GrUeberfest 2005: Something’s in the Way (803 hits)
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Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2005-10-31 13:53:43 EST
GrUeberfest 2005: Something's in the Way
"You're both... impaired?"
He sounded surprised. I hadn't said anything about our abilities or lack thereof over the phone when I set up this day out on the water.
"Yeah. A blind couple on their honeymoon, in a tropical paradise that's a treat for the eyes. Seems like a waste of cash, right?"
The guy running the charter company shrugged. I could hear it in his voice, and in the slight shifting of a shirt that had the heavy, sturdy sound of denim. "It's your money, pal. I'll take it wherever I can get it."
I held out my hand in the direction of his voice, in the direction his breath was wafting from. I was right on target. We shook.
"I'm Karl Fenech," he said.
"Lucky Phipps," I said.
Fenech paused. He was either smiling, or fighting the urge. A blind guy named lucky. Har-dee-fucking-har.
"Lucky?"
I nodded and adjusted my Ray-Bans on my sweat-slick nose. It was just after noon, and the sun was hot. "Yeah. My parents were told they were both infertile. They were gonna adopt. Then I came along. I've learned to live with it."
Footsteps. Suntan lotion. Earrings, a delicate jangling, drawing very close on the left.
I stepped aside and let some people pass.
Fenech chuckled. "Hell, that's not all you learned to live with. How did—"
"Good ears," I said.
I heard a familiar cadence behind me. My heart started to race a little, and a slender arm encircled my waist.
"Those good ears better be working the next time I tell you to take out the trash, pendejo" Marisol said.
"Ready to hit the high seas?"
"Ready."
"Scared, Mari?"
"No," she said. "Not as long as I have my Lucky charm with me."
A lie. I could feel her tension as she wrapped both arms around me from behind, her nose poking my shoulder. I could also hear it in her voice, her accent always stronger when her emotions were rising.
The captain of the charter was quiet. Was he staring at Mari? I knew she was beautiful, my fingers told me that. High cheekbones, luscious lips, wide-set eyes. Hair like a cascade of silk. Her skin was as pale as milk and eyes were brown and her hair was black. Black was the only color I knew for sure. The others were just so much clutter to me.
Fenech cleared his throat. "Well, if you're ready folks, we'll be underway shortly. There'll be two of my crew with us, they'll grab your bags and help you aboard in a few minutes."
We were in Pago Pago, on the island of Tutuila in American Samoa. We were in a far-flung foreign land, but there was a high English literacy rate here, and we were using American dollars. Little things like that made getting around easier.
I had written a couple of kid's books after college. Thanks to being a blind author, I was a bit of a novelty, and made some sales. My stories about a blind kid in a faraway kingdom weren't big sellers, until the Disney Channel bought the rights to the tales and turned them into a television series.
I wasn't Bill Gates, but I had a decent amount of fun-money.
"Hi," a young man said. "I'm Taeaotui Maga. I'll take your bags, folks." He had only the slightest trace of an accent.
"Thanks," I said. I fished in a pocket for a bill with the distinctive cross-fold I was looking for and slipped it to the kid as I lifted the strap of my duffle.
The kid took my bag and looked at the fifty.
"Sir, you don't have to do this. Gratuities are covered in the—"
"If you don't tell captain Fenech, I won't either. He'll busy driving the boat. I want you to make sure we don't fall overboard. Be our eyes, kid."
The kid laughed. "You got it, sir. Call me Tae."
The kid took Mari's three bags and headed off.
I sat and let the heat of the south Pacific sun warm me, wondering how Mari could possibly need three bags worth of stuff for an overnight cruise. I had an extra shirt and pants, socks and drawers, a sweater, my digital recorder, my shaving kit, and a bottle of champagne. God knows what she was bringing along.
I heard the click-click-snap as Mari folded her stick.
I had been blind since birth. Mari had lost her sight four years ago. I met her doing volunteer work for a non-profit in San Francisco that helped the newly blind adjust to a world without sight.
"Good day, Mister, Misses," another man said.
He had a heavy, melodious Samoan accent. He was also a sneaky devil. I hadn't heard him coming.
"My name is Utoofili Time. Please come to boat now."
"Ready, baby?"
"Si," Mari said.
"No worry, Misses," Utoofili said, seeing the worry I could only hear in her voice. "Good boat. Good sea. Good day for journey. You be laughing soon."
The crewman took Mari's arm and I followed behind, down the dock and onto the swaying finger. As he helped each of us over the side I tried to slip him some cash. Utoofili declined the offer.
