GrUeberfest: The Hanging Tree (914 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: grueberfest05
Rating: 2 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2005-10-31 14:07:15 EST
The dry twist, it engulfs me, as I feel it cinch my throat,
And o'er this pitch black mountainside my body turns and floats,
I find it hard to swallow as the pain is quite immense,
My lips they take a final breath as knotted rope grows tense,
I think back on my life and times and feel my lungs a-coughin'...
I hover 'low the hanging tree and think of what I've done
All God's people owe a death, yes, each and every one.
-
I started back in '92 when I was with my wife
Her nagging turned to whispers as her neck embraced my knife
I disappeared her body wrapped in linens from our bed
But couldn't part with all of her - I'll always have her head
I hollowed out her skull and had it cotton-stuffed for mountin'...
The hanging tree it holds me like a catfish on a line,
All God's people owe a death, as did that spouse of mine.
-
My neighbor, Mrs. Sullivan, she also drew my wrath,
She loved to fuck herself on Thursdays in her evening bath,
I crept in, once, upon her, with a toaster in my fist
I spiked it in the water, watched the sparks burst as she twitched.
The baffled coppers figured that her sex toy'd merely shorted...
My legs kick now for life like hers below the hanging tree,
That slut she owed a death as well, as anyone could see.
-
My youngest Victim, Jimmy Pickett, twelve years old and sweet,
He always tossed my morning paper clear across the street,
I taught him to be accurate one day inside my shed
Who knew that workman's axes could slice flesh like country bread?
They never found a body, but my dogs ate well that evenin'...
The hanging tree it twists me as a lamb that's sheared for wool
All God's young ones owe a death - I paid Jim's balance full.
-
One night I went out walking, met a man along the way,
He offered me his hand and said his name was Samuel Gray,
Retiring back to my place we had sex like frenzied moths
I took him standing pressed against my finest tablecloth,
His closed eyes never saw me grab the wire from 'neath the napkins...
The noose my neck rips merc'lessly, my throat a clenchéd cord,
The queers they owe our God a death for crimes against the Lord.
-
The papers ran a story 'bout a family from Rochester,
Their bodies missing from the car the cops found in the river;
My neighbors always ask me how my flowers grow so well,
But secrets of my gard'ning trade I'm not at will to tell,
Let's just say nitrogen and lime ain't all that's fertilizin'...
I swing here from the hanging tree, my pulse grown slow and lazy,
All God's people owe a death, though some give life to daisies.
-
The sky was overcast the day the Wilsons found their cats
Chopped into little pieces on their doorstep in a sack,
I felt remorse, I swear, I did - to lose a pet is tragic
But those damn things kept comin' 'round, and I am so allergic,
I heard they had them cremated and couldn't stop my laughin'...
I kick against the storm-scarred bark to draw a fleeting breath
Even creatures owe the Lord a timely, fleeting death.
-
The blacks they did their churchin' at a house of God 'cross town,
Last Christmas Eve that negro church, it burned right to the ground,
Some suspected arson, though they never found a cause,
My fire bit into that church and snapped it 'tween its jaws,
I saw the flames kiss midnight sky, their orange-red lips a-shoutin'...
I dangle from this hanging tree my heartbeat dull and dwindling,
Fifty coloreds owed a death, their bodies turned to kindling.
-
Each year a trav'lin salesman would come to hawk his wares
With ratty houndstooth coat and shabby shoes, I do declare,
I do not like to be disturbed, I grabbed his neck and bag -
I chained him to my basement wall, where he was stripped and gagged.
It took him near five days to die, though I had wagered seven...
The night wind it surrounds me, and the veins burst in my eyes
All God's people owe a death, and one by one they die.
-
Four long minutes knelt I by the banks of Hunter's Creek
Two hundred forty seconds wasted drowning Richard Meek,
The ice cold waters turned his face a silver shade of white
My hands they froze right to the bone and wound up numb all night.
I filled his pants with rocks and stones to keep ol' Dick from sproutin'...
My fingertips, again, are numb, as from this tree I sway,
I gave ol' Meek the courage needed to pay God that day.
