Trick or ... I mean... uh... Go Wetlands! (851 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.92 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lojope <lojope.at.juno.com> (View user info) at 2005-11-01 10:26:20 EST
For those of you who don't know, not too long ago I made a career choice. The choice being, I finally picked a career to pursue. However, the fact that I am calling my job a "career" would make my mother cringe and probably cry and scream about those dirty hippies that brainwashed her little baby.
I am a canvasser for New York's largest environmental lobbyist group.
In case you don't know what that means, for 5 hours a day I act like a Jehovah's Witness, going door to door, but instead of converting people to a religion I tell them that Wetlands will save their souls. And I convince them they should give me, a complete stranger they just met on their doorstep, a check for $60. Or $36. Or a nickle. We're not-for-profit, we'll take anything.
To someone who has never canvassed, this sounds ridiculous. No way in hell would someone give a stranger a check after a 3 minute rap about a topic they know nothing about. And to someone who has never BEEN canvassed, it sounds even MORE ridiculous. Hell, before I got this job, someone could have canvassed me on saving all of the cute little puppies in the world and asked for one penny and I would have told them to fuck themselves and slam the door.
But regardless of logic or believability, people do it. A whole bunch of them. Every night I talk to 60 people, between 30 and 40 sign my petition, and between 10 and 20 of them give me money. I still have a hard time believing that this works.
I am digressing. The point is, I do this from 4 to 9, Monday through Friday.
Even if one of those Mondays is Halloween.
In the days leading up to yesterday, I expressed some concern to my boss about canvassing amongst hundreds of tiny witches and ghosts and kittens and whatever the hell pop icon kids are dressing up as these days. In fact, my exact words were something along the lines of "Are you fucking kidding me? We're canvassing on HALLOWEEN?!?!" His answer was simple, yet infuriating, in that way people ridiculously comitted to a cause usually are. "Has the legislation been passed?" Of course, it has not, so canvassing on Halioween it was.
I tried to find the bright side. "Hey," I told myself, "at least people won't be surprised or annoyed that someone is knocking on their door." And nobody is going to be "too busy" to answer the knock. And maybe, just maybe, even on a holiday designed around greed and consuming sugar by the pound and getting free stuff, small children will be polite and patient and wait quietly at the end of the driveway when they get to a house that I am at.
These thoughts were, of course, remarkable visions of grandure and complete and utter crap.
Last night, a 3-foot-tall butterfly with blonde hair and glitter on her face knocked me flat on my ass.
Children are evil, my job is retarded, and my boss is a dick.
That is all.
User Reviews
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-07-12 16:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SAIL OUT OF MENETHIL HARBOR TO AUBERDINE!
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-01-07 11:13:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
-2 if you knock on my door, though
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-07 10:46:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-11-09 02:18:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
People so blindly committed to causes are generally making up for some defiency in their lives.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-11-09 01:44:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-11-01 21:43:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hi.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-01 15:53:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:47:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
He made me canvass on Halloween, ergo, he is a dick, no matter what my feelings for him are.
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should have went to a bar
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-11-01 12:23:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:47:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
He made me canvass on Halloween, ergo, he is a dick, no matter what my feelings for him are.
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So just fucking use him for his intended purpose. It's not a difficult concept.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-11-01 12:07:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-01 11:43:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Em.
Eeeee.
Aich.
Meh.
Submitted by Bobbywangstar (user info) at 2005-11-01 11:40:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The little people can be vicious.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-11-01 11:02:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha. You got beat up by a butterfly.
Submitted by Chicane (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:59:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you take your kid out at that time of night?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:47:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
He made me canvass on Halloween, ergo, he is a dick, no matter what my feelings for him are.
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I think you should sleep with him and then tell his employers that he seduced you. That way you'll address all of your needs at once.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
He made me canvass on Halloween, ergo, he is a dick, no matter what my feelings for him are.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:36:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought you were in love with your boss?
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Good question.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-11-01 10:36:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought you were in love with your boss? of course, if you ask my wife you can love someone and still think they are a dick