"Tae share tip with me, Mister. Very generous."
I slipped the bill back in my pocket, hoping he didn't think I was an asshole who greased the wheels everywhere I went. Maybe I could give it to him when the cruise was over.
We were quickly underway, the sailboat's diesel engine gurgling as we made our way out of the harbor.
Mari and I were sitting in chairs fixed to the deck. She let out a nervous laugh. She had been sailing before. My stomach did a few rolls that I wasn't too crazy about, and then settled down after a while. This was my first time at sea. I shifted the crap in my pants pockets, my wallet and pocketknife, and got comfortable.
Wind touched my cheek and ruffled my hair like a whisper given weight.
I popped open the champagne and gave the bottle to Mari. "To an eventful voyage," I said.
"To a peaceful voyage," she replied.
We both took drinks from the bottle, laughing as bubbles rose up and flowed over our hands in a tingling dance.
Over the noise of the engine and the splash of the bow cutting through the sea I heard the flutter of small wings and a burst of birdsong.
Utoofili shouted something in his native language and raced by us, his bare feet slapping the deck. I heard the captain laughing in the wheelhouse. Utoofili shouted again, enraged, and the bird sang again before taking flight.
"What the hell?"
Tae responded, from somewhere above and behind me.
"Utoofili is very superstitious," he said. "The bird was a fantail."
"I don't understand," Mari said.
"He thinks fantails are bad luck," Tae said. "Maori legend. He believes all that old Polynesian stuff."
A salty mist dampened my face and I felt exhilarated.
"Diga— tell me," Mari said. She took another long drink of champagne and handed the bottle back to me.
"Whoa," I breathed. The bottle was noticeably lighter.
"It calms my nerves, she whispered.
"The great hero Maui wanted to live forever," Tae said, sounding skeptical. "He wanted to do the trial of birth backward. He found old Hine-nui-ti-po, the Great Woman of the Night, and tried to climb into her vagina while she was sleeping."
"Dios," Mari said, giggling. "A typical man."
"He thought that if he climbed up through her body and out her mouth he would be immortal."
The diesel engine wound down to silence, and then I heard the captain and Utoofili calling out to each other, gears and ratchets clicking away and heavy sails snapping open.
"Maui turned into a worm and went between Hine-nui-ti-po's thighs," Tae said.
Mari took another drink and snorted like a little girl. "Good luck!"
Tae's voice deepened as he attempted a somber tone. "There were a lot of birds watching Maui. Most of them buried their beaks in the dirt to muffle their laughing, but fantail couldn't help laughing out loud."
"Uh-oh," I said.
"Hine-nui-ti-po came awake, and when she realized what was happening she crushed poor Maui to death with her vagina."
"Damn," I said.
"That's why some people don't like the fantail's song."
The captain called out for Tae, and he said, "Gotta go."
I heard liquid sloshing just above me. Mari was holding the champagne bottle on high.
"To the goddess of Kegels," she said.
We were underway then, and the time seemed to pass quickly. Tae brought us sandwiches and daiquiris, and we had a ball, enjoying the sensations of the trip.
I couldn't see, but I could feel the shifting winds and the salt spray and the utterly alien three-way motion of the boat. I could hear the snap of canvas and the friendly banter of the crew and the thrilling splash and roar of the waves.
At one point I heard Mari's clothes rustling. She loved soaking up the heat. I had to stay covered. I was her pasty-white gringo and if I spent too much time in the sun I started to sizzle like bacon in the pan.
Tae came by with big glasses of lemonade and I could tell by the sudden stammer in his voice that he was somewhat awestruck by the sight of Marisol in her bikini.
Just because I couldn't see my wife didn't mean I was lacking in appreciation for her body. My fingers knew every inch of her, from the sculpted beauty of her lovely ears ("I am like the Dumbo!" she once said), to the heart-stopping curves of her voluptuous figure, to the tiny feet that kicked me at least once every single night while we slept.
Mari's deck chair creaked as she stretched out.
I asked Tae to lead me to the bathroom
"The head's this way," he said.
The kid was a natural. He didn't grab at me. He waited patiently for me to stand and reach for his arm and then led me below.
I took a record-breaking piss. When we drank Mari hardly ever had to pee. I had to pee all the goddamned time. I once accused her of being a uropath, charging that she was somehow transferring her urine to my bladder.
"It's not my fault you have a pequeño bladder, maricon," she had said.
After that accusation I had proceeded to show her I was the furthest thing from a maricon.
