A Drunken horror on the 91 Freeway (777 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.88 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by bigjeegro <bigjeegro.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-11-01 00:05:29 EST
In January of 2005, my friends all decided to throw me a birthday party. The party was going to be all the more spectacular because I was supposed to be leaving the country to study abroad only 2 weeks later.
This was destined to be a huge ass party from the word go.
The afternoon before the party, my friend Al calls me.
Al: "Yo, I'm coming over there to pick you up so you can get trashed tonight and not have to worry about driving home."
I thought that was pretty cool of him and accepted.
>>>>Fast forward to about 4 hours into the party...>>>>
Al at this point is pretty much the drunkest I've ever seen him (or anyone for that matter). And I start thinking "What the fuck happened to all this designated driver shit he was talking about earlier?" But I figured maybe I misunderstood him and we would just spend the night.
Yeah fucking right....
By this time I have had more than my fair share of SoCo, Jagermiester, and enough Budweiser to drown a small Indonesian village, when all of the sudden Al's brain manages to slur these words out of his mouth, "I gotta go home."
Everyone: "You gotta go home?!?!"
Al: "Yeah, I have to work tomorrow."
SHIT!!! Now what? Everyone (including the designated driver) is pretty well trashed.
I usually take a lot of alcohol to get really fucked up so I was still semi-ok. And we all came to the conclusion that if I didn't try to get Al home, he would probably try it himself (he's just like that). So we all decided (quite drunkenly), that the least messed up person was me.
(For all of you wondering, yes, I broke my mommy's instructions and drove drunk...)
After almost having to carry Al to his S-10 pickup truck, I strapped him in and got ready for the 45-minute drive on the freeway between Corona (where the party was), and Moreno Valley (where Al lives). We get on the 91 freeway heading east and things are going smooth. I am feeling more comfortable and less intoxicated now for some reason.
This is when all vile and evil hell breaks loose.
Al: "I think I'm gonna spew dude..."
Me: "Open the window, I'll pull ov..."
I didn't even get it out of my mouth when Al suddenly projectile vomits like he's in the fucking exorcist. I mean he puked fucking everywhere, on the dash, the radio, him, me, and his Yoda bobblehead on the dash. But there was one really important thing required in the function of an automobile that he spewed on...The windshield.
Thank god there was no traffic. We were all over the road.
Funny how going 80 on the freeway and suddenly having your vision taken away can sober you up awfully quick.
I managed to get the truck to the shoulder and Al got out to spew again. All I could do was sit there and say "Fuck." Over and over again.
It gets better.
As Al is chucking his guts up over the side, he loses his balance and falls OFF the fucking freeway.
Me: "OH SHIT!!!!!"
I bolt out of the truck and run to where he fell and look over the edge. 15 feet down is my buddy Al, tangled in the bushes below with a broken ankle and puke all over him.
I spent the rest of the night (while my fucking birthday/going away party raged on out of control without me), in the Riverside Medical Center Emergency room covered in puke and listening to Al cry while they set his ankle.
The worst part is that I worked at that hospital at the time and from then on was known as the vomit monster by most of the staff.
The moral of the story,
Beware of the designated driver; he may be full of shit.
(Please be gentle, this is my first submission.)
User Reviews
Submitted by Zadora (user info) at 2005-11-02 03:44:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great first post....
Submitted by bigjeegro (user info) at 2005-11-01 20:34:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-01 16:40:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
you've now learned that after an asshole(usually not an Alpha-Asshole) busts a string of
high rankings on a post, the rest of the asshole herd usually follows suit
**
that being said: Welcome to Ubersite!
Yeah...I noticed that...Oh well.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-11-01 16:52:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-11-01 12:36:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
A bit generic and drink driving pisses me off unbelievably, but still good for a first post. Have an even 0.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-01 16:40:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you've now learned that after an asshole(usually not an Alpha-Asshole) busts a string of
high rankings on a post, the rest of the asshole herd usually follows suit
**
that being said: Welcome to Ubersite!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-01 16:33:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
almost had the +2, except for the last sentence
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-11-01 12:36:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A bit generic and drink driving pisses me off unbelievably, but still good for a first post. Have an even 0.
