He left me. I don't blame him. (3030 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:humour
Rating: 1.83 on 94 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-11-03 09:59:09 EST
User Reviews
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2008-04-16 16:36:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How the hell do you laminate a turtle? Perhaps we have found something turtles actually do...
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2008-04-16 15:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had an actual turtle once. He was kind of a douche and eventually went insane, I think.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-04-16 14:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I missed this the first time!
WEEEEP
now I'm just missing thorpe and circe..
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-04-16 14:19:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Legend.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-04-16 13:04:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is good stuff. good bump.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Legend.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:45:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome, pure awesome.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-04-16 12:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like random mail.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-06-10 22:54:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thanks babe
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-06-10 22:54:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/70816
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-06-10 22:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok fellas anybody wanna help me out and link the original post that started the whole "whom sent him and why" craze?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-06-10 22:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:21:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:18:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
I am so miserable today.
Have another +2 because we're the Two Queens.
__________
LONG LIVE ME!
I'VE POISONED YOUR WINE, FOR THE GOOD OF THE LAND!
----------
I bought the "Complete Masterworks" DVD for $9.95 the other day.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2006-02-22 14:33:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You truly are random.
Submitted by Cryslynn1 (user info) at 2005-11-15 13:19:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was funny. I liked it. Would h8te to think of whatelse you tried to have the turtle "do".
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-11-12 03:38:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
Glad you got along so well with him.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-11-06 05:22:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahaha
You make turtles seem fun and interesting. You'd make a great teacher....oh wait, aren't you one?
Turtle soup anyone?
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-11-05 23:25:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-04 19:52:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Draqus (user info) at 2005-11-04 11:26:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto -2 for incorrect use of whom. """"
NOOB ALARM
__________________
AHAHAHAHA!!
You had me at "Whom sent him and why?".
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-11-05 23:13:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sheer beauty.
And the turtle's pretty cute too.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-11-04 23:28:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Draqus (user info) at 2005-11-04 11:26:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto -2 for incorrect use of whom.
*****************************************
Auto +2 to compensate for nit-picky, snooty retard who doesn't get the reference.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-11-04 22:16:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i loved this.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-11-04 21:30:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hookerboots (user info) at 2005-11-04 20:11:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-04 19:52:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Draqus (user info) at 2005-11-04 11:26:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto -2 for incorrect use of whom. """"
NOOB ALARM
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-11-04 14:48:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Draqus (user info) at 2005-11-04 11:26:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto -2 for incorrect use of whom.
_________
It's a running joke... a line from a truly shitty post. "But whom killed him, and why?"
Not that I mind the -2, I just don't want to be seen as totally illiterate.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-11-04 13:04:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a HUGE glass of port. You're my type of woman.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-11-04 12:46:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, this is my favorite post this week.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-11-04 12:39:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, you got heat!
Submitted by Draqus (user info) at 2005-11-04 11:26:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto -2 for incorrect use of whom.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-11-04 07:52:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
mildly amusing
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2005-11-04 00:08:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure he put up a scrap before the gwardar got him.
Submitted by crazyaardvark (user info) at 2005-11-03 23:54:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Go the turtle!
Well, not "go" very fast...
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-11-03 23:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss Thorpe. Where the hell is he?
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-11-03 23:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Little dickens.
Submitted by smoke_in_my_lungs (user info) at 2005-11-03 23:07:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hilarious, but Halo sucks balls.
Submitted by scrumdown (user info) at 2005-11-03 22:47:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shoulda' gotten a mongoose.
God bless Riki Tiki Tavi!!
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-11-03 22:37:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe im beginning to think you are crazy, hehehehehe i love it.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-11-03 22:31:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Would be +3 if you added a recording of you reading this in your American accent.
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-11-03 22:31:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto turtle +2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-11-03 22:16:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I adore this post.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2005-11-03 21:59:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:48:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Mike - If your beloved spouse looks at you weird because you're in the driveway in the middle of the night giggling and photographing a small ceramic turtle that showed up in the mail the other day, you're getting somewhere.
"What the fuck are you even DOING?"
"It's the Big List of Thing Turtles Won't Do!"
"I'm going to bed."
__________________________________________________
I know how you feel, I'm always taking picture that make me look like an idiot for doing it, for posts like this.
Submitted by Whiplash (user info) at 2005-11-03 21:37:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was one of the best posts ever.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2005-11-03 20:50:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post was delicious.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-11-03 20:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahhahahaha. I've got a video of Terry on my computer at home. He plays soccer with a pingpong ball with his head.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-11-03 16:40:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel for your loss.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-11-03 16:26:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And here I was determined not to cry. *sniffle*
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-11-03 16:09:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am shipping you my little hyperactive bastard of a poodle as soon as I finish drilling the air hole. I can't be bothered to drill more than one, so we will hope for the best.
He likes popcorn.
And pissing on things.
Good luck with that.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-11-03 15:22:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I heart Circe.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-11-03 15:17:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my turtle likes strawberries
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-11-03 15:07:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't worry he just went off to get pissed with his mates. He'll be back.
Submitted by yeahthatme (user info) at 2005-11-03 14:04:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
uh, upi=you..in an alternate universe.
Submitted by yeahthatme (user info) at 2005-11-03 14:02:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, I'm lucky upi posted this, I will SO take your advice.
I am going right now to tell my set of laminated Mariachi band frogs that I got in Mexico when I was knee-walking drunk and thought at the time they were the funniest thing ever, but have pretty much tossed in a drawer since I got home, JUST how special they really are to me.
Thank you, for helping me avoid heartache.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-11-03 13:51:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, but Lyn... do turtles play Yahoo Pool?
