you're going to make a lot of sick people very unhappy (840 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -1.75 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Kryss (View user info) at 2005-11-04 14:36:00 EST
<Tall Israeli> I think just about anyone who meets me and talks to me for long enough comes to terms with the fact that I am a very sick, twisted person. Also factor in a few mountain dews, a Peer-to-Peer connection, and boredom and you get what might be the funniest combination imaginable.
I had been downloading music yesterday evening. Led Zeppelin, REO Speedwagon, Flock of Seagulls, things like that. Then I realized that it'd be a funny joke to play on people if I were to change "Keep on Rolling" to "Hot Lesbian Sex". I watched as within minutes this file got 50 downloads. I was astounded.
Then the Tom got an idea.
An awful idea.
The Tom got a wonderful awful idea.
What if, perhaps, I was to change some of these names to sick pornography titles? I wonder if I'd get any bites?
And this is where the fun begins.
The first title I put up was "Naked boys dancing and eating cake." I sat in anticipation, waiting for my first download. Success, the first download came. Then the second. Then the third. This baby was steamrolling down the information super highway like a trucker with a hardon that has 2 miles left to the next truck stop. Before I knew it, I was getting twenty downloads. Then thirty. Then fifty. Can you imagine that in the end, rather than getting dancing boys naked and indulging themselves with sweets and frolicking in a dewy meadow, one-hundred thirty two people got a disappointing video of Led Zeppelin performing "Dazed and Confused" in front of a live audience? At this point, I had no choice but to continue.
The second title I put up was "My Ex-Girlfriend mowing the lawn naked." I thought that this was too far out to get any downloads. Alas, I was wrong. It got a download. Then two. Then thirty. In the end, seventy-eight sweaty, drooling fudges wanted to see my ex girlfriend mow the lawn stark naked. She's not even that hot. Rather then get their lawn-mowing beauty, they got the song "Ozone baby."
For the third title, I decided to transform "White Wedding" into the more intriguing "Elephant cock horse." I wish I could say I was kidding when this thing was downloaded one hundred eighty seven times. I guess there is something about horses and elephants showing their cocks that bring out the best in people. I nearly died of laughter at this point. "How can nearly two hundred people want to see naked animals? They're ALWAYS naked!" For sanctity's sake, we're going to leave this as a mystery. I hope I turned some people on to Billy Idol, hopefully distracting them long enough to forget that masturbating to horse and elephant genitalia are not really something their mothers would be proud of.
I couldn't stop myself from doing another. "Grandma Bingo Sex." Short and sweet. I couldn't stop myself from amusing.........myself..... "Grandma Bingo Sex." Surely not a common scenario, and surely not a scenario that would arouse many a twisted psyche. Apparently I know nothing about the human psyche. One hundred twenty two. ONE HUNDRED TWENTY TWO PEOPLE would like to see grandma getting bent over the bingo table, game card in hand, getting donkey punched by a 90 year old addle brained porn star. I rubbed my eyes just to double check. My eyes had to be lying to my brain. My penis had shriveled to the size of a 2 day old Wendys chicken nugget.
They asked for Grandma.
They got Joan Jett.
At this point I had to start taking puffs of my albuteral inhaler to keep from suffocating myself with laughter. "Girl on girl toe insertion (LEGAL)" was my next proud creation. Everyone likes 38 Special, so everyone won't feel like such dumb-asses after downloading this footy piece of crap. Never underestimate the inertia traveling behind a toe inserting itself into a rectum, friends. It's like a fudging semi hurling down Interstate 40 in the noonday sun. One hundred twelve people wanted to jerk to this. God have mercy on us.
At this point, for some odd reason, the user name "Enraged Baboon" popped into my head. "Enraged Baboon fudging a nipple factory." No way in hell would this get many downloads. Who could possibly type in any or all of those keywords? I guess people like seeing sweaty red-ass baboons, nostrils flaring, banging their chests like Marky Mark in the movie "Fear", having sex WITH each other in a factory that produces baby-bottle nipples. Imagine what those children would look like. One hundred seventy two people typed those magic words into Limewire, and got a hot steaming pile of monkey love. Well, it was Pink Floyd, but a man can dream, cant he?
This could all seem very disturbing. My final experiment, however, made me dizzy as my precious sack retreated into my pelvis. ...THREE PEOPLE...three disgusting, drooling, perverted, fudged up people, wielding a box of Puffs Plus and a tube of Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion, bright eyed and bushy tailed, wanted to see "An emu taking a vicious dump." How does one take a VICIOUS dump and how does an EMU take one, for that matter?
Ladies and gentlemen: this is why I have lost every last ounce of faith in humanity.
If I may quote Method:
"You're going to make a lot of sick people very unhappy."
http://bash.org/?572066
<SRC="http://www.tbca.com/photos/Artists/38special.jpg">
![http://www.tbca.com/photos/Artists/38special.jpg">](http://www.tbca.com/photos/Artists/38special.jpg">){kind=link}
User Reviews
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-11-07 17:09:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-1 for copy
-1 for paste.
Most Viewed Messages
#2 Exploiting Peer-to-Peer Networking, I have lost all faith in humanity (277524 hits)
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-11-05 08:14:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Have a look at number 2 of the MV list...
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-11-04 17:51:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Most Viewed Messages
#2 Exploiting Peer-to-Peer Networking, I have lost all faith in humanity (276924 hits)
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-11-04 17:03:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-11-04 16:52:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Douche_bag
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nice link...heh.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-11-04 16:52:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Douche_bag
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-11-04 16:48:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Just to outline:
Posted by Tom on Ubersite in April 04.
Plagiarized all over the internet not long after.
Plagiarized from somewhere else on the internet back onto Ubersite in November 05.
Despite all the other records P2P broke, I think the Boomerang Effect on this one wasn't quite so good.
Submitted by tat2dcoyote (user info) at 2005-11-04 16:27:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
:giggles:
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-11-04 16:16:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I wrote, dear whore, to emphasize
My hate for those who plagiarize
I detest those who cut and paste,
Whose tongues know well the salty taste
Of bull sperm, shot thick ounce by ounce.
Did you think people wouldn't pounce
On this grim POS you posted?
Shit, you must be drunk AND toasted!
Learn this lesson, Douche Parade:
Submit not posts that others made,
It makes us want to tie you up
And force-feed broomsticks up your butt,
While unwashed clowns with sweaty dicks
Make you deepthroat till your sick.
In closing - go bake me a pie,
Oh, and negative two, die.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-04 15:39:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
HAR HAR PLAlGERISMS!!!!111!
Submitted by crownofsuns (user info) at 2005-11-04 15:36:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stupid
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-11-04 15:00:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What everyone below me said.
Submitted by Shaystar (user info) at 2005-11-04 14:45:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Haven't I read this before? Oh yeah! Months ago. Written by someone else who wrote it better.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-11-04 14:40:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What the fuck?
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-11-04 14:40:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-04 14:38:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH
oh the irony
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AHAHAHAHA No shit there man.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-11-04 14:39:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
seen it
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-11-04 14:38:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH
oh the irony
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-11-04 14:38:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't you mean to post the original?
DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
http://www.ubersite.com/m/29438
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-11-04 14:37:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU'RE A WINNER!