Die infidel! You watched a sporting event (530 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.75 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Thanatos (View user info) at 2005-11-01 12:44:59 EST
Inspired by this idiot - http://www.ubersite.com/m/78154
http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,3604,1605266,00.html
A fatwa on football
Monday October 31, 2005
The Guardian
The legal opinions proclaimed by Islamic scholars, known as fatwas, have proliferated in the Muslim world since the 1980s. The growth in fatwas - some of them contradictory - has led to debate over who can legitimately issue them. As part of a government drive to eliminate frivolous fatwas, the Saudi newspaper Al Watan recently published one such edict setting out new rules for football. We publish an edited translation below.
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In the name of God the merciful and benevolent:
1. International terminology that heretics use, such as "foul," "penalty", "corner," "goal", "out" and others, should be abandoned and not said. Whoever says them should be punished and ejected from the game.
2. Do not call "foul" and stop the game if someone falls and sprains a hand or foot or the ball touches his hand, and do not give a yellow or red card to whoever was responsible for the injury or tackle. Instead, it should be adjudicated according to Sharia rulings concerning broken bones and injuries.
3. Do not follow the heretics, the Jews, the Christians and especially evil America regarding the number of players. Do not play with 11 people. Add to this number or decrease it.
4. Play in your regular clothes or your pyjamas or something like that, but not coloured shorts and numbered T-shirts, because shorts and T-shirts are not Muslim clothing. Rather, they are heretical and western clothing, so beware of imitating their fashion.
5. If you have fulfilled these conditions and intend to play soccer, play to strengthen the body in order better to struggle in the way of God on high and to prepare the body for when it is called to jihad. Soccer is not for passing time or the thrill of so-called victory.
6. Do not play in two halves. Rather, play in one half or three halves in order to completely differentiate yourselves from the heretics, the corrupted and the disobedient.
7. If neither of you beats the other, or "wins", as it is called, and neither puts the leather between the posts, do not add extra time or penalties. Instead leave the field, because winning with extra time and penalty kicks is the pinnacle of imitating heretics and international rules.
8. Young crowds should not gather to watch when you play because if you are there for the sake of sports and strengthening your bodies as you claimed, why would people watch you? You should make them join your physical fitness and jihad preparation, or you should say: "Go proselytise and seek out morally reprehensible acts in the markets and the press and leave us to our physical fitness."
9. You should spit in the face of whoever puts the ball between the posts or uprights and then runs in order to get his friends to follow him and hug him like players in America or France do, and you should punish him, for what is the relationship between celebrating, hugging and kissing and the sports that you are practising?
10. You should use two posts instead of three pieces of wood or steel that you erect in order to put the ball between them, meaning that you should remove the crossbar in order not to imitate the heretics and in order to be entirely distinct from the soccer system's despotic international rules.
11. Do not do what is called "substitution," that is, taking the place of someone who has fallen, because this is a practice of the heretics in America and elsewhere.
Sure this guy is a bigger nutjob than most of the fundamentalist Christians, but this is just insane. Sure, he ended up getting prosecuted(or arrested, don't recall the details) for being an assclown and making up stupid fatwas, but what type of sick, twisted mind can come up with something this foolish?
My fatwa
Do not allow your women to wear clothes, as the infidel does this(unless your women are ugly)
Write your own!
User Reviews
Submitted by ChronicMasturbator (user info) at 2005-11-01 19:00:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was published by a Newspaper called Al-Watan. However, they traced this fatwa, which was originally published on a website.
Good Going, you publish work from some random website on the internet. There are steps to Fatwa, and this is just a bloody joke.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-01 15:41:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
kill all the mullahs
Submitted by Thanatos (user info) at 2005-11-01 14:03:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, it may have been passed around as a joke, but that does not impugn it's veracity. If I stop being lazy I'll dig up the source, but its kinda hard since I don't speak Arabic.
Some nutjob did actually try and issue this.
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2005-11-01 12:58:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Idiot? Sniff, sniff...
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2005-11-01 12:57:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF? IM NOT READING ALL THAT
Submitted by ChronicMasturbator (user info) at 2005-11-01 12:47:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yes, and if you had common sense, it was a joke that was passed around earlier this year.
Check your sources.