-
I know that those in heavens see our wicked, wicked deeds,
And that they see the kindness in the sinful lives we lead,
I'm sure they saw the plumber double-charge me for new pipes
I'm sure they understood, then, why I stabbed him twenty times.
Sometimes my rage grows so intense I just can't help the countin'...
Spittle flies from out my lips as I lurch for relief,
Truly he deserved a death, for God can't stand a thief.
-
I made a mess last autumn when I bludgeoned Marcia Ainge,
I still recall the op'ning act of her last hours of pain:
The hammer made an awful arc and caught her in the eye,
Her forehead burst and dented like an overbaked pot pie.
Her blood I later kept in jars - it makes great jam for muffins...
The hanging tree it mocks and laughs, with empty bark it taunts me,
Ms. Ainge paid off her debts to God by being served with coffee.
-
A hitcher stood, just thumbin', so I stopped and gave a ride
Directly to my cabin where he subsequently died,
The barrel of the gun slid in his mouth and made him cough,
I pulled the trigger 'till it clicked and blew his head clean off.
I watched in rapt attention as his face became a fountain...
I'll suffer no such bloody end, strung here from sturdy bough
All God's people owe a death, they know not when nor how.
-
My lifeblood stalls, and with it, in my heart I feel a kick,
A deep and pulsing pause inside that makes me faint and sick,
I feel my tongue a-swelling and my throat shuts like a trap,
I bless myself, preparing for my long-deservéd nap.
"Benedictus Deus," I faintly hear myself a-moanin'...
I cast a glance beside me and see Judas slowly swinging
Thirty silver pieces in his pockets softly jingling.
-
This hanging tree will be my end and I'm prepared to die
And yet I feel quite unprepared to bid this life goodbye:
There's so much more accounting that I could have done the Lord,
So much more grim collecting - there are souls life can't afford.
This morning angels whispered gently "Take you to the tree,
And bring you thirty feet of rope to make a noose for thee."
Thirteen loops around the cord I tied with steady hand,
Then laced the loop around my neck and obeyed my command.
And yet I still hear hear souls that sin and stir the devil's groanin'...
I breathe my last upon this mount, strung from the hanging tree,
A death I rightly owe to God, and here I pay my fee.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:24:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-11-01 13:09:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-01 12:07:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
It looks large on the outside, but is small on the inside.
This makes your lunchbox the exact opposite of my ex-wife's vagina
--------------
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-11-01 11:21:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the wrong era
did occur your birth
few will see the worth
of the passion
you fashion
for it is passing
fast
from this Earth
...or something.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-01 00:52:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
1 cup gore
2 tsps. suicide
dash of salt
Add water.
Let sit.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-11-01 00:18:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know how you do this...
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-31 23:31:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well, there ya go.
Cheers
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-31 23:22:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If that's the biggest dispute or issue this little shebang cooks up, who am I to complain?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-10-31 23:09:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I disagree with caes. I'd say this was your second-best entry. The first was just too good.
that quibble aside, this was still excellent work.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-10-31 19:42:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow this rocked.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-10-31 18:54:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, this was great. Probably your best one so far...the narrator was very chilling in his delivery Great, great imagery, too.
Fuckin A.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-31 16:37:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I threw in "I'll always have her head" just for you, mofo...
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-10-31 16:34:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Hell....
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-10-31 16:29:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, so that's what's been wrong with the little fella. He misses
casual sex.
-- Homer Simpson
Two Dozen and One Greyhounds
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-10-31 15:55:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God. Fucking amazing.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-10-31 15:07:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-31 15:04:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus Christ you are good!
This well deserves the grUebercrown!
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-10-31 14:59:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*shudder*
great lines.
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-10-31 14:51:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Crap......I meant "more with this piece than previous ones......."
eh....I am retarded..........
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-10-31 14:49:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-10-31 14:49:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
More than previous verse, i could definately hear the cadence in this one........
Once again, excellent work with (what I consider) an exceptionally difficult medium!
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-10-31 14:36:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ooohhh, that was good.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-31 14:13:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment