Another NYC Subway Happening: 100 Men Simultaneously Jizz Themselves (1436 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: memories
Rating: 1.89 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RyuFu (View user info) at 2005-11-02 16:38:07 EST
There's two kinds of Halloween folk. Well, maybe there's more, but I'm generalizing. There's those that enjoy Halloween and revel in all the fun antics and go to parades in the Village and all that stuff. Then there's folks like me that wake up at a quarter to 5 to ensure that I make an 8 AM conference call.
Ah, but I procured some Taco Bell for lunch, so it all evened out--snoogins.
Needless to say, I didn't dress up this year. Well, I didn't put on any Halloween costume unless you count "grumpy-burned-out-23-year-old-corporate-drone-in-a-peacoat-with-too-much-gel-in-his-hair" as a costume. But it was okay. You know why? Because Lindsay Lohan speaks some truth in Mean Girls. Yeah, I watched it. And it was funny. And it had Tina Fey. Anyways, in the Halloween party scene in that movie, she says something to the effect of, "Halloween is an excuse for hot girls to wear lingerie and random animal ears."
Knowing this to hold true based on previous Halloweens, I smiled as I watched the computer clock signal my release from this establishment that pays my bills. As I walked through Tribeca to get to my subway stop, I noticed quite a few of these skin-showing specimens. They came in many variations: angels; bad angels; sexy cat; sexy bunny; punk rock chick; fairy, etc. But they all showed more--much more--skin than was necessary for their costumes...which was fine by me.
Sure, most [READ: all] of them were probably high schoolers and more than likely underage. But guess what? On Halloween, none of that matters. On this day, girls flaunt whatever stuff they have. Fuck, everyone that puts on a costume does so for other people to see it! It just so happens that the girls in question are taking more off than they're putting on. But to reiterate, I am fine with this.
After all, folks, I'm just looking and just for a fleeting moment at that. I'm looking for neither trick nor treat, just some nice scenery before I go underground for a half hour. And that's what I got. Some very nice scenery.
But wait--THERE'S MORE!!!
As nice as the scenery was going towards the subway, it was what occurred in the subway car that actually inspired the title. Ohhh, yes.
I had my choice of the local or express to Grand Central. Local is empty, but makes 732 stops; express makes only 2 stops, but is filled to 15x capacity. I chose local and sat down and sulked.
After a few stops, I emerged from the fetal position and stared at the ground for a while...until I noticed a buzz. Not the buzz you hear after throwing rocks at a bee's nest, but the kind of silent telepathic buzz you sense when you notice your favorite sports team is about to swing the momentum of a game around.
I try not to make eye contact with strangers, because that's among the most uncomfortable things you can do in the city. But I felt that buzz...it was a strangely masculine buzz...I took a deep breath and glanced up at a dude in front of me to get some kind of sign. No eye contact--his eyes were elsewhere. I looked at the dude next to me--same thing. They were looking at something. Someone. The buzz was getting louder. I looked...
<BUZZZZZ>
I don't know how to describe this vixen other than to say she was an angel. She wasn't in costume, either. She was just--well, she was beyond erection-inducing. Light skin with a hint of a tan, a bit of eyeliner and nothing else I could discern. Shoulder-length light brown hair. Looooong jacket.
<BUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZ>
Long OPEN jacket. Under the jacket? Tight lowrider jeans. Very low. I was surprised her clit wasn't poking out. Whatever shirt she had on was so short, it might as well have been a bra. Her stomach was perfectly flat--not too much ab-muscle, no more than the bare minimum of girly softness. And the obligatory belly ring.
<SPLOOGE*100>
I noticed everything between the BUZZ and the SPLOOGE in an instant. It was insanity. It was the most hysterical thing looking around the car, witnessing a bunch of guys trying to sneak quick peeks. There weren't any ghetto thug dudes in there, or else there would have been that whole "GODDAYUM" stuff going on.
I've seen hot chicks in the city before. I've noticed guys--including myself--bend over backwards to get another look. But I tell you now, with my Inspiron 6000 as my witness, I've never seen a hotter chick in person, or such a scene as a result.
100 mental orgasms. 100 different men thinking the exact same thing. And everyone knew it.
Now that I think about it, there was a slight soprano overtone to the buzz.
User Reviews
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-11-07 14:43:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My friends roomate dressed up as a sexy lamp. I love halloween.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-03 07:51:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a similar occurance to this Ryu. Of course teh result was a multi-car collision and the insurance companies completely understood. They had heard the story many times.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-11-03 07:45:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love New York.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2005-11-03 07:36:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2005-11-02 21:36:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I once missed my stop because I was too busy staring at the sexiest legs I had ever seen.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-02 21:16:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
fudge: I'm living in Connecticut, but I'm from Westchester. I'm moving in March, though, to lower Westchester. Although I'm not entirely ruling out Long Island City..
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2005-11-02 21:07:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Slut.
Jealous? Me? Never...
You watch Lindsey Lohan? Shame on you!
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-11-02 20:57:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She's changing her name from Kitty to Karen.
I saw a woman once, when i was sitting at a busstop, that literally overrode my brain and took the power out of my legs. I have no clear mental image of her face, just a ffeeling of shock.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-11-02 20:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
joe: well, my hypothesis was proved true, at least, heh.
P.S. I didn't mean to cause a scuffle over your comments on Noir. I was probably a little oversensitve to the non +2. I'm a dork sometimes, what can I say.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-02 20:01:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
post after post of decent writing = nada [+/- a few]
but you said you'd do it..........+2
feeling a little dirty? :P
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-11-02 18:10:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I had more hotties to look at on Halloween. Damn Canada and the freezing temperatures!
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-11-02 17:49:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well told
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-11-02 17:41:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Cake reference. That and the post was pretty good too.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-02 17:39:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice imagery
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2005-11-02 17:27:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude you should have at least said SOMETHING! At the very least every other guy would be thinking "wtf didn't I do that?"
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-11-02 17:21:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I know that buzz.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-11-02 17:14:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't beat off to cake.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-11-02 17:01:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
shoulda taken a picture with your phone or something.
where in nyc do you live? i'm in bk heights but moving to the west village in jan.
Submitted by Astropath (user info) at 2005-11-02 16:55:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Like that song.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-11-02 16:43:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hm.