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2005-11-01 11:39:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2005-11-01 11:39:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oops meant a +
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2005-11-01 11:39:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You want to pay him back, offer to be his designated driver and before you show up for YOUR night of drinking eat the following: any kind of oatmeal at least 3 bowls with raisins it.
Then proceed to drink until you hurl and be sure to do it fast so you don't digest most it. Talk about cockroach looking cement, that shit when it dries, won't come off from anything!
Submitted by Bobbywangstar (user info) at 2005-11-01 09:16:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2005-11-01 07:10:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Wow, we Brits are fairly harsh.
Not -2 because this isn't too bad for a first post. At least there was no camwhore
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-11-01 06:52:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm surprised this has such a high rating, because the story itself is rather ho-hum. Uber must be getting soft.
Add to that the sheer mind-numbing stupidity of what you did, and this post is really a freak of nature. Seriously, if I'm reading an I-was-totally-wasted-but-still-decided-to-drive-because-I'm-a-douche story it better be damn fucking good to get a positive rating from me.
Still, this is your first post, so consider this 0 my official welcome.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-01 06:05:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No offense, but I've heard this story rehashed again and again and again. The "oh dude, I/my buddy/we was/were so wasted!" stroy is a bit tedious.
Now your problem was stopping too soon, if you and your pissed up, vomiting, broken friend had gone on an adventure after falling off the freeway then you'd be in a much stronger position.
Perhaps you could have wandered through the undergrowth only to come across a popular dogging spot and then described a beautiful moment of sexual awakening as you made love to a 40 year old couple.
The story, as it stands, is rather flaccid.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2005-11-01 03:29:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
During 2003, 17,013 people in the U.S. died in alcohol-related motor vehicle crashes, representing 40% of all traffic-related deaths (NHTSA 2004a).During 2003, 17,013 people in the U.S. died in alcohol-related motor vehicle crashes, representing 40% of all traffic-related deaths (NHTSA 2004a).
Submitted by Pieman (user info) at 2005-11-01 03:06:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Your friend is an idiot. I would have let him miss work. Party on!
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-11-01 02:49:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's cool cause I live in Moreno Valley.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-11-01 02:24:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't i already read this on http://www.goatse.ca ?
Oh well, i'll give you benefit of the doubt.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-01 01:24:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should do just fine.
Submitted by jeveuxgagner (user info) at 2005-11-01 01:22:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i logged in just to rank this for you
good job
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-01 01:17:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what that sick fuck from Australia said
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-11-01 01:00:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(Please be gentle, this is my first submission.)
Is this +2 gentle enough?
Great post.
Fucking excellent first post.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-11-01 00:54:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
I hadn't read it before, because I was just testing something out. Er, yeah...
I liked this post.
Submitted by bigjeegro (user info) at 2005-11-01 00:34:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey thanks.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-11-01 00:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not a bad first post. Welcome to UBER. Keep posting worthy stuff like this and the regs will put flowers in ya butt. Post crap and we will unleashe Caul and Shlongy onto you.
GAwd i hope theres beer in the fridge.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-11-01 00:26:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAAR!
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-11-01 00:21:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v333/lordofduct/Pictures/ae101405_0468.jpg
the only picture of us at the fetish show... I lost my head.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-11-01 00:19:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2
Recently I went to a fetish show. A girlfriend of mine who is only 20 comes and she says she'll be the DD for the hour long trip back home from Ft. Lauderdale. By 6 in the morning when it comes time to leave she and the other girl with us were so cocked they got into an orgy and had forgotten about it on the walk back to the car. Of course I had to drive, no drunk whores are driving my fucking car.
I past out twice on the ride home... I made it though just in time for sunrise.