Ubersite
Home - About Us - Contact
I've got a Range Rover now so stfu - what a waste of $1. At least call me a mong or something.
Welcome to Ubersite!
Search Ubersite
Search for:

Most Recently Reviewed
  1. who knows what goes on whe...
  2. Internet Robots Are Coming...
  3. Fat People
  4. Scariest story of all for ...
  5. heey TTOm i have a question
  6. to: deadtost (or DII)
  7. Sweep the leg...Johnny
  8. Skiing in Dubai
  9. GrUberfest: Death Rattle
  10. I like to masturbate with ...
more...
Most Heated
  1. United States, Bend Over -... (93 heat)
  2. Fuck you fuck you fuck you... (64 heat)
  3. I like to masturbate with ... (35 heat)
  4. Schadenfreude (35 heat)
  5. heey TTOm i have a question (34 heat)
  6. The BABES of PETA (31 heat)
  7. EbolaMay For President. (30 heat)
  8. Why Palin Was Winking So Much (23 heat)
  9. Palin won the debate (22 heat)
  10. to: deadtost (or DII) (21 heat)
more...
Most Viewed Messages
  1. The Ultimate MS Paint: It... (1142522 hits)
  2. "If I cum now, will it be ... (698112 hits)
  3. Exploiting Peer-to-Peer Ne... (385551 hits)
  4. How To Pick Up Chicks (325364 hits)
  5. Motivating the Weekend (304878 hits)
  6. Knockoff porn movie titles (299976 hits)
  7. My J-Date Misadventure (285956 hits)
  8. Licking A Bum's Ass (249326 hits)
  9. Badass Australian Cows (246648 hits)
  10. Totally Useless Facts (230824 hits)
more...
Most Viewed Authors
  1. Bart Cilfone (1453330 hits)
  2. Stanley Moore (1438877 hits)
  3. JMG114 (1377060 hits)
  4. Razor (1370301 hits)
  5. MickGinny (1282012 hits)
  6. loki (1059484 hits)
  7. Jonukah (971348 hits)
  8. weeeeep (921853 hits)
  9. SEXIST! (894062 hits)
  10. Cat Crooner Extraordinaire (881295 hits)
  11. Ubersite needs me! (874441 hits)
  12. Asian Men Love Me (872062 hits)
  13. Tom (830851 hits)
  14. Sideburns, MUHFUCKA (803868 hits)
  15. apollo88 (760030 hits)
  16. oy vey (753156 hits)
  17. T+I+G+E+R (747322 hits)
  18. Sorrell (741823 hits)
  19. Satan is my Motor (687948 hits)
  20. RON PAUL 2008! (682971 hits)
  21. HIDDEN101 (681807 hits)
  22. Sock Penis™ (675610 hits)
  23. Phil Phone (638302 hits)
  24. Banned (637946 hits)
  25. T to the ToM (625279 hits)
  26. iddqd (616007 hits)
  27. kaos-king (602694 hits)
  28. comicbookguy (585082 hits)
  29. ♥ (580774 hits)
  30. O (576789 hits)
Click here to return to the list of messages.

Trick or ... I mean... uh... Go Wetlands! (736 hits)

Category: None

Rating: 0.92 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Labels:

Submitted by Lojope <lojope.at.juno.com> (View user info) at 2005-11-01 10:26:20 EST


For those of you who don't know, not too long ago I made a career choice. The choice being, I finally picked a career to pursue. However, the fact that I am calling my job a "career" would make my mother cringe and probably cry and scream about those dirty hippies that brainwashed her little baby.

I am a canvasser for New York's largest environmental lobbyist group.

In case you don't know what that means, for 5 hours a day I act like a Jehovah's Witness, going door to door, but instead of converting people to a religion I tell them that Wetlands will save their souls. And I convince them they should give me, a complete stranger they just met on their doorstep, a check for $60. Or $36. Or a nickle. We're not-for-profit, we'll take anything.

To someone who has never canvassed, this sounds ridiculous. No way in hell would someone give a stranger a check after a 3 minute rap about a topic they know nothing about. And to someone who has never BEEN canvassed, it sounds even MORE ridiculous. Hell, before I got this job, someone could have canvassed me on saving all of the cute little puppies in the world and asked for one penny and I would have told them to fuck themselves and slam the door.

But regardless of logic or believability, people do it. A whole bunch of them. Every night I talk to 60 people, between 30 and 40 sign my petition, and between 10 and 20 of them give me money. I still have a hard time believing that this works.

I am digressing. The point is, I do this from 4 to 9, Monday through Friday.

Even if one of those Mondays is Halloween.

In the days leading up to yesterday, I expressed some concern to my boss about canvassing amongst hundreds of tiny witches and ghosts and kittens and whatever the hell pop icon kids are dressing up as these days. In fact, my exact words were something along the lines of "Are you fucking kidding me? We're canvassing on HALLOWEEN?!?!" His answer was simple, yet infuriating, in that way people ridiculously comitted to a cause usually are. "Has the legislation been passed?" Of course, it has not, so canvassing on Halioween it was.

I tried to find the bright side. "Hey," I told myself, "at least people won't be surprised or annoyed that someone is knocking on their door." And nobody is going to be "too busy" to answer the knock. And maybe, just maybe, even on a holiday designed around greed and consuming sugar by the pound and getting free stuff, small children will be polite and patient and wait quietly at the end of the driveway when they get to a house that I am at.

These thoughts were, of course, remarkable visions of grandure and complete and utter crap.

Last night, a 3-foot-tall butterfly with blonde hair and glitter on her face knocked me flat on my ass.

Children are evil, my job is retarded, and my boss is a dick.

That is all.


butterfly.jpg (10 kB)

Submit to Digg Submit to StumbleUpon

User Reviews


Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

SAIL OUT OF MENETHIL HARBOR TO AUBERDINE!


Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-01-07 11:13:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

-2 if you knock on my door, though

Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-07 10:46:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-11-09 02:18:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

People so blindly committed to causes are generally making up for some defiency in their lives.

Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-11-09 01:44:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

No Comment

Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-11-01 21:43:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

Hi.

Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-01 15:53:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:47:12 (#)
Ranking: 0

He made me canvass on Halloween, ergo, he is a dick, no matter what my feelings for him are.
-----
should have went to a bar

Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-11-01 12:23:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:47:12 (#)
Ranking: 0

He made me canvass on Halloween, ergo, he is a dick, no matter what my feelings for him are.
---
So just fucking use him for his intended purpose. It's not a difficult concept.

Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-11-01 12:07:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1

No Comment

Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-01 11:43:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Em.

Eeeee.

Aich.

Meh.

Submitted by Bobbywangstar (user info) at 2005-11-01 11:40:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

The little people can be vicious.

Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-11-01 11:02:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

Hahahaha. You got beat up by a butterfly.

Submitted by Chicane (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:59:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

you take your kid out at that time of night?

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:47:12 (#)
Ranking: 0

He made me canvass on Halloween, ergo, he is a dick, no matter what my feelings for him are.
---------
I think you should sleep with him and then tell his employers that he seduced you. That way you'll address all of your needs at once.

Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

He made me canvass on Halloween, ergo, he is a dick, no matter what my feelings for him are.

Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:36:19 (#)
Ranking: 2

I thought you were in love with your boss?
--------
Good question.

Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:36:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

I thought you were in love with your boss? of course, if you ask my wife you can love someone and still think they are a dick


Pfft. Now you tell me.

-- Homer Simpson, finding out that working at a nuclear
plant can make one sterile
I Married Marge