Nuts in your burger (636 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.6 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bushy (View user info) at 2005-11-04 10:10:38 EST
Tonight I invited my friend Chris to this pub that I frequent. On a Friday night, as this was, it is a karaoke night. He was quite involved, and this was good. From my perspective he was being accepted into the group. He sung his song up on stage early, a song no one knew, but evidently that wasn't a problem.
Everything went well. He impressed the local skanks, he impressed my mates. Neither of which is very hard to do.
The problem started at McD's after the pub closed.
Once karaoke finishes most of us retire to Ronald's house to partake in his burgers and fries. And on this fateful eve we did thus. Once we arrived, myself a good five minutes late due to my chatting up of the barmaid, people ordered and took their slop to their tables. Nothing out of the ordinary so far.
The problem began when my friend Chris proceeded to parade between the tables with his nuts protruding from his fly. Most people found it funny. Some commented on his smallness, other on his lack of respect for the rules of a said "restaurant" (and I use the term lightly).
The humour however stopped when another fried of mine, also named Chris, came up to him and declared, in no uncertain terms, that he was offended on behalf of his girlfriend and that if he didn't 'put himself away' he would be forced to become physical. For me, sitting opposite my offending friend, I thought that perhaps he was being over sensitive, and in the morning he would see the humour.
I was contented with my rationalisation for a good ten minutes before another bloke, also a person whom I would declare as friend, expressed his upset at Chris' exposure of his nutsack.
The second complainant was a man to be reckoned with, a man whose opinion carried some weight in my mind.
So, the question I put to you, dear uber, is whether my friends nuts were a gag, to be laughed off and forgotten in a drunken haze of shitty burgers and too many beers, or whether he has trespassed on grounds too sacred to be forgiven and perhaps he needs a banning from hanging out with these friends.
Thank you uber, your opinion is truly ignored.
User Reviews
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-11-05 01:25:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-11-04 14:51:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
what are friends for, really, if you can't just be your true self around them. What he really needs from you is your loving compassion and understanding.
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yeah and a blowjob.
your friend needs his ass kicked. Act like a fucking adult. First time you meet a bunch of people and you're whipping your nuts out? Not like I'd give a fuck if I was there but that really shows a lack of attention and immaturity. Someone should have shoved a milk shake up his ass so he'll learn how to act socially and how to not embarass the hell out of himself and others (you).
...fucking dumbass
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-11-04 14:51:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what are friends for, really, if you can't just be your true self around them. What he really needs from you is your loving compassion and understanding.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-11-04 12:57:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How old are you guys dammit? Yes I get drunk, too, but why the showoff? That's just too much for my taste. Even considering being drunk.
Submitted by Bobbywangstar (user info) at 2005-11-04 12:45:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-04 12:29:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by mtgn37 (user info) at 2005-11-04 11:21:57 (#)
Ranking: -1
nowhere in this post were there acutally nuts IN a burger
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-04 11:42:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bushy (user info) at 2005-11-04 10:38:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
the difference between me and the regular uber-guy is that when i post, i stop and think about what i am posting. Is it coherent i ask myslef? Is it grammatically and logically correct?
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AAAHHAhAHAhAHH!!
Submitted by mtgn37 (user info) at 2005-11-04 11:21:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
nowhere in this post were there acutally nuts IN a burger
Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2005-11-04 11:02:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
"the difference between me and the regular uber-guy is that when i post, i stop and think about what i am posting. Is it coherent i ask myslef? Is it grammatically and logically correct?"
This was the funniest thing you wrote. But more for irony's sake than anything eles :)
Submitted by Bushy (user info) at 2005-11-04 10:49:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
taken ozzy, taken.
my tense is poor. I know what i want to say, but i seem to get it a bit confused.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-04 10:46:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Bushy, read these 2 parts again and tell me they read well.
"On a Friday night, as this was, it is a karaoke night"
"And on this fateful eve we did thus. Once we arrived, myself a good five minutes late due to my chatting up of the barmaid, people ordered and took their slop to their tables. Nothing out of the ordinary so far."
To be honest, I think I was fair in my assessment of your post. Bear in mind, it was your post I attacked, not you personally. If I offended you, my apologies, but you'd need to grow a much thicker skin if you're going to post here.
And the fact that you registered on Uber before me, well, if it makes you feel better I retract the "noob" barb I threw at you.
Submitted by Bushy (user info) at 2005-11-04 10:41:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
touche sinna on the tense change.
this is a problem i have in much of my writing, and somethng i am glad someone pointed out. Cheers.
Submitted by Bushy (user info) at 2005-11-04 10:38:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
dear ozzy.
First, i do declare that writing like a 12 year old is a might harsh and perhaps, if i do say so myself, incorrect. Most 12 year olds would fail to punctuate as i do, and more-over, would fail in the style of writing being attempted. That is not to say my writing is perfect, but merely above that standard expected of a twelve year old.
as far as noob is concerned, i implore you to check your numbers. The fact that you have written more posts than me does not guarantee you a postion of superiority. I have been here longer than you, as evidenced by my user number,
the difference between me and the regular uber-guy is that when i post, i stop and think about what i am posting. Is it coherent i ask myslef? Is it grammatically and logically correct?
I see you have written for the populous, and indeed i have enjoyed your posts, but i wonde whether your comment and rating of my post if perhaps influenced by the fact that you do not know me.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-11-04 10:30:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fag.
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2005-11-04 10:28:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This had no real content, was over written, the tense changed and you didn't need to introduce him as your 'friend Chris' every time you said his name.
Frankly I would have punched the cunt out without warning.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-11-04 10:23:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
-1 for writing like a 12 year old.
For the record, if I'd just met a group of people, I wouldn't prance around in front of them with my nuts out, no matter how drunk I was.
I would, however, wear an onion on my belt, but only if it was one of those big brown ones that you got during the war.
Let me ask you this. If a rubber chicken stole the word "thirty", would you chase him until he gave it back?
Or carrying on using "dickety" as a replacement?
That's what I thought.
What I'm trying to say is this. STFU n00b!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-04 10:22:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-04 10:18:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have punched him in his hairy beanbag.
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Exactly. Treat it like a shark. One good punch to the nose (or balls), and you won't have to worry about it anymore.
Submitted by beatjunky (user info) at 2005-11-04 10:19:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I've been banned from a drinking establishment for showing some hoe's my shlong. Also swinging for the owner. Go nuts.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-04 10:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have punched him in his hairy beanbag.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-04 10:18:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You went a mite overboard with the details there. I liked the language and the idea was there though, and that's the main thing. Sadly the relativly turgid nature of the piece ruined all the funny and left miss humour lying on the floor of the shower in scolding hot water and blood on her thighs.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-11-04 10:12:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Yes yes, laugh at his nuts..........................when they're on your chin. It'll make them jiggle. Oh yeah, this post had no real content.