I’ve Recently Acquired a Roommate. (1127 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.78 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Holly Golitely <hollywon1.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-10-30 23:38:31 EST
It was pretty spur of the moment. We don't know each other very well. However, we were quite aware of the importance of laying down the law. Each of us were allotted a certain number of rules.
Of his.......
1. No hair on the wall of the shower. (I have long, thick hair. It tends to cause clogs. I've had to dislodge wookies from the drain, before. It was not enjoyable. So, I began putting my hairballs on the wall, then removing them when they dried, and I felt ready). Not allowed to do that anymore.
2. "One butt, two butt, three butt, your butt". (I'm not allowed to smoke in the apartment if there are more than three butts in the ashtray. I am okay with that, because I think it's wrong to smoke in a residence where there are non-smokers. However, I DO take advantage of this friend-given-right when I'm drunk.....but, I sit on the counter next to the oven, with the fan on).
BERTY!
Of mine.....
1. At no point shall there be grub consumed without a spork.
Pretty cut and dry, right?
I think we will survive assuming that we abide by these simple rules. HOWEVER, I can't find a fucking reasonably priced spork, anywhere. I went to the grocery, I went to Target, I went to the Salvation Army and found nothing......
GOOGLE! ("spork")
Sporks are godlike: http://oak.cats.ohiou.edu/~jm703496/spork/
.....more junky spork fanfare.........but WHERE CAN I BUY A GOD DAMNED SPORK?!
If that shitball thinks he can decide where I put my disengaged hair particles, I'll be damned if he doesn't eat with a fucking spork.
C1NDY SMART GOOGLE! ("buy sporks")
You dirty Brits want me to pay over $10 for a GD spork?!
http://www.fieldandtrek.com/product-SnowPeak-Titanium-Spork-22750.htm
Fine. I give.
I ordered 9. They ARE made of titanium, after all.
Probably the simplest, lightest cutlery in the world!
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-12-31 14:46:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
soon to have a roomate that I am not sleeping with for the first time in over ten years. not the greatest prospect but it will help fund my beer purchases.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-07 01:00:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really want one of those sporks... WHY DO I WANT ONE OF THOSE SPORKS SO BAD?!
(and the random mentioning of uber names made me laugh)
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-19 06:33:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Flatmates are one of life's irritants. Like sand under your foreskin. They're not intentionally trying to irritate, but sooner or later you have to scratch that fucker.
Not sure where the rage came from there. But there you go.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-14 06:10:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-09 09:14:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-08 18:07:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, why is my name in block capitals halfway down this post?
--------
I wanted you and C1ndy to know that you're always in my uber thoughts!
Has that been bothering you?
-------
It rather excited me to be honest. It made me feel special and desirable for a little while.
But if you're mentioning C1ndy as well then it means I wasn't dominating your thoughts in that way. It was nice to fool myself for a little while though.
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-11-09 09:14:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-08 18:07:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, why is my name in block capitals halfway down this post?
--------
I wanted you and C1ndy to know that you're always in my uber thoughts!
Has that been bothering you?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-08 18:07:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, why is my name in block capitals halfway down this post?
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-11-02 15:47:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My roommate don't even have rules. If a problem comes up, we bare knuckle box. And "if you're not mad enough to bare knuckle box, you're not mad!" ~ Red Foreman
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-31 17:50:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So, I guess you empty the ashtray every two butts, yes?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-31 07:50:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 for all. For me, a n00b, getting on B@W!!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/77872
I love Uber!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-31 07:41:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Spork" is a funny word
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-10-31 05:54:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
How long before you sleep with your new 'roommate'?
Or is that one of the rules
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-10-31 05:51:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I would of just gone down to Taco Bell and stole a giant box of sporks! I would also grab the giant roll of toilet paper out of the bathroom, the plunger from the utility closet, a couple food trays and as many hot sauce packets that I can jam in my cargo pants I wore just for this occasion.
A couple of rules I would set up with my new flatmate:
1) No sleeping on the fucking couch unless you're me because I own it!
2) No playing dodgeball in the living room where my 60" HDTV is located!
3) If you are going to have a party tell your friends to stop stealing my fucking toothpaste and giant rolls of toilet paper; please.
4) What the fuck is with you people and having several mini fridges in every bedroom, plugged in, but only put an empty box of pop and some silverwear in it?
5) I work graveyard shift. Do you see me running around the living room at 3AM or coming into your bedroom uninvited to ask you to fix this, talk about that, or lend you something? No!
6) And most of all! If you invite 5 of your friends over for an orgy; don't ask me to join or use my fucking towels!
I think I am fairly easy to live with.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-10-31 05:28:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Congratulations! You just wasted $90 on sporks!
Retard.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-10-31 05:28:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked the massive and uncalled for reference to me particularly.
Seriously though, what is this guys major malfunction? It's a bit of hair on the shower wall.
I bet he wipes up the urine he spatters on the rim of the bowel with triple wadded tissue, washes his hand and then carefully does not touch his face again for like and hour or something.
Watch him when he comes back from the bathroom, see if he touches his face. I bet he doesn't.
Come live with me Holly.
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2005-10-31 04:50:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sporks are the greatest eating utensil ever invented.
I think you should have a "no farting on communal furniture" rule too. That's always important.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-10-31 04:25:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All shall have sporks. I'm off to buy loads.
well.... maybe later. my class would riot if I just went off now.
Submitted by DooZa (user info) at 2005-10-31 04:04:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sporks are over rated.. What you need is a Fred
Fuckin
Ridiculous
Eatin'
Device
Standard army issue, in australia, anyways
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-10-31 01:01:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-31 00:36:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For only $13.99, you, too, can be empowered by the knowledge that only Bono himself has been privy to (until now). Purchase "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" now and force your hearing into therapy!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-10-31 00:17:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh god fucking Wookies. I get them. And my hair is over three feet long. I feel your pain.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-10-31 00:07:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you have a roommate, that means you will have more cash and we can go drinking. Right?
Submitted by Ferretnose (user info) at 2005-10-30 23:42:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ditto on the wookies