10 things not to do after you've humped (2736 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.31 on 63 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sacrilicious (View user info) at 2005-11-02 21:15:17 EST
1. Don't make the tranny pay for her own cab. Word gets around, and a good tranny is hard to find in your small town. As a woman, I might forgive your penchant for trannies. But if I find out you are rude, I will no longer do that thing you like so much.
2. Don't strut around the bedroom naked singing 'We Are the Champions' while licking your fingers and wearing your partner's undergarments. It might have been overlooked or even encouraged in the sack, but afterward it just makes you look silly.
3. Don't ask "was it good for you?" when you know it wasn't. One of these days, someone is going to be honest with you. And since you've missed the last train, you don't want it to be tonight.
4. Don't attempt to use a company check as payment. It's tacky, and when your boss finds out, she won't believe that "Amber Bush" is the new trainee in Accounts Receivable, or that "Jade Pleasure Palace" is the new Thai place around the corner. Unless you are a lesbian, in which case your story will somehow check out.
5. If there is only one cigarette left in the pack, always offer it to your lady. If so, she will surely repay you with another round of enthusiastic oral pleasure. If not, the sudden switch from endorphin high to vice deprivation will likely cause her to break YOUR cherry with the cherry of the cigarette.
6. Don't call him or her 'mommy' unless it is demanded of you.
7. No matter how poorly you perform, resist the urge to curl up in the fetal position and hide in the tub. She'll know you're high-maintenance, she'll have possession of your clothes, and it's too early for that. Plus, tubgirl may have been in there.
8. Don't tell your partner about the mole he should have checked out by a doctor. It will only make him self-conscious, and fatal as it may turn out to be, it will surely ruin your chances of having more of the buttsecks. But remember the rule: if it looks like a wart, it probably is.
9. If he happens to be your partner, don't be too rough with the dog the second time around. He sometimes finds it difficult to express his feelings, but he knows where you sleep. Also, keep the collar on for a while. It's a bonding thing and it will make him feel special.
10. If your partner's name is 'Goatse', be polite, but don't stay the night. Keep your head down, leave the premises quickly, and deny, deny, deny. He's very needy, a bit of a show-off, and will soon make 'most heated' with a NSFW post.
User Reviews
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-20 05:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-07-20 05:04:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-07-20 04:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't normally drink during the week, but I've had a good week.
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:43:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-06-25 13:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-09 11:44:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just nominated this post to B@W
Submitted by webcorona (user info) at 2007-01-09 11:31:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-09 11:18:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-01-09 11:03:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-11-02 10:52:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i wonder where jake is today?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-08-06 17:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Apology +2 for messing with your head. I'm not a bad man, just a bad wizard.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-07-27 11:49:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-07 16:24:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'll never get to use these
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-06-15 13:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89225#2023186
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-02 13:42:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
redskies- STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY ACCOUNT. OKTHXBYE.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-06-02 02:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
the elusive -1
Submitted by Chazzy (user info) at 2006-06-02 02:29:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahaha
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-28 14:53:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
JAKE...
WHERE ARE YOU? IT'S COLD IN HERE AND I'M BORED.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-13 19:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AGREED
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-04-13 19:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more stick figure humping
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-04-13 19:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This does need more reviews.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-13 19:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NEEDS MORE REVIEWS
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-12 17:17:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-12 17:15:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
Between a ninja and a spaz? How civil could it have been?
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Matching pyjamas?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-12 17:17:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-12 17:15:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
Between a ninja and a spaz? How civil could it have been?
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Lookiee! Other uber users are discovering this post for the first time! Imagine the looks of glee on their faces!
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-04-12 17:16:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
10. If your partner's name is 'Goatse', be polite, but don't stay the night. Keep your head down, leave the premises quickly, and deny, deny, deny. He's very needy, a bit of a show-off, and will soon make 'most heated' with a NSFW post.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-12 17:15:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Between a ninja and a spaz? How civil could it have been?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-12 17:08:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-12 17:07:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
This was a ghola bandwagon from before we were married.
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/78256
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Was it a civil ceremony? I never asked.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-12 17:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was a ghola bandwagon from before we were married.