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-11-03 13:04:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
goddamn funny
Submitted by erinly (user info) at 2005-11-03 12:35:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-11-03 12:10:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rest assured that *I* would eat your parsley. I'd eat it aaaaalllll night long.
Haha. See, that was funny, see, because I was taking eating herbs and making it into a rude 'double entendre', so to speak, and that is funny.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-03 11:55:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was expecting a sad story about your husband's departure.
This was even better.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-11-03 11:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
when i saw this post's title i thought it might be one of CookieLass', or maybe lojope's. oh well.
Submitted by FWFIV (user info) at 2005-11-03 11:29:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-11-03 11:10:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe, I would like to try to seep up some of your awesomeness through osmosis. You lie on top of me so I can absorb the goodness your mind provides. please?
We can call it an experiment if the Dutchman walks in and appears to be somewhat upset.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:53:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
all posts should include turtles.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:53:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes. I'm stalking you. I'm hunting you down, Circe. You are warned. YOU WILL BE MINE!!
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:52:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:48:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Mike - If your beloved spouse looks at you weird because you're in the driveway in the middle of the night giggling and photographing a small ceramic turtle that showed up in the mail the other day, you're getting somewhere.
"What the fuck are you even DOING?"
"It's the Big List of Thing Turtles Won't Do!"
"I'm going to bed."
===================================
I'm going to rid you of that Dutch bastard. Then you'll be free to photograph and giggle all you want, day or night, on my watch.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:49:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:45:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
How do you make these cool posts. I am feeble when it comes to these. Please let me know so I can do it too.
-----------------
Throw alot of shit into word and fuck it all up by attaching it as a doc file like I do.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:48:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mike - If your beloved spouse looks at you weird because you're in the driveway in the middle of the night giggling and photographing a small ceramic turtle that showed up in the mail the other day, you're getting somewhere.
"What the fuck are you even DOING?"
"It's the Big List of Thing Turtles Won't Do!"
"I'm going to bed."
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:48:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
outstanding!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:45:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How do you make these cool posts. I am feeble when it comes to these. Please let me know so I can do it too.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:45:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beauty is most evident when you can't articulate why it's beautiful.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:44:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THAT IS FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!
I just fell in love (lust) with you.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:44:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
any post with turtles rocks.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:42:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not everyone likes Port...you should know that!
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:36:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't lie. You know that he didn't leave until after you dressed him in drag.
Where is the turtle in a tutu picture?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:32:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Turtles also have sex. http://www.ubersite.com/m/54563
You rock my face off.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:31:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe, you amaze me!
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:29:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:29:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pokey - of course I would put up with your broken leg. I might spend five years calling you "Limpy the lame" and making jokes about shooting you because you can't race no more, but that's just how I show affection.
=====================================
What happened to "Texas Pete" ?????
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:29:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:11:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Pentameter, shut up and kiss me, you crazy passionate fool.
---------------
*MEGA ENGORGE THUNDERCOCK GO!*
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:28:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:23:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:19:39 (#)
Coyote, you cruel bastard. Terry heard what you said and he's unhappy with you.
----
I can live with that surprisingly easily.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:22:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
-1 for not running a household that appreciates the old, 10lb. original XBox controller.
Give me the Duke or give me death.
Turtles are some finicky creatures. I remember when I was holed up in a gas station after a robbery went awry. I turned to look for my turtly partner in crime, and did I see him there, guns at the ready, prepared to cover me and have my back? Fuck no! That little bitch crawled into a box of Cap'n Crunch and hid there until the authorities hauled me away.
It's ok, though. He wound up doing five to ten in county a few years back. I had him shivved by a guy I know on the inside.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:21:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:18:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
I am so miserable today.
Have another +2 because we're the Two Queens.
__________
LONG LIVE ME!
I'VE POISONED YOUR WINE, FOR THE GOOD OF THE LAND!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:19:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Coyote, you cruel bastard. Terry heard what you said and he's unhappy with you.
Pokey - of course I would put up with your broken leg. I might spend five years calling you "Limpy the lame" and making jokes about shooting you because you can't race no more, but that's just how I show affection.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:18:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in love with you too, Pentameter.
Can't I have you both?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:18:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am so miserable today.
Have another +2 because we're the Two Queens.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:17:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Be that as it may, would you have put up with my broken leg? No? You stupid cunt. I want a divorce.
*can't trust ANYBODY*
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:15:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am so in love with you.
*sigh*
If you'd been born in Texas (Dallas, to be specific) or I'd been born in Australia (western, somewhere, I guess) I'd have knocked you up and you'd have been forced to stay with me for EVAR AND EVAR.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:14:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is quite good. I like the way you think.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:14:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Quiet down up there...whacky Beatles
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:14:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to see the picture after the road train splats him.
There he is... in the road... the prayers have been said, the chaplain crossed himself...
...and where's the splat?
Tease.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhhhh. wook at da widdle Circe spawn sweeping, aaawwwww...
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:12:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"We have to go find that turtle. That turtle loves us. I can't believe you let it go!"
http://www.ubersite.com/m/78104
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:11:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Pentameter, shut up and kiss me, you crazy passionate fool.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:09:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah. A tragic tale. One I've heard a hundred times before. Why is it that no one will learn from the mistakes of the past regarding laminated pets?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:09:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, you fucking cunt, stop making me laugh so hard.
What? Do you think you're fucking FUNNY or WITTY? Well, you are, you stupid goddamned whore bitch cunt.
(Outburtsduetonocigarettesforthepastfourdays.)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-03 10:05:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OK...I admit.
I sent it.
Didn't you notice I left a splash of spooge on the turtle's underbelly for your enjoyment?