Thankyou Ubersite (794 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.79 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by jeveux... (View user info) at 2005-10-31 19:33:21 EST
I've recently extracted myself from a rather difficult relationship. My girlfriend, though sweet at times, was a little crazy. Her story is found here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/77456
On that post, Xcuses made the remark that I have "psycho on my hands." What followed were a number of helpful suggestions of how to get rid of her.
"Just leave some gay porn lying around or something" - sideshow
"Be nice and sweet and sensitive, then when she does the whole "what are your fatasies?" thing, say you've got a rape fantasy... Or tell her you had a dream where you had sex with your mother." - Berty
"Tell her you have aids and you're also very catholic and refuse to use contraception." - Fabit
'Let her come round and answer the door in women's clothing - "There's something you should know..."' - CHR15
"I advise you cry whilst you do it so that she will bear you no ill will, or tell the police first so that when she cries rape you'll be covered." - Berty again.
"I would think murder might be your best option at this point." - Xcuses again
"Sit on her chest and wank on her face, be sure to get manfat in they eye..." - missflibble
"Poo the bed. Give yourself diarrhoea and poo the fucking bed." - Berty. Again.
"Accuse her of cheating on you, man, and then when she denies it say that she's a liar and threaten to dump her if she doesn't 'admit it'. Then when she does, dump her anyway." - Jeff the stoner.
In the end, though, I got my own arse served to me by Jeanneee, who advised that I "Stop being such a passive aggressive chickenshit and just break up with the stupid cunt."
So I guess this is a thankyou note.
Thankyou, Ubersite, for being there for me when I needed your help. Thankyou for the words of wisdom.
Well, even if I didn't have the perfect break up I still got a laugh from the responses.
Except yours Jeanneee.
That made me sad.
User Reviews
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-11-01 20:39:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Nice comeback. Oh wait. No it wasn't.
This is the most blatant display of sucking up I've ever seen in my life. It made me vomit in my own mouth.
You should check out this site. It has everything you need:
http://www.elderlycarecenter.org
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:10:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really don't remember saying that, but there it is in black and white. It does sound like something I'd say.
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:08:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2005-11-01 09:31:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Eat your own ass.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-11-01 07:59:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so you did kill her, right?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-11-01 06:37:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-31 20:51:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
D0S, you're a loser. I'm sure it's very fun and adult to make fun of a girl's name where YOU'RE from, but in most civilised places in the world, we stop doing things like that at, oh, age 10.
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we usually stop letting people making fun of our names hurt our feelings and force us to retaliate at, oh, I guess around age 10.
Submitted by bitterlemon (user info) at 2005-11-01 06:29:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good advice there
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-01 06:27:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm here to help, anytime!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-01 05:40:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-10-31 19:48:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think I'd want to date Berty.
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I don't blame you to be honest. Waking up everyday, belly cramped up from endless spasms, crawling out of bed and screaming "Dear God! Will this accursed pleasure never end?".
Not too mention the fact you'd have to move to Birmingham, that's almost more excitement than even I can handle.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-11-01 04:20:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahah
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-11-01 00:11:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i wouldn't feel complete if you didn't hand out an "i hate you" -2 on every new post i do, lordofnothing.
At least i know that you excitedly click on my new posts just for the chance to click on the review button.
keep reading, keep rating, i know you love it.
And i know you think girlfriend means "blow-up doll" but mate, thats just between you and your friends, i meant a real person.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-10-31 22:54:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-31 21:27:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
I never even HEARD of you, dipshit. This post sucked. That's why I gave it a -2, ya goddamn crybaby.
And I'm betting a bazillion $ that the one you ASKED for advice in was worse.
What do you want...a charity +2?
Fuck off.
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This is the first (and probably last) time I agree with Shlongy. I wrote the story of your breakup with your "girlfriend" for you to save you the trouble:
"Once upon time there was a prepubescent turd named jeveuxcockgagger. He tried to have sex with a second hand blow up doll he bought on e-bay but instead he deflated it with his pin-like dick. The end."
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-31 22:33:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-10-31 22:06:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
yoiu should have demanded to plow her shithole and, when finally allowed to do so, dumped her because "I couldn't possibly be serious with someone that lets me do that."
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LOL
Submitted by ab363 (user info) at 2005-10-31 22:10:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think you should have shat her bed.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-10-31 22:06:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yoiu should have demanded to plow her shithole and, when finally allowed to do so, dumped her because "I couldn't possibly be serious with someone that lets me do that."
Submitted by smoke_in_my_lungs (user info) at 2005-10-31 21:53:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
French is gay.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-31 21:27:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I never even HEARD of you, dipshit. This post sucked. That's why I gave it a -2, ya goddamn crybaby.
And I'm betting a bazillion $ that the one you ASKED for advice in was worse.
What do you want...a charity +2?
Fuck off.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-10-31 21:00:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep. Ask for Uberpinion and that's what you get. . .
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-31 20:51:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
D0S, you're a loser. I'm sure it's very fun and adult to make fun of a girl's name where YOU'RE from, but in most civilised places in the world, we stop doing things like that at, oh, age 10.
I see where you're coming from, jeveaux. If I had my druthers, my personal relationship stuff wouldn't be public, either. Have a commisatory +2
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-10-31 20:48:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Rowan.
that's all i gotta say.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-31 20:31:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Cookielass,
I'm sorry, i can understand that viewpoint its just im wary of going into boring narrative about my break-up, which honestly was pretty unexciting.
I more or less took Jeanneee's advice.
Essentially after the event described in the other post http://www.ubersite.com/m/77456 things started to cool off.
She got distant and i stopped calling. Then i broke up with her, at which stage im sure she was happy to be rid of me.
Its more complicated than that; and slightly amusing but thats basicly it.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-10-31 20:25:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I loves me some Berty.
This would have been a +2 if you'd included the breakup story. I found this to be a huge wind-up for zero delivery.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-31 20:17:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-31 20:08:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
You're more than welcome.
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poor little shlongy...
did i -2 some of your shitposts?
aww so sowy
maybe you wouldnt care so much if your whole life didnt revove around ubersite.
maybe you wouldnt post shlongy's sex tips if you actually got any.
anyway, im sorry i -2'd you. please stop. I care so much when you -2 me.i mean you. YOU. you are held in such high esteem.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-10-31 20:10:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Accuse her of cheating on you, man, and then when she denies it say that she's a liar and threaten to dump her if she doesn't 'admit it'. Then when she does, dump her anyway." - Jeff the stoner.
BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!~~~~~H!kdo OH!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-10-31 20:08:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're more than welcome.
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2005-10-31 20:01:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was great and I guess I would end up with the same "get a spine you worthless pussy" statement from jeannie (m/s?) I got the same problem so it's kinda funny. To some of the responses you got...
Gay porn, she actually wouldn't mind that and would probably get turned on at the idea.
Rape fantasy you say? No joy, she actually wants me to do that as well as choke her during the act!
So what happened did you dump the bitch or what?
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-10-31 19:48:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think I'd want to date Berty.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-10-31 19:42:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Saxon, she truly did say that:
check the original.
and JonnyX,
"what i did" is a whole different post.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-10-31 19:39:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Did missflibble really say that? Hahahahaha im shocked and amazed and just a little stunned.
UBER is very educational.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-10-31 19:38:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
so what did you do?
I hope you dressed up like a girl - that's what I picked in the office pools...