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/78256
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-12 17:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-12 17:04:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, god damn you, Jake.
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THIS SHOULD HAVE MORE ATTENTION
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-04-12 17:04:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, god damn you, Jake.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-04-12 16:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-10 09:57:55 (#)
Ranking: -2
This is the gheyest post ever. I wish it would die.
This is why I tend not to post just for the sake of posting.
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NEVAR! AFTER YOU ARE GONE THIS WILL BE YOUR LEGACY!
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-22 17:35:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed, I cried, I bought a replica of Goatse's man hole, climbed in and waited for the end to come whilst choking my manhood in the fetal position.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-10 09:57:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is the gheyest post ever. I wish it would die.
This is why I tend not to post just for the sake of posting.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-03-10 09:50:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Har har Goatse.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-10 09:36:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For the goatse line.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-26 12:09:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for humping and the picture...
Submitted by Hash_brownie_supreme (user info) at 2006-02-12 20:09:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for that pic i've seen 1000 times but never get tired of.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-23 11:38:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Germinal by Emile Zola! WEEEEE!!!!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-12 07:30:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You forgot to mention that saying "get away from me, you're all sticky" is a faux pas.
Submitted by Wallstreet (user info) at 2006-01-07 04:19:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
3. Don't ask "was it good for you?" when you know it wasn't. One of these days, someone is going to be honest with you. And since you've missed the last train, you don't want it to be tonight.
Only truth in the god damn post
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-01-02 18:47:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-03 01:15:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
11) Tell the bitch that her mom does it better
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+1 for this
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-02 18:41:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A short explanation for why this post makes no sense today- it was a poorly conceived bandwagon- and since I failed to link the original post, it's lost all meaning.
Here is the original:
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/78256
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-02 18:23:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sympathy +2
fuckitmani'mmadeofhelium.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-11-28 23:18:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-11-03 11:31:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by blondie2 (user info) at 2005-11-03 09:34:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-11-03 08:34:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-02 21:41:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck Sacrilicious and Iddqd. This was very funny. Asslicks.
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Not too bright, are you Bubba?
Submitted by Sacrilicious [Authenticated] (View user info) at 2005-11-02 21:15:17
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-11-03 08:05:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
so-so
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-11-03 07:15:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-11-03 06:16:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sorry, but this just left me confused. It wasn't written very well, and to be honest, I didn't find it funny at all. I'm still not going to give you a negative though, just cause I don't like giving negatives to people. Seems so mean...
Submitted by DonMecca (user info) at 2005-11-03 06:14:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish for a turkey sandwich on rye bread with lettuce and mustard. And
-- and I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey
myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises -- you got it?
-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror II
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-11-03 03:29:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The picture at the end made me smile.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-03 01:15:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
11) Tell the bitch that her mom does it better
Submitted by crownofsuns (user info) at 2005-11-03 00:06:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
8. Don't tell your partner about the mole he should have checked out by a doctor. It will only make him self-conscious, and fatal as it may turn out to be, it will surely ruin your chances of having more of the buttsecks. But remember the rule: if it looks like a wart, it probably is.
That line and the picture make this instantly loved LOL!
Submitted by ab363 (user info) at 2005-11-02 23:07:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The post is okay, but bonus points for the picture at the bottom. I have a variation hanging on my wall. It's the same joke with a different drawing.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-11-02 22:05:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-02 21:41:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-11-02 21:33:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-11-02 21:16:59 (#)
Ranking: -1
this just isnt as funny as im sure you thought it was.
nice try, better luck next time.
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I agree, I didn't think it was that funny either. I was bored. Meh.
_________________________________________________________________-
Fuck Sacrilicious and Iddqd. This was very funny. Asslicks.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-11-02 21:34:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
SMILES
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-11-02 21:33:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-11-02 21:16:59 (#)
Ranking: -1
this just isnt as funny as im sure you thought it was.
nice try, better luck next time.
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I agree, I didn't think it was that funny either. I was bored. Meh.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2005-11-02 21:27:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I didn't smile once.
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-11-02 21:25:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-11-02 21:16:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
this just isnt as funny as im sure you thought it was.
nice try, better luck next time.