Neurotic Noir: Part 11 -- "A Grudge Resolved" (513 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 2 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RyuFu (View user info) at 2005-11-01 14:04:03 EST
Part 1 - "Hole in the Head": http://www.ubersite.com/m/75075
Part 2 - "Perceptive Goth": http://www.ubersite.com/m/75152
Part 3 - "Sex and Tattoos": http://www.ubersite.com/m/75460
Part 4 - "Shpatë Dragua": http://www.ubersite.com/m/75602
Part 5 - "A Kiss for Each": http://www.ubersite.com/m/75721
Part 6 - "Cracked Safe/Broken Levee": http://www.ubersite.com/m/75913
Part 7 - "Coming Into Focus": http://www.ubersite.com/m/76074
Part 8 - "Finally 20/20": http://www.ubersite.com/m/76136
Part 9 - "Phase I Revisited": http://www.ubersite.com/m/77936
Part 10 - "Phase II": http://www.ubersite.com/m/78093
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Man, I worry about a lot of things. Not big things, things that deserve worrying. Instead of worrying about the fact that Ronzell is about to murder me execution-style, I'm wondering how I'm gonna get these bloodstains off my sneakers. They're my favorites. I know I have to get out of this chair before I can logically resolve this issue, but goddammit I paid some good cash for these bad boys.
Oh well, let's see if I can put that aside for the time being...
"How've you been, you big fuckin' gorilla?"
<WHAP>
Maybe I shouldn't have said that. A bitch-slap from Ronzell is like taking a jab to the face...from a tree. I think I'll be keeping my wisecracks to a minimum from here on out.
"So, Mr. Jack, you fuckin' 'White Dragon'--"
"That's 'Sword' Dragon"
"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!" His head's always been as thick as his muscles. And his muscles are a lot thicker now than they were back in high school. I better humor him to buy some time, though.
"I know, I know...it's an easy mistake to make. We used to call each other 'White Dragons' all the time! Even the black members! Even after I changed the name to Shpatë Dragua!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP! I get the point. So, I dunno Jack, how long have we known each other?" Is that a rhetorical question?
"Uhh, I don't know, man. It seems like forever."
"It does, doesn't it? So in 'forever,' how many times did you ever tell me 'Happy Birthday?'" What? This negro's crazy! I hardly even talked to him throughout school, let alone rememebered his birthday.
"Zero...I mean, uhh...we never even talked to each other!"
"Exactly! And I don't remember ever bein' asked to be part of your rap group."
"Well, yeah man, you sucked--"
<WHAP>
Shit, forgot to censor myself. Now I'm dizzy like I was last night. What the hell is he getting at, though? Is he going to kill me because I wouldn't play with him? Man, that is a lame way to go. I hope whoever's in charge of my obituary spices it up a bit. 'After Jack Desh raped his mom, killed his dog and slashed the tires on his Hummer H1, Ronzell swore vengeance and won a close battle for the ages.' Yeah...
"YO BITCH! You been listenin'?"
"Wha--?"
"To my freestyle, nigga!"
"Oh, right, yeah! Oooo, holy shit, dude, I wish we weren't so quick to judge back then!"
"Damn fuckin' right! That's whatcha'll missed out on. We coulda had grammys, son!" 'Jack Desh killed by lunatic member of Pantheon.' Yikes.
"Hey bro, so I really am sorry...umm, how 'bout we go sit at a booth and talk about all this over some coffee, eh? Maybe I'll whip up some of my folks' 'secret' Albanian coffee...waddaya say?"
"Fuck you, piece of white devil shit!" I can't quite explain the imagery that sentence just induced. "If it was up to me, we wouldn't be talkin right now. I'd be feeding you to my pit-bulls by now. Nah, man, I got my orders. You goin' to see Vin as soon as our ride gets herre [sic]. I'm just makin' small talk, bitch-ass nigga. Hold up, I got a call..."
Okay, so he doesn't like me but he's not gonna kill me...but he's gonna send me to a worse fate. Ah, and there's my cowboy gun on a small stool.
"Good news, Whitey, Vin says I can kill you." Shit. "But he said I have to untie you to make it a fair fight." What?
"Uh, what? I mean, I'm glad you're giving me this chance, but why? We're the only ones in here, Vin wouldn't know."
"VIN'S THE HEAD NIGGA IN CHARGE!! It's about respect. You don't know respect, but I do. I respect Vin. That's why he gives me the hottest black bitches to fuck, 3, 4 at a time." Gross...I wish I were dead now. "That's why he pays me good, and that's why I'm gonna untie you. I'll make it quick."
Somehow, I feel less safe now that I'm standing...Ronzell didn't seem that much bigger than me in high school...now that he's right in front of me, I can see how his 3 extra inches and 100 extra pounds of muscle give him an advantage. Oh well, here goes...
<POP>
HOly ShIT!!! He's fast, too. And his bitch-slap was nothing compared to his right hook. I can't see a goddamn thing with all these stars in front of me! OOF!! Can't...breathe...foot to ribs....hurts...
"Aw, come on, money! Get up!! You haven't worked out this whole time you been gone, have you?" I've jogged a bit. I've lifted weights. I have NOT trained for Ultimate Fighting. OWWWW!!! Not sure where that blood is coming from, but if feels like it's from my eyes. "This one's probably gonna break ya neck, so...good-BYE!"
Man, that is one gigantic Timberland boot. Oh well, I hope they fix me up nice for my funeral...I hope I get a funeral.
<BANG>
What the fuck was that? Why am I not getting pummeled anymore? He's dead! Who the fuck--?
"Thank God, baby, I just made it!"
Lilly! But she lied to me...yikes, but she just carved out a chunk of Ronzell's head.
"Jack, I know I wasn't honest with you! Please, just let me explain..."
"Sshhh...too loud...head ringing. Umm...let's just go...to your place. I need to lie down."
"Okay."
Despite her slight frame, she's easily supporting half of my weight. What a gal. I really hope she has a good explanation for the lies, because I'd hate to dump her again.
But first...okay good, all the bullets are still in the cowboy gun. Ronzell might be dead, but Phase II isn't over until he gets his bullet.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-23 11:37:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The 'sound effects' worked a bit better in this installment.
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2005-12-27 23:14:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-11-03 15:28:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know where the reply I wrote to you went so I guess I get to start over. I may be mistaken and retarded. I think my gripe with these, and it could actually be my own fault for not keeping up with these in a timely manner, is that I've had this image of jack as a hard ass in my mind, as you said capable and confident, for some reason these last two posts have left me waiting for him to say something like "wilikers! That smarts! Jeepers!"
Like I said it could be my own fault but these last two seem to lack the rough edge of the prior posts that I've enjoyed so much. All in all this has been a great tale, entertaining and well written, if I'm off my rocker that's cool I just couldn't feel it so much on these two.
I responded to your fiction comment on Kaos' post: Fiction is slow rated here but when you've got a series going it seems that only the ones you've hooked from the beginning rate it. I've been here a year, wrote a 50 part series, many rated +2 and I have just over 40,000 hits. there are users a couple months old who have more than that. Oh well.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-03 14:30:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I might have misunderstood you last time, but I thought your major gripe was with the action sequence...Jack's been doing the internal dialogue since Part 1. Or am I misunderstanding you again?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-11-03 14:18:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I still don't care for the internal dialogue, for some reason it makes think of like the beaver or something. waiting see "jeepers! that smarts!"
Submitted by highlander (user info) at 2005-11-02 03:38:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This series kicks all kinds of ass.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-11-01 21:15:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the fuck?
This needs more reviews.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-11-01 16:49:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus 2 because no one else rated it.