I heard bare feet slapping the deck and asked Utoofili how Mari was doing.
"She napping, Mister. She look happy."
"Help me to the, uh, bridge?"
"Sure, Mister."
Fenech asked how we were doing and I thanked him for giving us a wonderful time.
I was a little worn out from the sun and the drinks, so I had Utoofili bring me to our cabin. I told him I was going to lie down for a while and asked him to wake me in a few hours.
"For dinner," he said. "I make barbeque. Very good to eat."
I kicked off my shoes and found the bed. I stretched out and relaxed, letting the boat lull me to sleep.
I slept until I heard Mari scream, and the boat stopped so abruptly I was thrown onto the floor.
I shook my head, trying to come fully awake. The combination of sounds I had heard was terrifying. My wife's scream, yells from the crew, the sound of splintering wood and something heavy hitting the deck above my head, a cacophony as glass and metal shattered and clattered throughout the ship, and the sound of water splashing hard onto the deck.
Be cool, I told myself. We probably just hit a reef or something. Everything will be fine. Just find Mari.
The door to the cabin was stuck, as if it was out of alignment, and I had to pull hard on the latch to open it.
I stepped into the corridor. A few paces to the left would bring me to a series of steep steps. I'd have to duck my head as I came onto the deck. I was reversing the routine of going to my room. When you are blind, it pays to be a quick study when memorizing directions and layouts.
My feet went out from under me as I stepped on deck, the smooth wood was completely awash. The boat was listing to one side, and that is when the fear hit and my heart really started hammering.
Captain Fenech and Tae shouted to each other.
"What's the status of the generator!"
"It's not working! I don't know—"
A cry filled the cooling night air. It must have been after six, which was when the sun started going down this time of year.
I was hearing a crazed, fast voice. It was Utoofili. He must have been speaking Samoan. I was completely unfamiliar with the language. He sounded like he was afraid, in pain, losing his grip. He was near the front of the boat.
Something breathed, ahead and above me. Something big. It sucked in air, a wheezy, clotted sound. When it exhaled, the sound grew louder, dipped lower. A horrific stench enveloped me, and Utoofili let out a shriek that made me want to curl into a frightened ball.
When you are blind, you learn to confront the unknown and grab your fear by the reigns so it will not guide your actions.
My fear was trying to gallop away. I fought it down, even as I heard a loud, moist crunching and tearing sound the made my stomach lurch.
Utoofili's cries were cut short.
I heard the sound of eating.
Tae yelled, "What was that?"
Fenech said, "I can't see a thing. Get that generator going!"
I turned to the right. There was an open area at the back of the boat where we were supposed to eat our dinner, barbequed chicken and fish.
My right hand was pressed to wood paneling. Tae had told me a shin-high railing encircled the deck. That was to my left. The ship was canted. My side high, the other side low. What was port and what was starboard?
"Who gives a shit," I hissed. "Find her!"
I called out. Not too loud. Whatever the hell was on the bow of the boat might have ears as sensitive as its breath was rancid.
"Mari." a whisper. "Baby, where are you?"
I heard her crying, sobbing softly. She spoke, using her pet name for me. "Fortunado?"
I knew where she was. "Hold on, baby. I'm coming."
A rope snagged my feet and I went down. I could hear the rushed breath of my wife and crawled to her on all fours, pushing things out of my way. Chairs. A lot of ropes dangling down onto the deck, and a corner of a canvas sail. An ice chest. I heard a hiss before I felt any pain, one hand grazing the edge of the still-hot barbeque.
I felt the familiar warmth and weight of a breast covered by a wool sweater, heard a gasp, raised my hand, and touched Mari's face.
"Marisol," I said, holding her as tight as I could. "What happened?"
"We hit something. I don't know what. I was having a glass of wine, enjoying the sound of the waves and the fresh night air. I heard the captain say something about turning on lights to see. He shouted for us to hang on. 'Something's in the way,' he said. Then the boat crashed."
Tae gave a shout, his voice less muffled as he stepped up onto the deck on the other end of the boat. "I found a flashlight!"
"No," Fenech said, "Tae, don't turn on the—"
Tae yelled something unintelligible.
A roar filled the air, a call that resonated with the loneliness of a foghorn.
"Get in here!"
That was Fenech, his voice still sounding as if he were inside the wheelhouse.
