospital. When I get there, the doctor says "Oh my God, you have high blood pressure, you could have a heart attack", and I almost died. True story.
User Reviews
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-28 12:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment Nessecary
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2006-10-28 12:00:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-10-30 19:29:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
So I was fuckin' this girl in the ass, right?
________________________________________
Auto +2
Didn't bother reading the rest.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2006-08-07 14:48:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
:(
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2006-08-07 14:27:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Gunslinger (user info) at 2006-08-02 17:00:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
you for got "porch monkey"
I'm takin' it back for the white man!
=====================
Hurray Clerks 2. +2 for you.
No, I didn't read your post.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-07-28 09:51:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was great
Submitted by youarewrong (user info) at 2005-10-31 11:08:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The title said something about dying.
Come back when you accomplish your mission.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-31 07:44:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 for all. For me, a n00b, getting on B@W!!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/77872
I love Uber!
-----------------
Oh yeah, but this was really bad!
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-10-31 07:03:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-10-31 06:56:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Holy cock knocker you deserve to be force fed my shit.
Submitted by Magic_Monkey (user info) at 2005-10-31 06:13:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2005-10-30 15:01:18 (#)
Ranking: -2
wait...
i thought i sucked. now i realize you're worse then me.
-----------------------------------------------------
I felt the same !!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-31 05:57:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't know what is worse
Your writing or the story- it's a toss up!
Submitted by DooZa (user info) at 2005-10-31 05:47:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
try harder next time
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-10-30 20:08:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/77911
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2005-10-30 19:29:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So I was fuckin' this girl in the ass, right?
________________________________________
Auto -2
Didn't bother reading the rest.
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2005-10-30 19:11:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You almost died? Well, why didn't you? Seriously. Die already.
-2 Go away.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-10-30 18:10:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
was her name Dwayne?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-30 16:39:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Remove the "almost" and make me a happy woman.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2005-10-30 16:31:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
die
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-10-30 15:43:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
If at first you don't succeed- try, try again.
Submitted by trent_nz (user info) at 2005-10-30 15:27:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-30 15:12:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Liar.
That person you were fucking in the ass wasn't a chick.
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2005-10-30 15:01:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wait...
i thought i sucked. now i realize you're worse then me.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-10-30 14:58:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I'll bet
Submitted by NocternalDragon (user info) at 2005-10-30 14:46:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-10-30 14:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-10-30 14:21:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
What the ghey?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-10-30 14:30:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Huh?
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-10-30 14:29:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We can only live in hope the next time your accident is a lot more... err... fateleler?
+2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-10-30 14:26:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank fuck Uber has someone like you here. It's about fucking time
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-10-30 14:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok. You're a vampire right?
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-10-30 14:21:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What the ghey?