The boat lurched. Hell, it dropped out from under us and then rose again as if a tremendous weight momentarily left the bow and then dropped down on it again. We stayed together, somehow. A chair slammed into my back and I tucked Mari's head against my chest, one arm around her, one hand on the deck, steadying us. Ice cubes and hot coals danced across the deck, and the fingers of my hand. Something heavy slid across the deck. There was a splash and a steam-like hiss. The barbeque.
That hollow roar filled the night air again and we heard wood and glass shattering.
Fenech was railing against whatever the hell was coming after him.
"Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!"
His tirade was cut off by another sickening crunch.
I heard someone scrambling to the rear of the boat.
"Tae?" I tried to keep my voice low. Tae didn't.
"Help! Help me!"
Christ, he was only a few feet away. And there was something behind him.
It sounded like an impossibly big soaking wet coil of rope being dragged across the deck, a heavy slithering that made me want to get to my feet and just run, right off the edge of the boat and into the sea.
Tae said, "There you are."
I reached out and his fingers locked in mine, and then my arm was nearly wrenched from its socket and Tae let out a wail of despair that filled me with pure, undiluted terror.
There was another one of those muffled crunches, and Tae was pulled again. I tightened my grip.
Tae was speaking fast, almost babbling. "Nononononono—"
There was another crunch, right in front of me, and suddenly Mari and I were falling backward. Tae's arm flopped in my grip. I ran my fingers along the length of the arm and felt a wet nub of bone.
The boat surged up and down as the slithering weight rolled off the deck and splashed into the water.
Mari screamed in my ear. "What was that?"
"I don't know, baby. Maybe it's going away. Maybe—"
The boat lurched and dropped. Whatever was picking us off one by one had just climbed onto the stern of the sailboat. The deck tilted and Mari started to slide away from me.
I heard wood splintering and the rippling of heavy canvas and ducked low. One of the masts must have broken and was now falling onto the deck. Canvas and rigging fell all around me. The weight was considerable, and suffocating. I started crawling backwards, pulling Mari with me.
That foghorn roar came again as the deck tilted even more, and suddenly Mari's fingers slipped out of mine and she was sliding away from me, calling my name.
Her cry took on a hollow quality, as if she were falling down a well, and the foghorn roar was choked off.
I let out a mad laugh that turned into a scream. Had some massive sea-creature just swallowed my wife whole?
Rancid breath blew my hair back and I could hear the thing coming for me. I rolled to one side just as the head of the thing rammed into the rigging. I hit the low railing on the side of the boat and got unsteadily to my feet. I took a few steps toward the front of the boat, running blind, so to speak, and hit a wall of debris.
I could hear the creature, whatever the hell it was, struggling to free itself from the rigging.
Before I knew it I was climbing the debris, up on top of the low roof that covered the cabins. The thing was still coming for me, roaring and thrashing in the rigging.
When I got hold of myself a moment later I realized that for all the thrashing it was doing, the creature was stuck.
I started back toward it, one hand out in front of me. A stinking breeze hit me. Massive jaws closed with a wet snap. I wiggled my fingers. The little one on my left hand was gone.
The thing roared again, a weaker, strangled sound.
"Fuck you!" I shouted back.
Mari. Jesus, Mari.
How long had it been? A minute? Two minutes?
I slid back down the pile of debris to the side of the ship and stumbled to the stern.
I found my pocket knife and opened it, grinning like a madman and thinking of the tale of the hero Maui.
The beast was huge. I felt my way along its trapped length as it thrashed in a net of canvas and rigging. It was covered in tough scales, large scales on top, smaller, softer scales on its underside.
I crawled under it, in the gap where its length was raised between the deck and the cabin roof, and rammed my knife up into the thing's soft underbelly.
I started cutting. Blood and fouler fluids washed down on me. I inhaled them. I swallowed them. I vomited, blew my nose clear, and continued cutting. The beast's thrashing knocked me down twice, and once I dropped the blood-slick knife, running my hands along the deck and praying it was not lost.
I encountered a sack with the texture of heavy rubber and split it open. Things tumbled out of it. Fish. Great lengths and balls of seaweed. And pieces of men. Acrid liquids rained down on my skin, burning my flesh.
I continued to cut. My knife was sharp and my fingers found weaknesses in muscle and membrane. Cool water washed across my feet. The boat was sinking.
I climbed into the hollow I had created, slashing as I went.
At some point the beast stopped thrashing. It rolled onto one side and let out a lost, lonely groan that would have been heart-rending under other circumstances, a sound that reverberated all around me.
Not long after that I pushed Mari head-first through massive, slack jaws. She was completely still. I eased her onto her back on the cabin roof and gave her mouth to mouth. Rising waters shifted her hair.
Please, baby. That's all I remember thinking for the longest time. Please, baby... please, baby.
She coughed, drew in a deep breath, and sat up, holding me tight.
The boat sank out from under us, taking the beast with it.
I flailed wildly for anything that was floating, and found what felt like a sealed beer cooler.
We held on to it throughout the night.
At dawn a fishing boat found us, and carried us across the sea to the safety of the island.
User Reviews
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-11-29 20:18:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-11-03 11:16:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good, rivetting. I was somewhat disappointed in the ending, just came to a close really fast.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-31 23:01:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've only read one other story, but this is has to be well in the running. Flawlessly told. Perfect
"Wind touched my cheek and ruffled my hair like a whisper given weight."
...great line.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-10-31 22:01:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought the ending was a little forced, but overall this was a brilliant tale
Submitted by horse87 (user info) at 2005-10-31 21:25:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-31 18:30:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks T-
1- Mari was stuck in the thing's throat. The mouth was the closest exit. He couldn't attack it from the front when it was alive, but it died as it bled out.
2- I have a pocket knife with a 5" blade. Sharp as all getout.
3- Rad is a pathetic cunt.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-31 18:22:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with what Orgasmo said; the blind narrator added a very nice, creepy touch. You did a great job of portraying the world of a blind man (as far as I know).
I'm not sure I dug the ending, with the cutting of the belly -- I think he should have found a kitchen knife or something. When I think 'pocket knife' I think of a tiny blade, three inches tops, and if this thing was big enough to swallow a woman whole without chewing her, I think you'd need a bigger knife than that.
Also, I realize it fit with the tale of Maui, which was interesting by the way, but it would have made more sense for him to go back out the way he came. He wouldn't even know if the jaws were open at that point, and would he be strong enough to open them? Also, it's a much longer trip that way and he might run out of air...
As always, your characterization was your big strength here.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-31 18:08:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Aw fuck, I thought this was TheCaes post when I +2'd this... although I think poster ratings don't count these days...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-31 18:04:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FOUND IT!
One of my old posts...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72403#1648213
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Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-10-19 03:42:20 (#)
Ranking: 1
There are a solid four pages of +2 streaks with 30 or more reviews. That is stupid. I am weeding it all out by giving every one of them a +1; that way posts that have 1.99 with 200+ reviews gets best ever.
-------------------
Fuck you Rad, you asswipe.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-10-31 18:00:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-31 17:19:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
And having everything sink before they were saved? Beautiful.
Though I hate you for getting rid of the evidence and the creature, I'd probably have hated you more if I'd found out what the thing really was. Good old school horror element, there.
--
Glad somebody pointed that out.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-31 17:19:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was too good.
The blind narrator MADE this piece. I have no doubt it'd have been just as good with a sighted character, but never knowing what was really going on had me literally sitting up and at the ready for the entire second half of this story. And having everything sink before they were saved? Beautiful.
Though I hate you for getting rid of the evidence and the creature, I'd probably have hated you more if I'd found out what the thing really was. Good old school horror element, there.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-10-31 16:32:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A fine piece of work. Solid description kept me riveted, especially considering the difficult angle you took.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-10-31 16:30:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good shit man.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-10-31 16:22:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-10-31 16:22:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
1.67 from me. I mean, it was a great story, but it wasn't so much... scary. And the ending was a bit abruptish.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-10-31 15:20:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
10,000 degrees of cool. wow.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2005-10-31 15:20:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-10-31 15:19:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked this. I think telling a story in the a story in the 1st person is always difficult and making him bling could only add to this.
The ending was a little abrupt for me but that's often the case with short stories like this.
Have you ever read any Edgar Allen Poe? This, too me, had the same sort of feeling.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-31 15:04:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very freaky
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-10-31 14:48:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-10-31 14:39:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
to average out for my 1.5 vote.....
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-10-31 14:39:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I really enjoyed this right up until the ending........especially the added twist of
the hero/narrator being blind, just added another level of eerieness to the tale. Something
about the end, though, just didnt sit with me......especially when he saved his wife....
sorry. I love happy endings and all that....but this is, after all, Grueberfest.....
Overall, 1.5 from me
(p.s. I feel guilty giving a somewhat critical review, as I couldnt hope to write something as
fantastic as this......)
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2005-10-31 14:37:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the fuck!
I loved this angle, telling it from a blind narrator's point of view, I mean. It added so much to be in the same situation as him, not knowing what was happening, not being able to "see".
Goosebumps, you bastard.